One Sanity day please…
February is supposed to be the fastest month of the entire year because let’s face it, there just aren’t as many days in February as there are in the rest of the months right? Why is it then, that every single February of my entire life has always dragged on and on… onto oblivion it seems?
It’s not like anything horribly bad happened or anything but for some reason by the second week of the month, I was just finding myself in the middle of a classic funk. It happened from time to time for me. I am always considered the most happy, upbeat guy in this group but when I get down… I get down.
My wife is usually the first one to notice the change in me; I go from elated to be up and alive, kissing her and my baby on the cheek right before I walk out the door, to opening my eyes mid sigh while uttering the words, “Here we go again.”
When these funks happen, there’s not much anyone can do. I go to the studio, sit there half listening as the usual arguments happen. Nick with his, “I hate the direction this album is going…” Kevin with his, “I swear I don’t know why we are even bothering, I mean it’s not like anyone is even going to remember us…” Howie just sitting there winking and nodding…I know he’s not thinking about what we’re doing but more about what he left behind and AJ…he seems to be the only one truly enjoying it. Maybe because to him it’s not the usual routine. He was so high and out of it all the other times, he missed out on the drab monotony that these studio sessions tended to turn into.
Me? Well when I sit in the studio listening to the whining, complaining and for the most part, boring songs, I find myself fantasizing about my own album. The Christian stuff I’ve been working on. So far, I really love what has been sent my way and I can’t wait until I can just sit back and do my own thing.
I tend to have little to no patience when I am in a mood like this, everything said and done gets on my very last nerve. Today was starting out to be one of those days.
I almost wanted to turn around and walk right back out the door when I heard the argument coming from the hallway. It was Kevin yelling at Nick about something. I couldn’t tell what it was and to be honest, I didn’t much care either. He was getting on my nerves more and more lately. Seemed like after his birthday all of us were hopeful that he had seen the error of his ways dating Paris, but his partying actually escalated after that, which is funny because I really didn’t think it was possible to party more than he was before.
This turn of events of course set my cousin off at all times. It seemed like that was the first thing that happened every day. A Nick and Kevin knock down, drag out fight. Just like when Nick was so small he used to yell at my cousin’s belt buckle. Some things never change.
I tried to walk right past them but of course neither would have any part of that. “Brian! Come here for a second. I want to ask you something…” I rolled my eyes before turning around to face my cousin.
“What is it?”
“Be honest…because that’s what we need here. A little honesty…do you find Nick coming to the studio drunk a big deal? I mean is that okay with you? Acceptable if you will?”
“Are you drunk?” I asked our youngest member. Why I had to even ask I have no idea. The boy’s eyes were so blood shot that he looked like a zombie. His hair was shooting up all over the place and he just reeked of smoke and alcohol.
“No, I’m not. I’m just damn tired and I’m not going to be treated like a child.”
“Then stop acting like a child. Coming to the studio drunk as a skunk is unacceptable Nickolas…you should know that.”
“I’m not drunk, I told you. I’m just tired.” He held his hands in front of his chest defensively as if Kevin was about to punch him repeatedly.
“I think you should go home and sleep it off Nick. Come back when you are responsible enough not to show up drunk.”
I had no idea why my cousin felt the need to bring me into this little argument but now that I was standing there it was me Nick suddenly directed his anger at. “Is that what you want me to do to Brian? Do you want me to leave?”
“Did I say I wanted you to leave?”
“No, but I didn’t hear you saying you wanted me to stay either.”
He didn’t even give me a chance to say anything one way or the other. He closed his eyes, and with slouched shoulders said dejectedly, “Never mind…I’ll go home if I’m not wanted. See you tomorrow.” And with that being said, he gave me one final look and walked past the two of us and out the door.
“Was it really necessary to bring me into your argument?” I furiously asked Kevin, walking past him and towards the studio where I already wished I was nowhere near. I kind of wish it was me he sent home. I could use a day off with just my wife and son.
“You know…” I said, turning around and facing my cousin, “I am going home too. I mean if you can just freely send home whoever the hell you want. Than I can do the same.”
“Brian stop over exaggerating. It was for his own good.”
“Maybe, but then this is for my own good. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said, turning towards the door, taking out my car key and taking a sanity day for myself. The look on Kevin’s face was priceless as I left.
I felt reborn as I walked out of that studio, a choir of angels might as well have started a chorus of Hallelujahs. I smiled at the entire day before me and called my wife to tell her the good news.
What the hell just happened? I mean did Brian just leave? I scratched my head in befuddlement. Is everyone going insane? Am I the only sane person left in this entire world? Tell me please, I want to know.
I shook my head as I walked back to the studio, I had no idea what in the hell we were supposed to do with two of the five of us missing today. One of the songs we had recorded yesterday was playing back through the studio system as I entered the room. Howie and AJ both looked up from the console and smiled at me but when they saw the look on my face, one of them hit the stop button. I guess I looked like I needed to say something, which I did.
“Well, Nick and Brian are gone.”
“Gone? What do you mean gone?” Howie asked, confused.
“I mean as in not coming in today.”
“But Nick was here a minute ago.”
“I sent him home.”
“You what?”
“I sent him home AJ, he was drunk and frankly looked as if he was about to collapse. Didn’t you think so?”
“So you sent him home as in…Nick, go home?”
“Um…yeah as in Nick, go home.”
“And he was fine with that?”
“I didn’t actually give him the choice. I told him to come back when he was responsible enough to show up to the studio sober and ready to work.”
“What?”
“Do you have a hearing problem today?” Okay maybe that was uncalled for. I’m in a bad mood.
“Who gave you the right to send him packing?”
“AJ…it’s for his own good!” Why wasn’t anybody seeing that?
“And since when are you in charge of what’s good for Carter?”
“I thought you of all people…”
“Would understand? Why, just because I was a junkie? Kevin, Nick isn’t a junkie he came here ready to work and you sent him packing... if he was really that irresponsible he wouldn’t have even bothered coming. I mean how many times did I do that? Like a million, right? Wow I can’t believe you!”
“I thought it made sense…I can’t be the only one right?” Right?
“What about Brian? You said he wasn’t coming. Is he sick or something?” Howie asked. He was trying his best to stay neutral and he’s so good at that I couldn’t really tell if he was angry with what I had done or not.
“Actually, he was here when I sent Nick home so he decided to send himself home.”
Howie laughed but AJ muttered a ‘un fucken believable’ under his breath.
“I was just trying to do the right thing; he’s out of control guys.” Damn it, okay so maybe I was stupid for sending him home. I was angry and most of all I was worried, but still I don’t get why everyone is giving me attitude.
“So what do we do now?”
“I don’t know Howie, any suggestions?”
AJ stood up, “Well yeah I have one. How about we take the day off as well? Lord knows I can use a break and I think the same can be said for the both of you. It’s not like we can get anything done without those other two boneheads anyway.”
“I’m sure we can work on something.”
“Well the two of you can if you want, but if Rok gets a day off and Nick is ‘suspended’ then I’m taking the day off to.”
“AJ!”
“See ya tomorrow guys.”
“Are you sure you actually want to go home? I mean Nick was kind of pissed.”
“Kev, do you actually think he went home? Do you think that just because you told him to go home that he hopped in his car and went there to feel bad about what he did? Give me a break. He probably went over to Paris’s place again and is most likely having sex even now as we speak.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“I am right because that’s exactly what I would have done.”
“But you always say he’s not you.”
“He isn’t. If he was me he would have also stopped by some seedy street corner and bought a bag of coke.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just put my head down. Maybe AJ was right; I was treating Nick like he was a crack head. I just didn’t want him to turn into…
“So, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” AJ said waving his hat at the two of us as he walked out the door.
I turned to look over at Howie and sighed, “So are you leaving too?”
“Depends…are you?” I answered.
Kevin thought about this for a few minutes, I could tell that in classic Kevin fashion, he was regretting what he had done. Nick and Kevin were so alike that sometimes it was comical. The three of us often joked about it, the fact that they were one in the same person. Both did before they thought about things and then later regretted their actions. Neither of them would ever admit it either.
“It’s a waste to have all this studio time and not use it don’t you think?”
“I guess.” I shrugged at him, in all honesty I agreed with AJ. A day off was something I could have used myself. We really hadn’t taken any time off since getting back together. Every day we came to the studio and worked. Sometimes it was only for a few hours but most times it was upwards of ten hours a day. That’s a lot of time to spend together in such close quarters. Maybe I could do something to get sent home. Perhaps throw something at him. Even though he asked me what I was going to do, I felt obligated to stay if he was.
“You don’t agree with what I did, do you?” Kevin was always such a different person when it was just him and me. It’s always been that way between the two of us, I sometimes wish I could secretly videotape those moments. It’s like he let his guard down and stopped being everyone’s keeper when it was just us.
“I don’t know…I mean I see why you did it. I just don’t see that it’s going to accomplish anything.”
“I didn’t think about it, he just made me mad. When I was talking to him he was just looking past me, rolling his eyes at me. I knew he wasn’t listening to a thing I was saying.”
“I know, you got mad, talked out of your ass and now feel bad about it. Call him and apologize.”
“The thing is, I’m not sorry for what I said though.”
I nodded at Kevin; he was so passionate about us all. I wish I was, I mean don’t get me wrong, I am passionate about this band and the guys in this band but still, he always wears his emotions on his sleeve.
“I think maybe a day off will do him some good.”
“I hope so…although I probably just allowed him to start partying even earlier today. I don’t think he’s even slept yet from yesterday. What do you think? AJ said he barely sleeps anymore at all.”
“I think he’s young Kev. I mean when I was that young, I partied a lot and if I remember correctly, so did you. Heck, I party a lot now.”
Kevin nodded, “I know…but I never came to the studio drunk. Either did you.”
“But Kev…those days things were different. And I did show up to the studio drunk once or twice and you did too!”
“I did NOT!”
“Does the All I have to give conversation remix ring a bell?” I asked him smiling. We both got so wasted the night before we taped that thing that the morning of, we tried every known remedy made by man to sober us up and relieve the hangovers we were feeling.
“Oh…yeah I forgot about that.”
“You were so hung-over you puked all over the bathroom right in the studio.”
“Okay…”
“I mean I remember Johnny thinking you were possessed you were puking so much.”
“All right…”
“I mean seriously you were projectile vomiting.”
“Howie, I get it.”
“And then I had the biggest laughing fit while making that song, remember? I actually think I peed myself.” I admitted.
We both started laughing, that was really something else, the two of us got in trouble for not taking the thing seriously but good Lord, how could we take something that ridiculous seriously?
“The best part was the look on the other three guy’s faces. Nick looked absolutely terrified. Do you remember?” He asked me now placing his feet on the console and looking much more relaxed.
“Yeah…I think he almost cried. He thought you were dying because you were making the worst sounds ever while puking…” I was having a hard time breathing now because I was laughing so hard.
“I think Brian thought I had lost my mind, he even called my mother.”
“Crazy times…” I said shaking my head at the memory. We did have a lot of fun back then. Every time I hear that stupid remix I think about how drunk we were when we did that.
“Are you ever just going to come out and just tell me that I’m an idiot?”
I shook my head at him, “The thing I love about you Kevin is that I never have to. You always seem to realize it yourself before someone has to point it out to you.”
“Thanks…I think.”
“You’re welcome buddy…can I ask you a question?” He looked at me and nodded.
“Why are you so afraid of taking a break?” I finally asked him.
“I’m not afraid.”
“Yes you are.”
He thought about this for a few seconds before answering me, “I guess because sometimes I feel like if we stop even for a day, we won’t start up again. Doesn’t if feel like that to you?”
“Sometimes…but I think it’s just because we’re burnt out and getting tired of the songs.”
“Not getting tired of them, we hate them.”
“Okay, true we hate a lot of the songs, but maybe taking a day or two off will help us come up with better ones.”
“I just don’t want it all to go away; you know what I mean D?” I placed my hand on his shoulder. This was yet another one of those vulnerable moments I wished more people could see.
“It’s not going to Kev…now what do you say to us leaving and going to see a movie? Let’s not be Backstreet Boys today but just go out and forget about all this crap for awhile.”
“I don’t know…”
“I promise everything will still be here tomorrow.”
He nodded, “You know what? Fuck it, let’s do it.”
I smiled at him and together we walked out of the studio like two kids cutting junior high.
You know what sucks? The fact that the guy you came to the studio with was sent home and you don’t realize it until after you already make a statement by walking out for the day. It wasn’t like I was going to turn around and come back in and say, “Well I know I just said I was going home but can anyone give me a ride there? Bahahaha” Can I be anymore of a dork wad? Yes of course I can because I just said the word dork wad.
So I found my ass walking down the street. This brought back a lot of memories for me. See, when we were done recording, I would roam these streets in search of anything to occupy my time, just looking across the street, I was met with one of the many bars I would literally spend all night in, playing pool and drinking until the sun came out or the bartender would ask me politely to leave.
Just around the block was one of the many places I would meet the guy who sold me anything I needed from him. We would meet behind a dumpster and I remember thinking how appropriate that was since I was so down in the dumps.
I didn’t enjoy reliving those memories but luckily I soon came in contact with my newest addiction. Starbucks…so I went in ordered my Carmel latte and decided to hail a taxi.
You know, I should have kept that crappy ass van just for circumstances like this. It always seemed like I was the one who was left to walk. The funniest part was I drove us there! “That kid…I swear to God…”
I paid the cab driver and made my way up to the apartment and was kind of surprised to see Nick sitting on the couch in a pair of sweats and a hoodie, sitting Indian style and flipping the channels. “Well I’ll be damned…”
“Hey.” He said without even looking up.
“I didn’t think you would be here.”
“I got sent home.”
“Yeah I know, but I didn’t think you’d actually come home.”
“Well I did.”
“I see that.” I sat down beside him and blew on my coffee, smiling at the fact that he had done exactly what Kevin had wanted him to. There was yet another difference between how he handled this situation and how I would have.
“Did you bring me one?” He asked looking at my coffee like a child staring at a lollipop.
“No, sorry, but like I said, I didn’t think you’d be home.”
“Why are you here anyway? You guys can’t be done already. Did you get sent home too?”
“Nope, but after you left…”
“I got sent home like a child AJ.”
“Okay fine…after Kevin sent you home...Rok took a sanity day and I followed.”
He turned towards me suddenly looking very amused, “Brian left?”
“Yup, said he was gone for the day. That if Kevin could send you home he could send himself home as well.”
“Dude…that’s awesome!”
“Yup, so then I did the same thing.”
“Wow, Kev is probably pissed as hell.”
“Yeah…probably, but I don’t care.” I said taking another sip of my coffee to which when I was finished…Mr. Grubby held out his hand for it. I handed it over and let him take a sip.
“Eww, God AJ, don’t you put any sugar in your coffee?”
“Dude…its Carmel latte…it doesn’t need any sugar. IT IS sugar!”
“It’s not sweet enough.”
“Well isn’t it a good thing I bought it for me and not you then, huh?”
“I guess…” He gave me back my cup and then sighed, “Aje…just for the record. I wasn’t drunk. I was just up all night that’s all. Paris and I had a huge fight and she threw me out and I spent the night on Chris’s floor. I didn’t sleep at all.”
“Why didn’t you just come home?”
“I forgot my key again.”
“Oh…” I bonked him on the head and then continued, “Dude, it doesn’t matter anyway.”
“It does to me. I just wanted you to know that I would never show up to the studio drunk.”
“I know that…so what did you guys fight about?”
“I don’t even remember…anyway it’s over now. She called but I didn’t call her back yet. I think I’m taking a sanity day from her.”
I smiled at him, “I don’t blame you bro…”
“I still can’t believe that Brian just left…that is the coolest thing ever!”
“Hello? I did too.”
“I know but still…he did it first.”
“And you left without me so you owe me cab fare.”
“Oh shit…sorry about that.”
“It’s not biggie.”
“You could have always rented that van again.”
“Nick?”
“Yes?”
“Shut the hell up!”
“Can I have another sip of your latte?”
“You said it wasn’t sweet enough.”
“It will be if I add some sugar.”
“NO, you aren’t adding sugar to my latte. Go get your own damn latte.”
“I can’t, I was sent home…remember?”
“You are such a pain in my ass kid!” I said handing him the latte.
He laughed at me as I grabbed the remote out of his hand and started flipping the channels. Maybe it was early enough to catch the Wiggles.
Thanks for reading guys :O) You still rock my socks lol
