Howie tucked her hair behind her ears, and placed a hand on Elle's cheek. How could he say no? Her eyes closed at his touch and a few more tears escaped from her eyes.
"Elle, are you sure about this?" Elle opened her eyes and the look on Howie's face nearly broke her heart. He was being so sweet, and so sincere and all she could think about right now was AJ. How could she do that to Howie? She didn't understand why she was still standing there, letting him touch her and hold her. Letting him ease her pain. But she couldn't move away.
"Yes," She murmered, she placed her shaky hands on Howies chest, "I really....I need you."
His heart ached at her words, wondering what could have happened in AJ's room. Wondering what he could have possibly said to hurt her. He hated the fact that AJ affected her so much. Elle needed Howie now, and he had to be there.
Howie reached down for her hands and led her over to the bed. He picked her up gently and laid her down and he gazed lovingly down at her. The tears on her face, breaking his heart. He wanted to ease her pain in any way he could, and if this was the only way...
He crawled over her and brushed his lips against hers. All Elle could do was close her eyes.
Forget, forget, forget, forget, forget.
***
Elle looked at the soft,tan, beautiful body in front of her. What had she just done? Howie had made love to her. He was so sweet, and gentle...and he took care of her in every way possible. He wanted her to feel loved and needed, he wanted her to just feel.
She got out of bed quietly and wrapped a robe around her body. She felt horrible. She felt like the dirtiest, trashiest person on the planet. She knew Howie had put his entire heart and sould into making love to her at her request, and what did she do? She thought about AJ. She thought Howie would be the cure. She thought Howie would be able to make her forget the horrible things she had done to AJ, the way she had crushed his heart not only once but twice. She couldn't even look Howie in the eyes the entire time. Did he notice? She wondered how she had become this person, this person who couldn't let herself be loved by anyone so she had to push everyone away. She couldn't accept AJ's love, she couldn't accept Howie's. For God's sake she couldn't even love herself. But how could she after all the things she had done? She tried to deny the fact that she had used Howie, but deep inside, she knew she had.
Elle went over to the window and stared out at the sunrise. What was she even doing here? She glanced back over at Howie's sleeping form. He was curled up underneath the sheets, his mouth partially open, his sweet eyelashes curled against his cheeks. She didn't deserve the love that Howie gave her daily. She knew he needed better. He needed someone that could dedicate herself to him, and please him in ways she knew she never could. But yet, she continued to stay with him. She believed herself to be selfish, staying with him for protection and saftey. He ws so beautiful in every way possible. His soul was so giving, and she couldn't believe she had taken advantage of him.
What could she do now? She felt she had to leave. It seemed like the only way she could stop hurting the two men who had dedicated themselves to her. If she left they would never have to see her again and they could just move on. Elle walked over to her suitcase and started to pack quietly. If she could leave before Howie woke up, there would be no talking, and no pain.
"Elle, what are you doing?" She looked behind her and saw Howie sitting straight up in bed.
"Packing." She said simply.
"I thought you didn't have to leave until later." Howie leaned back on his hands and rested his head on his shoulder.
Elle shut her suitcase, "I don't."
"Then why don't you come back to bed babe. I only have a few hours left with you, I want to make the most of it." He smiled gently.
Elle ran a hand through her hair and sighed. Why couldn't she ever say no to him? She walked back over to the bed and sat beside him.
"I always feel like I have to drag you back into bed every morning. Why don't you ever just stay and relax? I don't even have rehersals for a few more hours. And then you've got to go."
She lowered her head. "I'm sorry."
He brushed her hair away from her neck, and placed a few kisses there. "Its okay. Are you feeling any better?" He looked up at her hopefully.
Oh those damn eyes of his. He was so happy, and all he wanted for her was the same happiness. She nodded, giving him a weak smile. He rested his head on her shoulder, and she allowed Howie's arms to wrap around her.
***
What could AJ possibly do now? He sat on a stool on the stage, twirling the microphone in his hands. He had officially lost one of the only things that made him feel like a person. His Elle was really everything to him and she always had been. Now that she had denied him once again, he knew it was really over. He had to force himself to accept the fact that she would no longer be a part of his life. All the things they had accomplished together, all the things they had taught eachother, were to be left in the past. AJ glanced over at Howie who didn't look to happy himself. AJ wondered what had even gone on with them after she ran away. He could only hope that Howie was not feeling the same pain AJ had felt for years.
It was finally time for AJ to move on.
Or so he thought.
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