Veronica made her way out of the bathroom and started for her room, when there was a knock on the door. She stopped, looking at the door, who would be coming over this late at night? She waited a moment longer then proceeded to go into her room again, when there was another knock. Blinking, she hurried into her room, grabbed her robe and pulled it on, making her way back out and over to the door. She hesitated a moment before calling out.
“Who is it?”
No one answered.
“Who’s there?”
Again no answer. Turning she went to leave, when the person behind the door, knocked again. Swallowing hard, she went into the kitchen, locating the rolling pin; she made her way over to the door. Slowly she turned the deadbolt and reached out; she slowly opened the door with one hand, the other brandishing the rolling pin poised overhead. Veronica poked her head out the door and stilled, her eyes widening.
“Nick!”
“Hey,” he whispered.
“Wha…why didn’t you answer?”
“I didn’t think you’d open the door if you knew it was me.”
“Nick god! You scared the crap out of me! Of course I would’ve answered.” Veronica sighed in relief, pulling the door open, dropping her arm.
“Sorry, I…what’s with the rolling pin?” Nick questioned, gesturing to the rolling pin in her hand.
“Oh, I…I thought…never mind,” she groaned.
“Uh, can I come in?”
“Sure.”
She stepped back, shutting and locking the door once he made his way in. She walked into the kitchen, setting the rolling pin down before heading back over to him.
“Let’s sit.”
They walked over to the couch and sat.
“Nick…look, I…”
“I’m really sorry.”
Veronica looked up at him, “Huh?”
“I want to apologize for earlier.”
“It’s ok, really.”
“No it’s not, it’s never ok. What I did to you, to…everyone else, it’s not ok.”
“Things happen, we make mistakes.”
“I was an ass, pure and simple. Please, don’t make excuses for me.”
Veronica blanched, first Lynne now him.
“I was…upset, mad that you called me out, that you said exactly what I’ve been doing.”
She shook her head, “I never should’ve said anything. It’s not my business, not my concern.”
Nick winced, looking down suddenly. “Yeah.”
“What happened? I mean…what brought what happened this afternoon on?”
He bit his lip, an unfamiliar lump forming in his throat, “Aaron called, left a message on my voicemail, I checked while you were talking to James. My parents divorce was finalized today.”
Veronica let out a breath, it all made sense now, she had been his distraction, well at least he’d wanted her to be.
“Ya know, it’s real easy to let yourself become…absorbed in things to make reality not so…real. It’s ok to forget for a while Nick, but it’s not ok to act like it’s not happening.”
“I don’t want to know it’s happening, I’d rather not know all the shit that’s going on, it sucks and I don’t want to deal with it.”
Veronica smiled sadly, “Unfortunately honey, that’s life.”
Welcome to the planet, welcome to existence. Everyone’s here, everyone’s here.
“Stuff like this…divorce, it’s not supposed to happen, not to me.”
“That’s what it always seems like I know. You don’t wanna be another statistic right? Here’s the cold hard truth Nick, you’re only human. You’re just like any one of us, I know you know that. It’s out of your control, there’s nothing you can do about it.”
He looked up at her suddenly, his eyes blazing, “Why? Why can’t I take control of it and not let it bother me? Why can’t I just distance myself from it? It’s their shit; it’s THEIR problem, not mine.”
“It is their problem you’re right, but it’s what you do with the knowledge of their problem, that will effect how you live your life Nick. It’s not for you to handle or for you to have much of a say in. What you do have a say in and what you can handle, is how you let it effect your life, of how you vent or deal with it. It’s this part that people see; it’s the part of you that you let people see. Everyone handles things differently Nick, escapism is normal, but my personal opinion is that it’s more dangerous to escape from your problems than face them. Hell, I’m still dealing with it, still facing it. It’s…it’s not easy.” Veronica sighed.
Everybody’s watching you now, everybody waits for you now. What happens next, what happens next?
Nick watched her intently, trying to understand, trying to figure out how to get to that point. She made it seem too easy, made it seem like she had it all together. Looking away he sighed.
“Nick, I’m still dealing with it, you know it. You know all the hard times I’ve had with my dad. It’s not just about me. It’s the comments my mom makes about him and vice versa. Sometimes it’s too much and I want to get away and I do. I’ll read or I’ll write, but then I also know that I have to deal with it. If that means telling my dad not to call unless he wants to talk to me about stuff going on with me and not make nasty digs about my mom, or if it means asking my mom not to bad mouth my dad in front of me, then so be it. I’m working on it; it’s a lot harder than it sounds.”
“Yeah well, I don’t want to have to do all that, I shouldn’t have to. Fuck it, and fuck them too!” Nick spat.
“You shouldn’t have to, but you might. I don’t know if it’s gonna be the same with your parents as it was for mine.”
“Whatever, I just won’t call them.”
“And that will solve it?”
“Damn straight it will.”
“Alright, what about your brother and sisters? What about them?”
He shrugged.
“Nick, you can’t avoid them too, they’re in the same position you’re in, now’s the time you’re gonna need each other the most.”
“I just…I just don’t want to deal with them, with…any of them,” he whispered, feeling more ashamed of himself than ever.
Veronica slid closer to him, hesitantly reaching out and sliding her arm around his shoulders, she felt him tense for a second, and then relax.
“It’s hard to deal with this alone Nick. If you choose to have little or no contact with your immediate family, it’s gonna make it that much harder. That said, I know you have the guys. Use them ok? They’re there, they love you and I know they want to help, so let them. I don’t know if you’ve talked to AJ about it, but I’m sure he’d be willing to listen.”
She paused for a moment before reaching out, taking one of his hands in her other, giving it a tight squeeze.
“I understand alright? I’m here if you wanna talk. I know you want to deal with it in your own way, or by yourself. But trust me when I say, it’s so much easier with that support, with someone to talk to, with someone who knows. I don’t know what I would’ve done without my friends, even the ones who didn’t know what it was like, they were there. They listened and let me vent and let me cry and it was cool. I want you to have that; you need to have that Nick. You don’t have to be strong all the time.” She whispered, tightening her hold on him, pulling his body closer to hers in the semblance of a hug.
Welcome to the fallout, welcome to resistance. The tension is here, the tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be. Between how it is and how it should be.
He could barely breathe, could barely think. It felt so good having her hold him like this, to have someone tell him they knew what he felt. He wanted to tell her he realized, tell her all he was feeling and thinking. He wanted to help her deal with it and have her help him.
“Veronica?”
“Yeah?”
“I…I never thought you were a groupie.”
She chuckled suddenly, her arm sliding from his shoulders, “It’s ok Nick.”
“No,” he clutched at her hand when he felt her start to pull away. He lifted his head, looking her in the eyes, “I never thought you were groupie, I apologize for…making you feel like one for…showing you so little respect.”
Veronica let out a breath.
“I’m sorry.”
She leaned in, kissing his cheek gently, “It’s ok Nick, I mean it.”
He pulled away, a pained expression on his face.
“Now c’mon, let me pull the bed out and you can get some sleep,” Veronica announced.
“Huh?”
“I got a pull out bed on the couch here, and it’s got an actual mattress so it’s actually very comfortable.”
“Veronica it’s ok, I’m just gonna head back to the hotel.”
“No way, it’s too damn late. You can stay here, it’s fine.”
“Veronica…”
“Matter of fact, why don’t you just stay here for the rest of time? It’s too expensive to stay at a hotel, and I know you can afford it but hell, you know someone here. You can get your stuff from the hotel and check out tomorrow.”
“Veronica…I can’t.”
“You can and you will,” she replied from the hall closet.
No he really couldn’t, he didn’t know if he could stay here under her roof knowing she was asleep in the next room. Nick didn’t know if he’d be able to keep his hands to himself.
Veronica made her way back in, pulling the cushions off the couch and with Nick’s help, pulled the bed out and quickly made it up.
“There ya go.”
“You really don’t have to do this.”
“It’s not a problem Nick, please don’t worry bout it.”
“After…after what happened today, you still want to be my friend? You’d let me stay here like this?”
She stared at him, “Of course Nick.”
“I was so mean to you.”
She nodded, “Yeah you were and it hurt. But what’s that saying? To err is human, to forgive is divine?”
Nick frowned.
“I…think that’s right,” she shrugged.
“Veronica…”
“You can only run so long Nick, it’s gonna catch up with you. It’ll all be there in the morning. Goodnight.”
She walked over, giving him another kiss on the cheek before turning and heading into her room.
Maybe redemption is stories to tell. Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell. Where can you run to escape from yourself? Where you gonna go, where you gonna go? Salvation is here…
Veronica made her way into her bedroom, shutting the door. Her heart was pounding wildly. She couldn’t believe she’d asked him to stay, insisted on it. She wasn’t going to get any sleep knowing he was only a few feet away in the other room. Groaning, she slipped her robe off and hung it on the handle of her closet. Walking over she opened the window and looked out.
Things had gone better than she would’ve ever thought. Not that she had planned what she’d say to him, she didn’t even think he’d be back, never thought she’d see him again. She was more than a little surprised to open the door and see him standing there. It helped that he’d apologized, it didn’t stop the hurt that still lingered, but it did help. There was so much good to him, so much he was capable of if he’d just let himself.
Turning, she made her way over to the bed, slipping under the covers. Reaching out, she flipped her lamp off and lay back, staring up at the ceiling. It’d be best that she forgot today ever happened. Lynne was right, she couldn’t get her hopes up, couldn’t let herself think that what happened on the couch that afternoon was out of anything more than an escape, that maybe she wasn’t just a distraction to him.
Letting out a breath, she closed her eyes.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Nick watched her leave, stunned and more than a little humbled. He slowly started undressing; his mind was racing with everything that had happened. After stripping down to just his boxers, he pulled the covers back and slid into bed, laying back, staring up at the ceiling. He couldn’t believe he was here, he was sure she wasn’t going to let him back in, that she wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him ever again, but she’d surprised him, just like she always did. Nick knew this was his second chance and he wasn’t going to screw it up. Not his life and not his friendship with her. It was time he made some changes.
Turning to his side, he listened; he could hear her moving around in her room. There was a click of what he assumed was her turning the light off and then silence. He closed his eyes, trying desperately to think of anything other than wanting to be in her room, in that bed with her.
I dare you to move, I dare you to move I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor. I dare you to move, I dare you to move. Like today never happened, today never happened, today never happened, today never happened…before
Dare You To Move - by Switchfoot
