When the lights go down and the cameras turn off…
I should have been happy. I mean it’s not everyday a guy turns 24 right? But yet, I was miserable because of my girlfriend. Please explain to me how that happens? I was a total mix of emotions after she came walking in with that cake. Part of me couldn’t help but feel special because no one has ever done anything like that for me before. I’m not talking about fans, I know they have gone all out but I mean girlfriend or close family wise, no one has ever gone to such great lengths to do something for me on my birthday.
But then there’s that damn skeptical part of me that says maybe she just did it because she wanted the attention. We had a long conversation last night as we lay naked in each other’s arms. She was going on and on about how important the spotlight was for her. She couldn’t live without it, she confided to me. Personally I don’t get it; I am more than happy when a camera isn’t shoved in my face. One can be a ham but yet like their privacy. Not Paris though, I think she’s afraid of being alone.
“I feel so ordinary when there are no cameras around.”
“Sometimes ordinary is a good thing.”
“Not for me…”
And that was the end of the conversation. Most of them went like that, not a whole lot of talking, just casual observances here or there followed by lots of sex. But when she showed up with that cake and all the cameras, I couldn’t help but think back to that talk we had.
I wanted to think she did that all for me, but I know she did it for her. Even the party she was throwing for me right now, the one I promised to make an appearance at and bail to hang with the fellas. She didn’t even ask me who I wanted to be there. She just invited her same small circle of friends.
After the guys all left the room and the camera’s departed, the two of us sat next to my birthday cake, not saying anything. The glow she had while ET was there rapidly faded as they left and I found myself angry about that.
“How come you didn’t invite the guys to my party?” I probably sounded like I was accusing her of something; I really didn’t mean it to come out that way. She turned to face me very quickly and shoved me with such force I almost fell off the table. For a little chick she really is strong.
“I can’t believe you. After I do this for you…tell me who else would ever do anything like this for you?”
“You didn’t answer my question.” I replied, now standing with my arms crossed and looking down at the cake. It was better than making eye contact with her.
“I didn’t invite them because I figured you’d want a break from them. I mean you work with them all day. I know I would never want to invite my co workers to my party.”
“But they aren’t co workers Paris, they are my family.” And she knew that too. She knew how much they meant to me because I opened up to her about it one night. Maybe I had a few beers too many but I found myself waxing nostalgic over my band mates. I told her how much they meant to me and how much of a family they were to me, even more so than mine.
As the words were streaming out of my mouth, I couldn’t believe I was saying them. I seldom opened up to anyone about anything anymore. She seemed touched as she rubbed my chest, but maybe she wasn’t even listening. Or worse yet, maybe she was listening and somewhere deep inside she was laughing about how stupid I was.
“Whatever Nick, you are so damn unappreciative I don’t even think I want to throw you a party anymore anyways. Do you have any idea how hard it was to convince people to come for your birthday? I practically had to beg.”
“Forget about it then. Go hang with your friends and I’ll hang with mine.” I said as I began to walk away from her. My feelings were really hurt, sad to say and I needed out of that room before I let my anger and sadness get the better of me.
I felt something hit me in the back of my head and when I turned around I noticed her shoe was off of her foot. She then took the other one and aimed it at my face but luckily I ducked in time. I couldn’t help but laugh, it was comical in a tragical kind of way.
“Screw you Nick! Go hang with your band mates for all I care, but you better at least show up to the damn party, otherwise I’ll look like a fool!”
“I will.” She walked past me, shoving me once again and then picked up her shoes and stormed out the door.
That’s what happens when the lights go down and the cameras turn off. I was left just standing there and staring at the cake when Kevin came to the rescue like he so often does.
He brought me that letter I wrote to myself and suddenly, thoughts of Paris disappeared from my mind and I had a good rest of my day. Even when I went and made an appearance at my birthday party, Paris came over and gave me a huge hug and kiss. I thought there would be an apology, but it never came. I hung out with her for a little while; of course there were more paparazzi there which we posed for as a couple in love. And then I made my escape, confused and once again saddened by my doubts.
I arrived fashionably late to Kevin’s house although in Backstreet time I guess I was actually early, and further proof of that was seeing Howie and Kevin just sitting there watching television, eating junk food.
“So, no birthday boy yet?” I asked, putting my jacket down and my present. I know we weren’t supposed to exchange gifts but I had to. See, every year that I have known Nick I have always gotten him something. Sometimes the gift was elaborate like a new Play Station or any game he wanted. Of course was when he was younger he would literally bounce with excitement as he opened his presents. As he grew older, I still got him things whether it was just a dinner or once even a card with money in it like I was his grandpa. It’s just something I do.
“Nope,”
“What about AJ?”
“He’s out getting a cake; we wanted to have one without that horrid witch on it.”
“Wow Kevin…tell us how you really feel.” I laughed at my cousin. Too bad Paris had no clue that she had made an enemy for life now.
“He’s probably getting a cake with boobies on it.” Howie dragged out the word just the same way that Nick and AJ did when they joked about female body parts.
“For some reason, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least. That’s why I’m glad I left Baylee at home. That’s all we need, a nice picture of him gnawing on a strippers boob.”
“Yup, that’s one for the family photo album.” Kevin said with a mouth full of peanuts. He finished chewing then took a sip of beer and stated in his best Kevin voice, “He better show up.”
“He said he was coming right?”
“Yup, he said he had to make an appearance at the party but then he would slip out unnoticed.”
“I don’t see how it could be unnoticed since it’s HIS party to begin with.”
“It’s not his Brian…it’s HERS duh!” I think Howie might be drunk.
“I just hope she hasn’t ruined his night. He’s so melancholy on his birthdays.”
“Knock knock…” AJ bellowed behind the door.
“Who’s there?” I answered…of course I had to, come on now?
“Let me in please!”
“Let me in please who?”
“Rok open the damn door gosh darnit my hands are full!”
“I’m sorry…I don’t know anybody by that name.”
“You guys are so juvenile, good Lord no one would even believe.” Kevin speaking under his breath again.
Finally after hearing AJ let out a defeated sigh, I opened the door and boy he wasn’t lying when he said he had his hands full. He was holding a huge box plus carrying two bags. I grabbed the box out of his hands and shook my head when I saw where it was from.
“Pussy Galore adult pastries?”
“I KNEW it!” Howie added.
“What? It’s Kaos we’re talking about here. I wasn’t about to get him a cake with a cross on it…no offense Rok.”
“I’m not the messiah AJ, you don’t need to apologize.”
“I ordered this thing for him a week ago when I found out about the place. You should see some of the things they have in there.”
“What’s in the bag?” I placed the cake on the table and was about to open it when he smacked my hand.
“No! I want it to be a surprise.”
“But, I want to see it.”
“Patience my little friend.”
“Little friend?”
“Yeah…and I bought him some stupid stuff I knew he’d like.”
“Like what?”
“Open the bag and see.”
There were two bags, one was from the store where he bought the cake and the other was the dollar store. “Wow nice to see you spared no expense.”
“He’ll love everything in that bag...guaranteed, which I find very sad by the way.”
Just picking up the first two things I smiled because I knew AJ was right. “Dinosaur caplets?”
“Yeah…you throw them in water, the capsules dissolve and you have yourself a sponge dinosaur.” I nodded, amused.
“A Whoopee Cushion. Should we warn Howie?”
“No way, but we should take a bet to see how long it takes Nick to get Howie to sit on that thing. I say within ten minutes of him opening it.”
“I might as well give you the money now then, because you are right.”
There were tons of stupid toys like that in there and my favorite a bobble head Joey Fatone doll…because you never know when you’ll need one of those things. “Please Lord tell me that we don’t have these in a Dollar Tree somewhere?”
“I don’t think so Rok.”
“Good.”
“I tried to get a Lance because he hearts Lance, but I guess he no longer bobbles.”
“Bummer.”
“Yeah dude…totally.”
We both turned when we heard the front door, “I think he’s here!” AJ said smiling and I couldn’t help but smile myself.
When Nick walked into my house, he looked anything but happy. I mean he had his trademark little smirk on his face as he greeted me at the door, but just like that smile he wore this afternoon, I could tell my little brother wasn’t very happy. I wanted to just flat out say, “So what did she do now?” But I decided now was not the time, so instead, I ignored it. If he wanted us to know something was wrong, he would tell us.
“You’re late…can’t you ever be on time for anything?” I joked as I ruffled his hair like I used to do when he was a kid. I can’t believe he’s actually 24 years old. Where did all the time go?
“Why be on time now? I wouldn’t want to give you a heart attack or anything.”
“Very true…well come in, the gangs all here.”
“Yay!” His voice was laced with sarcasm but I knew it was to mask his real excitement.
“There he is…” Brian said walking into the living room from the kitchen and squeezing Nick’s cheeks before kissing him.
“Ouch! I hate when you do that!”
“I know, that’s why I do it…duh Nicky.”
“I think now that I’m 24, you should all stop with the Nicky nonsense and start calling me Nickolas Gene.”
“Nickolas Gene huh?” My cousin asked amused.
“Yes, that is my given name.”
“Okay Nickolas Gene, you got it!”
“Nicky…”
“God Howie! Didn’t you just hear what I said?”
“Sorry buddy, but as long as I’m living and breathing you are going to be Nicky.”
“Yay!” He added…sarcastically again, but this time he meant it.
“So how was the party?” I asked him once he was settled on the couch with cold beer in hand. That made me look over towards AJ. Even though, he insisted we have alcohol for Nick’s birthday, I still felt bad drinking in front of him. He didn’t seem to mind though; he was drinking a non alcoholic version of the stuff.
“It was okay, there were wall to wall people there. I slipped out the back and I don’t think anyone even noticed. I swear I don’t even think half of those people knew what they were celebrating to begin with.” He laughed but stopped when he saw no one else in the room looked amused. Instead we were all eyeing each other and sad to say, I know he caught that.
“It’s all good though, Paris was awesome to have a party for me. I’m really sorry about today guys; I really wasn’t expecting all that.”
“We know Nicky.”
“It doesn’t matter, all that matters is that you enjoyed it. Did you?”
Nick looked over and nodded at AJ. “So…what’s on the agenda tonight?”
“Well, we figured we’d go anywhere you wanted then come back here for a movie or we can go to a club…anything you want. It’s your night kiddo. You make the call.”
“That’s a change, do you guys remember when I was younger and you would always go out clubbing for my birthday without me?”
We all looked at each other and laughed. Poor Nick, we really did give him quite the run around when he was a child. “I just want you to know that I’m still in therapy for that.”
“Sorry Nickolas Gene, we were young and stupid.” Brian raised his beer in salute to our youngest and then winked at him.
“There’s that line again! We SO need to use that.”
“Seriously, I can’t believe you did that to me. I would be so happy that you were all hanging out with me on my birthday then you go out clubbing.”
“But it was always in your honor!” Howie added.
“Honor my ass!”
“Are you asking us to honor your ass? Because that’s where I draw the line Carter.”
“Oh please, you love my ass AJ, admit it.”
“Can I ask why every conversation we ever have always seems to come back to Nick’s ass?” I decided to ask once there was a lull in the conversation.
“Because he has such a nice, juicy one…don’t you honey bunny?” AJ replied reaching over and squeezing Nick’s butt.
“Oh stop that…Brian will be so jealous.” Nick answered in an equally gay voice.
I looked over at Howie and shook my head. Children, I swear they are so easily amused. “So? Where would you like to go?”
He bit on his bottom lip as he thought about it then said, “How about we just order in some pizza? I would feel bad if I ditched my girlfriend to hang out with you guys and have photographers nab a picture. I can just see the tabloids now. The ‘IT’ couple on the rocks.”
I cringed when he said that, just like I did the very first time I heard a magazine call them that. I really didn’t like how much press his relationship with that girl was getting because I knew it would end badly. Ever relationship that girl has ever been in has ended badly. Nick was on his way to a broken heart but there was nothing we could do about it, besides wait it out.
“If you’re sure that’s what you want to do buddy.”
He nodded and smiled, “It is; besides it’s not what we do. It’s the company we keep right?”
I smiled at him and nodded. Where did the time go? Seriously…
“I swear I don’t think I eat as much pizza in a year as I do when I am with you guys.” I said blowing on my piece of extra cheesy pizza. They delivered it very quickly and I was glad. God bless Dominoes.
We all sat around Kevin’s huge dining room table eating our pizza and breadsticks. Of course Kevin and I wanted hot wings and then that made Nick insist on getting twisty bread.
The conversation was light and friendly, nothing work related brought up at all. I kept stealing glances at the birthday boy and it looked as though he had a lot on his mind. I hated how preoccupied he always seemed to be these days. All of the crap going on in his life really broke my heart when I allowed my mind to go there.
“Did you hear from the family?”
He glanced over at me and then quickly looked at his pizza. I felt bad for asking right there, “Aaron and Angel called. I guess everyone else was just too busy.”
“Or you’ll get a ton of massages on your answering machine when you get home.” AJ added.
“Yeah…probably.” He didn’t sound convinced and neither was I.
“Kristin wanted me to wish you a very happy Birthday. She said when she comes out to visit again she wants the two of us to take you out.” That made the blonde smile.
“How about just her and I go?”
“You would love that wouldn’t you?”
“Uh huh.”
“Sorry buddy…unlike Brian who likes to lend out his wife, Kris is all mine.”
“Hey! I don’t lend her out. AJ just latches onto her.”
“Rok you’re just jealous because she likes me better.” We all started laughing which I was happy to see.
“Chris and Bean called though, they said they sent me something they know I’ll love. I’m looking forward to that.”
Two more losers, Nick just seemed to surround himself with the same breed of people. Minus his present company of course, the people in his life were all just in it for his celebrity. They didn’t care about him and the saddest part of that was, he knew that. He just kind of resigned himself to the fact that maybe the only people who will give him any attention don’t really care and I blame his damn parents for that one.
“Howie what’s wrong?”
“Huh?” I looked up to find all eyes on me.
“You look mad, or like you need to fart dude.”
“I’m not mad.” Even though I was mad, how weird would it be to say well I was just thinking about you and how sorry I feel for you Nicky, Happy Birthday!
“Oh my God! You do have to fart! Dude; take it to another room then. You eat so much spicy food flames will probably shoot out your ass!”
Why do I care about this bonehead again?
“Maybe I should just fart in your face. Although you would probably like that huh?”
“Howie for some reason you saying the word fart cracks me up.” Brian added.
“Yes D…please fart in my face…pretty please!” Nick made the stupidest face I have ever seen and I just lost it. The boy is funny…damn him!
His phone started blaring some random rap song and he sighed when he looked at who it was. “I’ll be right back,” He said to us as he stood. “Hey baby!”
I rolled my eyes when I heard him say that and that amused the rest of the guys. I felt bad that I couldn’t hide my hatred of that girl but there was just something about her that go on my very last nerve.
“I hope she isn’t coming over here.” And I was glad to see I wasn’t the only one.
“Don’t worry Kev, I think you’re safe. We are losers remember?”
“Oh yes, I almost forgot. Thanks for the reminder D.”
It sounded like they were arguing, well she was yelling at him and he was getting a word in every few seconds. She was so loud that I heard her shrilly, annoying voice all the way from here.
He came back a few minutes later and acted as if nothing happened. “She says hi.” He obviously lied.
“Oh…nice.” Kevin said giving me a look.
“So what now?”
He stood up and stretched, “Actually I think I’m going to go to bed. I am really tired, but thanks for the pizza and for hanging out with me.”
Kevin did not like that at all, “But you just got here…come on Nick, don’t let her get to you tonight. Stay and have some fun.”
“Who said anything about her getting to me?” Uh oh…here we go.
I looked over at Kevin unsure of how exactly he was going to get out of this one. “You’re right…never mind. Forget I said anything.”
“No, I want to know why you think she’s getting to me?”
Kevin let out a sign and rubbed at his temples. “I just heard her yelling that’s all. It’s really not a big deal. I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
“She was just talking over the music at the club that’s all.” None of us believed that one but whatever.
“Don’t leave. The night is still young which is more than I can say for you.” Kevin said, giving Nick a light punch on the arm as he did so.
“Like you are one to talk about that?”
“Good point.”
“I really am tired though, thanks again for…”
“And you haven’t seen the spectacular cake I got you Nick!” I decided to chime in and save the say. It’s hard being the hero.
“Yes, I want to see this cake.” Brian said, I think they had all forgotten about the cake. How dare they?
“Oh…I didn’t know there was cake.” He smiled and instantly I knew once again that I had managed to squelch a fight.
I motioned for them all to follow me into the kitchen where sitting on Kevin’s smaller table sat the box containing the cake. “Go ahead and open it up Kaos.” I said nodded at him. He admired the cover and giggled when he was where it was from.
“This should be interesting…” He said as he grabbed a scissor and cut open the string.
When the box opened, he looked like a thirteen year old going trough puberty all over again, “Oh my God! This is AWESOME!”
The box revealed two giant boobs one that said Happy and the other said Birthday. They actually looked like real breasts. Everyone seemed very impressed.
“What are these made out of?” Kevin asked as he placed his finger on the nipple.
“God you’re such a perv!” Brian said batting Kevin’s hand away.
“It’s all chocolate dude. They look real huh?”
“Hell yeah they look real.”
“Do you like it?” Nick turned to me and grabbed me in a huge hug.
“Thanks AJ, I love you.”
It was sweet, he reminded me of that kid that used to annoy the crap out of me, now a grown up man.
“Now excuse me while I stick my head in the cake…” Before anyone could object, Carter managed to stick his face right on the nipple and took a huge bite out of it.
“Nice.” Brian said as he stood there playing with the Joey bobble head.
We ate cake and stayed at Kevin’s all night long, talking, watching movies and then finally falling asleep all over the living room just as the sun was coming up.
Oh and it took Nicky approximately 7 minutes to put the whoopee cushion under Howie’s ass just in case you were wondering.
Enjoy :O)
