Separate Ways
I held my wife’s hand as we walked down the streets of Manhattan. I couldn’t believe how crowded it was even for this time of the morning. I was always amazed by that when I lived here for that tiny part of my life when I accomplished one of my biggest dreams. No matter how early or late it was, the volume of the sidewalks and streets were always the same.
When we decided on this little mini vacation, I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea, but then the more I thought about it, the happier I got. Kris always kids with me about how into work I get when we are in the studio, it’s like the only thing I can ever think about and in a way she’s right. I have tunnel vision when it comes to my life as a Backstreet Boy but I think it’s because I really understand the music business and how fickle it can be. I understand how all it takes is one precious second being out of the spotlight for people to stop caring about who you are and what you do, one second to…
“You are thinking about that album again aren’t you?” I felt her hand tighten in my own as we walked into a Starbucks, one of about eleven within arms length of each other.
“No, why would you say that?”
“Because you had that intense look on your face.”
“Oh really?” I asked raising an eyebrow which made her laugh. Kristin has the sweetest giggle in the universe. That laugh made me fall head over heels in love with her.
“Yes really bozo, stop worrying about the album and just enjoy the here and now.”
“How can I not enjoy the here and now, with you right here beside me?”
“Kevin, you are so poetic.” She reached over and kissed my lips as she got in the long line to give in our order.
I watched her butt as she walked away and couldn’t help but smile. Looking out the window, I saw a flurry of people move past as if they were schools of fish. It was barely 8 in the morning. Kris had to shoot a few scenes for a show she was guesting on and I decided to tag along to watch. I have to admit, I kind of liked the role reversal, watching my wife be the famous one for a change while I just got to sit back. My ego on the other hand, didn’t like it as much.
Being away would do me good, I decided once again, for the fiftieth time since I arrived to be by my wife’s side. Being around Kris settled me in so many ways, even when we couldn’t spend every minute of every day together. The hardest part about this trip would be the inevitable goodbye as we parted ways once again. Maybe one day she would be a stay at home mom just like Leighanne. It’s really not fair that, that hasn’t happened yet.
Kris and I have been trying to be parents for a long time now; it just never seems to work out. We aren’t dumb either, we both know that every year that goes by, the chances of that happening grow more and more slim. There really isn’t anything wrong with either one of us either. The doctor said that sometimes, it just happens and then gave us a list of options to choose from.
Kris and I took the pamphlets home and laughed about some of those other options, I swear one basically said as long as you ate broccoli every day and sang the alphabet backwards, you would conceive.
Adopting is another option we keep tossing around, but I know we both want our own. As if they heard my thoughts the most adorable child and his mother entered the coffee shop. The baby was cooing like crazy as it nibbled on its wrist and I couldn’t resist the urge to try to make him laugh.
I was making all kinds of crazy faces at him, until finally he let out a small giggle and a completely toothless smile. The mother didn’t even acknowledge this and just kept walking towards the line, where my wife had finally made it to the front and was paying for our order. The place was oddly packed with people on there way to work or college. None of them were even looking up, all just sitting and reading a newspaper or huffing under their breath while staring at their watches. I should be grateful how lucky I am to have a job that I love. I bet most of these people can’t stand what they do.
Kris came back with two huge coffees in hand as well as muffins for us both. “I got you a caramel latte honey, I hope that’s okay.”
“As long as you didn’t put sugar in it.”
“Why on earth would I do that? I mean who in their right mind would put sugar into a caramel latte?”
I smiled as I took a sip, “No one in their right mind.” I answered as I felt the foam of the whipped cream mix in with the beginning of a mustache I had to soon rectify.
“Did you see that adorable little baby?” She asked me as she nodded towards the mother and son.
“Yes, I made him laugh actually.”
“Wow…well at least someone thinks you’re funny!”
“I am funny.”
She smiled at me, “Yes you are…that’s why I married you.” She took a bite out of her muffin and then pushed the newspaper over to me. “Did you see this?” She asked, sounding more than a little amused.
“What?” But within seconds I groaned. “Stupid whore, what did she do now?”
“I certainly hope you just didn’t call me a stupid whore.”
“Baby, would I ever do that?”
“Not if you value your teeth.” She said winking at me. “Anyway….it says Paris fell off a horse.” She answered.
“It probably kicked her off because it didn’t want her skanky ass self giving it some kind of STD.” That made my lovely wife spit out her coffee and laugh. See? I am funny after all.
“Seriously, what does Nick see in her?”
“Honey, I have no freaking idea.”
“Is that where he went this week?”
I looked down at the paper of Paris wincing in pain and rolled my eyes, “Yup.”
“Poor him…” I looked at her and nodded.
I winced as Paris started screaming again. Why must she scream every five seconds, I know she just got trampled on but seriously, enough with the yelling already. I have a huge ass headache and she isn’t helping one bit.
“Aren’t you listening to me?” I looked over at her and smiled. No, I wasn’t listening to her because I was too busy blocking out her screaming at her mother on the phone.
“Um…”
“Damn it Nick!” She said while throwing the phone at me. “I asked you if you could please go get me my pain killers. My stomach is killing me!”
“Sorry babe…sure.” When she acted like this she scared the crap out of me and yes okay, fine…she acted like this a lot. Don’t tell anyone though.
“NICK!! MEDICINE NOW!!! God you’re such a loser!” I literally ran to go get the girl her medicine. I think she may very well be possessed by something.
Nicole was sitting on the couch as I walked past her. Yes they act like they have nothing on the Simple Life but when the cameras are off, these ladies are living in luxury believe me. Like Paris and Nicole would actually sleep in that stupid trailer? I think not, although if the people at Fox heard me say that I would be sued and my tongue hacked off.
“She’s in a bad mood.”
“Yeah, tell me something I don’t already know Nicole.” I shook my head as I gathered her purse and headed back inside to my girlfriend who was brushing her dog’s fur with a Barbie comb it looked like.
“It’s about time.” She sounded so mean as she grabbed the purse out of my hands. She’s in pain, that’s all, no need for me to get all kinds of paranoid. The dog looked over at me as if to say, please help me. She was brushing its fur so roughly his little eyes were bulging out of his head….well sorry buddy, if I have to put up with it so do you.
“Sorry about that.” I said as I slowly sat down beside her and placed my hand on her leg. I could swear Tinkerbelle growled at me.
“You know Nick…you could try to show a little compassion.”
“I am baby, what are you talking about? I rubbed your back all night long…you sent me down to the gift shop for aspirin at 4 in the morning, and then when I got back you sent me out for ice cream.”
“That doesn’t count.”
“Okay…fine…” I took a deep breath; I didn’t feel like fighting with her, not after all the fighting I did with the guys last week. I really needed this to be a relaxing experience. “So, what do you want to do tonight?” I asked as I gradually caressed her leg, making my hand slowly move up her thigh.
“Not what you’re thinking, that’s for damn sure.” I stopped.
“Want to go see a movie or something?”
“I want to go out and party.” She whined as she sat up straight, making the dog let out a little yap as he had to adjust to her shift.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea on the medicine you were just on? And besides what if word got out you were out partying when you should be sleeping in your RV.”
“The same could be said about going to the damn movies too asshole!”
That was it…“You know what? I’m going home.” I wasn’t going to take anymore of her garbage. This was my break…my well deserved break and God knows when the next one will be. I wasn’t going to spend it being yelled at and abused. I got up and started for the door.
“Good riddance, like I couldn’t just find someone else to occupy my time. Get real Nick.”
It dawned on me right then and there that maybe this little relationship wasn’t exactly panning out the way I wanted it to. She was so selfish, not that I wasn’t selfish from time to time, but still. “Well have fun with whoever is the lucky guy then…” I answered, trying not to let on how angry or jealous I was.
“You are nothing without me Carter…you have to realize that, right?” I stopped and turned around. “Seriously, you think anyone is going to care about you after you walk out that door? You are yesterday’s news. A washed up boy band member. I’m the real deal…so go ahead, see if I care.”
I should have left, right then and there. I should have packed up my little bag and never looked back, but I didn’t. Instead I turned to her and apologized. Call it a moment of insanity, but for some reason, she made me feel like I wasn’t appreciating how incredible she was. Maybe she was right, I mean without her I was nothing. When we started to date, suddenly I was back in the magazines and all over the place.
“I’m sorry baby…I’m just tired. I had a rough week with the guys.”
“I don’t really care Nick; it’s me that’s having the rough time now.”
“I know…I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Well, now that you mention it…my feet could use a good old fashioned massage.” I smiled at her and grabbed her foot in my hand. As I started to rub a smile crept onto her face, she has the best smile ever.
“Alexander James, when was the last time you cleaned this mess of a house?”
I looked at my mom and shrugged at her, eh? I thought it was pretty clean to begin with but I know if I said that, I’d get a smack on the head.
“It’s only because Nick was packing…he’s a pig and a half.” So I went the whole, ‘blame Nick, he’s not here to defend himself’ route.
“And you are the other half of pig!”
“Mom…”
“Seriously, when was the last time either of you did the dishes? There are cobwebs on these glasses!”
Once again I shrugged at her as she continued to clean my kitchen in her yellow rubber gloves. I kind of felt like I was in college and mom had come to visit me in my dorm room for the first time. At least, this is how I envisioned something like that to be.
“Hand me that dish over there sweetheart.”
“Mom, I told you not to do that. I’ll hire someone to come in and clean.”
“Or maybe you can just do it yourself…imagine that!”
I laughed at her; it was so nice to have my mommy out here with me. At first I was going to go out to see her, but then I figured why not have her come out to me? Maybe that was a bad idea.
“Have you ever mopped this floor since you moved into this place? Do you even have a clue what color these floors are supposed to be?” Okay it was definitely a bad idea.
“Can you stop being a mom for a few minutes and just relax?”
“I didn’t realize there was a no mom button I could push. To bad I didn’t know about that back when I would spend an all nighter helping you out with last minute school projects. Oh, I’d love to help but my no mom button has been pushed.”
“Come on mom…” I walked over and grabbed her into a hug, “Let’s go out and get some dinner. Forget about the mess, we can even stay in a hotel room of you want.”
“Why did you guys decide to take a break?” She ignored my hotel comment and started scrubbing the kitchen counter. Wow, I had no idea it was actually blue under there!
“There was a lot of fighting, so we decided we needed a break.”
“I thought you said everything was going well.”
“For me it was, but apparently everyone else has issues.”
“Do you like what you’ve recorded so far baby?”
“I guess.”
“You don’t sound so convinced.”
She was right; I kind of half ass answered that question. I really wasn’t sure how I felt about a lot of the new stuff. I wanted to like it, but in truth it was all a bit dull. “It’s okay I guess. We recorded this hot track before we went on break, but other than that, it’s kind of uninteresting.”
She looked a little concerned about that; I know she had mixed feelings about the group coming back together. When they all came out and surprised me on Oprah, even though my mother did know about it, she admitted to me that she was anxious how it would all turn out. She’s afraid I may relapse when I go back to that world of touring. I don’t blame her I suppose.
“It’s really no big deal mom, we know each other well enough to realize we needed time apart and if we still really hate what we’re recording, we’ll go another route.”
“I’m glad you guys are taking your time.”
“Me too.”
“So, everyone else is gone then?”
“No, Howie is actually in town. He decided to stay around here for a bit. He might even drop by later on.”
“Have the guys seen this place? Has Kevin?”
I had to laugh, “Yeah.”
The doorbell rang so I ran to get it and sure enough, it was Howard. I wonder if his ears were ringing. “Hey D!”
“Hello, is your mom in town yet?”
“She just got in this morning.”
“Where is she?”
“In the kitchen cleaning.” Howie cracked up at that.
We both walked back into the kitchen where my mother grabbed Howie into a huge hug, I didn’t even get that big of a hug. I tell you what; I am so underappreciated around here!
“Howie, you look magnificent.”
“Thanks Denise, so do you.”
“You need to get on my child about keeping this place clean Howie.” I couldn’t believe she just said that! I swear my mother could be the most embarrassing woman when she wanted to be.
“And would you care to explain to me why you have something that resembles a half eaten boob in your fridge?”
“Oh, yeah…that was Nicky’s birthday cake.”
“You got him a boob?”
“Actually it was a pair but we ate the other one.”
“And it’s still in your fridge? It looks like it has frost growing on it. Alex, throw away that booby!”
Well, there’s a statement you never expect to hear your mother say. Howie’s face turned about ten shades of red when she did. Good thing she wasn’t here when Nick bit off the nipple. I grabbed the box and dumped it into the trash. Sorry Nick, no more boobs for you!
I sat with my son on my lap and watched as he pointed to the stars in the night sky. Someday he’s going to be an astronaut my son, I can tell. I loved sitting out on our front porch when I was little and even though my parents have since moved out of that old house, the new one still brought that same sense of calm that came with my parents.
I glanced over at my father who was sitting across from me on the rocking chair and I had to smile when I noticed he was looking up at the night sky with the same look of wonder that my son had on his face.
“You used to think the stars were candy, did you know that son?”
I nodded; of course I knew that because every single time we were outside he told me. Even still, I always acted like it was the first time he has ever said that before. “Your mother and I would laugh when you would reach up to try to grab one. You used to think they were right next to you.”
“Yup….I guess I have always reached for the stars huh?” how clever was I?
My dad got a kick out of that, “Yes, I guess so.”
Baylee stuck his hands up in the air as he said dada over and over again. “This is nice isn’t it?”
I nodded at my dad. “Your brother used to love coming out here and playing connect the dots with the stars…the two of you had such vivid imaginations.”
“How is Harold these days?”
“Good, he was out here a few weeks ago. Next time we’ll have to plan this around the both of you.”
“I agree.” I simply said as my mother walked outside to join us. Once Baylee saw his grandmother, his eyes lit up and he immediately switched from reaching for the stars to reaching out for her. It made my heart ache that he didn’t get to see his grandparents as much as he should have.
She scooped him up in her arms and took a seat beside me, “Leigh is taking a bubble bath. She said nothing beat the feel of southern water versus Los Angeles water.”
“She’s right. LA’s water is so hard.”
She placed her hand on my leg, “How are you doing son? Is everything working out okay?”
“Yeah mom, everything is good.”
“Because Leigh said you all were fighting…”
“We were, but it’s no big deal. It happens.”
“Are all the boys okay? How’s AJ holding up?”
“He’s doing good.”
“And what about Nick?”
I let out a sigh, “He’s good too.”
“I’m glad, I miss all of you boys, but of course I miss this one the most…” She said hugging my son close to her chest. He let out a belly laugh when she ended that with a tickle to his stomach.
You know, this may sound strange but in some ways, it would make things so much easier if I had the kind of relationship with my family that Nick has with his, because when I saw my parents I instantly became that child who was always happiest living under their roof.
Every single time I left home, it stung just like I’m sure it will when we venture out of here and over to Leighanne’s family next week. I didn’t really mean that about Nick…in truth, I wish he had what I had. I bet if he did, the last person he would have hooked up with was Paris. My parents would have chained him in the basement before allowing him to date her.
“Are you sure everything is all right Brian?”
I looked over at my mom and nodded. “Yes.”
“Because you seem distracted, you know you can tell your dad and me anything.”
I heard my son snoring in my mother’s arms and reached over and stroked his soft, blond head, “I know…I’m just enjoying this. I don’t want it to end.”
She reached over and did the same thing to mine, “I know baby…me either.”
We sat outside for at least another hour, staring up at the stars that seemed just within our reach. Of course in that time my father mentioned the fact that I thought they were candy at least ten more times.
thanks for reading!
