"Okay, so what exactly is one supposed to wear the first time she faces her ex boyfriend after they've unintentionally had sex the last time they've seen each other?" Alyssa asked Izzy who was lounging across her bed, waiting for her to decide what to wear that night. "Do you go for the sex kitten look? Or laid back and casual?"
Izzy glanced over at the two outfits that Alyssa had in her hands and almost laughed at the absurdity of both of them. On one hand she was holding a slinky black halter style dress with a plunging neckline, totally inappropriate for December, and on the other a pair of jeans, a faded looking maroon v-neck, and a matching track jacket. "Alyssa, you're going to a concert, not an awards ceremony or a track meet. The dress is way too fancy and the other outfit? You want to show him some sort of sophistication here, right?"
Alyssa sighed, realizing that her friend was right as usual. It was just that she didn't want to look like she was trying to hard to impress him, but she still wanted to seem stylish and sexy. Every outfit she seemed to pull out seemed either too over the top or too simple though. "Well, what am I supposed to wear then?" she whined.
"Haven't I taught you anything about fashion in the years you have known me?" Izzy criticized. "It's all about balance. You want to look sexy, but conservative, but not like you're trying too hard, right?"
"Exactly!" Somehow she knew that coming to Izzy for fashion advice was a smart idea. She always used to tease Izzy that if a career in PR didn't work out, she could always get a job as a fashion designer. She just seemed to have a knack for throwing outfits together and somehow making them work.
"So what you want to do is combine the two looks that you are caught between and mix them up." When Alyssa shot her a still clueless look she groaned and pulled herself off the bed. "Sure, make a pregnant woman get off her ass and work, huh?" she grumbled as she headed over to Alyssa's closet. Within minutes she had snatched up a pair of vintage washed jeans, a tight red knit sweater, and a lacy white camisole top and handed them to Alyssa. "Here. Wear the camisole under the sweater. The lace will give it a more feminine, sexy look without screaming 'look I'm trying to be sexy.'"
"What would I do without you Iz," Alyssa said thankfully as she began to pull on the outfit. "You really are a life saver."
"Yea, yea," Izzy answered. "So, do you and lover boy have any plans for later?"
"Not that I'm aware of. I think we're just going to play it by ear and see what he feels like doing after the show. Maybe we'll just go back to his hotel and talk or something."
This caused Izzy to let out a condescending laugh. "Talk my ass. I've known Nick forever and let me tell you, very little talking gets done in his hotel room if you know what I mean."
Alyssa could immediately feel her face begin to flush. She had been trying to play things off as if nothing was going to happen tonight between the two of them, but deep down she knew it was a possibility and truthfully she couldn't say she would mind if something did happen. Still, she was nervous enough without Izzy hassling her. "I doubt anything is going to happen," she lied. "Things are pretty weird and I think we're both a little freaked out about what happened. It probably wouldn't be that good of an idea to just let ourselves fall back into bed with each other again."
"Uh huh," Izzy teased, nodding her head playfully. "That's why you're decked out in your best Victoria Secret lingerie. Don't think I didn't notice that one. Or the fact that you're back on your birth control pills all of a sudden... Did you go get a bikini wax earlier too?"
"Shut up," she mumbled, turning almost as red as her sweater. "I just want to be prepared for any situation."
"You want to be prepared to get laid, Alyssa. You can admit it."
Alyssa ignored her and headed over to her closet. "Which shoes should I wear?"
"Go with your Uggs," Izzy advised, sounding disappointed that she had put an end to her tormenting.
She grabbed the boots and pulled them onto her feet, tucking her jeans inside of them. "Thanks a lot for coming with me tonight Iz. I was going to ask one of my sisters, but you're the only one who knows about what's going on with me and Nick, and if one of them came I'd have to do a shit load of explaining."
"No problem. I've been wanting to see Melanie anyway. We can compare morning sickness and stretch marks and all that fun shit."
Alyssa rolled her eyes, remembering that she'd be stuck with two pregnant woman during the concert. Nick had warned her earlier that they'd be sitting by Melanie and Leighanne during the concert.Should be interesting, she thought to herself. "Sounds exciting."
'I know. Look at all that you have to look forward to some day!" Izzy sarcastically answered. "So, are you almost ready? Because we should hightail our asses to MSG."
"Yea, just give me two seconds," Alyssa told her before examining herself quickly in the mirror. She fiddled with her hair for a moment or two until it fell just the way that she liked it and then pouted her lips to ensure that her lip gloss was still perfectly intact. She looked good. The outfit that Izzy had selected for her seemed perfect. Red had always looked great on her. Well, this is as good as its going to get, she deiced after giving herself one more glance. "Come on, let's get out of here."
Alyssa never had been a fan of radio station concerts. In her experience they usually were too overcrowded with big names and only gave an opportunity for each artist to sing only a few songs. It seemed as of you'd just be getting into one act when they'd be finished and it would be time for a set change. Quite frankly, she thought that this is what took up most of the concert.
Fortunately enough the guys were not the last act to perform that night which Alyssa was thankful for. That would mean more time she'd have to spend with Nick later. They had decided to meet backstage right after his set and then take it from there. No use sitting there and watching all the other acts. They'd probably be there all night at the rate these things went.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, the guys took the stage. They only sang about 5 or 6 songs, but the fans in the audience still seemed appreciative. Their time onstage seemed to be over before it really began for Alyssa. It had passed by so quickly that she found herself surprised to see them take their bows and head offstage.
"C'mon, let's go back there and congratulate them," Izzy's voice interrupted her thoughts as she grabbed her arm. "I'm sure you'll probably anxious to see Nick anyway."
Yea, anxious just about describes it, but I'm not sure if its in the excited sense or not, Alyssa thought to herself, her stomach already feeling like it was in knots. If Nick had noticed her from the stage, he hadn't made any sort of signal to indicate his discovery. She wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. Of course it could be quite possible that he hadn't noticed her at all with the stage lights and everything.
They followed Melanie and Leighanne to the backstage area just in time to meet the guys coming off of the stage. As she watched Nick approach them, a sudden burst of shyness came over, causing her to hang back behind the other women for a moment.
"You guys were awesome tonight," Izzy announced as soon as they were in earshot. "Even without Howie you put on a good performance."
"Thanks Iz. I'm glad you enjoyed it," Kevin told her, as he wrapped his arm around Melanie's shoulders. " I'm happy you decided to come."
Alyssa was so caught up in listening to Izzy congratulate the guys, that she hadn't noticed Nick walk around to approach her, until she felt him come up behind her, placing his hands on her waist. "Can't say hello anymore?" he asked, his mouth only inches from her ear.
He caught her so much in surprise that she nearly jumped a mile. "Hi Nick," she greeted, as she spun around to face him. "I'm sorry. I was about to go over to you, but-"
"It's okay. I'm just teasing you," he interrupted as he threw his arms around her to give her a hug. A sloppy kiss landed somewhere near the corner of her mouth, almost as if he hadn't been sure whether to go for a kiss on the cheek, or on the lips, and wound up someplace in between. "So what did you think of the show?"
"It was great. Over much too quick though. And of course its not the same with only four Backstreet Boys."
"Yea, I know what you mean." Was it just her imagination or did he seem to be looking right at Kevin as he said that?
I'm probably just reading into this too much, Alyssa told herself as she brushed the comment aside. It was probably an innocent remark. "So, are you headed back to your hotel now?" she asked, changing the subject.
"For a little while. I need to grab a shower and change and then I'm supposed to show my face at this new club that just opened up downtown. It's supposed to be the new, hot, celebrity nightspot of choice here in New York."
Shit, if I knew we were going to head to a club I would've worn that black dress, she cursed. The outfit that she was wearing now was nice, but nowhere near fancy enough for a club, never mind a high profile one at that. Well, maybe if I lose the sweater I could get away with just the camisole... But then again if someone spills beer on my Uggs I may just have to take a hostage. There was no way around it. She'd have to go back to her apartment to change. "Sounds good to me, but would you mind if I met you back at your hotel? I'm going to want to change if we're going out."
Nick appeared confused for a second, until a hint of realization swept over his face and then he looked guilty. "Alyssa, I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression or anything, but you can't come with me."
"What?! What do you mean I 'can't come with' you?" she asked, her voice raising slightly louder than she wanted it to.
"There's a pretty tight guest list. I can't squeeze you in. I'm sorry. I wish I could, but maybe afterwards-"
"You're fucking Nick Carter! If you want to bring a guest no one should question it! They should be lucky that you're even showing your face at their stupid club!" she argued, taking a step back defensively.
Nick's eyes darted nervously from side to side, noticing that they were starting to get a few stares from the rest of the guys and a few other people lingering around. "Alyssa, please don't do this here," he pleaded.
"Why not?" she challenged. "I mean you give me this whole line of shit about how badly you want to see me and now that I'm here it's, 'Oh I'm sorry, I have to go and party with a bunch of other celebrities at this club and you're not good enough to get in.' Nice to see how I fit into your life!"
She could tell that Nick was beginning to get embarrassed by her outburst, just by the tinge of redness beginning to creep into his face. He impulsively grabbed her arm and pulled her down into an empty hallway, where they could finish their conversation without an audience surrounding them. Once he was sure that they were alone, he tried to defend himself in a hushed tone. "Do you think I'm pleased about this situation? If I could bring you with me, I definitely would. Unfortunately, I made a commitment to be there tonight and I only just found out that you wouldn't be able to come earlier today. And it's not that you aren't 'good enough' to get in. None of us are bringing anyone tonight."
Alyssa crossed her arms across her chest. "Do you really have to go tonight? Is that big of a deal that you show up at some club?"
Nick sighed. "I made a commitment Alyssa. I'll show my face, have a drink or two, pose for a few pictures, and then leave, okay? We can meet up later and do something just the two of us, I promise."
Alyssa still looked stone faced. "I don't buy it Nick. You just don't want me to be there."
He leaned his head back against the wall in frustration. "I don't know why you keep thinking that I have something against you being there tonight."
"I can think of a few reasons," she spat at him. "Mainly, the fact that I'm just fine for you when no one else is around, but when it comes to the public eye, you have this great 'image' to up hold, and I don't exactly fit the mold of the kind of girl that you are expected to be with. You don't want me there, so that you'll be free to flirt away with as many unattached girls as you can. Who knows? You may get lucky again and find yourself a pair of gorgeous looking twins!"
She watched as she saw the color drain from Nick's face, clearly taken back by her accusations. He hadn't expected this kind of reaction from her at all and now he could feel himself to start to become angry as well. "Is that really what you think about me? Are you really that unconfident with yourself that you make assumptions like that? Maybe that's why I didn't want you there tonight. I didn't want to listen to you whine and complain every time a girl looked in my direction!"
Now it was Alyssa's turn to look as if she had been smacked. "You really are an asshole, you know that? Izzy was totally right about you. God, I can't believe I actually slept with you the last time you were in New York! That had to be one of the worst decisions of my life. To think that you actually pretended to care about me! You really had me fooled, Nick. I honestly thought you were a good guy, but I guess I was just another roll in the sack for you, huh? Well, you know what? Fuck you!" With that she turned on her heels and disappeared down the hallway. Nick didn't even bother to try to chase after her.
Well, that went well, Carter, he sarcastically thought to himself as he angrily punched the wall. Now she's totally pissed off and you'll probably be lucky if she ever talks to you again.
He supposed that he had brought it upon himself though. Alyssa had at least been partly right. He really could've probably slipped her into the club tonight if he had wanted to. But it wouldn't have been a good idea. In the first place, if the two of them had showed up together like that in public, it would seem like they were a couple, and that was something that Nick was totally unprepared for. Although he knew that there was definitely something brewing between the two of them, the thought of them actually 'dating' again scared the shit out of him. Hell, the word 'relationship' was probably the scariest word in the whole English language to him, right now.
But with her it was a possibility. She was probably the first girl since Paris, that he could actually picture becoming involved with. And although he could picture it, he wasn't sure if he was really ready for that fantasy to become reality. It's a classic example of how you can't have your cake and eat it too, he reminded himself. He wanted Alyssa close by and he wanted all the benefits of being in a relationship with her, without having to actually be in a relationship with her.
That brought him to the other reason why he had insisted that she not come out with him tonight. The feelings that he was beginning to have for Alyssa slowly were beginning to get the better of him. At first, while he was in Europe and she was in New York, it seemed like he had a firm handle on them. He was easily able to acknowledge to her that yes, there was something there, but he wasn't sure exactly what it was.
Of course, it's pretty easy to admit your feelings for someone when you know they are millions of miles away and can't necessarily act upon them. At first he had been excited about seeing Alyssa again, but with each day that drew nearer he grew more and more panicked. Truthfully speaking he had been scared of what might happen. Scared that he might actually feel something. So, he coped with his fears in the only way he knew how; the way that he had been coping with them for the last year or two of his life. He'd immersed himself into a world of nightclubs, alcohol, and women. He figured that a couple of one night stands would push all memories of Alyssa away.
It hadn't. If anything it made things worse, because with every other woman he slept with the more he tried to compare her to Alyssa. He knew he had it bad, yet still he didn't feel as if he was completely ready to jump back into a relationship again.
He hadn't wanted Alyssa to show up at the club tonight because he was afraid that one of his friends might slip and say something in front of her that would blow up his spot about his activities as of lately. Even though they were in no way committed to each other, he knew that she'd be destroyed by the news.
Then why do it?he asked himself. Nick found that he couldn't even come up with a good answer to his own question, but he knew he wouldn't stop. In some childish way he almost felt like every time he did hook up with a woman, it was like his own private rebellion against being in a normal relationship.
His thoughts were interrupted as he heard someone approach him. He looked up for a moment, almost hoping that maybe it was Alyssa coming to apologize. Instead he was disappointed to find AJ heading towards him. "Are you ready?" he asked. "We're going to leave and go back to the hotel now."
Nick nodded. "Yea, I'm good."
As he followed, AJ outside into the cool air, he rummaged around in his pocket until he found his cigarettes and his lighter. After his fight with Alyssa God knew he needed a smoke. After placing on in between his lips and lighting up, he took a slow drag, thinking to himself, Well, I might as well make the most of tonight and try to have a good time. He could use something to get his mind off of Alyssa.
