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"Hey, did you know the boys are in town for a show this week?" Kristin pointed out one evening during dinner when she caught Kevin on his laptop checking up on what the Backstreet Boys were doing. She often laughed and would tease him about it but she knew how much he missed them. He'd only been gone three years but he still kept in touch with them. They were currently on the Unbreakable Tour. 


"I did." Kevin grinned. 


"You're thinking of going to see them, aren't you?" his wife asked. They'd just finished dinner and were moving onto dessert. It wasn't anything special, just some vanilla ice cream and hot fudge. Kevin almost had to laugh because he had actually just finished thinking about dropping in and surprising them at their show in Los Angeles. 


"I dunno if they'd want to see me, I mean Nick was pretty mad at me when I left. We haven't spoken much in the last three years except for here and there. Don't you think it would be awkward if I just showed up?" 


“I can tell you want to go, honey. Why don’t you call one of them? Like Howie or something.” Kristin suggested. Kevin hadn’t talked to Howie in a while, he figured they could grab lunch or something while the boys were in town. So he did just that, he gave Howie a call and they met up for lunch at The Ivy in LA. There were some paparazzi around but they tended not to bother Kevin a whole lot, which he was happy about. He definitely did not miss them pushing their cameras in his face when he would go out and about. 


“Kev, it's so good to see you.” Howie greeted him, giving him a hug. Kevin had always gotten along well with Howie because he was near him in age, and was very grounded like he was. Not that the others weren’t, but he just had a good connection with Howie. 


“Thanks for coming out to lunch with me. I’m sorry I didn’t invite the others, I hope nobody was offended for not being included.” Kevin said as they sat down at the table. 


“Oh, AJ was a little upset but he’ll live. Besides, you and I don’t get to hang out by ourselves without the kids very often.” Howie chuckled. They ordered their food and went on with their conversation. They talked about all kinds of things but Kevin realized there was something he’d been wanting to tell Howie and hadn’t had a chance to yet. 


“Howie, I am sorry if this is bringing down the mood, but I just wanted to give you my condolences to you and your family with your dad passing over the summer.” 


Howie’s expression turned solemn and he looked down at the table. 


“Thank you. It’s been hard but we are getting by. Death is never easy to deal with. I know you lost your father right when you joined the group. How did you deal with it? I know he was sick with cancer too.” 


Kevin smiled sadly, remembering his father. He had gone home to Kentucky to help because his dad was very ill. Seeing his father so sick was the hardest thing he had ever dealt with in his entire life. 


“My family didn’t want me to come home because I was doing so well in Florida. My mom wanted me to keep going for my dream of acting and singing, so she would tell me he was fine until one day she said she didn’t want to worry me but my dad was not doing good. I drove home right away. She scolded me when I came home to help take care of my father. He had something wrong with his stomach and they didn’t tell me because they knew I would drop everything and come back. So I pulled up to the house and my dad met me at the door because he didn’t want me to know how badly he was doing. He was really sick.” 


Howie just nodded, listening to Kevin talk. 


“He was a lot sicker than he let on. So I ended up getting all my stuff and staying with him in Kentucky until he passed away some time later. The important thing to remember is that death does hurt, it is painful for us...but at least he is not suffering anymore. Your dad is up there with my dad and they are watching over us together, probably laughing at the shit their sons get up to.” Kevin said, sniffling. He wiped his eyes and so did Howie, who smiled at him and nodded through the tears. Kevin was happy he could give Howie some comfort because it was apparent he was still grieving. 


“Thanks for inviting me out, Kevin. You helped me a lot. Are you coming to our show tonight?” Howie asked, when they had paid for their food and hugged briefly. Howie seemed to be feeling much better and was smiling. 


“Oh, I don’t know. Don’t you think it would be a little strange without me on stage? I have not really seen you guys since I left.” Kevin said, thinking about Nick mostly and how angry he was when he walked out of the group meeting that morning. He could still hear his voice when he thought about that day. Even though he and Nick had gotten back on speaking terms somewhat, he still felt guilty. 


“I know what you’re thinking. You’re worried Nick will lash out if he sees you, aren’t you?” Howie pointed out. They walked away from the restaurant towards where Kevin had parked his car because Kevin had offered Howie a ride back to the hotel where the guys were staying near the Staples Center. 


“I don’t know how he will feel with me there. We are friendly, but you don’t know what he is thinking. You and I both know he isn’t afraid to speak his mind.” Kevin said, his hands in his pockets. 


Howie convinced him to come that night anyway and everyone backstage was so excited to see Kevin, All of the crew greeted him like he was still a member of the family. 


“Good to see you, buddy.” AJ said, hugging Kevin around the middle. Kevin hugged him back. 


“It’s good to see you too. You look great.” 


Brian was next and also hugged him, patting him on the back.


“Hey, cuz.” 


Kevin looked around and didn’t see Nick anywhere, he felt nervous. 


“Where is Nick?” 


“He’s been sick so we don’t know if he is up to perform all night tonight. We had to cancel yesterday’s show because he was so sick. So we wanted to ask you if maybe you wanted to come on stage and sing a song with us?” Brian asked. Kevin stared at them, so many thoughts going through his head because he was not expecting this at all. He hadn’t performed with them in about three years. He hadn’t been with them on stage in three years. He felt nervous and he didn’t know why. 


“This is kind of sudden. Did you ask Nick if he was okay with it?” 


Nobody could answer because Nick walked into the dressing room, coughing with a towel over his head and holding a cup of hot tea. He sipped at it and looked up at Kevin, confused. 


“Am I hallucinating or is that Kevin?” Nick asked, his voice a bit sore. 


Everyone laughed. 


“Hi, Nick. Are you feeling okay? You look flushed. I thought you were resting.” Brian asked. Nick rolled his eyes and coughed. 


“I am fine. We have a show to do.” 


“I’m sorry that you don’t feel good, but I’m happy to see you.” Kevin said, smiling at his cousin taking on the dad role of the group. He listened to Nick and Brian argue briefly about Nick not taking care of himself and resting. 


“I rested all day yesterday. I’m fine.” Nick said, before coughing again. He took a big drink of tea and wiped his nose on his arm. 


“Nick, the guys asked me if I wanted to sing a song with you tonight. Is that okay with you?” Kevin asked. The other three were silently watching the two of them. 


“Whatever. I don’t care. ” Nick said dully, flopping down on the couch and closing his eyes for a few minutes. Nick didn’t say much the rest of the time they had before the concert and Kevin felt bad for how sick he was. Nick had performed sick so many times before but he’d always powered through, throwing up backstage and acting like nothing was wrong when on stage. 


“Your opinion is important too.” Kevin said. 


“I really don’t care. Do whatever you guys want to do, I don’t feel good.” 


Kevin couldn’t help but feel awkward and as if he wasn’t welcome but he agreed to stay anyway and surprise the fans. Everyone ended up deciding to stop pressing Nick and they got Kevin set up to come on stage during the show. The song the boys chose for him to come out to was Shape Of My Heart. 


“Nick are you okay?” Kevin asked when he saw Nick dump a bottle of water on his head. He looked pale and sweaty, his eyes dark. He coughed and rubbed his face with a towel. 


“I’ll...I’ll be fine, just go on without me.” Nick croaked. He gave Kevin a thumbs up and Kevin continued warming up his voice a bit. It had been a little while since he sang and he felt rusty, but the other guys assured him he sounded great. They’d harmonized for a little bit before the show and it almost made Kevin cry to hear how they sounded together again. He felt so nervous as the music started and he licked his lips, adjusting his hat before the lights dimmed and the spotlight went on Brian. Brian started singing and Howie joined him. Kevin took a breath and walked out on the stage, singing as the crowd went absolutely insane seeing him there. He couldn’t hide his smile seeing the fans faces and their reactions to him singing with the other four Backstreet Boys again. His nerves went away and he hugged Brian before harmonizing with AJ. The girls in the front row were going wild. 


Dancing along to the music and continuing the song he felt something inside him stir up, he had forgotten how much he missed being with the other guys. Nick even ended up coming out and trying to sing for that song, so Kevin tried to make him laugh by lifting up his shirt and rubbing his hand on his stomach. Nick started laughing. The screams were deafening at that point and Kevin just stood on stage, dancing and feeling happy to be with his brothers again. Even though things had been awkward, he was glad he got to have that moment with them and hoped that eventually things between him and Nick would be okay. 


One day they would be.