- Text Size +
Inner Hell

Remember Me?

The four Backstreet Boys stepped off the elevator on the second floor. The set up was the same as the first floor, long dark carpeted halls and soft lighting. The staff was obvious from the patients as they were dressed in brightly colored scrub uniforms, wearing pictured name tags. Outside of each patient room was a printed name plate identifying the occupants of each room.

Suddenly feeling chilled, AJ rubbed his forearms as he looked at his surroundings. Approaching room 1214, a name plate was outside of the doorway; NICK C. AJ suddenly felt a pang of guilt as he stared at the nameplate.

“This must be Nick’s room,” Brian surmised outloud.

“No duh,” AJ grumbled.

“Nick?” Kevin called out as he knocked on the side of the open door. The group hesitantly edged their way into the brightly lit room only to discover that Nick wasn’t there.

Looking around the room, Howie felt the need to break the tense silence as he looked at the pictures that were taped to the pale blue painted walls. “Look at the artwork that some kid must have done for Nick.”

AJ squinted as he leaned toward a hand drawn picture. “It wasn’t a kid, Nick’s name is on the bottom.”

They gathered around the crudely drawn picture of a house and a tree. True to AJ’s words, a childish looking niCk had been written on the bottom of the page going uphill.

“I don’t think I can take this,” AJ mumbled as he looked around the room.

Brian clamped a hand on the tattooed man’s arm. “You’re not going anywhere Jay!”

“Quit blaming yourself AJ, you haven’t even seen Nick yet, who knows, this might have been something that he drew when he first came here or something,” Howie replied.

“Howie’s right, how do you even know that this is our Nick that drew this?” Kevin wondered. “Nick is a pretty common name.”

“Yeah but I really doubt that a kid named Nick drew this for Kaos,” AJ muttered.

Brian sighed as he took in the surroundings of the room, grinning as his eyes fell onto the unmade bed. “Well one this sure hasn’t changed with Nick. He still hasn’t learned how to make his bed in the morning and it’s already after two in the afternoon.”

“Do you want me to go see if someone knows where Nick is at?” Howie offered.

“No, I’ll go.”

Brian grabbed AJ’s arm before he could leave the room. “Oh no you don’t! Stay put, Howie can see where Nick’s at, I don’t trust you to come back.”

AJ pulled Brian’s arm away. “Jesus Brian, give me some credit.”

Howie had only been gone for a few moments when he quickly returned. “One of the nurses....I guess they’re nurses here, but anyway one of the nurses said she thought Nick was in the television room. She was gonna go get him and bring him down here.”

“This is a nuthouse,” AJ sputtered.

“Would you stop saying that!” Kevin snapped in an exasperated tone.

“Nick, you have some friends that have come to visit you,” a woman’s voice sing-songed in the hallway.

Four pairs of eyes looked with anticipation at the empty doorway. An obviously slightly heavier, healthier Nick suddenly appeared, eyes darting nervously from face to face of the men assembled in his room. He quickly stepped behind the nurse that had escorted him back to his bedroom.

“Aw, Nick don’t be shy, they’re friends of yours,” the woman paused as she looked at the men with, hoping for a response from them, quickly adding, “right?”

“Yeah, c’mere Nick, we want to see you,” Brian coaxed.

”NO!” Nick suddenly protested quietly.

“Nick it’s just us,” Howie stated, his voice filled with emotion.

Nick slowly stepped beside the nurse, biting a fingernail as he looked around the woman at the guys; a look of confusion flashed in his eyes.

“Nicky, it’s me, Kevin.”

“And Howie.”

“Brian.....remember?”

Nick’s eyes went from face to face as each of them introduced themselves. His gaze stopped at AJ’s face, staring at the number of tattoos on the man’s arm. Wordlessly, he lifted a sleeve from his own shoulder looking at his own tattoo and then back over at AJ’s.

“See, just like AJ,” Brian remarked when he realized that Nick was trying to identify himself with AJ. Quickly, Brian pulled up his own sleeve exposing that tattoo on his own shoulder.

Nick grinned sheepishly. “You got one too!”

“Yeah, except for tight laced D but you know we’ve been working on him for years,” AJ rasped.

“Nick, I’m going to leave you with your company now,” the nurse stated as she guided Nick toward the room with a gentle shove in the back. Nick looked back at the woman. “You’ll be fine, they’re your friends.”

“We’re your brothers,” Brian corrected.

Nick cautiously edged his way into the room, slowly making his way toward his unmade bed.

They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, the guys looking at Nick and Nick staring down at his feet. It was Kevin who decided to break the tension in the room.

“Did you draw these pictures?”

Nick slipped his finger back into his mouth, biting the fingernail. “Uh-huh,” he nodded, looking toward the picture that Kevin was pointing at.

“God you’d never be able to get him to shut up before, now it’s like pulling teeth getting him to talk,” AJ mumbled.

Brian glared at AJ. “Shhh!”

As if Nick understood what was going on, he suddenly piped up. “I drew all of them,” he added shyly.

“You know you were quite the artist,” Howie replied.

A confused expression crossed Nick’s face.

“You drew quite well,” Kevin clarified.

“Oh......I like spaghetti-o’s,” Nick announced with a grin.

“Where the hell did that come from?” AJ scowled.

“The spaghetti-o’s with the meat in it,” Nick stated with a serious expression. “Not the ones with nothing in them.”

“I like the spaghetti-o’s with the tiny hot dogs,” Howie winked.

“Oh for chrissake, now we’re talking about food?!” AJ sputtered as he folded his arms across his chest.

“Small talk,” Brian advised.

Nick stared at the men for a moment before jumping off the bed over to the small chest of drawers. He carefully opened the top drawer and plucked a small leather book out. He sat back on the bed, pawing through the pages. “This is you?”

He held the book up for everyone to see a group professional picture of The Backstreet Boys.

“Yeah, that’s us Nicky, you’re in it too, see?” Kevin replied, pointing at the picture.

AJ suddenly pushed himself away from the wall. “I gotta get out of here!”

“Where do you think you’re going?” Kevin demanded.

“I need a smoke, clear my head---”

“Smoking is bad,” Nick said firmly.

“Well you smoked too you know,” AJ rasped.

“No, smoking is bad,” Nick replied, shaking his head.

“AJ, c’mon,” Brian pleaded.

“I can’t help it, I need to get out of here,” AJ said softly as he made his way toward the door.

“Why are you sad?” Nick asked.

“He feels bad for you,” Kevin stated simply.

“Why?”

“See.....I-I just can’t deal with this,” AJ said as he ducked out the door.

Howie excused himself as he left the room to make sure AJ was okay. Nick looked puzzled as he watched the events that had just happened.

“AJ is sad, don’t worry he’ll be fine,” Brian assured.

“Why is he sad?”

A lump formed in Brian’s throat as he looked at his best friend’s face and the innocence that it held. “He feels responsible for what happened to you.”

“What happened to me?”

Brian and Kevin’s heart sank when Nick uttered the question. He didn’t understand what was going on! He couldn’t possibly understand! Sitting before them was a young man that had a complete child-like innocence trapped in a twenty-something year old man’s body. How could they possibly begin to explain to him what had happened?

“Hello, I’m Dr. Amanda Setterton, one of Nick’s physicians here,” a young woman announced when she entered the room, her hand extended toward Kevin.

“Hi Dr. Mandy,” Nick smiled.

“Nick, can you go down to the dayroom so I can talk to your friends, okay?” the dark haired woman requested.

“Okay!” Cheerfully, Nick jumped off the bed and obediently walked out of the room, leaving Kevin and Brian with the doctor.

“One of the nurses called and told me that he had family members visiting him, but I was expecting his parents, or at least Mr. or Mrs. Carter.”

“Bob and Jane have been here to see him?” Kevin questioned.

Dr. Setterton shook her head. “No, not so far, but I’m hoping it will be sometime soon.”

‘Figures as much,’ Kevin thought darkly. “This is our first time seeing Nick since he was placed here at Sunvalley.”

“He has made such wonderful progress,” Dr. Setterton gushed as she opened the gray chart. “With his speech and physical therapy he’s come further than was expected at the time of his admission.”

“How well?” Kevin wondered outloud.

“Well when Nick was tested when he was admitted to Sunvalley, he had the mental capacity of an infant and he was tested last week and it has been determined that he has progressed to the mental capacity of an eight year old child with the motor skills of about the same level.”

Brian and Kevin sat in stunned silence. After a few moments, Kevin sighed.

“Will he be getting any better?” Brian wondered.

“We hope so, but at this point I’m not sure. With the damage to his brain from the alcohol and narcotics I’m unable to ascertain. I’m sorry, I wish I could be specific.”

“So he improved pretty quickly,” Kevin asked.

“Better than I’ve ever seen in my career here. I would have expected him to be at a cognitive level of a fifteen month old but I believe his determination and stubborn nature aided him in his recovery up to this point.”

Brian and Kevin smiled at the mention of Nick having a stubborn nature.

The doctor looked puzzled at their smiles. “Am I missing something?”

“No, just you not really knowing Nick but seeing that he has a stubborn personality hit the nail on the head,” Brian clarified.

“Do you think it will ever be possible for Nick to leave this place?” both men questioned.

The doctor arched an eyebrow. “On his own?”

“Maybe? I guess um, well you know....” Brian’s voice trailed off.

The woman shook her head. “On his own, no, he will have to be watched, remember I said he is like an eight year old boy. But now if you were suggesting he be able to leave with a family member, that is possible and I think it would have to be up to Nick if he was ready to leave....”

“Up to Nick? You just said he was like an eight year old,” Brian interrupted.

“Yes I did, but if you didn’t realize, Nick does not have any memories of his life before Sunvalley, as far as he would be concerned, this is his home and we are his family. He may not want to leave.”

Brian’s heart sank when the words hit him like a slap in the face.

“Could we see if he wanted to go out with us....you know sort of like wean him away from being dependant on Sunvalley?” Kevin suggested.

“Yeah, that could work,” Brian agreed.

“You’d have to see if Nick’s parents would be agreeable to something like that,” Dr. Setterton replied. “After all, they are his legal guardians.”

“I’m sure Bob and Jane would agree,” Kevin replied.

“If you think that would be something you’d be willing to try, I can have them contacted.”

“Call them,” Kevin stated, “the easier this would be for them, the better it would be for Nick.”