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“Do you think I’m doing the right thing, honey?” Kevin asked as he looked over at his wife in the bed next to him. Kevin was having trouble getting to sleep knowing that the big meeting was tomorrow. He was meeting with the guys to tell them that he was leaving the band and he’d felt sick to his stomach all day to the point where he’d hardly eaten anything at dinner. 


“You know I can’t answer that for you, sweetie. Are you having second thoughts?” Kristen asked. Kevin leaned back, sighing deeply. 


“I-I don’t know. I’ve been with them for so long. It’s going to be weird. I am giving them my blessing to continue, but what if they don’t want to continue? I don’t want to ruin things for them. We’ve worked so hard to get to this point.” 


“So are you going to tell them you want to take a break? I know you said on the last tour you were all getting on each other’s nerves because everyone was tired. Maybe if you bring it up, they will tell you they feel the same way. This is about what you want. I want you to be completely sure you want to do this before you go into that meeting tomorrow, but I won’t be the one to decide it for you. Only you can do that.” Kristin said, kissing him gently on the shoulder. 


Kevin kissed her on the forehead, nodding as he thought back to the Never Gone tour. There were so many things going on during that tour, even while they were recording. It was getting to be too much for him. He wanted to start a family with Kristin. He wanted to try some acting. None of these things seemed possible to do while he was in the group because of their schedule, and he was just tired. He wasn’t inspired anymore to create music. Finally he decided that he was going to leave the group, or at the very least take a break. He knew it would hurt the guys but it was just something he had to do. 


“You’re right. I can’t let this drag out any more, I have to tell them. I’m going to tell them tomorrow. I called the meeting with everyone and our management, and I’m going to go through with it.” Kevin said. He kissed Kristin and they turned out the light, although he wasn’t able to sleep. Memories came and went throughout the night, memories with the other four guys that were basically family to him. Before he knew it, the sun was coming up. He decided to make a pot of coffee and fix breakfast for himself and his wife, so that by the time she came downstairs there was a plate of scrambled eggs and toast waiting for her. 


“Someone was up early.” Kristin smiled at him from the kitchen doorway wearing her nightgown and a robe. 


“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep. I gotta be down there by 11. My stomach is in knots.” Kevin replied, starting on the bacon. He was quiet during most of breakfast and had two cups of coffee before anyone spoke again. 


“I think it’s going to be fine. They’ll understand.” Kristin smiled, drinking her coffee. 


“I hope so.” he sighed. 



Kevin drove to the meeting with a weight in his stomach from anxiety, his heart pounding the whole way. He parked and headed inside, hoping he wasn’t the first one there. 


“Hey, cousin!” Brian said brightly, waving at him. Kevin didn’t smile, he looked at his feet. How was he going to go through with this? Maybe if he turned around really quickly and ran back to the car, nobody would question anything. He would turn around on one….two…..three…..


Why wasn’t he running? 




“Hi, Brian. Good to see you.” Kevin replied, hugging him. 


“I thought I was the first one here. I can’t wait to talk about the new album, how about you? I have so many ideas. I’ve been writing some music too.” Brian boasted, eager to make small talk before they went inside to discuss the album with their friends. 


Kevin looked at his feet again, feeling guilty. Brian eyed him curiously, as if he already knew what was coming but was deciding when to bring it up. Most of the guys knew after the Never Gone tour that Kevin was tired and in need of some time off, which they did end up getting. However none of them knew just what extent the time off Kevin needed was. He felt that he was dragging his little brothers down, that he was too old to be a Backstreet Boy anymore. He felt uninspired to create music for them. He wanted to start a family, and be free to do what he wanted. Being in the group wasn’t where he wanted to be anymore right now. Deep down, Kevin knew this day was going to come. He just didn’t think it would be today.


“That’s great, Bri. Really great.” Kevin sighed. 


“Are you okay?” Brian asked in concern. The two of them were interrupted by Nick bounding over to them and hugging them both, and Kevin was happy that he didn’t have to answer Brian’s question after all. Eventually the three of them got bored with making small talk and headed inside where AJ and Howie were sitting with some of their management. Nick looked around the room, a little confused. 


“What is our management doing here? I thought we were just going to talk about the album and shit.” Nick scoffed. 


“Something like that.” Kevin said, barely above a whisper. He took a breath and sat across from AJ, who smiled at him. They did end up tossing ideas for the next album around, like what kind of sound they were looking to go for and some other things. The whole time, Kevin was mentally coaching himself to speak up.


“You’re awfully quiet, Kevin.” their manager said suddenly. 


“Huh?” Kevin said, startled as he looked up to see everyone starting to stare at him. He blushed and coughed, rubbing the back of his head with his hand out of nerves. 


“We were talking about recording.” Howie offered, trying to get the conversation going again. Kevin felt like he was going to throw up. 


“Oh, yes. Right.” 


Kevin took a breath, he had to do it now. 


“I think we should take a break.” 


Everyone went silent, all eyes on Kevin. 



“Like a bathroom break? I think that’s a great idea, cause I’ve had to go for the last ten minutes.” Brian asked innocently, everyone laughing but Kevin. 


“No…what I mean is, well….” 


Everyone was staring at him, shooting daggers. Kevin hurriedly cleared his throat and continued. 


“I was just thinking we should rest for a little bit. We were at each other’s throats last tour. Maybe a break is just what we need.” he said. 


Silence again. 


“I’m sure you all feel the same way?” Kevin asked, looking around the table. Nobody was looking at him now. Nobody spoke up. He only needed one look at the others to know that he was alone in his thoughts and none of them shared his feelings whatsoever. His heart sank in his chest, he knew now what he had to do and he didn’t want to do it. He was always the odd man out and labeled as the killjoy, what was one more moment where he killed the mood? Kevin was tired of this game. 


“We shouldn’t stop now. This is a good time for the five of you to keep going. You are fresh in the public’s mind. Think of your careers, you don’t want your fans to forget you.” 


"I agree." Nick said, looking at Kevin as if he were challenging him. 


Kevin looked down at the table, annoyed that not even their manager was on his side, but he had expected as much. 


“Look, that sounds great and all….but what about what I want? My wife and I want a family. We want children. I want to spend some time with her. I want to try different things, because I don’t feel inspired to create music right now. I just need some time on my own for a little while.” Kevin said finally. 


"Brian didn't take time off for that." Nick half muttered under his breath. Brian mouthed for him to stop it and Nick rolled his eyes. 


“What are you saying, that you want to leave?” AJ asked, and Kevin could practically feel the burn from Nick’s eyes from across the table. Nick’s temper was definitely getting out of control. He hadn’t even said anything but everyone could see he was about to explode. 


"I just need to do my own thing. You have my blessing to keep going if you want to. I don't want to hold any of you back-" Kevin started before he was interrupted by Nick slamming his hand down so hard on the table that he startled Howie. 


"You're just going to walk….after everything we have been through?" Nick shouted, his face turning red. 


"Nick, it's not that simple." Kevin started. Brian began tugging on Nick's shirt but he was pushed away. 


"Nick, don't do this…." he said, but Nick ignored him. 


"Whatever. Go ahead and leave like the others did. I don't fucking care." Nick snapped as he stood up. 


"Nick, I love you guys very much but I want a family of my own. I just really need a break. Aren't you all tired too?" Kevin asked, his eyes shining with tears. He was trying to keep himself calm, but Nick just wasn't cooperating. 


"Y-You have no idea how I am feeling right now, Kevin. How long did you know you were going to do this, and you couldn't even fucking talk to us? I thought we were a family." Nick said shakily. 


"Please calm down for a minute and just try to understand where I'm coming from-" 


"FUCK YOU, KEVIN. I FUCKING HATE YOU. NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN!!!" 


The door slammed and just like that, Nick was gone. Nobody spoke for a few moments after he left, Kevin kept looking at the door and hoping Nick would come back. 


"Kevin, if you want to take a break we all understand. He's just….he needs some time, that's all." Brian said suddenly. 


"Right, and if you ever want to come back the door is open." AJ agreed with a warm smile. Nick's words echoed in Kevin's head as the other three guys tried to be supportive. Kevin hated that Nick was so upset and part of him wanted to go after him, so he got up and went outside to see if maybe Nick hadn't left yet. 


"What the fuck do you want? I told you to not talk to me." Nick hissed, dropping his lighter and bending down to pick it up as he was trying to hide the fact he was crying. He lit his cigarette and started puffing, ignoring Kevin and just looking anywhere but at his eyes. 


"Nick, I just wanted to tell you that I never meant to hurt any of you. I just need to do what's best for myself. We will still keep in touch if you want to. You're still my little brother." Kevin called out to him. When Nick didn't say anything, Kevin turned to go back inside, looking at the ground and feeling horrible. Was he wrong for doing what was best for himself? If he wasn't into things anymore there was no reason for him to keep pushing forward. He knew this break was needed but he still felt guilty. 


Nick never responded to him but when Kevin walked away he could hear him starting to cry again and he felt terrible. 


"Did you guys talk?" Howie asked, appearing next to Kevin when he'd gone to his car. 


"No. He wouldn't talk to me. I don't want to leave you guys, but my heart is just not in it right now. It's not fair for me to drag all of you down if I am not feeling inspired.*


"You're absolutely right, but you're not dragging us down. If you need to take a break, take a break- but do it for yourself. We will always be here for you. Nick will come around. I'm sure he feels the same way. You know how he is." Howie offered, putting an arm around Kevin and smiling. Kevin felt a little better. 


"Thank you, D. I just hate seeing him upset like this. I can't help but feel guilty." 


"Don't. You do what's best for you." 


Kevin nodded and left to go home, the whole ride thinking about everything. Memories flashed before his eyes of his time with the group. While this chapter of his life was now over, he couldn't help but wonder what was behind the door that was open in front of him now. The future was a scary place but he was glad that he had chosen to take the new path and excited to see what would happen next.