“I can’t believe this weather, then again yes I can. Rochester weather changes every five minutes.”
“Oh yeah?” Nick grinned.
“Yup we have a saying here…‘Don’t like the weather? Wait five minutes’” she giggled.
“So that’s true huh?”
“Absolutely, that’s why people are always sick. One minute it‘s nice and sunny and then the next it‘s like this, stormy and cold.”
“I guess I’m kinda lucky, it’s not that bad in Florida.”
“Yeah yeah, don’t rub it in Carter,” Veronica moaned as she focused back on the TV again.
Nick looked over at her for what seemed like the one hundredth time that day. Ever since he’d gotten there, he couldn’t stop staring at her. Every move she made, every time she laughed or smiled, he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. He hadn’t been like this about a girl in a long time; he’d never been this unsure, this hesitant before.
“I love this movie, I remember when I was…what?” Veronica blinked, as she caught him staring at her.
“Nothing…”
She raised an eyebrow, “You sure?”
“Mmmhmm.”
She stared at him a moment longer before turning back to the TV once again.
Nick scooted closer to her on the couch, his hip brushing hers lightly. He inhaled deeply, the light scent of her hair surrounding him. His gaze rested on her lips, it always seemed to. Leaning in, he went to brush his lips against the side of her mouth, when suddenly her cell phone went off.
“Oops,” she stood hurrying over to the kitchen table, picking her phone up, checking the ID. Her eyes lit up as she flipped the phone open. “James?!”
Nicks heart sank suddenly and he slumped back on the couch, letting out a breath.
“James hi! Wow, I can’t believe it. How are you? How’s things going?”
He sat there, watching her intently. It was so wrong to be so jealous of someone he didn’t know, someone he’d tried hard to help her get. He wanted her to be that excited over HIM. She never seemed to be though, she never seemed to be flustered, she didn’t act like she…like she’d even…
Groaning, he pulled his own phone out, flipping it open to find he had one missed message. He brought the message up and listened.
Hey Nick, it’s me. Look, I’m just callin’ to let ya know that…Mom and Dad’s divorce became final today. It’s been weird, Dad’s happier than I’ve ever seen him and he all of a sudden brought this woman over who he says he’s been seeing for a while and…fuck, I don’t know what the hell is going on. Angel is pissed, I tried to call BJ and Les, and neither of them answer their cell, maybe you can try. Anyway, give me a call when ya can ok? I’ve been trying to reach you all day, where’ve you been? I called the guys and they said you’re in New York, you visiting grams and gramps? Tell em I said hi ok? Later
Nick flipped the phone closed, his stomach rolling.
Divorced, it was official.
He flipped his phone back open and quickly deleted the message, setting the phone down on the coffee table in front of him. It’d finally happened and his Dad was already seeing someone. When’d that happen? How could he do that? How long had it been going on?
Taking deep breaths, he let his head fall back to the couch, closing his eyes. He wished he hadn’t listened, he should’ve just deleted it, he wouldn’t have known, at least not until he got home. God, he didn’t need this right now, he didn’t. Bringing his head back down, he looked over at Veronica, she was still talking to James, and she was positively glowing. Nick narrowed his eyes, fury washing over him suddenly. Veronica looked over at him just then, giving him a thumb up before going back to the conversation. Stupid him, he’d been the one who convinced her to ask him out, to get closer and now…he was gone. He kept forgetting that, it was just a phone call.
Shifting, he looked towards the door. He could tell her he had to go to his hotel for something and then…no, he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t just up and leave her like that, but he had to get away. He knew too much, his family had interfered like they usually did when he was happy. There was always SOMETHING. His family, his friends, his job. Why couldn’t he just be happy and stay that way?
Nick watched as Veronica flipped the phone closed and made her way back over, sitting next to him.
“That was James! I can’t believe he called! He sounded great; this is the first time he’s called since he left in March, wow!”
“Veronica…”
“This is so cool, he says he’s gonna call me again soon, can you believe it?”
“Veronica…”
She looked over at him, a broad smile on her face, “Yeah?”
“Can I kiss you?”
She stilled, her eyes widening, “What?”
“Can I kiss you?”
Veronica stared at him, her heart pounding. Surely this couldn’t be true, he didn’t want to…wasn’t asking to…
Nick brought a hand up, cupping her cheek lightly, “Please?”
She could do nothing more than nod, not even think of the consequences or about why it was happening. No, all she could think of was how she’d wanted this moment since the first email, the first letter, the first look.
Nick stared at her a moment, everything in him telling him to stop, it was for all the wrong reasons, and he knew it. It wasn’t right, and yet it felt right. But he couldn’t stop himself, he couldn’t stop. Leaning in, he lightly brushed his lips against hers and heard her sharp intake of breath.
If only he could stop it.
He leaned in again, brushing his lips against hers again, and then again. Their gazes locked and he cupped her face in his hands as he pressed his lips to hers gently, watching as her eyes fluttered shut and everything was worth it. He was damned and it’d never felt so good. Slowly he pulled away, her eyes slowly opening.
“Nick…?”
Leaning in once more, he captured her lips with his, kissing her desperately, closing his eyes, blocking it out, blocking everything out. He would let himself get lost, like always. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her close to him, and felt her hands come up to clutch his shoulders. Urging gently, he pushed her back on the couch, resting on her carefully.
She couldn’t think, everything was happening so fast. He was kissing her, and there was an urgency in his kiss, a desperation she couldn’t quite place. He pulled away, burying his face in her neck, nibbling and sucking on her skin. Veronica felt him press against her and a moan escaped her lips. It wasn’t right, it didn’t feel right. But she wanted it, she kept telling herself that this was ok, that it could happen. It was going to be so great, if only she could feel he felt it too.
Nick slid his hands down, pushing her shirt up, sliding his hands underneath, rubbing her skin, moving his hands up further, he pushed her bra up, cupping one of her breasts in his hand. He heard her moan, and stopped. This was wrong, it was all wrong, it shouldn’t be like this. Veronica moved below him and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut, panting heavily. He could hear his brother’s voice in his head telling him about the divorce, about his father. No, he didn’t want to think about it, he just wanted to get away. Sliding his hand down, he fumbled with the button of her jeans.
She jerked when she felt his hands slide down to the button of her jeans, starting to undo them.
“N-Nick…”
It was wrong, she couldn’t explain it, she just knew.
“N-Nick…no…stop…stop!”
He pulled away almost at once, staring into her eyes, confusion and what Veronica almost thought was hurt lingered there. She placed a hand on his chest, gently pushing him back as she sat up. She struggled to breathe as she looked up at him, his face flushed, his eyes flashing.
“Veronica, what…?”
“No.”
He blinked, “No what?”
She shook her head, “This…this is wrong.”
“What’s wrong? We were kissing.”
“It was…it was more than that,” she couldn’t focus, she couldn’t think. All she could do was feel his lips on hers, the weight of his body resting on hers. She squeezed her eyes shut.
“I don’t understand.”
Slowly she opened her eyes, “Look Nick, what just happened…it wasn’t right. You weren’t…we weren’t….I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m not that kind of girl.”
Nick stared at her, “What? You’re not what kind of girl?”
“That was not JUST kissing Nick, that went from a kiss to…to something more too fast. I’m not like that, I don’t do that. I’m not like the girls you’re used to.”
He wasn’t sure if he should be insulted or scared. No other girl he’d been with had ever been this hesitant. Not that he hadn’t gotten turned down before; actually he had, more times than he cared to remember. Still, what did she know about the kind of women he hung out with?
He raised an eyebrow, his eyes going cold, “Oh? And what’s that exactly?”
“Girls who do this, who let themselves be used, girls who’re willing to give themselves time and time again to a guy who doesn’t care. A guy who has no more respect for them than he does for himself.”
“Veronica…”
“I’m not gonna sleep with you Nick.”
Nick stared at her, his heart racing, “What?”
“I’m not gonna have sex with you Nick, I’m not some quick…fuck ok?”
“Hey! I never said that, I wasn’t even thinking that!”
But it was a lie, it was a boldfaced lie and he was ashamed.
“Weren’t you? I’m not a groupie Nick; I don’t go around sleeping with random men. I have more respect for myself than that.”
He knew that, he knew this, but he couldn’t believe she was actually saying it to him. Nick was angry, and he didn’t know why.
“I won’t let you use me, I refuse to be your distraction,” she whispered.
He stood suddenly, staring hard at her, “What the fuck? My distraction? I don’t need a fuckin’ distraction.”
“Sure you do, you need to be distracted all the time don’t you?”
“Oh yeah? From what?”
She shrugged, “From your job, from life, from…your family,” she looked up at him suddenly.
He swallowed hard, “You don’t know shit about what I do.”
Veronica stood, “Do you feel that poorly about yourself Nick, that you have to go and sleep with all those women so that you feel good about yourself? You keep doing it. Do you ever let yourself get attached to someone? Do you ever let yourself care?”
“Screw you; you don’t know anything about me. This isn’t some fuckin’ tabloid, this is my life, and I can live it how the hell I want. Who are you to judge?” He spat coldly.
“I’m not judging you Nick, I just…this isn’t just about you this time ok? It’s not about you getting what you need and then leaving. I actually care about the things I do and what happens to me. When I finally choose to be with a guy, it’s not gonna be because he wants to forget what’s going on in his life, it’s gonna be because I care for him and he cares for me. So you can use women and clubs and whatever to help you to forget whatever’s going on in your life at the time, that’s your choice. But I’m not gonna let you use me and use me up and then walk away when you’re finished with me until next time something happens and you want to forget. I won’t let you hurt me,” she finished, looking down.
“You don’t know anything about me, nothing!”
“If this is what there is to know about you then…I don’t want to know anymore,” she whispered.
“Fuck it, that’s fine with me. I’m outta here.”
Turning he made his way out, slamming the door. Veronica stood there for a few seconds before slowly slumping down on the couch, fighting hard against the tears that were now welling in her eyes.
She knew it was the right thing to do, yet, why did it hurt so much?
