I woke up alone and bored. I grabbed the remote for the TV and decided to do some channel surfing. I stopped at Mtv, decided that was better entertainment than any soap opera could ever provide. I was so damn bored I was doing all the typical things you do laying in a hospital bed: counting the square tiles on the ceiling, 326 in this room, and staring at the door hoping someone would come in and visit to relieve the boredom.

I looked at the six IV bags that were hanging on the IV pole, wondering what each of them were for. Bored with that, I flipped my ID bracelet around. <b>Carpener, Jack A.</b> I rubbed my eyes and then read it a second and then a third time. What the heck was this about?

Then an annoucement blasted over Mtv News: ”Kevin Richardson from the Backstreet Boys has set up a press conference this afternoon at four. Mtv will have live, exclusive coverage from the hospital.” I immediately was wondering if something awful had happened to Brian, and I was feeling the panic rise in my chest, forgetting about the weird name on the ID bracelet. Then something was flashed on the screen that made my heart stop. I was a picture of me with my name centered at the bottom and 1980 - 2001.

~*~*~*~*~

Never again. Funerals were something I was accustomed to, but this, this was different. Of course, the major detail being that this wasn’t really Nick, it was still different. I kept having to tell myself over and over that it wasn’t him.

Seeing his family and AJ and Howie react the way they did was heart-wrenching. There were other people that I didn’t recognize there and they were all in tears. I’m glad Brian wasn’t here.

Kevin sat one one side of me and AJ sat on the other. Kevin had informed me in not-so-nice terms that I was not to leave his sight. After his verbal lashing, I was not about to try anything...yet.

I don’t know what possessed me to look inside the casket. I never wanted to see the person’s body because I prefered to remember them as they were when they were alive. Maybe it was because I knew it wasn’t really Nick in that casket. Plus it was sort of a morbid curiosity. After seeing it though, I sorta wished I hadn’t. It scared the ever-loving shit outta me. Then I saw a familiar figure walk up to the casket and my whole body tensed. I glanced at Kevin out of the corner of my eye and saw that he was watching Marcus too. AJ leaned in front of me to ask Kevin who that was and I held my breath. Kevin told him that it was one of Nick’s managers and AJ leaned back in the pew, watching Marcus still.

When Marcus leaned over to touch “Nick” I started to get up, my blood boiling. Kevin immediately put his hand on my knee, making me sit back down. He shook his head and gave me a look. I watched after everyone filed out as Marcus pulled Kevin aside. I tried not to act interested, but I wanted to know what was going on now. Kevin walked back over to where AJ, Howie and I were standing. He looked mad, but I knew better than to say something at the moment.

“Okay, this is what’s going to happen. Lizz and I are going to go get Brian if you two want to check back in at the hotel and get your bearings. Be at the conference room at 3:15. Don’t be late. We’ll see you there.” Kevin explained.

AJ and Howie looked relieved, as the funeral had shaken them up pretty bad. I was shaken up and I knew that Nick was really alive. I couldn’t even imagine how they felt. Kevin didn’t say anything until we both got in the car.

“He is going to watch the press conference.” He said, the irritation showing through his voice.

“God, hasn’t he had enough? He isn’t going to leave is he? This is going to go on until he is caught.” I shut my eyes and leaned my head against the headrest.

“Are you holding up okay?” He asked, his voice softer.

“Hell, I don’t know. It was awful. I knew it wasn’t really him in that...But I kept having to repeat it over and over again to myself. Remember back when he swallowed all those pills?” I rubbed my eyes. They had mascara rings under them anyway so I didn’t care much about what happened to the rest of it.

“Yeah.”

“When I was sitting on that computer with him, I was so terrified that he was going to go through with it and I was envisioning going to his funeral. Kevin, that would literally kill me. I was so desperate to stop him that I didn’t care about anything else. That’s why...I did what I did. And now sitting here, sort of brought all that back. What it would be like if he were gone. I couldn’t do it.” My eyes tried to fill up again and I stopped talking before I lost it completely.

“I know, Lizz. But just keep telling yourself that he is here now and he is going to be okay. Try to pull yourself together before we get to Brian’s room okay?” He said softly.

I nodded, thankful again that Brian didn’t have to see that. When we got to Brian’s room, Brian was already ready to go. He was wearing street clothes and other than looking a little tired, he looked totally normal. I knew him well enough by now to tell that he was stressed and very nervous. That made two of us. He looked up at us when we entered the room and I whistled at him. He blushed slightly as he always did when someone payed him a compliment.

“It feels weird to not be in sweats.” He laughed.

“How are you feeling?” Kevin asked.

Brian nodded. “Better. I haven’t heard anything about Nick so I guess that is a good thing. How long before we have to go downstairs?”

“About a half hour.” Kevin replied. I took a deep breath. It was do or die time.

“Um, I made a decision.” I said quietly. Brian and Kevin turned their attention to me and Kevin narrowed his eyes. Okay die. “I was thinking about this when I was in with Nick. He can’t stay alone like this. You both know as well as I do that he can’t. Between trying to recover phsically and emotionally too...Anyway, Iamgoingtogoundercoverwithhim.” I said the last part in a rush.

“Absolutely not. That is way too dangerous.” Kevin interrupted.

“It’s just as dangerous to have him go through this alone. You know as well as I do that we don’t have much of a choice here. I can make myself disappear. I know people that can help me do that. I can get a new name, change how I look, whatever it takes and I will stay with Nick. Make sure nothing happens and stuff.” I was almost pleading. The more I thought about this, the more I realized the importance of this.

“Lizz, think about what you are saying here.” Brian said softly. “Are you ready to put your life on hold for who knows how long?”

“Bri, come on. I flunked out of school already from missing so much class. I’ve pretty much cut off all my friends here in town because I don’t even know what to say to them. I can’t talk about this stuff and I didn’t want them to see me when I was such a wreck. I am sure I lost my job by now too. They can’t keep my position open forever. I can’t stay in this town anyway. It’s a small town and everyone knows everything about everyone else. I won’t be able to have a normal life here again.” I ticked the things off with my fingers.

“I’m sorry...” Brian’s voice grew even more quiet.

“Now don’t start that. I didn’t mean for it to sound that way. No one asked for any of this to happen, but it did and no one can change that. There isn’t any other place I would rather be right now than with you guys. And especially Nick. You know this needs to happen.” I stared both of them in the eyes.

Brian sighed in resignation first. I knew he would see where I was coming from here because this was usually his roll. He knew how bad things could get and now any good to be alone. I think he knew that I needed Nick too.

Kevin cast a glance to Brian. “Don’t tell me you are considering this.”

“We have to...”

Kevin still shook his head. “You know how risky this is?”

“I’ve already got it figured out. One of my best friends lives in Florida. I trust her with my life and I have several times over the years, as she has done with me. Anyway, she just moved there not too long ago with her husband and little girl. Her husband got into some shady stuff when he was younger. Car theft, stuff like that. Needless to say he, well both of them, are pretty street-wise. I can change my look, get a new id, learn some tips and come back someone different. Meanwhile we announce at the conference today that I am going to FL to stay with some friends to get away for awhile. Marcus can follow me to the damned airport if he wants too. He won’t go with me so he won’t know what is going on. This can work. It has to.” I layed it all out.

Kevin finally sighed and tipped his head back. “Geez you are as stubborn as Nick. Maybe worse.”

My eyes lit up. “So I can do it?”

“Like you said, what choice do we have?” Kevin reminded.

Brian gave me an encouraging smile. I could see the mixture of relief and worry in his eyes. I know my feelings mirrored his.

Kevin’s echoed hung in my ears, “If anything goes belly up on this, it’s your fault.”

This was a huge risk, but not doing it could be even a greater risk. We talked for a few more minutes about it, laying out the plan before we went downstairs for the press conference. We were going to announce in the conference that I was going to Florida so it would be made perfectly clear for Marcus, in case he was watching. Kevin managed to pull some strings and get me on a flight departing at 7:00pm, almost four hours from now. After I got in Florida, I was supposed to call Kevin and tell him what name to arrange for a flight for me to return. I wanted to get back as soon as possible. I called my friend and as I had hoped, she was agreeable to everything. I wanted someone to get word to Nick to hold out till tomorrow morning. It bothered me that he was having to be alone and I knew he had a lot of questions. When I got there in the morning I would explain everything.

Then to my total shock, Kevin gave me a huge wad of money. I didn’t even count it, but I knew it was a lot. “You’ll probably need it.” Was all he said.

We started down to the room that was going to hold the conference. The hospital graciously let us use one of their rooms again. I was as nervous as I was last time, actually probably more so. One, there was the whole issue about us playing with fire. Two, I knew it was going to be hard to see people’s reactions when Kevin told them Nick was dead. Three, Nick wasn’t here. Last time he stayed by me the whole time, knowing I was a bit of a wreck. This time I stuck by Brian.

He rode down there in a wheelchair, but left it outside the conference room, choosing to walk in instead. Just before we went in, I stopped them. “Wait, can I go to the bathroom first? Will you wait for me?” I looked at them both.

“Yeah, go ahead, we still have a couple minutes.” Kevin said with a smile.

I bet he thought I was going in to puke. I snickered to myself. I hadn’t eaten in quite awhile so there wasn’t anything to throw up. I let myself into the restroom and went over to the sink, taking a paper towel and wetting it with cold water. I layed it over my face, hoping it would cool me off. Actually dunking my head under the sink would have been preferable, but I didn’t want to look like a drowned rat for the cameras.

After I took off the paper towel I studied my face critically. The black eyes were almost gone. There was only a light bruise under my right eye. The huge bandage on my head was gone, replaced by a tiny little square. Much better. Last, but not least, I wiped under my eyes, hoping the dark rings were mascara instead of from being sleep-deprived. No such luck. Even makeup hadn’t been able to really make my eyes not look so dark.

When I rejoined Brian and Kevin, AJ and Howie were there also. Neither one of them looked much better than they did a little while ago. This was not going to be fun. The room was set up pretty much the same as it was before. The long table with the little place cards. There were reporters in the room too and started snapping pictures immediately.

When we got closer to the table, I breathed a sigh of relief to see that they had put me next to Brian. Kevin was talking to someone, as was Howie. AJ, Brian and I all took our seats. I eyed my water bottle warily. Then, in a sudden impulse I jumped up and grabbed all five water bottles and dumped them in a trash can by the door. I wasn’t taking any chances. I got some strange looks for that little stunt and I was sure a few cameras went off as well. Kevin stopped mid-sentence and looked at me in surprise. Then he called one of their bodyguards over and said something to him.

I sank back into my chair. “I don’t care if I get into trouble for that. Who knows where those bottles came from. Look what happened last time!” I whispered harshly to Brian.

“It’s okay, Lizz.” He smiled back. I thought I saw a hint of amusement in his smile and I had to laugh.

“Okay so I probably looked like a freak just now.” I muttered. AJ even cracked a smile.

The bodyguard came back a moment later with five new water bottles. “These pass inspection ma’am?” He grinned at me.

I blushed. “Well yeah, since I know where they came from now. Thank you.”

Then the rest of the room filled up and people started taking their seats. Or standing at their seats, rather. My stomach tensed up as the camera flashes got faster. I saw Carson again, but he wasn’t doing the asking this time. It was some lady in a dark blue suit that I didn’t recgonize.

Just as she started to ask the first question, the tension in my stomach turned into an onslaught of uneasiness. My first thought was Nick. That something was wrong. I darted my eyes back and forth, trying to figure out what to do without causing a scene. I grabbed Brian’s hand under the table and he looked at me, surprised. The look on my face must have said it all because his eyes widened considerably. I was fighting the panic, determined not endanger the plan. But if something was wrong with Nick, what did any of this matter? I looked at Brian helplessly.