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Chapter 91


He tried to focus on the food, on the movie playing, but he couldn’t. He kept sneaking peeks of her out the corner of his eye, she ate, completely oblivious it seemed to him. Nick could barely eat; he had too much on his mind. Looking over again, he saw that she had now finished and was cleaning up a bit.

“Veronica?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we…turn off the movie and talk for a bit?”

Veronica turned to look at him, this didn’t sound good, he wanted to talk.

“Uhh…sure,” she mumbled, reaching out to turn the DVD player and then TV off. “Let me just clean up a bit and then…hey are you ok? You barely touched your food.”

“Huh? Oh, oh yeah I’m fine, just…not that hungry.”

“Do you want me to wrap it up and you can have it later?”

“You don’t mind?”

“Nah, give me a few minutes and then we can talk,” Veronica smiled, gathering up his stuff and hers and heading into the kitchen, thankful for the extra time to get her thoughts together and prepare for whatever he was going to tell her.

She washed the dishes and wrapped up the rest of Nick’s, sticking it into the fridge. She took a fortifying breath before making her way back out and over, sitting next to him.

“So…what’s up Carter?”

“I want to talk, about what happened last night.”

She blinked, “Umm…”

“We haven’t talked about it and I know you think that…that I’d rather forget, but to be honest, I’d rather not.”

“Nick look, you don’t have to say that alright? It’s fine, just don’t worry about it.”

“I am gonna worry about it, it’s important.”

Why wouldn’t he let this go? Why did he insist on doing this to her?

“Why don’t you ever touch me?” He asked suddenly.

“Huh?”

“You rarely ever touch me or…flirt with me, I don’t get it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you have to hang all over me or anything like that it’s just, I…I figured that after what happened you’d be a bit more…I dunno, open or something,” he whispered.

She was confused, really confused, “I thought that…that you wouldn’t want that. I thought you’d rather have things be this way.”

“Well it’s not, not this time. This is the one time I don’t want it to be nothing, I don’t want it to be “not a big deal”, you’re a big deal to me. You’re more than just a quick lay to me Veronica,” He stated firmly. “I feel like…you want nothing to do with me after, and even before. I tried ya know to touch you or hug you, but I didn’t want you thinking I was trying to pressure you into anything but I wanted that contact with you.

She just stared at him, too shocked to speak.

“You never get close to me, why?”

“Why bother? I mean it doesn’t matter in the long run, I refuse to let myself get attached to someone who could never feel that way about me.”

“What way is that?” Nick questioned.

“The romantic way.”

He raised an eyebrow, “How do you know?”

“I told you before Nick, guys like you don’t go for girls like me,” she sighed. “I’m not the kind of girl attractive guys like.”

“Bullshit, does this have to do with what your Dad told you?”

“He’s right, even if you don’t want to admit it. It’s not as easy as you think; I’ve put myself out there time and time again only to be shot down for the pretty, thin girls. I’ll never be quite good enough, so why bother trying to be something I’m not?”

Nick stared at her for a moment before responding, “You don’t want to.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me; I think you don’t want to try. You want to believe your father is right rather than take the risk. Any guy that would ask you to change or not accept who you are or how you look isn’t worth your time anyway. You need to let go of your father’s control over you and your esteem and start thinking of yourself. Stop trying to be how he thinks you are or how he thinks you should be. Believe me, please believe me when I say you’re good enough for me, more than good enough,” he finished.

She swallowed hard, fighting the urge to wipe at her eyes, to stop the tears that were threatening to spill over. “Nick…”

“Veronica please, stop letting yourself be not good enough. If you tell yourself that, and act like that, then people are gonna believe it and treat you that way. You’re so much more, so much better than you think. If you want to believe anything, think that any one thing is true, then believe that.”

Veronica wrapped her arms around her stomach, looking away, heedless to the tears that were now streaming down her cheeks.

Nick scooted closer to her carefully, hesitantly wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close to him. “Veronica, take that chance sometime ok? Risk it, you never know if you don’t try and keep trying. There could be…someone great out there waiting for you, wanting to be with you only he’s too afraid to take that chance. Who knows, he could be just as scared as you.”

She sniffled, squeezing her eyes shut, she didn’t want to cry in front of him, but she couldn’t help it. He’d called her out, done exactly what she’d done to him. He was right, her father was controlling her still, and she was letting him do it. It was easier to just believe what he said rather than go out and prove him wrong. She didn’t want to hurt though, and all the times that she had tried, she did end up hurting, no getting around it. Veronica didn’t want to hear him talking about some other guy wanting to be with her, of him being scared, it just didn’t seem possible.

“Veronica…look at me.”

Slowly she lifted her head, looking up at him, her heart dropping as he brushed her tears away.

“It’s time.”

She let out a breath, staring hard at him before nodding.

“You can do it Veronica, I know you can.”

“Thanks Nick.”

Nick smiled, pulling her into his arms, “Hug me anytime ok? I wasn’t kidding before when I said I liked hugs, I need lots of them.”

She gave a weak laugh, “Ok, I got it.”

“And relax ok? I’m not gonna yell or snap if you tease me or poke me or whatever.”

Veronica raised an eyebrow, “Does this have to do with me and Geoff earlier?”

“Huh? No!”

“He’s got a girlfriend Nick,” Veronica smiled.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmmhmm, we always tease like that, it means nothing.”

“Oh.”

She chuckled softly, “If you want me to tease you so much, I guess I could, so long as I don’t come across as some kinda…well…tease.”

“I wouldn’t mind ya know.”

She smacked him in the arm, “Nick!”

“Hey!”

“Anyway, what would you like to do now?”

He stared at her, smiling slowly.