And we wouldn’t have it any other way…
“What are you thinking about?”
I looked over at Kevin who was staring at me. Back in the old days I used to be able to sense that stare when my eyes were closed. He sometimes made it a game with the other guys. Let’s see how long Nick can keep his eyes closed before he realizes I’m staring him down. They were mean to me back then and still are mean to me now! I think once they even bet money that I would feel his eyes on me five minutes after falling asleep. I purposely kept my eyes closed just so Bone would lose the bet!
Obviously those days are long gone because once I glanced over Kev’s way I could tell he had been staring for quite some time, hoping I’d open my eyes.
“I wasn’t thinking…I was sleeping.” I answered as I adjusted on one of the seats that would be our new home for the next few months, a tour bus that I had nicknamed Fluffy.
“You weren’t sleeping. Why are you lying to me?”
“Why do you keep asking me so many questions?”
“Why do you keep avoiding my questions with more questions?”
“Why do we all have to share a bus?” The last question came from AJ who walked past us with a plate of food and almost tripped on my feet in the process.
“Because we have to bond.” The way Kevin said that made me giggle. It was his facial expression that got me. He shook his head and raised his eyebrows all at the same time.
“Nothing like forced bondage I always say.” AJ plopped down right beside me and winked.
“What you do on your free time is none of our business boner.” I added, sneaking a potato chip from his plate as he slapped my hand away.
“Get your own!”
“But why would I do that if you’re sitting here right in front of me with what I want in reach?”
“Kids…quit it! And you still haven’t answered my question Nick.” Kevin was giving me that look of his.
“What question?” I was now determined to get my hands on AJ’s chips no matter what the cost.
“What were you thinking?”
“I’m thinking about AJ’s chips.”
“I mean before AJ and his chips…which he shouldn’t be eating right now anyway,” yup you can insert a Kevin look there too, “You seemed like you were in deep thought.”
“This one in deep thought?” While AJ was dissing me, I took it as an opportunity to steal his plate away. Of course I accidentally pulled too hard and it went sailing right onto Kevin’s lap. Ooops…that’s gonna cost me.
“Oh sweet Jesus give me strength.” Kevin said calmly as he stood up and wiped away the mayo from his shirt and chips from his pants.
“That was AJ’s fault.” Old habits die hard, what can I say? I even pointed at the guy when I said that while simultaneously looking around the small area for Howie to come out of nowhere and save me.
“Dude you totally need to go make me a new sandwich now since you got Kevin all over it!”
“You make me sound like a disease of some kind.” Kevin was now at our tiny kitchen sink, cleaning himself off in disgust. “The sandwich got all over me. I didn’t get all over it!”
“I wasn’t planning on eating you though.”
“What the heck kind of conversation is this?” Enter Howie who seemed really confused and amused. He was carrying a bag. I swear it was the fourteenth bag I have seen him put on this bus within the last hour. Call me crazy, but I think Howard is a girl. “Kevin did you wet yourself or something? You have a big stain.” He said pointing to Kevin’s pants.
“Or something…” Kevin answered, looking over at me and shaking his head.
“Don’t blame me, it was AJ’s fault. It was his food, not mine.”
“I’m having flashbacks of the early nineties.” He said, totally ignoring me.
“Yeah me too…everyone and their mother used to blame me for everything back then as well.”
“That’s because everything was your fault back then Nick.” AJ was in the fridge making himself another sandwich.
“If that one ends up on me, we’re going to have some problems.”
“Relax Kevin; I’ll eat at the table this time.”
“Good.”
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help but smile at the memories just moving back onto a tour bus together brought back. It’s been a very long time since we’ve all had to share anything in BSB land. We had become very used to having our own things like hotel rooms, dressing rooms and of course our very own buses. The last time we had to all share was way before Millennium. I mean all five of us physically stuck in the same bus. I always got stuck sleeping wherever they could stick me back then. We didn’t have the luxury of having super huge buses or anything. So we did each have our own bunk but anytime anyone came with us, whether it was AJ’s mom or my mom or any of the girlfriends or Howie’s huge family, I always got relegated to the couch.
Sleeping on a couch on any given day kind of sucks but can you imagine how it feels on a bus? The couch is like half Howie’s size and there I was this tall, lanky kid trying to fit my body onto it. Then they always wondered why I was crabby and tired all the time. A big fat duh to them!
I admit when we decided to do a small club tour, it was my idea to have all five of us live together on one bus. I said it would help us get that ‘back in the day’ feeling. Most of them were surprisingly enthusiastic about the idea. AJ was all for it and Howie, even though he kept saying how much I would drive him crazy, seemed to also like the idea of it. Kevin and Brian were the two that it took some convincing; Brian more so than Kevin.
I could see his point. He had a kid now and on a crowded bus having an entire family would be a bit much. They weren’t always going to be on the road with us though so he finally sucked it up and said yes, but when his family was actually here, they’d need their own space.
“Where’s Brian?” I asked noticing we were missing a piece of the puzzle.
“With his family, he’ll probably jump on board the second before we leave.” Kevin answered, now clean but still looking like he needs to wear Depends.
“I don’t blame him. I’d do the same if Kristin was here.” There would be no harm in that if it was Kevin that said it.
“Hey!! Watch it AJ!”
“What? A guy can dream, can’t he?”
“Good lord can you imagine if this one was still with Paris and SHE came along?” Howie just had to get a dig in as he sat down across from me and winked, Stealth D as always.
“We could have started a pool to see how long it would take before Kevin tossed her out the window!” AJ added sitting at the table with his new sandwich.
“Nice guys…you know she did mean something to me at some point.”
“If she ever does again, I’ll throw YOU out of the window!” Gotta love Kevin and how tactful he is.
“Those days are long gone anyway.” And they really were. It’s so weird to think about it, but it feels like I dated Paris years ago. At the time, I didn’t think I’d be able to live without her but now, I’m not sure why I wanted to be around her at all. It’s weird how that happens.
“I have to get one more bag.” I looked over at Howie and laughed at him. “What?” He asked me.
“Another bag?”
“We’ll be gone for a long time Nicky.”
“It’s not like we’ll be in the desert or anything. There will be stores and stuff.”
“Why should I have to stop at a store when I have everything I need at home?”
“Because this way we’d actually have room to move on this small little bus without stepping all around your luggage.”
“You wouldn’t have to step around my luggage if we had our own buses.”
“Touché.” He got me, what can I say? Besides, I’m sure I’ll think of some way to use his stuff to my advantage. Possibly switch his and Kevin’s stuff up or something. In my old age, I’m getting less creative with the pranks.
I winked At Nicky again as I left the bus. I tried not to let it get to me, how small it was and how long we’d actually be living on it. You know, out of the five of us, I have always had the hardest time when it came to living on a bus. I like my open spaces. Not that I’m claustrophobic or anything, but nothing beats waking up first thing in the morning and having some coffee out on a deck overlooking the ocean.
Fluffy was not my ideal hang out, but I guess it’s gotta be home. Oh my God, Nick already has me calling the stupid bus Fluffy! I actually hit myself in the forehead as I walked away and headed for my final bag.
Thoughts went from Fluffy to our new album. We were nervous about the sales and we weren’t expecting much. It was a pleasant surprise that people still after all this time went out and bought them. Our numbers weren’t the best and weren’t the worst. They were just normal, still we had our critics saying it was a horrible attempt at a comeback and even some of our fans were saying it was awful. You can’t please everybody, so as long as we were happy with it, that’s all that matters.
As I stepped back onto the bus I was hit with a shoe followed by a burst of laughter coming from AJ and Nick. “Sorry D! I was aiming for the bathroom door. Didn’t you hear me yell look out?”
“Your aim sucks then Nick.” I said, taking the shoe and throwing it back at him. “Hey, isn’t that my shoe?” I asked when I got a better look at it. Funny what you can see when a shoe hits someone’s face.
“It might be.” Nick said in his most angelic voice.
“Why are you throwing shoes around the bus anyway?”
“We’re bored.” AJ answered honestly.
“We haven’t even left yet and you’re already bored? That’s not a good sign.”
“Is that the last bag?” Nick asked me as he grabbed it from my hands.
“Let go of the bag before I break your fingers!”
“Relax, I was just being nice and taking it to your bunk for you.”
“I don’t trust you.”
“I’m hurt by that.” He said lowering his eyes and jutting out his bottom lip in that pout of his.
“Well, I don’t.”
“I feel bad for hitting you with a shoe. I was just trying to make it up to you.”
“Thanks but no thanks.” I said taking the bag away from him and walking it back towards the bunk area. That’s where Kevin was hanging out. It looked like he was examining them.
“Hey.” I decided to put my things right across from Kevin’s bunk. “What are you up to?” I asked him after plopping my stuff down. Nick was right; I had far too much stuff with me. I had no idea how I would find a place for all of this crap.
“I’m just trying to pump myself up for this. It’s going to be tough.” I was taken by surprise with the way he said that to me. It almost sounded like dread and that made me sad.
“It shouldn’t be that bad Kevin.” I tried my best to reassure him even though I was having doubts of my own. It was a different kind of doubting though. I mean, for me it’s just a matter of living in the same bus with Nick for the next 6 months without killing him. I was excited about the tour and the CD though. In Kevin’s response, he seemed to me like he was dreading absolutely every aspect of this.
“Yeah, let’s hope.” He said as he climbed into his bunk. “I think I’m going to take a nap…wake me up when we start moving.”
I nodded at him, “Will do.”
After placing my stuff all over my bed, I decided it was best to join my fellow boneheads again. There would be plenty of time for unpacking later. They had retreated to the back of the bus where they were calmly watching television.
“You know it’s dumb that we’re all just hanging out on the bus now because once it takes off there’s no going back. You’d think we’d be like Brian and stay away as long as possible.” AJ said to me as I joined them on the couch.
“I kind of like hanging with you guys.” We both looked over at Nick after he said that. “What? I do…if I didn’t why would I do it all again?”
The kid had a point.
“I know why I’d do it all again.” Nick and Howie looked over at me and I just stared back.
“Well? Are you ever going to finish that thought AJ?” Oooh right.
“Because I love everything about doing this, being on stage, having fans, getting to go all over the world and of course meeting you guys.”
And all that was true too. I didn’t feel the need to butter them up or anything. I was just happy to be doing this again. I missed out on it the first time around but since I’m starting to sound like a broken record, I’ll stop now.
“That was nice.” Howie said while giving me a D wink.
“It’s the truth.” I nodded at them both.
“What about you Howie?” Nick asked. He was sitting in his usual Indian style way, intrigued by our conversation. Whenever conversations like this one would arise, Nick was always secretly hopeful that his name would come up. He’s always been like a child in that sense, wanting so much to get approval from all of us, or at least a nice word or two. Sometimes I felt bad for purposely denying him that, even when I knew how much it would mean to him.
“What about me?” Howie asked.
“Why are you doing this again, you know… all this crap, putting up living in a small bus with me?”
I smiled at the anticipation on Nick’s face. As if Howie would say, “I’d love nothing more than to live on a small bus with you for months on end because you are that awesome.” Even if Howie felt that and truth be told, he probably does, he would never EVER openly admit that to Nick. Howie doesn’t play that way.
“Because I need the money.” Howie answered with a straight face.
I chuckled, then immediately looked over at Nick to see what his reaction would be. He smiled and then threw a pillow at Howie’s face. “People always say I’m never serious. They should know the real you D.”
“I don’t let them know the real me Nicky. Maybe you should take a page from my book.”
“True.”
“I wonder when Brian is going to grace us with his appearance.” I asked when I noticed the time. We were supposed to have left by now. Of course we all knew that wouldn’t happen.
“I’m sure he’ll be along soon enough. It’s probably hard saying goodbye to his family for a month.”
I felt bad for Rok. I know how much he wanted his family with him for the entire tour. It would have been too hard on Baylee living on a tour bus for that long. I can barely manage so I’m not sure how a child could. The guy’s ears must have been ringing because no sooner than I said that, in walked Brian.
“Hey guys.” He said most unenthusiastically.
“Hey B.” I answered him as he walked into the living area of the bus to join us.
“What are you guys up to?” He asked as he sat next to Howie and twisted open a water bottle.
“Not much, just waiting to get this show on the road.”
Brian nodded at Nick and then glanced over at me, “Where is my cousin?”
“Napping.” I said as I slouched down into the couch.
“Already?”
“You know Kevin, he’s back asswards. He wants to sleep now so he can be sure he’s rested enough to nag and bitch at us once we get moving.” Nick chimed in which made Brian laugh.
“Well, I think I’m going to go check in with the driver to see when we are getting out of here.” Brian stood up and walked towards the front of the bus.
“Seems like someone is anxious to get this show on the road.” Nick joked as he shifted his position for the tenth time in the span of ten minutes. The kid had ants in his pants. It was just another thing that was going to annoy me as this tour went on. How restless Nick was.
“Hey Bone, do you remember that ugly ass car you rented to get yourself down to California?” And how random Nick was as well…restless and random.
“Yeah Nick, I remember why?”
“Just thinking maybe we should rent it and you can ride behind us in it, you know, for old time’s sake.” Let’s not forget the third R. Restless, random and retarded.
“I have a better idea, why don’t we put you in that car instead?” I love Howie, have I mentioned how much I love him?
“Please, you’d all miss me too much. Who would you have to entertain you then?”
“I’m sure we’d manage.” Brian added as he walked back into the room.
“Well you all suck!” Nick pouted as he stood up and walked away. Sometimes it was hard to tell if he was being for real or not. He pulled his pants down and mooned us all just before he walked out the door. I guess that was my answer.
“Is there a way we can glue that ass to his pants so this way we don’t have to see it all tour long?” Howie asked as he shook his head. Both Brian and I laughed.
“We’re leaving in ten minutes.” Brian said looking over at me and smiling. “Are you ready for this?”
“I think so.” I answered honestly just as I heard the all too familiar hum of the engine kick in.
When I heard the engine, I knew it was time. No turning back now. We were actually doing this again. I sighed as I sat up and eventually jumped off my bunk and made my way into the kitchen area of the bus just as it started to move. I looked out the window and watched as the hotel got farther and farther away. “Here we go.” I said to myself, even though Nick was sitting there at the table on his Sidekick.
“I take it that means Brian made it to the bus then?” I asked, sitting across from him and trying to wipe the sleepiness out of my eyes.
“Nope, we just decided to leave without him. You know… try out the whole quartet thing.”
“Is that right?”
He nodded, “Eh-yup.”
“Who are you talking to?” I felt like being nosy.
“Tommy Lee. I just wanted to let him know we were off.”
“It’s been awhile since you’ve talked to him huh?”
“A little while, yup.”
“So, you going to tell me what you were thinking about earlier?”
“I can’t believe you are bringing that up again.” Nick said, finally looking up just long enough to shake his head at me.
“Why would you think I wouldn’t?”
“I don’t know… I was hoping senility would have set in.”
“Nice one.”
“Thanks, I try.”
“So…what were you thinking?” I asked him again, determined to get my answer once and for all.
“You’ll think it’s dumb.”
“Try me.”
“I was just thinking about how I finally feel like I’m home with my four big brothers… that’s all.” He shrugged and then looked back down at his Sidekick.
“There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“You guys are my home.” He said one more time.
I wanted to tell him right there and then, but I didn’t. I wasn’t too sure about things myself. I wasn’t sure what this tour was going to bring me. Like Kris said, I’d have to wait it out and see how I feel about things. But I did know that this time around, I was going to take my time and let things really sink it. I wasn’t going to take anything for granted and I wasn’t going to let any of them do that either.
“I love you kiddo.” I said sincerely, before all the hard days ahead where loving Nick would seem like an oxymoron of some kind.
“I love you too Kev! You want to go in the back and cuddle?” I laughed at him. He’s such a smartass.
I stood up, “I was only kidding you know. We don’t have to cuddle.”
“Just follow me and shut up.” I said as I started walking towards the back of the bus.
“So much for our moment, huh?”
I heard laughter coming from the behind the closed door and stood there for a second before opening it. When they saw me, Brian pat the seat next to him. “Hey cousin!”
“Hey guys.”
Nick followed and decided to sit on the floor Indian style.
“I just wanted to say something; I’ll make it quick, I promise.”
“No offense Kev, but you saying you’ll make it quick is kind of like Nick saying he’ll make sense. We all know it’s not going to happen.”
“Good one Howie!” AJ said giving him a high five as Nick pretended to be offended.
“I just wanted to say I’m proud of all of you and that there is no one I’d rather be doing this with.”
They all looked over at me and smiled. I was feeling a little chocked up and emotional. “We feel the same way man.” AJ said giving me an assuring nod.
“See? I told you it was going to be short and sweet…now I say we make a toast.”
“A toast?” Howie asked.
“Yeah, raise your water bottles…come on!”
We each took a water bottle if we didn’t already have something to drink and raised our hands in the air.
“Here’s to us.” Howie said.
“And to all of our fans.” Brian added.
“And to having great shows and remembering our words and dance moves.” AJ chimed in.
“And fresh starts.” Nick said confidently.
I looked at my four little brothers, trying to find the perfect words to close one chapter of our book and open the second one. I wanted to be poetic and deep but the only thing I managed to say was, “Cheers.”
With that being said, we hit our bottles together and laughed at the squishy sound the plastic made as we journeyed down the road towards our very first club gig.
I just wanted to say thanks again for sticking with this story for as long as you have. I feel like this one has been going on for a decade or so lol
I always knew I wanted to write about the Never Gone Experience, from when they got back together all the way to the first club tour gig as if I was hiding under their beds and i'm so thankful that most of the feedback on this one has said that is was realisitc. It means a lot to me.
This story came about mainly because of my short story A Toast to our Lives. I always knew that after Why was over you could read that one and it would almost be a small sequel. Hopefully it connects as well as I always invisioned it to.
Here's a link to that one
http://absolutechaos.net/viewstory.php?sid=4124
And once again, thanks for reading! Hopefully i'll get to finishing Scars and 13th Step soon!
~ Mare
