The Big Day
I wasn’t sure what to do to make things up to Howie. He was still pretty pissed at Nick and me for not showing up to his bowling thing. I felt bad but I also wasn’t aware that it was the day of the Puerto Rican Day Parade. I have always wanted to attend one of those, especially in New York City. How could I say no? Especially since my mother woke me up first thing in the morning wanting the two of us to go together. We left her husband behind, it was a mom and I bonding day. I couldn’t pass that up.
When I called Howie about it, he sighed and gave me one of those long ‘I’m pissed at you’ pauses that D is infamous for. He doesn’t yell or lecture…he pauses. There was an especially long one after I told him that Nick wasn’t going either. Yes the doofus made me do his dirty work for him but he said it was because I was bailing on him, he would have gone otherwise, but he didn’t want to be alone with all the so called ‘crazy Howie fans.’
Whatever!
Mom and I had a great time just walking around and taking in the sites. One of the best things about Manhattan is if you want, you can walk around and be totally invisible. No one cared that I was a Backstreet Boy. Even fans we passed by who were wearing Backstreet tee-shirts didn’t seem to give me the time of day.
The old me would have been bothered by this and would have even tried to get their attention, but I was having such a great time with my mom, that I even forgot I was a Backstreet Boy. I miss those times.
I think we were redeemed by Brian thank goodness. Apparently he and his wife, on their way to a nice dinner alone, decided to surprise Howie and the fans by stopping by. After hearing about his experience I have to say I’m kind of happy I didn’t go. Supposedly they were all over him and Leigh.
The next day or so, I divided my time between the boys and mom. She was leaving the day before the CD came out, so I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. I hated the fact that she wasn’t going to actually be there on the big day, but at least she came out prior to the release. I was grateful for that.
Howie’s family left before the release as well. Turns out they made a lot of money for his event so the two of us not showing up didn’t really matter. I’m not sure why he’s still annoyed with me. I hope I haven’t done anything else to piss him off. You know Howie holds a grudge, ask Nick. Out of the blue Howie will sometimes bring up things that Nick has done to him when he was 14 years old.
When mom left, I kind of just hung out in my hotel room alone. I wanted to lie down on the bed and really let this soak in. Our new CD was coming out the next day. What an adventure this whole thing has been. The rest of the guys decided they wanted to go out and celebrate, but nothing too big or elaborate because we were saving that for the following night.
I didn’t feel like sharing this moment with anybody though. For me it felt like more of a milestone. I had been through so much the last few years. There were so many days that I thought I wouldn’t live to see 28 even. My life spiraled out of control; I lost my fiancé and my grandmother and overall things were just so horrible. But now, here I am on the eve of a new album, clean and sober. This was an accomplishment that I somehow felt the other guys didn’t quite understand, as much as they wanted to anyway.
Of course when we met this morning, I got a lot of “Are you okay? How come you didn’t join us? Is there anything you need to talk about?” from Kevin and Brian in particular, but I just shook my head at them. I think Nick was annoyed with me because he felt abandoned in his own right since we have been hangout buddies and Howie well, he seemed okay but I could tell he wasn’t over us not showing up to his thing.
“I’m nervous, are you guys nervous?” Howie asked when he sensed the odd quite in the room.
“A little.” Brian answered honestly as he bit on his bottom lip.
“I hope people show up to the CD signing. I had a nightmare last night that only three people came.”
“Kevin, there are going to be a ton of people there, I mean have you seen the number of people just waiting for us at the hotel?” It was weird that Nick seemed like the only one completely confident in this album. Not that the rest of us weren’t behind it one hundred percent because I know we all are very proud of it, but still….he was acting like no one had stopped caring about us.
Kevin nodded at Nick, “You’re right, I’m just being my usual panicky self.”
“I wasn’t nervous until Kevin just told me I was right. Did everyone hear that by the way? Just so I can bring it back up when I need to.”
We all laughed as Kevin bat Nick on the head.
“So, what’s our plan?” I asked once the tension eased a bit.
“I think we’re waiting for a ride to an interview or something. I’m not sure where Johnny is.” One of our assistants said as she walked us down a hallway. We were leaving NBC studios where we had just done a small interview for the today show. We were also set to perform later that week but they wanted a nice sit down interview beforehand.
“We are heading to the Early show next.” She said after getting off the phone with Johnny I guess.
“Couldn’t they come up with a more original name for the Early show? I mean that’s so unoriginal.”
“What would you call it Nicky?” Howie asked, although why he did was beyond me.
“I don’t know like fucking…Poofer!” He dramatically placed his hands out to the side as he said that.
“I have decided I’m going to write a book one day filled with nonsensical things that come out of your mouth. I’ll make a ton of money off of it and then can retire before I’m forty.”
“Times running out Kevin, you better get to it!” Once again our youngest band mate received a bat on the head. I was happy that Nick was in a carefree, I’m young Nick Carter mood. As much as that Nick tended to get on everyone’s nerves, we needed him to break up the mounting nerves and tension of the day.
“I am proud of you all.” I looked over at Kevin and smiled. That was such a Kevin thing to say.
“Where did that come from?” Brian asked.
“I don’t know, just felt the need to say it.”
“Well, we’re proud of you too big guy!” Nick said as he grabbed Kevin and kissed him on the cheek.
I shook my head at Nick as he pulled away from me. He seemed like he was in a great mood and part of me was sad about that. Not about him being in a good mood, but about me thinking he’s in a good mood because maybe he took something last night. We all went out together last night; at least that was the original intent. Brian, Leigh, Howie, Kris, Nick and myself. AJ had already decided to be antisocial so it was just going to be the six of us. At the last minute, Nick called me and said he was going to cancel. He said he was hanging with his friends instead. Of course I groaned because that meant that some of his loser friends made it up for the album release. We were all kind of hoping they’d just stay home. No such luck though, so he blew us off for his stupid friend Bean and a few others who I can never remember their names.
Now here he is, happy as a clam and instead of thinking that’s great he’s so excited about this CD, I’m thinking he’s on crack or something. God, what’s wrong with me? When did I turn into this cynical old man?
“Once we’re at the early show, you’ll be taping an interview and then performing Incomplete. Then it’s off to the record signing.” I heard our assistant running through our schedule off in the distance but for some reason I couldn’t concentrate on that. All I could think of for some odd reason was a day way back in 1994. We were all sitting in a small hotel room which we all had to share. Yes all five of us crammed into one space. Those were the days. Johnny was talking to us about some of the things we’d have to do to maintain longevity in this business.
“Sometimes you’re going to want to throw in the towel because it’ll be that hard but it’s not like you’re going to be doing this forever. Most boy bands like yourself have a shelf life of about five years, maybe up to 6 or 7 if you can break through to America.”
“I don’t think we’ll ever break up!” Nick said in a small panicked voice. I remember looking at him and rolling my eyes. I truly didn’t think we’d even last to the end of that year.
But now here we are, eleven years later.
I looked over at Nick and said, “Do you remember when Johnny told us we’d only have a shelf life of about 6 years?”
He smiled at me, “Yup, but he was a big, fat, hairy liar wasn’t he?”
I laughed, “Yes, I guess he was.”
“Kevin what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re just acting all weird, like you’re zoning out.”
“I don’t know…I guess it all just feels surreal to me.”
He once again felt the need to invade my personal space, this time embracing me, “You know what I hear?”
“What do you hear Nick?”
“That’s it’s a Weird World….don’t cha know it?” He sang. As much as I wanted to slap him, I couldn’t help but laugh instead. He was making the dorkiest face ever. He’s such a nerd.
“You are the weirdest kid I have ever known.”
“And you are the weirdest adult I have ever known.” He answered so unoriginally and yes, for the record, I do realize he’s not a kid, but to me he will always be one. We all call him a kid, in fact, Baylee does as well.
“Eleven years, that’s just so hard to wrap around my head.” Howie said randomly. I hadn’t realized he was standing next to us. We were out of the car and in front of the CBS studio at this point.
“Didn’t you just say that backwards D? Isn’t it that’s hard to wrap my head around?”
“You know what I mean Nicky!” Howie yelled. He didn’t mean to though and the look on his face cracked us all up when everyone stopped what they were doing and just stared at him.
“Hi, I’m Howie D and I have no control over the VOLUME OF MY VOICE!!” Nick mocked which had us all cracking up again. These guys kill me, how in the world did I get mixed up with these lunatics?
Johnny came walking over towards us, passed quite a few fans, which I admit I was grateful to see. “Okay gentlemen we don’t have much time, let’s just get in and get out.” He grabbed Brian’s arm to start the caravan of us moving into the building.
“I love you Kevin.” Nick out of nowhere whispered into my ear. He sounded so young, sweet and sincere I reached behind me and pat his head as if he were my puppy.
“Okay let’s do this!” I said as we went in and did our thing.
Well, that was pure insanity at its finest! I have never been to such an unorganized event in my life! I hate when we do these types of gigs. They rush us in and then make us wait. I was excited to see Leighanne and Baylee in the audience waiting on me when we got to the CBS studios. Management had suggested that we leave the families behind because of how jam packed our schedule was today but this was a huge day for me and I wanted my family to be there for it. Leigh decided to take a cab and follow us to the studio. Johnny seemed more than annoyed to see her but I was giddy with excitement.
This was the first time my son was actually getting to witness what his father’s life was like. When I ran out to see them, Bay’s eyes were huge with excitement. He was staring at all the lights and camera equipment like it was Christmas and they were planted under the tree.
“You are a rebel, you know that?” I asked my wife as I moved in to kiss her.
“We couldn’t miss daddy’s big day, right Baylee?” She asked my son as she bounced him on her hip. He nodded, even though he wasn’t paying attention. I have seen that nod before coming off another blond who rarely listened when you spoke to him. That blond was also enamored by the lights and cameras as well.
“Johnny is going to be mad.” I told her as I escorted her towards a chair in the back of the room.
“I’m sorry if I get you in trouble.” She looked towards the stage area where looks from the other boys, plus Johnny were being shot in our direction. “They all seem a little annoyed.”
“Well, they’ll just have to deal.” I answered honestly.
A crowd of fans began to mill into the studio. They were wet from the rain. It started to downpour just as we reached CBS. As they came in and saw my wife and child they began to stand around us all in awe. Baylee looked around and at first was shy. He put his head on Leigh’s shoulder and tried to ignore them, but in a few minutes he was all smiles as the fans talked to him.
I noticed at that point, how different our fans were since the last time we did this. I would have never allowed myself to stand so close to so many of them before. They would have been clawing and screaming at us, to the point that security would have to get me out of there. This time it was different, the girls in front of me were older and more mature. They realized that being loud would scare my son so they all stood quietly around him. No one tried to reach out to touch him or any of us. They just made a circle around us but yet not a tight one. More like a protective one if that makes any sense. I felt totally calm and at ease. I liked this new version of our fans. It made the decision to bring my family out on the road with me an even better one.
I got a high sign from Kevin so I kissed Leigh and whispered, “I have to go, are you going to be okay?”
She nodded at me, “We’ll be great…good luck daddy!” She said as I bowed down to kiss my son’s cheek. It was weird how suddenly my thoughts went to the day I would try to do that and he’d turn away from the gesture. Kids grow up so fast; I didn’t want to miss a second. I’m glad they were there.
Once I met up with the boys, Kevin was the first one to confront me. “Why are they here?” He asked in not the most polite of ways.
“They wanted to be here to share in the moment.”
“So did Kris, but I made her stay at home.”
“Leighanne doesn’t listen I guess.” I joked, once more looking back at my little family as they were still entertaining our fans.
“Guess not.” He sounded completely disgusted which annoyed me, but I decided to ignore him. Kevin always got stressed out and horribly moody on big days like today. He was obviously swinging more towards glum, stressed Kevin at the moment. Especially since it appeared that the people here had no clue what they were doing.
Howie walked over towards us with water bottle in hand and said, “I have a feeling we’re not going to get out of here that quickly. They seem to have their heads up their asses.”
We both nodded as we watched the director in charge talking intently to our management. “As long as we get to that signing in time,” Kevin answered, “That’s what I care most about right now.”
“So does that mean you aren’t going to insist we do things a thousand times then?” I asked him. When Kevin is in this stressed mood of his, he tends to be even more anal than usual. If he’s not happy with a take of something, he’ll make us do it over again.
“We’ll see.” He said as he walked away from Howie and I.
“Yup…” Howie answered once Kevin was out of ear range, “We’ll be singing Incomplete a thousand times today.”
I laughed at him, but sure enough he was right. Kevin made us sing that damn song about six times before he was happy with what he heard. Sometimes I think he was just doing it for spite. Because the CBS people would seem happy, Johnny would seem happy but he would find something wrong.
It didn’t help matters any that halfway through our third time singing Incomplete, my son started acting up and had to be taken out of the studio. Kevin was quick to say, “Guess we’ll have to do it again now.”
The whole thing was a nightmare and by the time we left that place and headed over to our CD signing, we were pretty much ready to kill each other. Well, okay at least I was pretty much ready to kill my cousin.
I am so tired right now that I could fall asleep standing up. I also have like the hugest most insane headache ever! Today has been a crazy day. After the insane asylum that was the CBS Early Show, we headed off to Virgin to do our CD signing. At some point during our pre-taping Kevin became the Incomplete Nazi and made us sing the song a bazillion times. I think part of his problem was that fact that Leighanne showed up.
I was kind of excited that none of the extended family would be there today as we did our thing. Call me crazy and selfish if you’d like, but I really just felt like only the people who got us this far should be there to see the day through. When Leighanne showed up, she changed the whole atmosphere. Howie came over to me and said next time they’d have to do a better job of weaving in and out of traffic to try to lose her. I got a kick out of that.
The CD signing party was good. I just wish I wasn’t as exhausted as I was when we got there. I wanted to really take in the moment but the screaming fans didn’t help. There were a lot of people there. That made me smile, all the fans yelling and screaming our names as if we had never gone anywhere. Hehe Nevergone…I’m clever, aren’t I?
The people who worked at the store were really anal. They made Kevin look like the calmest man in the universe. I swear if a fan even stopped in front of us for more than 30 seconds security was all over them. I felt bad about that, because most of them spent the entire night waiting on line just for this.
By the time we were ready to go back to the hotel, I was worn out!
“How you doing Nicky?” I felt a hand on my back as we headed to the limo.
“Tired, what about you Howie?”
“Same.”
“You still in happy Nicky mode?”
“I’m trying although someone might have to put a new battery in me.”
“That depends on where it goes.”
“In my ass.” I said rolling my eyes sarcastically at him.
“Then I’ll let someone else do the honors.” He answered without skipping a beat. I laughed at him.
“I’m not feeling like going to this party tonight.”
Howie looked over at me with questioning eyes, “Really? You not wanting to party?”
“Yeah, I’m really crapped out.”
“I’m sure after a power nap you’ll be revitalized.”
“Like I can power nap with the guys in my room. They probably have a ton of naked Sheba’s in there.”
“I really didn’t need to know that.”
“I know, I just felt like sharing.”
“You can sleep in my room.”
“Really D?”
“Yup, as long as you promise not to show me your ass.”
“Not even once?”
“NO!”
I sighed, “Fine.”
“Why did you invite them out? Or did they just invite themselves?” He asked me. I knew it bothered them that my Tampa crew came out here without any warning.
“They just kind of showed up to surprise me.”
“I’m glad you have someone here for you Nicky.”
“Thanks Howie and I’m sorry that I didn’t who up to your bowling thing.”
“It’s okay.” He said.
I laid my head on the back of my seat and closed my eyes as we traveled back to the hotel. It was weird thinking that the day we had been preparing for, for so long was just about done. Now we had to just sit back and wait to see if anyone cared.
