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Excuse me, but is that a conclusion you are jumping to?






I sat back and tried to relax as I let the sun hit my face. There I sat, at the beach in the middle of the morning when I should’ve been at the studio hard at work, or in a meeting about a new hotel or trying to get some corporate sponsorship for my foundation. All of these things I should be doing but yet, when I woke up I decided to head out here.



It felt good having time off, but no matter what, I always felt like there was something else I should be doing, but I have already babbled enough about that I guess. Heck I almost went back home just so I could get stuff done with my brother but after talking to Johnny for an hour, he changed my mind. John told me to just take this time to relax, which kind of took me by surprise. “I have things in control here, you need this break Howie, and you deserve the break.”



“But John…”



“No buts buddy…go to the beach and relax. I mean how often will this happen for you?”



I knew my brother was right, this was not something that I could see happening very often. So I got off the phone and thought long and hard about how to occupy my time on this little break.



The sun felt great beating on my face, I couldn’t recall the last time I had actually done this which is funny because it seemed like all I did was take vacations with my family and cruise for my foundation, but when I did stuff like that, I never allowed myself time to just sit back and relax.



“This was the best idea you have had in a long time you know.” Leigh said as she sat up and started to rub more lotion on her legs. “I have to admit when we come out here to the beach, LA doesn’t feel like LA.”



“I know what you mean.” I was glad she was able to make it out here. I invited her a week before all hell broke loose and was grateful that I had someone to go home and bitch to on the day that they all decided to take this break.



“How’s Denise?” She asked when she finally was satisfied with the amount of lotion slathered on her legs.



“She’s good.”



“That’s good.” She laid back down and closed her eyes to the sun signaling that our conversation was over. She did stuff like that to me all the time. It’s not that I mind or anything, we have been dating for so long now, that conversation wasn’t necessarily a requirement anymore.



Instead, I turned back to the water and watched as a few kids ran into the waves. Was it a good thing that we already felt the need to take time away from each other? I mean we have only just started and already, I was seriously afraid that I would have to break up a full out brawl between Nicky and Kevin.



You know what’s weird? I found myself really missing them all. I have had to stop myself from calling them all week; does that make me a loser? I enjoy these people, no matter how insane or crazy I think most of them are. What the heck does that say about me?



“Leigh, do you think this break was a good idea?”



“Yes.”



“Really?”



She looked over at me, shielding her eyes from the sun, “No, I’m lying to you.’



“It’s just that…don’t you think it’s too early?”



“Howie…please for the love of everything that’s holy…try to relax and have fun.” When did I become so unfun? I am the king of fun!



“You know what? You’re absolutely right. Let’s go out on the town tonight, what do you say?”



“Sounds like a plan, now can you please do me a favor and hush so I can take a nap?”



“Surely.”



She closed her eyes once more.



“Fun…” I said once again as I forced myself to enjoy this time as a vacation.



I must have had my eyes closed for all of ten minutes when my phone rang. “Don’t answer that, you’ll only be sorry.” My girlfriend warned but did I listen? No…I picked it up after the third ring.



“Hello?”



“Howie!”



“Hey Nicky, what’s up buddy?”



“Not too much…listen, I need your help.” I sat up a little straight, it was the way Nick said that, something wasn’t quite right. He was also breaking up on the phone.



“What’s up?”



“I’m having a …. And I…God Shu…NO!...UGH…!”



“Nick, you’re breaking up. I can’t hear you.”



“Such a ….” I was trying my best to make out the conversation that was taking place, well… more like argument. Nick was definitely fighting with someone.



“Nick?”



“Go Howie…bye.” And then there was a click.



“Okay what the hell was that all about?”



“I told you not to answer.” Leigh said as she turned onto her stomach.



“Yeah…yeah, I know.” I said, playing with my phone before placing it back on the towel.





~*~*~*~*~*~






“I’m just afraid he’s doing something stupid Kris.”



“Then call him.”



“But then he will get mad I’m checking up on him.”



“Well, that’s what you WOULD be doing babe.”



“I know, but he can’t know that.”



“Just tell him you accidentally called the wrong number.”



“He wouldn’t believe that, especially since he just talked to Howie.”



“Honey…you have been worrying about him for the last few days. I know I’m getting tired of hearing about it….CALL him!”



I had a dream the other night; actually it was more of a nightmare. I hate those things and I don’t have them very often but when I do they just stick with me for days and days. This one involved Nick. I dreamt that he was with Paris and that something horrible had happened. Not sure what exactly, but I remember getting a phone call from Brian. He sounded beside himself and just kept saying, if only we had stopped him. I woke up and almost called Nick right then and there. It was 4 am though and there was NO way I was doing that.



The next day I checked the tabloids, which I like to call Nick’s daily planner and I was happy to see he wasn’t there… yet. Although there was a picture of a half naked, drunk Paris on the cover…or as I like to call it…business as usual. I had all but tried to cancel out those feelings in my mind until Howie called me. He said he got a cryptic call from our youngest member who seemed to be distressed about something.



“Maybe I’ll call AJ.”



“Is AJ with Nick?”



“No, but maybe AJ has heard from him.”



“But don’t you think that if you call AJ, you’ll get him all worried about Nick?”



“No, AJ doesn’t work like that.”



“Oh, you mean AJ’s normal?” I gave my loving wife the finger. I can do that because we are married and as far as I know, it’s in the rule book somewhere and besides that, she laughed, which means I’m safe. “Seriously Kevin, just call the boy and make it a two second conversation…say hey just wondering how you are.”



“But he’ll think I’m checking up on him. Babe, you don’t know him like I do.”



“Maybe not, but I do know you Kevin and I know me and I know that if you don’t do that you are going to drive me bonkers! Seriously, you have been talking about Nick more in the last few days than you have about us. I mean I know he’s a stud and all but seriously.”



“Has it been that bad?”



“Yes.” She laughed once again. Okay I’m being ridiculous. So I picked up the phone and called him. He answered on the fifth ring. Who lets their phone ring five times before letting it go to voicemail?



“I said go to hell!” Yes, that’s how Nick Carter answered his phone.



“Nick?” There was a hesitation, obviously.



“Uh…Kevin, is that you?”



“Yeah, but the better question is, who did you think that was?”



“No one…”



“Really? So is that your new greeting then, because if it is, it needs some work.”



“Is there something you needed?” Okay on the phone with the blonde for five seconds and I have already annoyed him. It might be a new record.



“NO, I was just calling everyone…you know, making the rounds. See how things are going…so?”



“So…what?”



“How are things going?”



“Good, I guess…how are things going with you? How’s Kris?”



“She’s good.” Some really strange and anxious silence followed that remark. I felt dumb for calling in the first place.



“GET OFF THE GOD DAMNED PHONE!!!” Her shrieking, voice cut through the air so sharply even I recoiled at that. I can only imagine what it sounded like up close.



“Don’t tell me what the fuck to do!” He answered, almost as loud…Uh oh.



I heard a few slams, followed by Nick yelping in pain.



“Nick?”



She was still yelling as he talked, “Kev…I have to go, this is a bad time…”



“Is everything okay over there?”



“Just peachy...Jesus would you stop hitting me!”



“I NEED ICE CREAM!!!” She yelled and then the phone went dead.



“Okie dokie then…that didn’t really work the way I wanted it to.” I said as I slowly hung up the phone.



“What happened?” My wife asked me, I guess I still had a baffled look on my face.



“I think Paris was beating the crap out of Nick because she wanted ice cream as far as I can tell.”



“She eats?” I shrugged at my wife.



“I hate her.” I said, just in case we didn’t already know that.



“He needs to get away from her.”



“You think? Then you wonder why I worry about him so much. It’s like he and AJ do nothing but make me worry.”



“Why did you bring AJ into this?”



“I don’t know.”



“I’m still amazed she actually eats.” I laughed at my wife but still, I was worried as I sat back in my comfy chair. Maybe I’d try to call again in a little while. Then a sobering thought hit me, I’m blaming the ice cream.



“What if she’s pregnant?”



~*~*~*~*~*~






I can’t believe my mother is making me clean this place. It’s not fair! Mainly because I’m not the only person who lives here! Nick made most of this mess! I swear I have picked up at least five pairs of his pants. I think he just starts stripping when he gets in the door and leaves a trail of clothes behind him. How is it fair that I should have to clean up his stuff? And I am NOT touching his underwear! That is where I draw the line.



“You know honey; you’ll never find yourself the perfect woman if you don’t take better care of where you live. I know I judged my men by how clean they left their rooms. Your father was a mess. I should have went with my gut instinct on that one!”



“Mom, I’m just curious so I know how to plan for the rest of my week, are you going to just clean and nag all week?”



“I wouldn’t have to clean OR nag if you did.”



“I can nag with the best of them mom,”



“AJ, stop being a wise ass!”



“I want us to go out and do something fun mommy!” Yes, I was whining. I wasn’t above doing that when it came to my mother.



She smiled at me and placed whatever it was she had in her hands on the ground. I think it was a dustpan but I’m not sure.



“What do you want to do Alex?”



“Let’s go to the beach or maybe drive down the coast or something, but enough with the cleaning.”



“But don’t you want your place to be clutter free?”



“Mom as long as I’m not Nick free, I will not be clutter free.”



My mother shook her head at me but I think it was a positive sign as the phone rang because she actually dropped the shovel type thing to answer it. I thought about quickly scooping it up and throwing it out the window but then I figured that might get me in more trouble.



A few seconds later she returned with phone in hand, “It’s Kevin honey.”



“Oh okay cool, hey Kevy my man!”



“Hey AJ.” The Kevster didn’t sound happy.



“What’s crack a lackin?”



“Why do you keep saying that? It’s irritating.”



“Oookay you know, if you called to nag, my mom is already all over that…”



“Look I have a question about Nick.”



“His favorite color is green, he loves the ocean and he just adores stuffed animals.”



“Shut up Bone, I’m being serious.”



“What’s up Kevin?” I took a deep breath, was it possible they were even fighting while Nick was nowhere near him? That took skill but if anyone could do it, they could.



“Has Nick mentioned anything to you about Paris maybe being pregnant?”



Okay, have to say I wasn’t expecting that one!



“Um…what the fuck?”



“Alex!” My mother said coming out of nowhere and hitting me upside the head! I swear to God she was nowhere even near me when I said that.



“I take that is a no?” He asked me, ignoring my yelp.



“Kevin, I have no freaking clue what you’re talking about. Oh God tell me that dipshit didn’t get her pregnant.”



“I hope not…”



“Why are you even asking me that? Has he been knitting booties or something?”



“Yes AJ, Nick has been knitting booties…” God I felt his eyes rolling on that!



“Why do you think she’s pregnant?”



“Because she was beating Nick up over ice cream!”



“What?”



“They were fighting and she said she wanted ice cream.”



“Paris eats?”



“AJ…be serious!”



“So you think that means she’s preggers?”



“I hope not, but I don’t know…”



“As far as I know, she isn’t.” I said but deep down in my gut, I was having doubts.



“Let me know if he calls you and tells you anything AJ. I know he won’t tell me but I’m sure he would tell you.”



“God Kev… that would be a disaster.”



“I know.” He sounded worried. I could hear his worry zits popping up all over his face. Poor guy.



“Who is pregnant? Is Kristin?” My mother asked sounding as excited as if we were talking about me.



“No, not Kris…Paris.”



“Oh Lord, no way.”



“I’m calling Nick.”



I said, taking the phone and walking into my room for some privacy.





~*~*~*~*~*~*~






This little vacation has been a total fucking nightmare of epic proportion! I may be exaggerating but if I am then it’s only a slight one. Why am I dating this girl? She is INSANE!!!



I am a grown man who has locked himself in a bathroom because his girlfriend is having a temper tantrum about fucking ice cream? Okay sure there’s more to it than that, I mean we have fought pretty much non stop since I’ve gotten here. She was thrown from a horse so that means I have to stop and kiss her ever loving bruised ass all week. But I’m DONE sooo DONE!



“Nick come out of the damn bathroom and talk to me!”



“Are you going to stop throwing things at my head?”



She has a new habit of throwing her shoes at my face. Not sure why she suddenly decided ‘hey I know what would be cool, hitting my boyfriend with my 7 inch stiletto heels!’ but once she did, the rest was history. Have you ever been hit in the face with heels? It’s not fun.



“I said I was sorry about that, now come out of there, you’re being ridiculous.”



“Oh am I?”



“Yes you are.” I sighed, not really sure if I wanted to open the door or not, this could have been some kind of trick, but she did sound sorry and when she was sorry she made the cutest little pout, so I opened the door.



She was standing on the other side barefoot, happily and once the door opened she ran into my arms and gave me a huge kiss. “I didn’t mean to over react, I don’t know what came over me, it was only ice cream.”



“It’s okay; I mean I should have asked you before I ate the last of it.”



And that was what this entire argument was about. She bought ice cream because she was craving it, actually I went and got it for her in the middle of the night, because she was craving it, and then she ate maybe to bites of it and fell asleep.



I was bored and there was a pint of mint chocolate chip sitting there and mocking me, telling me I was a loser if I didn’t eat it. It was using all its peer pressure tactics, so I succumbed. How was I supposed to know that she’d want it the second she woke up? And she woke up in a BAD mood!



I guess that was the final straw in her eyes, because she went ballistic. She started telling me all the things I did wrong, how I didn’t appreciate her enough, how I was so selfish and stupid, I mean on and on. Then she broke out the shoes and the rest is history.



As she kissed the nape of my neck though, all of those hard feelings disappeared; well okay maybe didn’t disappear but got lower if you know what I mean. Hehehe …ugh stupid cell phone!



“Are you going to get that?” She asked me after it rang for the tenth time! I really need to set it for voicemail.



“I guess…hang on a sec…” I moved away from her as she started to take off her clothes. This better be the most important phone call ever!



“Hello?”



“Nick!”



“AJ?”



“What’s cracka…how’s it going?”



“Good…” I glanced over just as she removed her skirt. “AJ, can I call you back?”



“Wait…don’t rush me off the phone dude…is there something you want to tell me?” She put music on and started dancing around me all naked and shit.



“Uh…besides goodbye? No.”



“Are you sure?”



Now she was playing with my pants, trying to pull them down while I was talking to AJ which was SO wrong!



“Yes I’m sure…I have to go!



“Okay dude…I’m going to come right out and say it then…is Paris pregnant?” Well there went my sex drive…



“What?”



“Is she pregnant?”



“Why on earth would you think that?”



“Well…um…I don’t know exactly.”



“Okay then…I’m going to go…AHH….hehehe…um…yeah, I’m going now!” And with that being said I gladly hung up on my big brother and started rolling around on the floor with my shoe wielding girlfriend.



What the fuck? Pregnant?


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