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Not for the first time, all he really wanted was to disappear. He didn't belong here. He never had, and he never would. He knew it, and he knew that everyone else knew it, too, even if they were too polite to admit it. And they never would. Not Seth, who was so desperate for even a small bit of kindness from someone his own age that he'd latched on to Ryan at the first sign of acceptance. Not Kirsten, who really hated it when her sheltered background showed. And certainly not Sandy, who would see it as a personal failure.

They all meant well, Ryan knew, but he also knew that he didn't fit into their life. They were all so. . .happy. He wasn't stupid enough to believe that they didn't all have their own troubles and pains, but overall, they were fundamentally happy. They had a solid foundation to work with. His own foundation had been plagued with termites, he figured. When all was said and done, he was still standing but it would only take a little push and it would all come tumbling down.

"Come on, Ry, don't just sit there. Open it!" Seth was prodding him impetuously. Ryan thought that once the other boy's stack of presents had all (in Seth's words) been looted, his excitement would wane, but he was as enthusiastic as ever.

Ryan forced a smile. He hated being the center of attention, and he wasn't very good at accepting handouts. Gifts, he reminded himself. It was Christmas, and this was a gift, not a handout. Or rather it was Chrismukkuh. He didn't really understand the concept, but it made Seth immensely happy to refer to it as such.

Ryan shifted uncomfortably and looked down at the package in his hands. He couldn't remember the last time he'd received a gift. Something in his gut told him that he didn't want to remember, though he wasn't quite sure why.

He glanced up at Seth and was once again awed by the sheer amount of excitement shining on the other boy's face. Seth nodded encouragingly, grinning enthusiastically. It looked like he wanted to reach out and start helping Ryan unwrap it. Ryan's smile became a slight bit more genuine. He looked back down at the gift and slowly began picking at the tape. No point in wasting the paper. He could use it next time he needed to wrap a gift.

Seth groaned as he watched Ryan slowly unwrap the present. "You're like a little old lady," he informed Ryan, practically twitching with impatience.

"Seth!" Kirsten hissed. He looked over at her questioningly and rolled his eyes as he noticed the disapproving look on his mother's face.

"What?! You're supposed to just rip it open! Making a mess is half the fun!"

Ryan ignored him and continued very carefully unwrapping the package. Partly because he was used to being extremely frugal, and partly just to make Seth squirm. That was much more fun than making a mess. He grinned slyly as he watched Seth getting more and more fidgety watching him. Sometimes it was too easy.

He leisurely unveiled a game that he was fairly sure he'd seen Seth eyeing up not too long ago. He felt a lot better about the gift. It was really for Seth. Sure, it had his name on the package, but he only had Seth's XBox to play it on. It only made sense to leave it in Seth's room for him to enjoy, too. Which he was certain had been the idea when Seth had picked it out for him.

"Thanks!" he called out, hoping he looked appreciative enough. He wasn't sure how to act, really. The fact that the gift wasn't totally for him, set him at ease a little, but he was still quite uncomfortable. But it was over. He'd unwrapped his gift. And since it was his, he'd make Seth wait for at least a week before he could play it. Just to make him squirm more. He smiled slyly as he tucked it under his arm and settled back in his seat to watch Seth start unwrapping his gifts.

"You don't seriously think that's it, do you?" Seth asked incredulously. He shook his head with obvious exasperation. "Come on, Ry! Wake up, this is Chrismukkuh! You do get more than one gift. Remember Santa? Guy with the red coat, several reindeer, sleigh. . .a gigantic bag? Ringing any bells?"

Ryan looked at him with a blank look on his face, feigning ignorance.

"Oh my GOD!" Seth gaped at him for a few moments, oblivious to the small smile tugging at the corner's of Ryan's mouth. "You. . .no, you. . ."

Kirsten had to cover her mouth to hide her amused smile. She knew perfectly well that Ryan was pulling her son's leg at this point. Sandy hid his grin by busying himself with pulling out Ryan's next gifts. Really these should have been opened before the game, since the game surely gave them away, but. . .Ryan looked at the larger boxes uncertainly.

"Go on. These are yours, too," Sandy assured him.

Seth, realizing that he had gullibly been taken in again, stopped his babbling about Santa and began bouncing back and forth from one foot to the other as Ryan uneasily scooted forward in his seat again.

Ryan began opening the second box. He felt a pit growing in his stomach as he recognized the box that was being revealed as he slowly pulled away the paper. An XBox. He looked at the third package wearily. The largest one. He had a pretty good idea what was in it. A television to go with the game console. A very large television. He couldn't accept this. It was way too much. He looked up at the Cohens, hoping he didn't appear too ungrateful. He didn't want to hurt their feelings.

"I. . ."

"Yes you can," Seth and Kirsten both beat him to the punch. Sandy looked slightly bewildered before Seth clued him in. "He was about to say that he couldn't accept it." Sandy looked at Ryan appraisingly for only a moment before realizing that was exactly what Ryan was thinking.

"It's yours, Ryan. You can accept it. It's a gift."

Ryan looked even more uncomfortable. "It's too much. . ."

Kirsten shook her head. "It's not, Ryan. It's really not."

Ryan rubbed his temple for a moment, unsure of what to say. He didn't want to make a big deal, but he really couldn't accept a gift this expensive. He hadn't earned it, and most certainly didn't deserve it. He didn't want to cause a scene or ruin their holiday, but the thought of taking so much from them when he couldn't offer anything in return made him feel sick.

"Ryan, you're a member of this family now," Sandy began the repetitive lecture. Ryan looked up and pretended to listen as the man continued. "I know you've had to struggle for everything, and you're not used to this, but. . .if there's anything you need or want, all you have to do is ask." He paused, clearly searching for the words to say. "We won't always say yes, I mean we don't want you to get all spoiled or anything," the man continued to babble. It was clear where his son got the habit.

"Ryan spoiled?" Seth snorted. He looked ready to continue, but Kirsten hushed him with a look that told him that it was not the time.

"The point is," Sandy got back on track, "we aren't hurting for money. We can afford to give gifts like this."

But Ryan couldn't afford to accept them. He licked his lips nervously, and diverted his gaze down to the carpet, unable to meet their eyes. They didn't understand. "I can't pay you back," he heard himself whisper.

"That's the beauty of gifts," Seth quipped.

Kirsten moved to sit beside Ryan. She felt him flinch away a moment before relaxing against her. She placed one hand on his back and the other rested on his thigh. He tensed again, but she tactfully ignored it. "Ryan, look at me," she spoke softly. She waited until he looked up at her and was struck by the pain she saw reflecting in his eyes. She smiled and kept his gaze. "It really is okay to accept these. You don't need to pay us back. We love you. We want you to have things you might not otherwise have had." Sensing the protest that he was about to make, she continued quickly. "It's not charity. It's. . .family. You're part of our family now. What's ours is yours. We don't need anything in return."

Sure, Ryan thought bitterly, they said that now, but it was going to get old. Them always giving, him just taking. He'd wear out his welcome pretty fast. And sooner or later, there would be a price to pay. Nothing in this world was free.

But he did not want to ruin their day by drawing this uncomfortable scene out, so he forced a smile and gave in for the time being. He would find some way to make it up to them or to give the stuff back. Just not right then. He'd play along for now.

The pit in his stomach got worse as he unwrapped the enormous television, but he did his best to not let his distress show. "Thank you," he expressed his appreciation as best he could. He was relieved when he finally finished unwrapping his gifts and was allowed to settle back and do what he did best: observe the others as they celebrated.