Rolling onto his back, Nick slowly opened his eyes, staring up blankly at the ceiling. He couldn’t sleep. He’d been laying there for an hour now and he’d tried everything. Counting sheep, deep breathing techniques he used for warm ups, he’d actually gone down and warmed up milk, nothing worked. Letting out a breath, he turned his head to look at the sleeping woman next to him; she apparently was worn out from that evenings exertions and didn’t have a problem sleeping. He was restless for some reason. Slowly he sat up again, rubbing at his face before slipping out of bed and heading over to his desk, turning his laptop on before heading into the bathroom. Making his way back out a few minutes later, he sat down and logged into the instant messenger, sighing in relief when he saw that Veronica was on, he’d logged on with the hopes that she would be.
Chucktaylor11: hey!
Freesialover: Hey
Chucktaylor11: what’s up? I’m glad you’re on.
Freesialover: Not much, yeah, you’re on awful late, even for you.
Chucktaylor11: yeah, I couldn’t sleep for some reason. I just lay there in bed ya know.
Freesialover: Yeah, that happens to me sometimes too, not often though.
Chucktaylor11: so what’s goin’ on? You ok, you don’t seem like your usual self.
It was amazing to him, that even through the computer; he could tell when something was wrong. It would seem pretty unbelievable to people not familiar with computers and instant messaging, but after chatting with someone for a while, you can tell how people are normally. Veronica wasn’t acting like herself tonight.
Freesialover: Nah, I’m not really ok, but it’s cool. It’ll pass.
Chucktaylor11: Aww sweetie what’s wrong?
Freesialover: Nothing, it’s not important.
Chucktaylor11: L
Freesialover: It’s ok Nick, don’t worry about it, please. Tell me about your day.
Chucktaylor11: I won’t until you tell me what’s wrong. Bad day at work?
Freesialover: No
Chucktaylor11: Veronica…please, talk to me.
Freesialover: It’s stupid, really.
Chucktaylor11: try me.
Freesialover: Well, my Dad called a few hours ago
Chucktaylor11: uh oh
Freesialover: I mean, I haven’t heard from him since my Mom’s birthday which was a few weeks ago, so I figured this was him trying to catch up. Normally I try not to let what he says get to me, but this time I don’t know, it was just. He patronized me and…
Chucktaylor11: and…?
Freesialover: And he called me lazy. And don’t pay attention usually like I said, but it just hit a nerve with me tonight. It’s stupid, he doesn’t know ya know? I just…I feel really bad now, and I shouldn’t cause I know that I shouldn’t but…
Chucktaylor11: well hell, that’s a fucked up thing to say, he’s not even there with you.
Freesialover: Yeah I know, but it gets me to thinking you know? What if he’s right?
Chucktaylor11: Veronica please tell me you don’t believe him.
Nick waited and waited, but she never responded.
Chucktaylor11: Veronica?
Freesialover: He could be right Nick…maybe I am.
Chucktaylor11: Get your cell, I’m gonna call you.
Freesialover: What? Why?
Chucktaylor11: Just do it. I’m gonna log off and call you in five minutes.
Freesialover: Nick, it’s not a big deal!
Chucktaylor11: Don’t argue, I’ll talk to you in a minute.
Chucktaylor11 signed off at 3:13:16 AM
Nick shut his laptop down, and grabbed his cell. Casting a quick glance at the bed to make sure the girl was still asleep; he slipped out into the hallway, sliding down to the floor. He waited a few more minutes then flipped his phone open, pressed the number and waited.
“Hello?”
“Hey.”
“Nick, honestly you didn’t have to call. I’m fine.”
“You don’t sound fine; you sound like you’ve been crying.”
And she had been, she’d been crying since she’d gotten off the phone a few hours ago. She’d scolded herself over and over for letting him get to her, for crying over something as stupid as a name, but it’d been more than that. She’d already had poor self-esteem as it was, and that hadn’t helped.
“I’m ok Nick.”
“So you believe him huh?”
“I don’t know what I believe. It doesn’t really matter.”
“If it didn’t matter, it wouldn’t be upsetting you so much. You know he’s wrong Veronica. How many times have you told me that he doesn’t want to come up to see you, and yet, he wants to tell you that you’re lazy and criticize you? He who doesn’t have the nerve to come up and see you? That’s bullshit.”
“But he’s my Dad…” she sniffled.
“So what? That doesn’t mean he can talk to you like that, no parent can,” Nick whispered harshly.
“Nick…”
“Are you lazy Veronica?”
“You’re asking me?”
“That’s right, I’m asking you, cause you know if you are or not. So are you?”
“Well I…I can be a bit unmotivated sometimes, but I mean, I do work and whatever.”
“Are you lazy?”
“Well…no, I don’t think so.”
“Then that’s all that matters. Until he comes up to see you and sees how you are in person, he’s got no right telling you you’re lazy or criticizing the things you do.”
Veronica sighed softly, he was right, she knew he was. The problem was, letting herself believe it.
“Veronica, I know you don’t like feeling like this, letting him make you feel like this, cause you are. How many times over the last few months that we’ve talked online and on the phone, have you told me not to let my parents get to me, it’s the same thing. Maybe our individual situations are a bit different, but our parents are doing almost the same thing.”
“I know.”
“I know you know, cause half the time it’s you telling ME the same thing. C’mon V, you’re stronger than this.”
“Yeah,” she whispered.
“Veronica…honey, don’t let him do this to you please. You’re so much more than what he tells you, what he says. You have to believe that.”
Veronica smiled weakly, “Thanks Nick.”
“Nothing to thank me for.”
She wiped at her eyes, “So…why are you whispering anyway? And where are you, I hear an echo.”
“I’m in the hallway.”
“The hallway? Why?”
Nick looked down at his naked form and then at his closed bedroom door, wincing, “Trust me when I say you don’t want to know.”
“Uh huh. I guess I should let you go, try to get some sleep Nick. Just relax, stop trying so hard. I find that works for me.”
“Yeah I will, you too. Take it easy Veronica ok?”
“I will, thanks for calling Nick, I feel a lot better now.”
“Anytime, I couldn’t let you go on thinking he was right…you know he’s not right?”
She laughed, “Yeah Nick, I know.”
“Ok then, mission accomplished. Good Night Veronica.”
“Good night Nick.”
He flipped the phone closed and stood up, quietly making his way back into his room. Walking over he set his phone down on the charger on his nightstand and slipped back into bed, cuddling up behind the still sleeping woman, forcing his body to relax. Closing his eyes, he tried something he’d never tried in the six months since he started talking to Veronica, to see her. He tried to picture what he thought she looked like. The color of her eyes, the shape of her body, the feel of her hair in his hands. Nick tried so hard, that after a few minutes, he could actually feel her body pressed so close to his, breathe in the scent of her hair, run his hands over her curves, touch her soft skin, he could pretend. Nick drifted off a short time later, with one thought lulling him to sleep…
He could pretend, if only for a few hours, that this girl was Veronica he was holding.
