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Author's Chapter Notes:
Kevin drops a major bombshell on Nick.
Chapter 45


“Just think… Some day in the future, you’ll be the one running out at all crazy hours of the night to buy Alyssa ice cream or whatever type of food she craves,” Kevin predicted, laying a friendly pat on Nick’s back as he dumped a carton of pistachio ice cream onto the supermarket conveyor belt. “See what you have to look forward too?”

Nick shook his head in response. “That’s not going to be for a long, long, long, long, time. Alyssa and I can’t even decide if we want to be with each other a week from now, so I don’t think we’re in any kind of position to be thinking about kids. Besides, you forget, I’ve experienced a pregnant woman’s cravings firsthand. Been there, done that.” Katie had always craved cheesecake while she had been pregnant with Serena, which had usually resulted in Nick running out to the nearest supermarket, bakery, or restaurant to bring her back a few slices. It hadn’t been fun in his book.

“Oh yea…” Kevin realized, momentarily forgetting that his younger friend had been through all of this before him. An awkward silence fell over them, as the cashier rang up their purchase and Kevin paid for the ice cream. He grabbed the plastic bag and began to walk towards the door, before he finally spoke again. “She’s good for you, you know.”

Nick looked confused for a moment. “Who’s good for me?” he asked, clearly thrown by the randomness of Kevin’s comment.

“Alyssa. She keeps you stable. I can definitely see the difference in you.”

“Really? You think I’m different around her?” He hadn’t noticed anything different in his behavior, but then again he was only able to see things from an inside perspective.

“Absolutely. You look happier than you have been in a long time. And the two of you seem really relaxed around each other. I’m not sure exactly what is going on between you, but I can tell that you and her are more than just friends. I know I had my doubts in the beginning and I gave you a bit of a rough time, but I can see now that I was wrong about the two of you,” the older man confessed. “You definitely have my blessing.”

“Thanks…” Nick just looked stunned for a moment. Kevin apologize? And he gave them his blessing? This was beginning to feel a lot more serious than he originally thought. “She is good for me,” he finally admitted. “She’s been a very big comfort to me these past few months.”

Kevin grinned as they reached his car. “Never thought I’d see it with my own two eyes, but I think that you’ve finally met the right woman, little man. Now just don’t fuck it up.”

Kevin’s words echoed in Nick’s mind as he climbed into the passenger seat. Could Alyssa really be “the one?” He hadn’t really considered the thought before… Well at least not recently. There had been a time when he had been positive that Alyssa was the woman that he was meant to spend the rest of his life with, but a lot had changed since then. He was an entirely different person now. Besides, he didn’t believe in all that soul mate crap anyway. He laughed nervously. “I’ll try not to.”

A few more minutes of tense silence passed between the two men as they drove off. There had been some sort of wall built up between the two of them ever since Kevin had first announced his plans to possibly leave the group. Ever since then, the two men had been polite, but nowhere near as friendly towards each other as they had once been. Kevin suspected that Nick felt betrayed that he’d even entertain the idea of leaving, and now that he had reached a final decision, he wasn’t looking forward to breaking the news to him. Deep down though, Kevin knew it would be best to tell Nick first, since he anticipated that he’d probably take the news the hardest. Now would be a perfect opportunity, since they were completely alone and since they were in a car, Nick couldn’t storm off, a typical reaction for him when he received particularly unpleasant news.

Kevin cleared his throat and gripped the steering wheel tighter before initiating the conversation. “I talked to Howie this afternoon.” After seeing no response from Nick, he continued. “He told me about what happened yesterday afternoon with the paparazzi.”

“He told you?” Nick looked as if he was about to lash out, but quickly managed to calm himself. “It doesn’t matter. It was stupid anyway.”

“It’s not stupid. Obviously it upset you a great deal. I mean I heard that you had quite a few choice words for them-“

“If you brought this up to lecture me about how I need to keep my temper in check around the paparazzi, I don’t want to hear it!” he interrupted. “Bad enough I realize now that because I got so angry, I gave them exactly what they wanted and now I probably just helped sell a few thousand more copies of their trash.”

“They know that I’m thinking about leaving, Nick. That means that some of the fans are probably already starting rumors. We have to face this!”

Nick looked away. “No we don’t. Keep quiet and just keep denying it. The rumors will die down in a few weeks.”

Kevin swallowed, knowing that the truth was about to come out any minute now. “What if it’s true?”

This caught Nick’s attention and his head whipped back around. “What if what’s true? That you’re leaving the group? We know it’s not… At least nothing has been decided yet.”

“I have reached a decision-“

Kevin’s heart nearly broke as he saw the hollow look in Nick’s eyes as if he knew what Kevin was going to say before he actually said it. All of a sudden, it seemed to Kevin as if Nick was fourteen again. “No!” he insisted. “You’re not leaving the group Kevin! Please, tell me you’re not!”

“I am… I’m sorry Nick, but it’s the right thing to do under the circumstances.”

“Circumstances? What circumstances? Fuck the circumstances! We need you!”

Kevin sighed, already feeling tension building around his head. “I have a wife who is pregnant with my child. I want to devote every minute that I can to them. I feel that if I’m a part of this band I won’t be able to give 100% of myself to either the fans or my family. It wouldn’t be fair to either one.”

“That’s bullshit! You act as if you’re the only one in the world who has ever had a baby on the way. Look at Brian! He didn’t run off to quit the group the minute Baylee was born. And he’s a damn good father! And I had no intentions of leaving the group when Katie was pregnant!”

“That was different. We were on hiatus when Baylee was born, so Brian had the leisure of being able to spend time with his son,” Kevin pointed out. “And you… Well, that was a completely different story. “

“I don’t see it that way at all,” Nick challenged. “You know what I think Kevin? I think that you’re a coward! You’re just sick of performing or maybe you just can’t hack it anymore or whatever, so you’re hiding behind the excuse that you have a child on the way. Why don’t you just come out and say the truth? That you don’t want to be a part of the group anymore, because you’re sick and tired of us!

Kevin’s voice caught in his throat. “That’s not true at all! You know that I see you guys as my younger brothers. I’d never turn my back on you for no reason!”

“Well, you certainly have a funny way of showing it,” he muttered, just loud enough for Kevin to hear.

“Nick, this might not even be forever. When things clear up and when the baby is old enough, who knows? Maybe I’ll come back, but for now-“

“Maybe we won’t want you! What makes you think that you can just come and go as you please? What makes you so special? You’re the one who was ready to throw AJ out of the band once you found out he was using drugs. You were pretty much ready to turn your back on him, yet you want us to leave the door open for you? Why should we?”

“Now hold on! That was a completely different situation!” Kevin sputtered, before he realized how pointless this all was. He knew by now that Nick’s anger was almost impossible to match, and the few times he had tried it always ended with holes punched into hotel room walls or the other guys having to hold the two of them back from each other. In this situation, Kevin knew that he wasn’t going to win and it was probably best just to let Nick vent.

“It was not! God, I’m so fucking sick of you thinking that you’re like God or something! That’s one thing I am not going to miss! Maybe we’re better off without your sorry ass!”

Thankfully enough at this point, they were only about a block away from Nick’s house and Kevin was relieved. He did the best he could to tune Nick’s ranting out, but it was difficult. Already, Kevin began to feel like he’d taken a physical beating, but he knew Nick long enough to know that he didn’t really mean about half of what he was saying. Right now he needed to just cool down and let the news settle in rationally.

He was never so relieved to pull into Nick’s driveway. “I guess Melanie and I will be going. Just send her out on your way in.”

“Yea, whatever,” Nick muttered as he tore open the car door.

“Nick… I’m sorry,” he attempted one last lame stab at an apology.

Nick looked back at him and for a moment their eyes locked and Kevin had a glimmer of hope that he’d change his mind. That glimmer was shattered when Nick looked away, a look of pure hatred in his eyes. “Fuck you Kevin,” he spat, before turning on his feet and disappearing inside his house.




Inside the house, Melanie and Alyssa were just beginning to load the dirty dishes from dinner into the dishwasher when they heard the sound of Kevin’s car pull into the driveway. The two women exchanged a worried glance, already expecting the worst possible scenario. As they raced towards the front door, their expectations were met when they heard the car door slam loudly and Nick’s voice ringing out quite loudly, “Fuck you Kevin!”

Melanie grimaced as soon as she heard the words. “Wow, he’s lucky that Kevin probably feels bad for him right now, because under ordinary circumstances he’d never be able to get away with that shit.” With a sigh, she picked her purse up from the couch where she’d thrown it when she had walked in earlier that evening. “I guess it’ll probably be best if I leave now. Good luck trying to calm him down. Whatever you do please make sure he doesn’t hit the bottle. You know how he gets.”

Alyssa nodded, not at all looking forward to Nick’s wrath. His outburst with the paparazzi the other afternoon had been scary enough for her, and something told her that his anger would be multiplied at least tenfold after hearing Kevin’s decision. She’d never seen Nick this angry before and although she was positive that he would never intentionally hurt her, she knew if she didn’t at least allow him a little space to cool off, he’d only take his anger out on her verbally. “Good night Melanie.”

Just then the front door flung open and Nick strode past the two of them looking as if he was literally fuming. His blue eyes looked as cold as ice and his face was clearly red. He walked in the door in such a frenzy that he nearly knocked poor Melanie over. Alyssa pressed a hand to her mouth, silently thankful that he only just brushed past Melanie. She could only imagine what would have happened if she had fallen and something had happened to the baby.

She felt as if she ought to try to offer some kind of consoling words to him, but she couldn’t think of any. “Nick…” she started off, fighting to come up with something.

“Don’t! I’m not in the mood Alyssa!” he warned her, holding up a hand. “I feel like shit. I’m going to bed. Please just leave me alone before I say something I regret, okay?”

“All right,” Alyssa reluctantly agreed as Nick headed upstairs towards the bedroom. A few moments later Alyssa could distinctively hear loud crashing noises that sounded as if Nick was probably tearing up his entire bedroom. She jumped at the noises, not feeling at all comfortable even being in the house at the moment. For a moment or two, she even contemplated giving AJ or Howie a call and seeing if she could possibly spend the night with one of them or the girls, but she quickly reconsidered. If she called one of them she’d have to explain what exactly had set Nick off, and she was pretty sure that Kevin had yet to share his news with the rest of the guys. Plus if she wasn’t there to make sure that Nick didn’t do anything stupid, his next move after destroying his bedroom would probably be to grab his keys and head out to the nearest bar and get drunk. And in his current mental state, Alyssa doubted that he’d remember that he already had one DUI charge under his belt. So, because she cared so much about him and was worried sick by his erratic behavior, she stayed.

Maybe he just needs to get all that angry energy out and after he’s broken a few things, he’ll calm down. Maybe he’s not so different from some of the difficult students you’ve encountered, she tried to tell herself. Maybe he just needs to have his tantrum and then he’ll be okay.

As difficult as it was to ignore what was going on upstairs, Alyssa tried her best to tune it out as she finished loading up the dishwasher and started the load. When that was finished she began to wrap up the leftovers that were still on the table and put them in the refrigerator for lunch the following day. After that, searching for something to do she found a sponge and began to scrub his countertops. She’d never been much of a neat freak herself, but now she found her searching for any kind of menial task to kill some of the tension that lingered in the air and to get her mind off of how concerned she was.

At this rate, Nick’s house will be spotless by the time he gets over the snit he’s in. The thought brought a slight smile to her face for a moment as out of boredom she moved on to straightening little things up. If anyone walked in on me right now they’d probably swear up and down that I have OCD.

Finally after nearly an hour of cleaning, Alyssa collapsed on the couch not knowing what else to do with herself. She supposed she should probably head upstairs and find an empty bedroom to crash in since Nick had made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to see her or anyone else for that matter. Just the thought of heading up those stairs made her stomach twist into knots though.

After a few minutes of fighting with herself, she reluctantly headed towards the stairs and slowly ascended them pausing midway. The crashing noises that had echoed throughout the house earlier had subsided and everything seemed still. Alyssa wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad sign though.

When she reached the top landing and started down the hall she stopped next to Nick’s closed door. Curiosity and concern got the best of her, and she pressed her ear against the door to see if she could hear anything going on inside that would give her a clue as to how Nick was doing. Even though she was straining her ears, nothing could be heard. Maybe I should just stick my head in and make sure he’s all right? she wondered. After a few minutes of fighting with herself, she took a deep breath and quietly pushed the door open.

The sight that lay before her made Alyssa gasp. A lamp from Nick’s nightstand lay sideways on the floor, visibly cracked. Dresser drawers had been pulled out haphazardly and various articles of clothes littered the carpet. Shards of glass were all that remained from the mirror that had stood above the dresser. In his rage Nick had completely ransacked the room. Alyssa was afraid to even look further to see what other damage had been done.

Her gaze drifted over to the bed where she could just about barely make out Nick’s huddled form. His back was to her and he was lying on his side as if he were sleeping. Upon closer inspection, Alyssa suspected by his breathing that he actually wasn’t sleeping, but just pretending to do so. She assumed that like she had originally predicted, he had blown off all his steam and now finally the anger was turning into depression.

“Nick?” she tentatively spoke up. There was no response. Nick just continued staring in the direction of the wall. “Nick? I know you’re not really sleeping.”

Again there was no answer. Feeling braver now, Alyssa stripped off her clothing until she was in just a tank top and boy shorts and slid into bed next to him, sliding her hands around his waist. “If you don’t feel like talking I understand that. Just please don’t shut me out, okay? I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Nick still didn’t say anything, but Alyssa could tell by the change in his breathing that he knew that she was there and he made no move to shrug her off, which she took as a good sign. “Melanie told me that Kevin decided to leave the group,” she continued. “I understand how upset and angry and betrayed you probably feel right now. I’m not going to force you to talk about it though. I just want you to know that I’m going to be here for you, and if or when you feel up to talking about it, I’ll definitely listen.”

Finally Nick responded by rolling onto his back and turning his head to look towards her. Alyssa could practically feel her heart breaking as she realized by the puffiness in his eyes that he had actually been crying. “I can’t believe he’s actually doing it. He’s actually fucking doing it,” he said in a cracked voice.

Alyssa sighed as she reached out to rub his back. “I know… It’s going to be hard without him.”

“Who’s going to be the one to speak for us at interviews? Who’s going to be the one to kick me under the table when I zone out during meetings? Who’s going to be on my ass, making sure I’m ready on time in the morning? Who’s going to stand up for me to the media the next time I make one of my infamous mistakes?” As he asked each question, he looked more and more lost.

“I don’t know Nick… I guess the four of you are going to have to step things up a bit and be more independent.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Me? Independent? If it hadn’t been for Kevin I don’t know where I’d be now. He was always the toughest on me and I used to hate him for it, but as of lately I’ve started to appreciate it more. He was only doing it because he cared about me, you know.”

Alyssa nodded. “That’s very true. He’s helped you out a lot throughout the years hasn’t he?”

“Yea… I really don’t know how I’m going to do it without him,” he admitted.

“You’ll do it. You’re strong enough now. It’s not like your fifteen anymore. You’re almost twenty-six. You don’t need anyone pushing you along anymore. I think you’ll be fine. Yea… you’ll still miss him and it’ll be weird him not being there, but its not like you can’t be friends anymore. You can still keep in touch.”

Nick looked down. “I don’t know… Sometimes I wonder about being strong enough part. I tend to do really stupid things and rely on Kevin to smooth everything over for me. Now its like I finally have to take responsibility for my actions and it’s sort of scary to think about.”

“Aww Nick…” Alyssa hugged him closer to her. “That’s a really hard thing to be able to admit. But just the fact that you did shows a certain level of maturity. I think that even since July when we first met up again, there’s been a really big change in you for the better.”

“Really? You think so?”

Alyssa nodded. “Uh huh. This past summer you were such a player. With the partying and the drinking and all those random girls… I was really afraid that the old Nick that I used to know was gone for good. But somewhere along the line in the past few months something changed. You slowly began to cut down on all that negative behavior and it seems like you’re finally beginning to remember who is important in your life. I think you’ll be okay Nick. I honestly do.”

A sad expression came over Nick’s face. “I really fucked things up with Kevin though. I said a lot of really horrible things to him that I didn’t mean. I was just really angry and I think some of what I said can’t be taken back.”

“I’m sure Kevin realizes that you didn’t mean it. After being your friend for almost thirteen years now, I think that he knows you well enough to know that when you’re upset you often say things that you don’t mean. I’m sure he was expecting that kind of reaction from you,” she tried to assure him.

“I told Kevin to fuck himself. That’s not something you get away with too easily. That’s like telling your Dad that. You always want to and you say it under your breath a lot, but you’re always scared to actually do it because you’ll know he’ll beat your ass for it,” Nick tried to explain.

Alyssa had to crack a smile at his analogy. “I know you did. Melanie and I heard it and under the circumstances I think Kevin might just let you slide this time as long as you apologize. Trust me; Kevin is not going to want to let all those years of friendship go to waste over something like this. He’s going to want to leave the group on good terms and he’s going to want each and every one of you to be a part of that baby’s life once it’s born. Like I said, it’s not going to be easy going back into the studio without him, but you have to make the most of these last few weeks of the tour that you have together.”

“And then what happens after the tour?”

“Don’t think about that now. You don’t want to spend your last few chances to perform altogether worrying about the future. You want to go out on a positive note right?”

Nick nodded. “I guess you’re right. But after the tour it’s really going to hit me I think and that’s when it’ll really start to suck. I don’t know what I’m going to do to keep myself distracted.”

“Well, you’ll have me,” she pointed out, laying her head against his chest.

“What exactly do you mean by that?”

Alyssa froze for a moment, realizing that once again she had spoken without thinking. Did she really mean what she had implied? She quickly thought it over in her mind and as crazy as it seemed, something in her gut told her that it was right thing to do, especially if she cared this much about him. He needed her, and she was not about to abandon him now. Whether it was as friends or perhaps something more, she owed it to him to be there for him.

She took in a deep breath. “You’re obviously going to be really depressed and bummed and stuff when the tour wraps up. I’m anticipating that you’re probably need a good friend to talk to or maybe somebody who’s good at cuddling. So, I guess I’m just going to have move out here to LA.”

Nick looked shocked for a moment. They’d discussed the possibility of her moving out there a few days earlier when they’d agreed to give things another try between them, but he definitely hadn’t expected anything to be decided so soon. He was surprised how fast things all of a sudden began to be moving, but strangely he was not all together freaked out. He had to admit that it would be comforting to have her closer to him. “But you love New York City,” he stuttered.

Alyssa shrugged. “Yea, I know I do, but something tells me that LA might not be so bad.”

Through the darkness, she could barely make out the shape of Nick’s lips lifting upwards into a small smile. “Thanks,” he told her in a low voice. Then he did something completely unexpected. Pulling her body closer to his, his hands reached upwards into her hair and pulled her head closer to his. When their lips met, Alyssa almost gasped at the intensity of the kiss. Maybe it was all the emotions that were clearly tearing at Nick during that moment. Whatever it was there was one thing that Alyssa was sure of.

She’d made the right decision.