Frick and Frack are Back
I barely slept at all last night and I blame that as well as everything else that goes wrong in my life on my new room mate. After he left to go to bed, the other guys stayed and hung out for a little while. We were curious what Brian was in there saying to him. Kevin mentioned something about the two of them hanging out and that he thought it’s exactly what Nick needed blah blah blah. What am I, chopped liver? I mean I live with the kid and we hang out almost every God damn day. Why is that not good enough for Carter but yet Brian is? And why do I sound like a jealous 13 year old girl?
It’s true though, I was jealous. I mean not of Brian and Nick but of the fact that no matter what I did now, I still felt like in Kevin’s eyes especially, I wasn’t going to be able to cut it. I’m not dumb, I know it’s more of a ‘me’ issue than what’s actually happening. My therapist and I talk about it on a constant basis. I tend to think that people still see me as a loser but then she’s quick to point out that the only person who ever saw me as a loser in the first place, was me. I usually correct her and say well me and a handful of my fans.
Anyway, after Brian came out of Nick’s room all smiles, I knew that he and Nick talked about bonding again and sure enough he said the kid’s face brightened up as if he had just been told that Christmas was coming early this year. Shortly after that they all left and I sat up staring at the television in some kind of a rotten funk.
I don’t have them as often as I used to, but when I do go into my funks, they tend to be bad ones. I almost went and woke Nick up because the urge to go out and do something stupid was far outweighing me letting him sleep, but luckily I didn’t have to because he came strolling out of his room at around 4 in the morning.
“Why are you still up?” He asked in mid yawn as he scratched his ass. Sorry but if I have to see then you at least have to read about it.
“I couldn’t sleep; I’m having a hard time tonight.”
“You are?”
I nodded at him and took another sip of my coffee. He came and sat beside me, motioning for me to pass him a cup and the milk. “Is there anything I can do? Is it my fault? I’m really sorry AJ.”
“Nick, not everything is about you.” Yes, I know that I had just mentioned everything being his fault but I felt snippy and if you can’t snip at one of your best friends who can you snip at?
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know…I just get a little…you know.” I hated feeling like this. It was the same kind of feeling you get when you are so bored but yet you can’t find anyone to come out and play.
“Have you called Rene?”
“No, I mean I didn’t think I’d have to yet.”
“Do you want to play a game of cards or something? Will that help?”
I know he was trying, but I was just getting frustrated. Not even at him, more at myself. I hated when I had all these emotions and wasn’t able to actually define or explain them away.
“No, maybe if I go for a walk or something.” I stood up to leave but he put a hand on my arm.
“Let me come with you then. I don’t think you should go alone.”
“Why? Afraid I might do something like get drunk and jump off a roof?” Yeah I was a real son of a bitch when I was in a mood like this one. This was the old me, the one that they all eventually hated. How was I this person all the time back then? No wonder I was so miserable.
“I guess I deserved that.”
“No you didn’t. I’m sorry Nick I wish I knew what brought these mood swings on.”
“You haven’t had one of these for at least a few months.”
“I know.”
“Talk to me man; tell me what’s on your mind.”
I sat back down and faced Nick. I had forgotten about the last time this happened. I was amazed at how there for me he was. He had even cancelled plans with his girlfriend when he saw how distressed I was. Things like that I just kind of took for granted but he was a great friend. Sometimes I tend to forget that about him, thinking he’s the one that always needs all the attention in the world.
“I don’t know, I just feel kind of low.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure.”
“You feel like having a drink?”
“I always feel like having a drink but sometimes it’s easier to get over than others.”
“AJ you are the strongest person I know. I wish I could be half as strong as you. The way you are able to stay away from all the bad stuff when I know that you want it so badly.”
I smiled at him; I guess I needed to hear something like that right about now, “I’m not that strong.”
“Yeah you are.” He nodded at me. All the guys always said that Nick looked up to me the most but I never believed them. When he did stuff like this though, I kind of saw it myself. Why on earth would he look up to me?
“I appreciate that Nicky, you are too you know.”
“Right, sure I am. That’s why I had the Kevin posse here tonight, because everyone thinks I’m so strong.”
I laughed at the Kevin posse and then realized the way I was feeling was very similar to the way Nick felt. Good lord sometimes it scared me when I realized how much the two of us really had in common. Thank God my feet didn’t stink like his did though.
“I’m sorry I called him, I was just concerned.”
“I knew it was you!” He gave me a disgusted look. “At first I thought it might have been Howie but, you just had a guilty look on your face.” He stood up and grabbed the Hershey’s syrup out of the fridge, pouring a huge plop of it into his milk before putting it back…opened and blobby of course. Now it’ll forever be stuck opened because God forbid he take a second and clean off the excess chocolate. Oh my God…Mom get out of my head!
“I was just concerned that’s all.” I answered him after my mother’s brief possession of my body.
“I thought you got it, I know they don’t get it…but I thought you did.”
“I do, that’s why I called Kevin.”
He sat down and chugged his milk of course ending with a huge burp and a pat to his chest. “Why do we call Kevin all the time? I mean what did that even accomplish tonight besides putting both of us in a bad mood?”
Now that was a good question, which I didn’t have an answer to so I just kind of shrugged, “Hell if I know. I think he just kind of trained us like one of those dogs.”
“Oh yeah I know what you’re talking about um…what the fuck is the name of it?”
“I don’t know dude…something that starts with a P.”
“Penguin?”
I shook my head at him, “Yeah that’s it…penguin dogs. Dude do you just say the first thing that pops in your head all the time?”
“Uh…yeah?” I laughed at him as I drank some more coffee. My urge was going away as was the funk. Maybe I owe that to Carter, pfft! I will never admit that to anyone, ever!
“Why are you up so early?” I asked him.
“You’ll laugh.”
“Probably, but tell me anyway.”
“I was too excited to sleep.” And he was right, I did laugh.
“Awe, that’s absolutely adorable Nick.”
“Shut the hell up.”
“It is.” I winked at him to drive home that point and he answered with a roll of the eyes.
“I think I’m going to go take a shower now.”
“So this way you can be all clean for your play date?”
“Yeah…” he stood up and walked out of the kitchen but then quickly turned around and came back. “Are you going to be okay?”
I nodded and smiled at him, “Yeah man…thanks.”
And I did feel like I was going to be okay again, thank God. Maybe it’s just because I realized I was getting my place all to myself…kidding, I love the little shit…sometimes.
“Oh…Pavlov!” I screamed out hoping he would have heard me, but if he did, he didn’t say anything. Maybe he’ll use it as a cuss word just because I said it and we all know how much he looks up to me.
I looked at my watch wondering if I was being stood up again. True it was only around 8 in the morning but I just had that feeling. At any minute I was going to get a call from Nick with some kind of lame excuse as to why he was going to blow me off today.
“Who am I kidding? He’s not even up yet!” I shook my head and buried another ball into the basket.
When my family was gone, I never knew what to do with myself exactly. It’s times like this, I knew how Kevin felt. He was two different people. The him with Kris was a much happier, relaxed Kevin. The Kevin without his wife was the one that nobody enjoyed hanging around with for long periods of time. I’m probably the same way when Leigh and Baylee are gone. I feel like a lost little puppy dog with the whole day ahead of me and nothing to do.
I woke up so early this morning, just because now it’s routine and when I went to go occupy my time, which usually consists of my son and I wrestling around on the ground, I was at a loss. “Maybe Nick will let me wrestle him.” I couldn’t help but laugh at that. That image brought back a lot of memories. I held the basketball in my hand and lightly began to bounce it, thinking back to the time when Nick and I were inseparable. Actually he was pretty much glued to me, I just kind of put up with it.
He made it almost a ritual of jumping on my bed as soon as he woke up every morning. Even on those few occasions when he didn’t wander into my room to sleep. That didn’t happen very often. He pretty much always found an excuse to spend the night in my room. We all knew it was because he hated being alone but he would never admit to that. He came up with all these extravagant excuses. My favorite had to be when he said that his bathroom tub overflowed and now everything was electrified. What the heck? Didn’t he realize we would be able to check that one out?
It was cute though, just like him when he was so tiny. We all kind of just smiled and played along back then. Well, almost all of us. AJ was always quick to point out that Nick was nothing more than a giant, wussy scaredy cat. Of course this was coming from a boy who screamed like a girl whenever he saw a spider.
It’ll be nice hanging out with Nick today. I know it’ll sound weird of me to say this, but I’m actually kind of excited about it. What I don’t want is uncomfortable silence because that would suck.
I really do wish I had more time to spend with him because I know he needs it. When we used to hang out like best buddies did, he was so innocent to all the crap that went on. I wish I could rewind back to that time for him. The time when being a bad ass meant staying up all night long eating Cheetos and hoping our management never found out about it.
I aimed and shot the ball into the basket. “Wow, I’m really good.”
Just then his car pulled into my driveway. I looked down at my watch and smiled, automatically knowing that meant he was as excited as I was. “I’m not being blown off, excellent.”
He stopped, jumped out of the car and motioned for me to throw him the ball as he pulled his bag out of the trunk. “You were going to play without me?”
“I was just trying to get in some last minute practice; you know I’m kind of rusty.” I lied to him. I am the God of basketball we all know this…everyone except Nick who seems to live under the delusion that he is the best player in the world. He’s actually second best because I’m the one that taught him.
“I am too.” He caught the ball one handed, very impressive and then ran past me with his bag hanging on his shoulder and did a lay up.
I shook my head at him. Nicky always the show off, or should I say always waiting for me to praise him. “Good shot Nickolas Gene!”
“I hate when you call me that.”
“That is your God given name is it not?”
“Well, yeah…but still…you know I hate it.”
“That’s why I do it Nicky Gene!” I walked over and squeezed his cheeks. “You hungry?”
“Depends, are you cooking?”
“Right…um, I was thinking cereal.”
“Sounds good to me.” He tossed me the ball and of course always one to be a show off myself, I threw it one handed from a pretty far distance and it went in. I rule the courts ladies and gentleman.
“Show off!” He murmured under his breath.
I winked at him as I led him inside. He placed his bag down on the floor and sat down at our huge table. “So, how long is the family gone?”
“For a few days. Baylee really wanted to see grandma and grandpa.”
“Are you lost without them here?” I nodded at him throwing him a plastic bowl which of course he missed.
“It’s a good thing I went for the plastic.”
“Oh please, if it was breakable I would have caught it.”
“So you meant to drop my bowl on the floor?”
“Shut up!”
“What kind of cereal would you like buddy?”
“What kind do you have?”
“Lot’s.”
“Anything of the unhealthy, laced with sugar variety?”
“Of course….we call that my private stash.” I crouched down into the cabinet under the sink and pulled out my Lucky Charms and Cocoa Puffs. Nick thought that was extremely amusing.
“Does your wife know about this stash of yours?”
“Perhaps….perhaps not.” I handed him the Lucky Charms knowing those were his favorite. Actually I bought them just for him when I found out he was going to be coming over. Don’t tell him that though.
“Thanks for inviting me over Brian.”
“I’m glad I did.” I sat down across from him and smiled. It felt so natural, just like in the good old days.
“We used to live off of this stuff, remember?”
“Yup and I still do live off this stuff.”
“Yeah, me too I guess.”
He seemed pensive at first, before he put his spoon into his cereal. I wish I knew what was going through his head. Way back in the day I would know just by looking at him and if I couldn’t I would just ask but now, it’s all gotten so much more complicated. At least he was here though, so as far as I’m concerned that’s a good start.
We laid on the floor in Brian’s living room playing Nintendo old school. Leighanne made him pack up all of his video games after they got married and as hard as he said he tried to find them, this was all he could salvage from the basement. I didn’t particularly believe him. I have a feeling he threw everything away or has it saved in Georgia somewhere for Baylee when he gets old enough to appreciate the fun that is killing random monsters and things. For now though, here we were playing Super Mario Brothers.
“Why do I always have to be Luigi?”
“Because it’s my game.”
“Even when it was MY game you got to be Mario.”
“Sometimes life isn’t fair Nicky Gene.”
“I swear if you call me that one more time…”
He laughed and then put the game on pause. I put my game controller down and sat up realizing my legs were asleep from being in that position for as long as we were. “What time is it?” I asked him as he stood up and stretched.
“Looks like it’s around 2.”
“Holy shit! Wow no wonder I can’t feel my ass!”
“I guess we got carried away.”
“No kidding. Wow B…I haven’t played video games in a long time.”
“Seriously?” He looked so surprised as if he thought when we all weren’t together I was in my room doing this 24/7 just like I used to when I was a kid.
“Yeah…I think it’s been over a year since I even looked at one of these things.” I held up my controller and yawned. “I just kind of found different types of things to occupy my time nowadays.”
He plopped down on the couch and motioned for me to follow which I did and wow, my feet were asleep as well. I hate pins and needles!!
“Like what?”
“Drugs…hard drugs.” I just wanted to see his reaction to that and when he shook his head at me, I was kind of relieved. I know if I said that to Kevin he would have had ten heart attacks and one seizure for good measure because I’m sure Kevin would believe I was on drugs. Not Brian though, he knew me better.
“Be serious Nickolas Nickelby.”
“Just stuff…I don’t know, I guess I outgrew video games when I worked on my first album. Now I just hang out.”
“You’re addicted to your Sidekick though.”
“Yeah, I am.”
“It took Mario’s place. Poor Mario.” He bowed his head and I burst out laughing. I’m not sure why he always cracks me up the way he does, but he just has this way about him.
I plopped down right beside him and have no idea why, but I felt compelled to put my head on his shoulder. As soon as it happened I got embarrassed. I can’t believe I did that, I guess it was just force of habit.
I pulled away very quickly and he gave me an odd look, I’m such an idiot! “Sorry.”
“About what?”
“That.”
“You used to do that all the time, why are you apologizing now?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know…I guess…I don’t know.”
He laughed at me, “Nick…I miss that little guy. The one that used to hang all over me as if I was made of honey.”
“What the hell? Honey?”
“Yeah…you know like sticky honey.”
“I know what honey is Brian.”
“Are you sure? You look confused.”
I rolled my eyes at him but then smirked. I couldn’t help it, when it came to Brian I just couldn’t keep a straight face. “I’m not confused.”
“Okay…just checking Sparky.”
“I miss that little guy too sometimes.” I admitted to him, suddenly feeling melancholy for the old me.
He gave me a small smile, “You can be him when you’re with me you know. I won’t tell anyone.”
Suddenly I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. It was kind of like getting permission to be me. I haven’t felt like I could be me in a long time. I don’t even really know who this ‘me’ person is. “Thanks Brian.” I put my head back onto his shoulder again.
“It took me a long time to figure out who I was too you know.”
I kept my head on his shoulder as he talked. “Really? I thought you always knew exactly who you were.”
“No way Jose. I mean I had a general idea but you kind of grow and learn. You know you’ve been in this band Nicky for more than half your life…it’s all you’ve ever known. I’m sure it’s hard to find an identity away from that…but you will.”
“I hope you’re right because I’m getting kind of tired of fucking up all the time.”
“You don’t MESS up all the time kiddo.”
“Yeah I do…I think your cousin is ready to throw me off a balcony.”
“If he was, don’t you think he would have done it by now? Besides…we need you. Good lord what would we do without the cute blonde one?”
“THOSE days are long gone Brian…I’m not the one cute blonde anymore, I’m the one with the hair!”
I giggled as he pushed me off his shoulder. “Yeah okay smartass!”
“I missed you Frick.”
He reached over and grabbed me, pulling me down close to his lap as he tousled my hair. “I missed you too Frack.”
I think it was the first time in about four years that I actually felt like the me I used to enjoy being. It was a great feeling and one that I didn’t want to ever end.
