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Hey Howie!



Hey Howie!



Look, I know you’re really really really angry at me right now and I can’t really blame you. I have tried calling you several times, and of course I tried knocking on your door. Was telling me “Go the hell away before I call the cops!” really necessary?



I didn’t mean for things to unfold the way they did. Believe it or not I was actually going to surprise you.



I hope you actually read this and not throw it in the garbage or anything. Because you know how much I HATE writing!!!



Okay well, let me explain what happened…



See? It all started out as Brian’s idea. I went to him and said “I heard that you guys are going to throw me a surprise birthday party!” At first he didn’t know what to say but you know how Brian is? I managed to get it out of him.



I know I had been hinting at how much a surprise 16th birthday party would mean to me…okay not even hinted but more like pleaded and whined about how much a surprise party would mean to me, so why did I blow it for myself? Because I’m an idiot.



So when I confronted Brian he told me that we were going to have a huge party waiting for me in my room!



Now you know me and how when I hear something like that I HAVE to do something to switch it up. So I decided that instead of you guys surprising ME, I’d surprise you!



I had it all planned out and Brian agreed to help me, don’t be mad at him Howie, he was kind of forced into it.



So we created a distraction and had you guys leave. Yes the last minute radio interview was my idea. I’m a genious I know! (oops I think I spelt that wrong?)



So, Brian and I headed to your room to fill up balloons and hang up streamers etc… It was all going to be innocent fun. At first we were going to use Kevin’s room but when we tried to break into his room we couldn’t get in….which reminds me to also apologize for that. Sorry about the door, I’m sure it won’t be that expensive to fix.



Now this is where we can blame my teacher! Yes it’s wrong of me to blame poor Will for this next part but it’s really his fault.



Well his and the huge pickle.



While we were halfway through getting all the decorations set, I decided to show Brian the neat experiment Will showed me during my science lesson. He grabbed this huge pickle and attached wires to it and when it was plugged in it actually generated electricity! Very cool!!!



So we stopped what we were doing and ordered room service (Yeah sorry about the huge bill, we were hungry and got burgers, fries and milk shakes as well. I forgot that they’d just naturally charge it to your room since that’s where we were.)



So, we ate our meal, that’s where the huge red stain on your good shirt came from…sorry about that. I missed my mouth.



At the end we saved our pickles so I could show Brian what I was talking about. I ran down to my room and grabbed the same wires that Will had used to show me. Huh! You’d think it’s the same wires they should work the same way right?



So I attach both my pickle and Brian’s pickle to the wires and plugged it in and the damned things burst into flames.



Okay I know I shouldn’t have been doing this little demo on your bed but I was and of course once the pickle burst into flames the bedspread caught on fire. I panicked and Brian opened your top drawer and started throwing your underwear at me to put out the fire. By the way… Never mind I’m not even going to ask it’s none of my business…so that’s how all your underwear got singed just in case you were wondering. After about the fifth pair we decided maybe that wasn’t the brightest idea so instead I ran to the ice bucket and tossed it onto the bed.



That got the fire out.



Now the fire alarm in the room started beeping before we could totally take control of the fire so I hit it with the standing lamp. Yes that’s how the lamp broke…and how the tip got imbedded into the ceiling.



You know what happened at this point? Brian bailed on me!!! He actually left me! You know what I said earlier about don’t be mad at Brian? I take that back. Be really mad at him.



SO I realized I had to get that point of the lamp out of the ceiling. Who makes lamps that sharp anyway? I mean come on I could have stabbed someone with that. So I started jumping on your bed to try to get the tip out of the ceiling. I didn’t realize I was so close to the edge of the bed until I accidentally jumped off and onto the nightstand. Yes that’s how the nightstand broke. And the other lamp as well. I did hurt myself though, if it makes you feel any better? Hehehe?

SO I stood up, tried to straighten out the nightstand but then realized the leg was broken. I figured that maybe if I found something to put under the leg the hotel would never notice and not charge you for the damage so I went looking for something to use. I decided to go into your bathroom and grab a few towels to maybe stick under there. Yeah if you ever find yourself in this kind of situation, towels don’t work. When I was on the bed trying to jamb the towels underneath the leg of the nightstand, well that’s when the bed collapsed.



I guess the fire was a little too much for it. Well that and me jumping on it to try to get the point of the standing lamp out of the ceiling, which was still there by the way when the bed collapsed on top of your suitcase and your laptop. Sorry about that, but who puts their computer under a bed? And their suitcase?



Okay that’s when I started crying. I totally lost it at that point because I knew you were going to kill me or never talk to me or possibly both. I sat there on your burnt broken bed trying to figure out a way to make this all better.



That’s when I got the idea to open the windows and air out the place. Maybe if the smoky, exploding pickle smell left the room it wouldn’t be so bad. SO I went and opened the balcony window and let the room air out. How was I supposed to know it was pouring down rain? I could swear it wasn’t raining earlier! SO when I tried to close the door I slammed a little too hard and well…yeah sorry about that. I didn’t mean to break the glass, it just kind of happened.



So of course this is the situation, your bed is burnt and broken, your favorite shirt has a huge red ketchup stain on it, your standing lamp is broken and the point of it is still lodged into the ceiling. The nightstand’s leg is off and that made the small lamp fall and break. Oh and I forgot about the singed underwear.



Well the rain was coming down so hard that, it was making the carpet all wet. I ran into the bathroom and grabbed some more towels to try to sop up the water with; I didn’t realize that I had accidentally grabbed some of your shirts as well.



So that’s how your shirts got all wet and black and ruined. Sorry.



At that point I was a wreck Howie; I didn’t know what else to do. So I left.



I’m so so so SO sorry about everything. I promise I’ll pay you back for all of the damage I caused. I’ll do your laundry, I’ll clean your bunk, and I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I’m just sorry that this happened. I know I probably shouldn’t have just left like that, leaving you to find that mess and I especially shouldn’t have left my pickle. If I didn’t do that you would have never known it was me and would have thought it was some random break in. Who knows? Maybe you wouldn’t have even noticed at all.



So please call me when you get this? I would hate it if our friendship ended over something this silly and…Oh God! Are you kidding me?

Um…Howie…yeah see while I was writing this my pen just kind of exploded. Yes that’s what that blue blob of ink is…anyway I didn’t realize that I was using your weekly planner as a desk top when the pen exploded and well…Sorry I’ll buy you a new one.



~Nick who would love to live to see his 17th birthday!


Happy Birthday Nick!