End of June
Day of Album Release…
“So, congratulations on the new album guys. All your fans have been waiting for this moment for a long time,” the DJ announced.
“Yeah, we have too, it’s great to get another album out, we hope the fans like it,” Howie commented.
Nick looked anxiously at his watch, another fifteen minutes and they’d be out of there, and then onto a CD signing at Virgin Megastore. He couldn’t wait to get home, with the stuff for the album release happening, he’d barely been able to talk to Veronica lately. Nick had emailed her and promised her he’d call her later that evening to tell her how things went and to just catch up. He just wanted everything to be over.
“So Nick, do you have anything you want to say to your fans listening?” The DJ asked.
He smiled, leaning in close to the mic, “Yeah, thanks for waiting for us. We know we’ve been gone for a while, and it’s nice to know that a lot of the fans are still there. I wanna say thanks for the love and the support, you’re the best fans in the world and I can’t wait to see you all on tour in August.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Does anyone know how long this signing is for?” Nick asked as piled into the van.
“What’s the rush man? Normally you love these things,” Brian asked, flipping his phone open and checking his messages.
“There’s things I’ve gotta do at home, I’m just…not in the mood this time.”
“Not in the mood? Well get in the mood, we’ve got fans waiting for us, they don’t have to be here ya know,” Kevin stated, glaring at Nick.
“I know I know, and I’m grateful. I’m just, distracted, that’s all.”
“What is it that you have to do anyway?” AJ questioned, looking over at him.
“Make a phone call.”
“You’re getting all worked up over a phone call?” AJ exclaimed.
“So, Howie fuckin’ lives on the phone and no one gives a damn about that,” Nick muttered.
Howie flipped him off.
“I just don’t get what phone call is so important that it’s got you all anxious to get done with this signing. Granted, it’s tiring after a while, but ya know, we haven’t done one in a while.”
“Just forget it, forget I said anything,” Nick sighed. He hated this, the having to hide everything, of having to explain. He wanted to tell them, at least part of him did.
“I just don’t get why you won’t tell us who it is you’ve been talking to here lately. We know it’s a girl, what’s the big secret?” Brian pressed, slipping his phone back into his pocket.
“There is no secret. I don’t ask you all who you’re talking to all the time.”
“Yeah well we don’t hide it either, like we’re ashamed of them,” Kevin put in.
“I’m not ashamed of her! You all wouldn’t understand,” Nick finished, turning to look out the window.
“Why do you try us?” Howie offered.
Nick shook his head. It just didn’t feel right, he didn’t know if it ever would. He didn’t want to hear them telling him that it was the wrong thing to do, that it was dangerous keeping in touch with a fan. He’d dated fans before, but it’d never worked out. Him trying to tell them that nothing was going on with them other than friendship, would be damn near impossible. The kicker was, it was the truth.
And that bothered him.
It was for him, a disturbing thought. It was a crazy stupid thought; them being more than friends would be a long shot. Those kinds of relationships never worked, he’d learned that from experience, still it always came back to that. To him wanting to meet her, to finally see her face to face. Ever since that phone call that one night almost two months ago, it was all he could think about. She’d never told him what she looked liked, he had no idea. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to see her. The more he wanted to take a trip before the tour started in August, to New York and see the girl who in such a short time, had become so important to him.
Later That Night…
Freesialover: Congratulations! You must be so excited.
Chucktaylor11: I am, I can’t believe it’s actually happened.
Freesialover: I’m surprised you’re not out celebrating.
Chucktaylor11: Eh, it’s ok, I’d rather talk to you.
Freesialover: Nick…
Chucktaylor11: What? It’s true.
Freesialover: Please, like I believe that.
Chucktaylor11: You should.
It really was the truth. AJ had invited him to go out to a club and hang out, but Nick had turned him down. He really did want to talk to Veronica; he’d been looking forward to it all day. AJ hadn’t believed it and said that he must be on something. Nick had just ignored him; he wanted this time with Veronica.
Freesialover: Anyway, what’s next?
Chucktaylor11: well we’ve got a few more appearances coming up, one tomorrow that’s live for the Today show.
Freesialover: Ohh yeah that’s right! I’ve already got my VCR set!J
Chucktaylor11: Gotta work?
Freesialover: Yeah, I took today off, but it’s back tomorrow. I’ll just watch it when I get home from work when I’m eating dinner.
Chucktaylor11: You took today off?
Freesialover: Yeah, I always take the day when you guys release an album off. It’s always been this thing with me and my friends. We go and try to find one of those twenty four hour stores that are open and get a copy at midnight.
Chucktaylor11: Seriously? Hey, that’s pretty cool.
Freesialover: I can’t believe I just told you, but yeah.
He probably thought she was a freak, at this point she just didn’t care. She’d been talking with him long enough to know that he knew she wasn’t that kind of fan.
Chucktaylor11: Nah, that’s sweet of you. So you got a copy?
Freesialover: Absolutely! I loved it! Great job!
Chucktaylor11: Cool, thanks! Glad you like it.
Freesialover: Nothing to thank me for, I am a fan.
Chucktaylor11: Aww well ya don’t have to. By the way, are you gonna go to a concert?
Freesialover: I’m gonna try. When do you guys start getting ready for that?
Chucktaylor11: Well we have rehearsals coming up, then we have about two weeks off to do whatever before we actually leave in August. Have you bought your tickets yet?
Freesialover: Nope, they don’t go on presale for the fan club until the last week in July, then I think that weekend, they have the public sale. So I have to wait till then.
Chucktaylor11: Damn, that’s a long time.
Freesialover: It feels like it, really it’s just a few weeks.
Chucktaylor11: Are ya excited?
Freesialover: Hell yeah! To be honest, I didn’t think…I mean…
Chucktaylor11: Didn’t think what? That we’d release another?
Freesialover: Well…yeah.
Chucktaylor11: :-(
Freesialover: I’m sorry! It’d been so long and everyone was doing their own thing and ya know.
Chucktaylor11: Yeah I know, I understand. Glad you’re still around ya know.
Freesialover: I don’t think I could stop being a fan per say.
Chucktaylor11: that’s good to know. Hey, can I ask ya something?
Freesialover: Of course.
Chucktaylor11: We’ve been talkin’ for a while and all, do you got a pic of yourself on your comp?
Nick hoped she did, he really wanted to see her, and he had to have a face to go with the words and the voice.
Freesialover: Nope.
Chucktaylor11: :-(
Freesialover: Aww honey, I try not to keep pics of myself on the computer.
Chucktaylor11: How come?
Freesialover: I don’t like to show people what I look like. I figure if they see what I look like, they’ll stop talking to me. It’s just another form of rejection.
Chucktaylor11: Veronica, that’s bullshit and you know it!
Freesialover: No it’s not!
Chucktaylor11: Fuck, if that’s the case, you don’t need to talk to them anyway. Has it ever happened?
Freesialover: No and I don’t plan on letting it either, hence the no pics on comp policy.
Chucktaylor11: You know I wouldn’t do that right V?
Veronica stared at the screen, she wanted to tell him yes, she wanted to badly, but she couldn’t. He was famous, a celebrity. He was one of the beautiful people and she was just…Veronica. Nothing special, she wasn’t thin and pretty, she didn’t have loads of money and that natural grace those actresses did. She was average. The thought of him seeing her and knowing that he wasn’t attracted, would hurt her more than she’d like. She didn’t think she could put up with the false proclamations that he thought she was cute or pretty, especially when she knew he wouldn’t mean it. She didn’t want his pity. What she wanted was for him to have whatever way he pictured her in his mind, for him to have that so she could be that for him.
It was that fact that kept her from picturing him ever falling for someone like her. Well it should’ve. Over the last eight months, she couldn’t even count how many times she thought of being with him, of what it’d be like to be his girlfriend, of him wanting to be with her. It was painful and sad. It was beyond what a typical fan felt. Now that she knew she was actually talking to him, getting know him, the fantasies became more involved, more intricate. She waited all day for just a moment to talk to him, be it online or on the phone. To hear his voice, to know he’d been thinking about her, it was driving her crazy. She wanted to stop the feeling, but she couldn’t.
Chucktaylor11: Veronica?
Freesialover: Does it matter Nick?
Chucktaylor11: Of course it matters! You mean to tellme after we’ve been talking all this time, you think I’d be as shallow as to stop talking to you after seeing what you look like?
Freesialover: Nick…
Chucktaylor11: That hurts Veronica.
Freesialover: I’m sorry Nick.
Chucktaylor11: You don’t’trust me do you?
Freesialover: It’s hard for me to trust anyone, you know that Nick.
Chucktaylor11: Me especially huh?
Freesialover: *Sigh*
Chucktaylor11: *Sigh* Well, will you at least tell me what you look like?
Freesialover: Is it that important to you? To know what I look like?
Chucktaylor11: yeah, it is.
Fine she would give him as little detail as she could.
Freesialover: Well, I’m about 5’2 with dark brown hair and eyes.
Chucktaylor11: ok
Freesialover: That’s it.
Chucktaylor11: that is not it! C’mon Veronica, don’t do this.
Freesialover: Don’t do what? I told you, there’s not much else to tell. What, do you wanna know my bust size and how much I weigh? Is that it?
She was getting defensive she knew, but she couldn’t help it. What else was there?
Chucktaylor11: That’s not fair.
Freesialover: Well I’m sorry, but I don’t see what else there is to tell.
Chucktaylor11: You know what I look like.
Freesialover: Nick, everyone knows what you look like.
She waited and waited, he never responded. Sighing she gave in a bit.
Freesialover: I look like I’m either Spanish or Indian, but I’m not. I’m about the same complexion as Halle Berry, minus the good looks. I’m not huge, but I’m not thin either. I’m a comfortable medium. I guess I could be considered curvy.
Chucktaylor11: Thank you. And that Halle Berry crack was uncalled for.
Freesialover: So says you.
Chucktaylor11: Why do you do that? Why do you put yourself down?
She felt her heart drop. No one like him could understand what it was like to feel not good enough, to always be overlooked by the opposite sex. To have been told guys wouldn’t like you unless you were thin and wore a ton of makeup. It was all she’d heard from her father growing up. She was too chubby, guys don’t like chubby girls.
Freesialover: I’m not putting myself down, it’s the truth. I’m not model material Nick. Guys don’t go for girls like me, especially guys like you.
Chucktaylor11: What kind of girl are you exactly? And what kind of guy am I?
Freesialover: Average. And you’re the hot guy, the socially acceptable guy. You guys have the really pretty women, no one like me. Famous celebrity guys don’t date average girls.
Chucktaylor11: What would you say if I told you I do?
Freesialover: You do what?
Chucktaylor11: Go for average girls.
Freesialover: I’d tell you not to say what you think I want to hear.
Chucktaylor11: *Sigh* Veronica…
Freesialover: Just know that I’m a fan and a friend Nick, that’s all you need to know. You can picture me however you want and I’ll be that for you.
Nick shoved a hand through his hair, he felt sick. He couldn’t believe she felt that way about herself, was her self image that distorted? Granted, he was like any other guy, he appreciated a beautiful woman, but he was also realistic. Beauty was one thing, it was superficial, an image. It was what was on the inside that mattered. The fact that she didn’t trust him hurt more than he thought it would.
Freesialover: Look Nick, I’m gonna get going. Sleepy and work awaits in the morning. I’ll talk to ya tomorrow ok? Have fun here in NY ok?
Chucktaylor11: yeah, I will. Have a good day tomorrow.
Freesialover: You too! Night!
Chucktaylor11: Night.
Nick signed off and slumped back in his chair. That had to be the worst conversation they’d ever had. There was more to her than he’d realized. She was insecure and didn’t ask guys out for a reason. He didn’t know who was telling her things, but they’d been wrong and if he ever got the chance, he’d prove it to her.
The Next Evening…
Veronica brought her plate of hot pockets over and sat on the couch, rewinding the tape while she got her drink and everything else up together. Once it finished, she sat down and pressed the play button, watching intently.
It’d been a long day at work, slow as usual so it felt as if it had drug by. She was glad to be home, she’d been dying to watch the tape. She fast forwarded to the part with the guys. They performed a song and then came the interview.
She sipped at her drink while she listened to the interviewer as the same boring questions, she rolled her eyes at the generic answers, smiling as the guys laughed and joked around. She grabbed the remote, preparing to turn it off as the interview came to an end, when suddenly Nick asked the host a question.
“Hey Matt, can I give a quick shout out to a friend before we leave?”
The other four guys looked over at Nick questionably.
“Sure Nick, go right ahead.”
“What camera am I looking at?” Nick asked.
“That one right there,” Matt pointed.
Nick turned, staring straight into the camera and smiled suddenly.
“I just wanted to say hi to my freesialover and I hope that she had a good day at work.” Nick grinned, giving a small wink.
Veronica who was right in the middle of taking a bite of her hot pocket promptly choked, bits of her dinner flying from her mouth as she bolted up from couch, her plate with the other untouched pocket, falling to the floor. She stared hard at the screen as Matt Lauer thanked the guys and went to commercial.
“No way…no fucking way!”
She grabbed the remote, rewinding it back and listening again. Sure enough, Nick had just said hi to HIS freesia lover…HER on national TV.
