“This is Continental Airlines flight 3152 from New York to LA. At this time we ask that everyone fasten their seat belts and turn off all electronic devices as we prepare for take off,” the captain’s voice boomed over the plane’s intercom.
Alyssa slid her seat belt across her lap and glanced beside her at Nick who looked pale faced and jittery. I have no idea how after all the flights he’s had to take in his lifetime, he still gets nervous flying, she thought to herself with a smirk. She knew from experience that the take off was the most difficult part of the flight for him. Once they got up in the air, he’d be fine, but until then he’d be a wreck.
She placed her hand on top of his. “Relax Nick. We’re not even off the ground yet. I don’t understand how you get so nervous when you fly everywhere.”
Nick rolled his eyes. “Shut up. I’m not nervous. I just don’t like take off.”
Alyssa laughed. “Would you like me to hold your hand until the seatbelt light goes off?”
“That would be nice. I’d so much rather hold hands with you than Howie,” he joked.
She raised her eyebrows. “So, Howie has to hold your hand through every take off? Aww… I don’t know if I should say that’s sweet or just plain gay.”
“Are you insinuating that I’m gay?” Nick asked, pretending to be offended. “Because we could go into that bathroom back there right now and I can prove to you I certainly aint gay!”
Stifling a giggle, Alyssa just patted his hand. “Let’s leave the initiation into the mile high club for after take off, ok?”
“Oh yea… Uhmm right.” Before he could further respond, the engines roared to life and he clutched on to Alyssa’s hand so tightly that she thought it might break. A few moments later they took off, slowly gaining altitude. Alyssa tried to wiggle her fingers to make sure that they were still working, but Nick had such a tight grip that it was impossible.
She sighed in relief as they finally leveled out to a normal altitude and the seatbelt light went flashing off. Pulling her hand away from Nick’s she shook it to try to get some feeling back into it. “Damn, I know I said you could hold my hand, but did you have to cripple me?”
Nick’s face reddened. “Sorry about that,” he apologized.
Alyssa was about to respond, but just as she opened her mouth she was interrupted by one of the flight attendants coming by to take their drink orders. After they had both ordered sodas, Nick asked for a pillow and a blanket, so that he could take a nap. Alyssa knew that Nick usually liked to sleep on planes because it made the trip seem shorter and it helped him feel more relaxed.
A few minutes later, the flight attendant returned with Nick’s pillow and blanket. She watched as Nick put on a pair of ear phones and then curled up with his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. It wasn’t very long before Alyssa could tell by the steady rise and fall of his chest that he was half asleep.
He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
She loved watching him sleep. He always looked so calm and peaceful. You’d never guess just by looking at him now just how tortured he really is inside, she mused. Her thoughts lingered back to their conversation from last night about Stephanie and Aaron. She’d had no idea that his family had actually forbid Aaron to see Nick for a while. Listening to him confess about how he really wished that he could’ve been a better influence on his younger brother’s life, really just about broke Alyssa’s heart. He really was genuinely a good guy on the inside, just misguided.
And if I try to save him
My whole world would cave in
It just ain't right
Lord, it just ain't right
There was something about him that made her want to gather him in her arms and comfort him. Her mind flashed back to his dejected attitude on Christmas Eve after dinner. How he’d insisted that he wasn’t good enough for her family. How he didn’t belong there. She’d had the same desire then to wipe away all the painful memories from his past. Unfortunately, she wasn’t a miracle worker. There was no way she could change the past. All she could do was feel sad and a little angry towards everybody who had made him become the screwed up, complicated, man he was today.
Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Lord, would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
Maybe that was the explanation for her attraction to him. Maybe she felt bad for him and her desire to make things better for him, was her motivation to redevelop feelings for him. This whole trip to LA… Their decision to try things again… She had to admit that she had no clue whatsoever where they were heading. Was he serious about getting back together with her? Or was he only telling her what she wanted to hear? Nick frustrated her to no end, in the sense that she felt like he was only saying about ten percent of what he really felt and the rest he kept hidden away. She wished that he’d open up more to her, but of course that would take time and patience.
He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
He’s been through so much shit, she bitterly thought to herself. He’s been ripped from his childhood way too soon and thrust into the spotlight. He’s had to deal with all the pressures of remaining a teen idol. His parent’s messy divorce had dragged his entire family through the mud. He’s been hurt by too many women who have tried to take advantage of him in his past… And to think that this was just scratching the surface of the issues that laid inside this man.
But do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight
Baby, hold me tight
The sad part was that a lot of these things weren’t exactly his fault. Granted, he’d done a lot of stupid things in the past and made some not very smart decisions, but when Alyssa thought about where he was coming from, she realized that she couldn’t exactly pin all of the blame on him. He didn’t know better. The more he confided in her, the more positive she was that his partying and drinking and womanizing were just a defense mechanism that he used to hide his pain. He needs someone like me in his life , she realized.
Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
The bold thought made her freeze for a moment. Would it be fair of her to declare that she was exactly what he needed? The cure to all his problems? It was pretty self-righteous of her to suggest. But a part of her honestly believed that. Nick needed someone like her that he could trust. Someone to set him straight and remind him of the way he used to be. Someone to show him how to love again.
I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
Waited so long
For the last three years of her life, a part of her had been holding out for him. Hoping that he’d have a change of a heart. That he’d give them a second chance. Now, her wish had finally been granted. He’d said the words that she had longed so much to hear. But would they be enough? Would their relationship be able to survive the second time around?
He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Only time would be able to tell whether they’d make it or not. All Alyssa knew that it would take a lot of persistence and patience on her part, and she was well prepared for the challenge. She’d readily admit that at times, Nick’s problems seemed way too overwhelming for her to deal with, but she couldn’t deny the fact that she cared a great deal for him. She’d even go as far as to say she loved him, although she was unsure if Nick felt as strongly about her. Their trip to LA was certainly going to answer a lot of the doubts lingering in probably both of their heads.
Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
~Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson
Nick certainly had changed a lot from when she had first known him. He hadn’t always been the broken, relation-phobic man that he was today. Alyssa could remember quite clearly a time when he had been just the opposite. When he had been just as eager to settle down as she had been. She couldn’t help, but to let her memory slip back to the very first time they’d went away together…
**********
“I was thinking… Things have been really crazy around here for the past month or so between you finding out about Katie being pregnant and Meg’s cancer… How about we go away for a weekend, just the two of us?”
Nick’s suggestion had sounded pretty heavenly in Alyssa’s eyes. Although, since Nick had come clean about Katie’s pregnancy, their relationship had remarkably been stronger than ever, they were still both under an incredible amount of stress. As he had mentioned, Meg’s cancer diagnosis had hit Alyssa’s whole family hard, and Alyssa had been struggling with her emotions ever since. In addition, Nick was in the process of putting the finishing touches on the new album with the rest of the guys. Then of course there was the whole Katie issue hanging over their heads.
Since it had nearly destroyed their relationship, Nick had been surprisingly up front with Alyssa about everything. Katie still wanted Nick to be a part of the baby’s life, but left the decision entirely up to him. Nick had seemed to come to terms with the shocking news, and told Alyssa that he intended to take full responsibility for his child. Alyssa had mixed feelings about the whole situation. She knew that Nick was doing the right thing, but a part of her still harbored some jealously towards Katie. No matter what, she’d always have a place in Nick’s life. It amazed her how someone Nick barely knew could share such a special bond with him; a bond that she and Nick didn’t have as close as they were. There was only one way she could think of to sever that bond, and it made her seem like a huge bitch.
When she’d first suggested the idea of Nick filing for custody of the baby, he’d been appalled that she’d even thought of the idea. Katie hadn’t given any indication of being an unfit mother and he couldn’t see himself doing something so sneaky and underhanded to her when she had been nothing, but cooperative throughout the process. Besides, a custody battle would bring the whole mess out into the media which was the last thing Nick wanted, especially with a new album being released. Slowly though, Alyssa began to feel like she was winning him over. She’d painted such a picturesque vision of the two of them caring for a newborn baby together that she was convinced he was actually considering the idea.
There was no doubt that the two could use some romantic one on one time, away from the stresses of all the problems that laid behind in Florida. So, Alyssa had accepted Nick’s offer, and Nick had booked them a weekend at some five star luxury resort in the Bahamas. Alyssa had to admit that she was excited. She’d never been away with a boyfriend before.
The Bahamas had been just as beautiful as she had imagined them to be. It really was the ideal place for a weekend getaway. And Alyssa had to admit that she did kind of like the level of service that the hotel staff awarded them with. She definitely could get used to receiving the royal treatment.
Since they’d arrived though, Nick had seemed very distant, as if he’d been hiding something from her. When Alyssa had questioned him about it, he had muttered something about a “surprise” and that she’d find out “when the time was right.” Her curiosity had definitely been piqued, and she found herself wondering what in the world her surprise could be.
After spending much of their first day lying on the beach, they’d headed back to the hotel. Alyssa had wanted to look in the hotel gift shop for something to bring home for Meg, so while she looked she had urged to Nick to go back to the room by himself to wait for her. Fifteen minutes later, she arrived back to their room with a pucca shell necklace and a glass paperweight with sand that said, “A grain of sand from the Bahamas” on it. She hoped the gifts would cheer Meg up a little in the hospital.
She opened up the hotel room door and saw no sign of Nick. Putting her package and her beach bag on the bed she called for him. “Nick? Where are you?”
“In here, Lyss,” he answered back in the direction of the bathroom.
She stepped into the doorway of the bathroom to find Nick already stretched out in the Jacuzzi tub. “You should really come in. The water feels amazing,” he suggested.
Alyssa had to admit that the bubbly tub did look rather inviting. Without another moments hesitation she slipped out of the beach cover she’d been wearing over her bikini and eased herself down into the steaming water. She closed her eyes, savoring the feeling of the water on her muscles as she submerged herself to her chin. Once, she was inside, she scooted herself next to Nick.
“You’re right. This does feel amazing,” she told him, leaning up to kiss him. It wasn’t until that point that she finally noticed that he’d ditched his swimming trunks long before she’d entered the room.
Reading the recognition on her face, Nick smirked as he pulled her into his lap. “As much as I love the way you look in this...” he told her, fingering the edge of her bikini top. “It has to go.”
I wonder if this is what he meant by my “surprise,” Alyssa wondered as his lips found their way to hers. Although this was nice, she had kind of been expecting something a little more tangible. As the kiss deepened, Nick’s fingertips traveled up towards her neck, pulling at the strings that kept her top in place. Within moments he had it completely untied and removed it from her body.
Any thoughts about the surprise Nick had in store for her flew completely out of her head. Grinning mischievously, she repositioned her body so that she was straddling his lap. Sliding her hands up against his chest, her mouth traced a series of light kisses along his jaw line. She heard him groan in approval and her grin grew wider. She couldn’t help, but to feel satisfied with herself. The whole sex thing was still rather new to her, and she still found it amazing that she had the ability to produce that kind of reaction from him.
Moving down to his neck, she felt his body momentarily tense up for a moment. Alyssa pulled her head up and looked at him. “Are you all right?” she momentarily asked.
Nick’s eyes seemed to be darting nervously towards the direction where his pants were laying a few short feet behind him. “I’m fine, baby. Great in fact,” he assured her with what seemed to Alyssa as almost too enthusiastic a grin.
She shot him a doubtful glance, but refocused her attention back to his neck. Sucking gently at a spot that she knew he loved, she could swear that she could feel his arm reaching for something. “Are you looking for something?” she asked, trying not to sound too annoyed as she pulled away.
“No. I’m not looking for anything,” he replied, his eyes wide with innocence.
“It seemed like you were reaching for something,” she accused.
Nick shook his head. “You must’ve been imagining things.” He reached his hand around to the back of her head pulling her closer to him. “Now where were we?”
“I think right about here…” Her lips connected with his neck again only instead of his arms staying on her they ever so subtly made their way back against the edge of the hot tub. Within another few moments, Alyssa could swear she felt him reaching towards something again with his left arm.
Getting aggravated now, Alyssa didn’t even bother to look up. Instead she reached out and grabbed his arm, to force it around her body. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed some kind of object fly out of Nick’s hands and go flying with a splash into the hot tub.
“What the hell was that?” she asked as she pulled away and reached over to retrieve the object. Upon closer inspection, Alyssa noticed that it was a small black velvet colored box.
Nick looked sheepish as his cheeks flamed with embarrassment. “Well, uhmm this isn’t exactly how I planned to do this… I wanted to give you this later. I was just waiting for the right moment. I saw it sticking out of my pants pocket and was afraid that you’d see it, so I was trying to push it back in, but when you grabbed my arm, it kind of went flying out of my hand. Go ahead and open it.”
Alyssa slid off of his lap, her hands trembling as she opened the box. She knew what back velvet boxes usually contained, but it couldn’t be. They’d hardly been dating long enough yet and besides this could not possibly be how he planned to ask her to marry him. I’m sitting here half naked in a hot tub. Completely not the story I want to share with my grandchildren,she told herself. Nope, there was no way that box could contain a ring, at least not an engagement ring.
She gasped in shock as her eyes lay upon the large, sparkling diamond ring that lay nestled in the soft cushioning of the box. “Is this what I think it is?” she asked, completely dumbfounded.
Nick just nodded. “Like I said, this isn’t exactly the scenario I had in mind when I planned on asking you. And I know it’s kind of soon to be doing this, but a part of me has always thought that you were the girl I wanted to marry. So, yea…” He reached for the ring and took her hand in his. “Alyssa, will you marry me?” he asked, slipping the ring onto her finger.
Alyssa just sat there stunned for a moment as she looked at the ring that lay on her finger. She had to admit that she liked the way that it glittered when she held it up to the light. The ring itself was gorgeous. Huge in fact. Almost to the point of looking ridiculous on her finger. But there was something she liked about the way it looked. Granted, they’d never really even discussed the possibility of marriage, but Alyssa figured that they’d have plenty of time to get used to the idea. They were young and they didn’t necessarily have to get married right away. She’d like to finish school first and she knew Nick probably wanted to wait until their next tour was over before he could even think of planning a wedding.
“Yes…” The word was out of her mouth before she even realized that she had said it.
Nick looked relieved as he wrapped his arms around her. “I’m so glad you said that. You were so quiet at first that you really had me sweating it.”
“Of course I said yes,” she gleefully answered. Oh my God, I’m engaged. The news finally hit her. She’d been dreaming about this moment since she was probably about four years old. She was so happy that she even seemed to forget about the awkward way in which Nick was forced to propose. That was until he uttered the most shocking words of all.
“I know that I just asked you and everything, but I was thinking. Since we’re down here in probably the closest to paradise that I can imagine lets get married right away. Tomorrow in fact. Then we can come back home to Florida at the end of the weekend married and surprise everyone.”
Alyssa couldn’t contain her surprise at his suggestion. Asking her to marry him at this stage of the game was strange enough. But wanting to get married less than 24 hours after they got engaged? That was just nuts to her. “What!? Are you crazy?”
“I’m serious!” Nick insisted. “We could get married right out on the beach. Then after we get back we could have like a reception for our family and friends.”
“My parents would never go for that Nick. Besides, I’ve kind of always wanted a big wedding.”
“No one’s taking that away from you,” he pointed out. “You can plan however you want the reception to go. Trust me. We’ll be better off this way. Once the media hears we’re engaged do you honestly think that we’re not going to have every magazine in the country trying to sneak photographers into our wedding? This way we’re one step ahead of them. They can’t ruin our ceremony.”
Alyssa frowned. ‘But what’s to keep them from sneaking into this ‘reception’ we’re planning? I’m sorry Nick, but it seems to me like there’s some kind of ulterior motive here. Why is it so important that we get married right this second? Is this some kind of scheme that your publicist put in your head to garner interest around the new album?”
As soon as she said those words she immediately felt horrible. She could tell just by the reaction on Nick’s face that he was hurt by her accusation. “This isn’t a media scam, I swear to you Alyssa. I love you! I genuinely want to marry you. But I guess maybe there are some other selfish reasons I’m pushing this marriage.” He paused to collect his thoughts. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you suggested. That I should file for custody of the baby after Katie gives birth. It’ll be hard for me to win a custody battle when my life isn’t very stable. I figured that if we were married it would give us an edge over Katie. At least then a judge could see that the baby would have two loving parents with us. And like I said before, I’ve always known that you were the one. I knew we’d get married eventually. This just means that we’ll have to move things along a little quicker, that’s all.”
She softened at his words. She couldn’t be mad at him with an explanation like that. Not only had he just confessed his love for her, but he also agreed to file for custody. If he was granted it, then she’d be able to share that same bond that she had envied between him and Katie. Yea, she knew that caring for a baby was no joke and would be a lot of pressure. Especially a baby that wasn’t hers, but she was prepared for the challenge. It would be worth it in the end to hurt Katie in the same way that Katie had hurt her. And like Nick had said, they would’ve gotten married at some point anyway. Why not move it up a little bit? “All right,” she found herself agreeing. “Let’s do it. Let’s get married tomorrow.”
**********
Alyssa chuckled to herself at irony of it all. Nick, the man who four years later was scared to death over the word commitment, actually at one point could not get married fast enough. And her… She was almost ashamed of herself. Ripping an innocent child from their mother out of revenge and jealously. Not one of her prouder moments in life. She supposed she should be thankful that things had worked out the way they had. She’d have been a horrible stepmother. At least at that point in her life. She’d been too young and stupid to see how bad of an idea it was.
She glanced at her wrist to check to see what time it was. They still had quite a while to go with the flight. Deciding to take Nick’s lead, she nestled back into her seat and closed her eyes, hoping to fall asleep. If possible, she didn’t want to wake up until they had landed in LA.
