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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks for all your responses to the last chapter. Lots of different things said. Maybe appalled was the wrong word, I guess shocked was probably more appropriate for my friends. I have to say even though I felt back for V, I also felt bad for Nick. In any case, this chapter should clear up a lot of questions. Enjoy!
Chapter 144

Rolling over, she slowly opened her eyes, yawning softly. Staring up at the ceiling for a moment before slowly sitting up, stilling when she realized she was naked, her eyes widened as thoughts of the night before came rushing back. Groaning, she buried her face in her hands.

Stupid stupid stupid! She was so stupid, she couldn’t believe she’d acted the way she had, couldn’t believe she’d bolted. Granted it’d been the right thing to do, but still, Nick must’ve thought she was a freak. How would she ever look him in the face? Sighing, Veronica started thinking of ways to cut the trip short.

After showering and dressing, she made her way out of the room, noticing that Nick was already up. She found that she had been hoping that he’d still be asleep, that she could find some way to get out of the house for a bit, no such luck. She reluctantly made her way down the stairs. Looking around cautiously, she listened for any sound from him, but heard nothing. She made her way into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and then getting the juice from the fridge, bringing it over to the counter, when suddenly she became aware of him sitting at the table.

Talking a calming breath, she poured some of the juice into her glass before returning it to the refrigerator, walking back over to the counter. She took a small sip, barely tasting it. Swallowing hard, she turned and walked to the table sitting stiffly, staring straight ahead.

“Good morning.”

She smiled a bit, but said nothing.

Nick watched as sat, his eyes widening. She was wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, the only skin showing, on her hands. Sighing heavily, he set the paper down, sipping at his coffee.

Veronica drank the juice methodically, her pounding heart betraying her outer nonchalance.

“Did you sleep well?” He questioned.

She nodded and continued to stare straight ahead.

“Ok, is there anything you wanted to do today?”

She shook her head ‘no’, sipping at her juice.

Nick stared at her for a moment, “Are you ever going to talk to me?”

This time she did nothing, just continued to stare ahead blankly. Slowly he reached out, covering her hand with his.

“Veronica, look at me.”

She continued to stare ahead.

This time, he reached out, turning her head so she was forced to look at him. Her eyes met his for a brief second, before looking away again.

“Veronica, damnit look at me.”

She hesitated a moment longer before slowly bringing her eyes to his.

“What did I do?” He asked softly.

Veronica continued to stare at him, but said nothing, her eyes, her face…revealing nothing.

“C’mon Veronica, talk to me, tell me what’s wrong, what happened last night? Please,” he pleaded softly.

She blinked suddenly, her gaze dropping to the table, to his hand covering hers.

“I…I didn’t want you to see me in the light,” she whispered suddenly.

Nick blinked.

“I was afraid…afraid you’d be grossed out, I didn‘t want you to…to…see me and be…and feel like you had to do anything.” she murmured, her voice wavering.

He could only stare at her, reaching out to wipe a tear that had slowly made it’s way down her cheek.

“Veronica…it’s not like we’ve never been intimate before. It wouldn’t have been our first time,” Nick said softly.

“It was dark, neither one of us could see that first time and then when it happened again, it was so fast neither of us really cared, you didn’t notice…”

“How do you know?”

Finally she looked back up at him, “Know what?”

“How do you know that I didn’t notice you, your body that second time?”

She shook her head, “Don’t…”

“Veronica…”

“No, god Nick do you know how hard it is? I’m not comfortable with myself, how in the hell in the hell can I be comfortable with you? I can’t stand to look at myself naked and to have someone else…a guy, and not just any guy, you to see me naked, you have no idea how hard that is for me,” she announced, her eyes pleading with him to understand.

“Last night wasn’t about me wanting to gawk at you or make you uncomfortable Veronica. I wanted to see you, all of you. I’m not just any guy ok? It’s me, it’s Nick. I’m not just someone off the street, I care about you. I wanted to make love to you last night Veronica, it wasn’t about sizing you up and comparing you to anyone. I wanted to be close to you, I wanted it to be more than just an act. Something beyond the two times when it was rushed and awkward. I wanted…needed to know your body, that’s all, “Nick replied softly.

Veronica shook her head, wiping at her eyes, “No Nick…”

“Yes, I don’t care how you look; you’re beautiful to me Veronica.”

“I’m not like the girls you’re used to Nick. I’m not thin, or pretty ok? I have flaws and imperfections and we can’t pretend that I don’t. I’m not beautiful, I’m not perfect!”

“I don’t want perfect, no one is perfect. Shit look at me, you know the problems I’ve had with my weight, the way everyone always talks about it. Do you know how many times I’ve had Kevin get on my case? My trainers, management, the fans. Hell, I’ve had girls get disgusted over my body and refuse to have sex with me, how in the hell could I do that to someone else? I do know what it’s like Veronica, and I know you know it. You told me before your favorite part of me was my stomach because you knew what it was like to be hounded about your weight because your Dad did it to you. You look at me Veronica, you look at me and tell me how I could possibly judge you the way your Dad has when I’ve been telling you all this time that he was wrong.”

She stared at him.

“I don’t want perfection Veronica. I need to be close to you, I need for you to finally trust someone…I need you to trust me.”

She never trusted anyone; never let anyone get that close, especially when it came to this. Veronica hoped she didn’t regret it later, hoped she was doing the right thing. Nodding she looked up at him again, “I‘ll try.”

“That’s all I ask. Have a little faith in me ok?”

Veronica smiled, “Yeah.”

Leaning in, Nick kissed her cheek gently.