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Author's Chapter Notes:
hey guys! I have a new Why chapter for you. Some of you may have missed the last chapter because I randomly posted it a week or so ago on an odd day so you might want to back track to make sure you're up to date. lol

anyway, i'm not sure if i'm back to the regular updates thing or not but i'm going to try. The new story is temporarily on hold though. for now anyway lol

Thanks for reading and all the well wishes! It was appreciated :O)
35





Lost








I am so tired of bullshit, seriously. Last night was supposed to be fun. In fact, it was the first time I really felt good in a while. Once I knew Rob was going to come to my rescue, I actually found myself not stressing about anything. I know that the guys didn’t approve of my decision to have Bean come out, but you know what? I don’t care. Really it’s not like they understood what I was going through at all. Brian, Kevin and Howie have all been with the same women forever. None of them had to deal with half the shit I have had to deal with. I won’t even get into AJ and his wreck of a love life. He’s in a league all his own. Bean gets it though. His luck with women is about the same as mine.



Anyway…



We went to a club here in downtown LA. I can’t even remember what the hell its name was because frankly, by the time we got there I had already downed about 6 beers and was feeling pretty good. It wasn’t that crazy or crowded in there which was great, but of all the damn people to be there, Paris came walking over to me after only about fifteen minutes of enjoying myself.



I thought she was coming over to start shit, but instead she came over and begged for us to go somewhere to talk. She said she was sorry for breaking things to me the way she did and that she really didn’t think that she meant it. What the hell is that supposed to mean? She didn’t think that she meant it?



I tried to give her the cold shoulder, but I just couldn’t do it. It was probably because she was acting like she did at the beginning of our relationship. Her smile has always melted my heart. There was something so innocent about her smile; in fact, it’s probably the only innocent thing about Paris.



Whatever the case, I fell for it hook, line and sinker. Said my goodbyes to Bean, gave him the keys to my car and left with Paris. Can I be anymore of an idiot?



The conversation between us started out innocently enough. Mostly small talk, ‘so how’s recording going?’ from her and ‘what have you been up to?’ from me. I don’t think either of us wanted to talk about the breakup, but finally just as we turned off the road and onto a lookout point, I brought it up.



“So, why did you say you think you made a mistake?”



“Because I think I love you Nick.”



She said just what I was hoping she wouldn’t. Damn her! You know it’s not fair. We dated for 7 months and in that time the emotional roller coaster I have been on was intense.



“You think?” I asked without looking at her. I knew if I looked at her, it would be all over.



“After I got off the phone with you, I laid in my bed and couldn’t get you out of my head. That’s never happened before. Usually when I break up with someone I’m all done with them…but you…I don’t know…it feels different somehow.”



I still couldn’t look at her, but she was beginning to soften me up. I felt her hand on my knee as she began to rub…ah! Stop rubbing.



“The thing is Nick, I think in a weird kind of way, we were meant to be together, you and I. You can’t tell me that you haven’t felt that too.”



I couldn’t tell her that. She felt like the right person since the first day we met, I was certain that in time, she was the one I was going to marry. I just wanted her to stop rubbing my damn knee….although why would I want her to stop that again? Right…she’s a psycho!



“Maybe it did feel like that once…but not anymore.” Wow did those words come out of my mouth? Yes I do believe they did!



She seemed shocked, because she took her hand away from my knee as if it had suddenly burst into flames. “Excuse me?” She asked in her ‘bitchy’ tone.



This time I did look at her, “I loved you Paris and in a way I always will. We had a special bond, a rare connection…but the thing is…I’m tired of all the games.”



“What?” She acted like she never in her life was rejected and in an odd sort of way, this pleased me greatly. Was I the first man in history to reject Miss Hilton?



“Look…I’m sorry, I really am… but I really think maybe your swami guy was right.”



She didn’t look happy about that, she kept making these little annoying gasps in the back of her throat and then she started to cry. “I can’t believe you are doing this to me!”



“I’m not doing anything to you; you’re the one who broke up with me. I’m just telling you its fine by me.” Was that mean? Because that’s really not what I’m going for…honestly…okay maybe a little mean but not horribly mean.



“Why did you come out here with me then?”



“Because you asked me to.”



“You had to know this is what we were going to talk about.”



“Maybe I did, and maybe I wasn’t even sure what I was going to say until right now.”



That did it, “Get the hell out of my car!!” She screeched at me. I mean banshee yelled. Let’s put it this way, somewhere there are a few cats holding their ears.



“You can’t just drop me off here! We’re in the middle of friggin nowhere!”



“Get OUT!”



“No! At least take me to somewhere well lit!”



“You are such an asshole! I don’t know what I saw in you anyway!”



“Come on Paris, don’t be like that. We had fun.”



“Shut up and get out of my car before I call the police!”



“What?”



“You heard me! And you are SO gonna pay for this! No one leaves me Nick.” Good lord right about then, I was glad I didn’t own a bunny rabbit.



“I wouldn’t be leaving you if you didn’t kick me out of your damn car!” Okay maybe that’s not what she meant…but still.



“I’m going to ruin your life. You know I can do it too.” She said that through gritted teeth and in the dim light of the moon, she looked somewhat evil.



Somewhat…pfft!



“Paris…wait!”



“You’re going to pay asshole!” She backed up and I swear to God she tried to run me over. I mean I had to actually jump out of her way. Crazy ass bitch!



I let out a breath once I realized that I was all alone at some random lookout point with virtually no light whatsoever. Luckily I brought my Sidekick with me everywhere I went. I reached into my back pocket and tried to remember Bean’s number. Of course in my semi drunken state, I could only remember my own and go figure, it was busy!





*********






We tried two different clubs. The first one was horribly crowded with a ton of young kids. Damn, how old am I when I start calling college kids, young ones. But it was true, most of the people at the first club were barely legal, screaming and puking all over each other. Was there seriously a time that I found this lifestyle appealing?



The second one was not quite as crowded but we were the only ‘stars’ in the place and kept getting stared at. Not that I minded being stared down by beautiful women but nowadays, it was best to keep a low profile.



“Kevin!” Howie shouted at me and over the music.



“Yeah?” I tried to counter.



“I think I see Bean!” He pointed over to a table where Bean was surrounded by at least ten girls all of whom were in various stages of undress. This third club was one of the newer ones in town. I had a feeling they would be here at this one, but I didn’t want to admit flat out to Howie that my main goal was to find Nick and make sure he was okay.



It’s not like there’s anything wrong with wanting a good friend to be okay, but sometimes my over protectiveness was a bit much for them all to take. And even simpler than that, it was a little embarrassing as well. If he was my real brother maybe it would be different but truthfully, I look at my two older brothers and can honestly say I’m pretty sure not even they would go out looking for me in the middle of the night.



Maybe if my personality was as volatile as Nick’s they would though. He just has this aura about him you know? This thing that makes you feel the need to check up on him. In so many ways he is just a little child. So when you look at it that way, my actions are justified. How many people would let a child go to a bar?



Yeah, I know I’m grasping.



Howie held out his hand to wave to Bean but since he didn’t have huge boobs, he was completely ignored. While he tried to get the doofuses attention, I looked around the place to find the blonde one and didn’t see him anywhere. Maybe he was smart and decided not to go out in the first place. Maybe he sent Bean by himself so he could have some alone time. But is Nick all alone a good thing?



Good lord I’m doing it again.



I decided to turn around and focus my attention on Bean and his harem. How in the world he always has so many women all the time is beyond my comprehension. I mean, he kind of looks like Mr. Peanut and its not like Nick is even anywhere around him.



It made me sick the way he used Nick’s fame as a way to get to all the girls, and just another thing that turns me off of the guy. I have actually heard him on the phone telling girls that he is the last step before they actually get to Mr. Carter himself. He has to approve of them before he sends them to him. The first time I heard that I actually yelled at him about how degrading that was. I also yelled at Nick, don’t worry I know he wasn’t totally innocent. After that, Bean usually tried to avoid me and I don’t blame him. I would avoid me too. That was the whole idea.



I don’t like the guy Nick becomes when he’s around Bean. That is another reason why I worry. The kid is SO easy to influence, I mean he should be the poster child for peer pressure. That’s why when he was really young we all had him on such a tight leash. Lord knows what he would have been doing if we didn’t always keep one eye on him. I shudder to think about all the things we may have missed.



I know…I’m doing it again.



See? That is why I need my own child. Once I have a baby of my own, Nick will be off the hook, slightly.



“Do you see him anywhere?” I yelled to Howie as I finally got close enough to him to touch his shoulder.



He looked at me and shook his head, “Maybe he left.”



“Maybe…Bean would know, why don’t you go ask him?”



Howie gave me this annoyed look, “I went to go get him at the airport remember? Why don’t YOU go ask him?”



Damn! I was hoping he would have forgotten that little bit of information. So, I continued stepping through the crowd until I got to Bean’s table. He looked completely plastered and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him.



He seemed surprised to see me, a mixture of surprise and terror actually. He sat up and the two blondes on either side of him scooted over. Everyone at the table had very red eyes. “Kevin…what the hell are you doing here?” He screamed at me.



“Where’s Nick?”



“Huh?”



“Nick! Where is he?”



“Oh, Nick?”



“Yeah!”



“He left with Paris a few hours ago.”



“He what?”



“Left with Paris, they drove away in her car.”



SHIT! Son of a mother’s whore and damn it all to hell!



“Thanks.” I walked away from him and headed back to Howie, trying to control my temper as I did so. How dumb can he be to leave with Paris? After all the heartache that bitch put him through he always goes back to her. That’s it! I’m wiping my hands of this entire situation. If he wants to be a dumbass then it’s all on him. I’m not coming to his rescue anymore. He deserves whatever he gets!



“Where is he? You look like you’re ready to kill something.”



“He left with Paris!”



“Hilton?”



“No, France…yes Hilton.”



“What?”



“I don’t know but let’s get out of here, I’m done.”



“You want to go to another place?”



I looked over at him and thought about it for a few minutes, maybe it would be fun to go clubbing for real now that I knew where the dumbass was. “Do you want to?” I asked him with my eyebrows raised.



He thought about it and then smiled, “Nah…let’s go to a diner instead.”



I laughed as we walked out of there. Indeed we are getting older aren’t we?





*************




So, Rok beat my ass 14 to nothing. I let him win. He’s getting old so I figured it was the least I could do. We sat in his backyard, him on top of the basketball trying to keep his balance and me, on the ground against his house, smoking a cigarette and looking up at the stars.



“That was fun, I can’t remember the last time we played basketball.”



“It’s been awhile.”



“Yeah, I see you are still as good as I remember.” I wanted to kick that ball out from under him when he said that. Dang, I really should have. That would have been hilarious!



“I let you win Rok!”



“Uh huh….i’m sure you did.”



“I did.”



“So, care to play again then? This time no letting me win though.” God I hate when he gives me that smug face of his.



“Nope, I’m tired. Maybe next time.”



“Maybe next time you and Bay can play on the same team. That should even things up.”



“Shut up B!”



“I’m just playing with you Boner.” He reached over and tried to grab my hat off of my head so I took that opportunity and kicked the ball out from under him and bang he went to the ground. Hahaha!



“Nice one…” He said giving me a high five just as my cell phone went off. It was playing Shake your Tale Feather.



“It’s Nick.” I said as I picked it up.



“Hey man.”



“I’m lost.” He wasted no time in getting to the point, that kid. He sounded drunk as a skunk too. Just great, it’s a lost and drunk Nick.



“What do you mean?”



“I mean…I don’t know where I am.”



“Did you accidentally walk into the closet again?” That got a laugh out of Brian even though he had no clue what I was even talking about.



“I need you to come and get me. I don’t remember Bean’s number.”



“Aren’t you with him? Or is he lost too?”



“I’m alone and it’s dark and I swear I hear rabid wolves.”



“Rabid wolves huh?”



“Yeah.”



Brian looked at me confused so I covered the speaker with my hand, “He’s lost and thinks he hears rabid wolves.”



“He’s lost?”



I nodded, taking my hand away from the speaker once again, “The thing is, I don’t have a car. Howie drove me to Brian’s and then left me here.”



“You’re at Brian’s house?”



“Yeah.”



“Oh.” I heard a hint of jealousy in his voice, even though he was drunk it was still there.



“Tell him we can get him if he can tell you where he is.”



“Brian said we can come get you if you can tell us where you are.”



“I don’t know where I am…if I knew where I was I wouldn’t be lost.”



“Then how did you expect me to come get you? You have to have some idea.”



“I’m on top of a hill and there’s a ton of trees.”



“Yeah, that really narrows it down a bit, thanks for that.”



“Ask him how he even got to where he is.”



That was a great question, leave it to Rok. He was always thinking. “How did you get there?”



“Paris.”



“What?”



“Look, it’s a long story that I promise I will share with you once you come and get me, okay?”



“Okay…so I’m looking for a hill with trees on it.” Brian pulled the phone away from me at that point.



“Nick what does the street sign say?” He waited for a few seconds as he grabbed paper and a crayon. He has a toddler; crayons are in mass quantity at his place.



“Altonista road…okay just hang tight and we’ll be there. If you see any rabid wolves head for a tree.”



“Do you know where that is?” I asked Brian as he hung up the phone.



“I think so, but looks like we’re going to have an adventure nonetheless.”



“Whoopie!” I made an invisible circle with my finger and danced around. That made Brian crack up of course. Everyone wishes they could be half as funny as me I swear.





************




Ah the good old days, I miss them so. Days when I would get a call in the middle of the night from Nick, asking me if I wanted to go on a little adventure with him. Of course back then, those adventures usually amounted to trying to find a place where we could play basketball or a place that would serve us a hot fudge sundae at two o’clock in the morning.



It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten a call from a drunk Nick, although technically I guess I’m not the one that got the call at all. He never calls me anymore for anything. “So, did you tell your wife you were leaving on an adventure?”



“No, I just told her I was taking you home.”



“Did she cry?”



“Yes she was horribly upset about it.”



“Of course…”



I shook my head at him just as I saw the sign for Altonista Road. I almost missed it because the actual post the sign was on was bent down to the ground. “We’re here start looking for a clueless blonde.”



AJ opened his window, “It’s not a good neighborhood out here.”



“Hear any rabid wolves howling?” I asked amused by that whole rabid wolf thing.



“Oh there he is, sitting on that rock over there.” Sure enough there was our little Frack sitting on a boulder with his head down. He looked like he was asleep. I pulled up to him and honked the horn.



“What the fuck!” He jumped off the boulder, lost his balance and fell to the floor. That’s what I was going for.



“Hey Nick.” I helped him to his feet, “so, what are you doing up here?”



“I dumped Paris and she got mad and fucking left me here!”



“I thought she dumped you.” AJ was oh so quick to point out.



“Yeah she did but then she wanted to get back together but I said no.”



I smiled at him, “You did?”



“Yeah.”



“Good boy Nickolas!” I pat the top of his head as he smiled at me.



“Don’t be that happy, I think I made an enemy for life.”



“It’s Paris who the hell cares?”



He nodded at AJ and then turned back to me, “I’m sorry I dragged you out here. You must think I’m such a fuck up.”



“You know I don’t think that at all.” I placed my arm around his tall frame.



“Excuse me…you dragged my ass out here too…remember?”



“Thanks J…come here and give me a kiss!”



I laughed as I watched a drunken Nick chase AJ around my car. I was proud of Nick for giving her the heave ho. I know how difficult it must have been for him to do that. I just hope she doesn’t do anything for revenge, but that would be so pitiful…seriously!