Chapter 16

   Sleep for Alyssa that night was fitful at best. Contrary to her belief that it would grant her peace from Nick, she was haunted by dreams and memories of him. The most vivid dream had been about the night he came back from Sweden and the argument that had ensued between them after he had accidentally called her Katie. It felt almost as if she was completely reliving it word for word.

*****

    "Alyssa, wait! I can explain," Nick insisted as he sat up in bed.

    "I hope you can fucking explain!" she exploded, searching the ground for her shirt. "You just called me Katie! The last time I checked Katie and Alyssa sound absolutely nothing alike. Obviously whoever this 'Katie' is the two of you managed to get pretty close."

    "I never intended to hurt you," he tried to explain to her with a pleading gaze.

    Alyssa just rolled her eyes as she found her shirt and pulled it up over her head. "I bet Nick. Don't you mean that you never intended for me to find out?"

    "Don't put words in my mouth."

    "So who was she Nick? I already am willing to bet that she was some random girl you came across in Sweden, probably at a club who couldn't keep her hands off of you. Am I getting warm? Then you're going to tell me that you were drunk and had no recollection of what you were doing, so it really wasn't your fault at all. Besides you figured that I'd never find out-"

    "That's not how it happened at all!" Nick interrupted, his anger and frustration evident. "So don't pretend like you know what happened. The situation was much more complex than you seem to think it was. I feel insulted that you think that about me!"

    Alyssa found herself laughing condescendingly. "YOU feel insulted? This is great! You're the one what goes off and sleeps with another girl yet I'M the bad guy. I love how you turn this all around and make it seem like YOU'RE the victim here. Well, if I'm so 'wrong' about the situation maybe you'd like to enlighten me?"

    She stared at Nick with her arms crossed over her chest impatiently waiting for him to collect his thoughts. He was either not sure what to say or fighting to find a good excuse, because he was quiet, but appeared deep in thought. He could be like this all night. She couldn't do this right now. Her body was pounding with adrenaline and the rage she felt bubbling up inside her was threatening to consume her. Fuck explanations. She needed to get out of there before she killed him.

    "Yea, that's what I thought," she replied, taking his silence for a sign of his surrender. "Well, I hope you're happy with yourself." With that said she whirled around and ran down the stairs intent on getting the hell out of there before she broke down in tears.

    She was just grabbing her purse and her car keys when she heard Nick following her down the stairs. "Alyssa," he demanded as he grabbed her wrist. "Will you just listen to me for two minutes?"

    "Honestly Nick as of right now I am so angry that I just can't deal with this right now. I don't want to hear your excuses anymore. I need to leave now before I do or say something I really regret," she tried to explain as she wriggled out of his grasp.

    "Can I call you or something when you're ready to talk?" he asked her.

    "I don't know," she answered. "I just can't be around you right now." Breaking free from his hold she headed towards the door, but before leaving she turned around to get one last word in.

    "You know do you even realize just what was about to happen back there? I was literally putting myself out there for you. I was totally vulnerable, yet willing to give myself to you because I trusted you! And to hear you call me by another woman's name... Well, that hurt me in a way that I don't think that you could even imagine. I was one hundred percent into it and I thought that you were to. Apparently I was mistaken. Your mind appeared to be one other things. So, yea... I just wanted to thank you for making me feel like absolute shit." Without even waiting for his response she bolted out the door and ran to the safety of her car. It was only after she started the engine and drove a block or so from Nick's house that she allowed herself to finally cry.

******

    When she finally awoke and realized what she had been dreaming about, Alyssa inwardly groaned. Why is he ALWAYS on my mind? That whole fight was like a thousand years ago! Why am I thinking about it now? Deep down, she supposed the answer was obvious, even though she refused to admit it to herself. She'd been upset about seeing Nick with another girl, or in this case girls, which instantly made her think about him and Katie. Funny how history almost repeats itself, she thought cynically to herself.

    I can't waste anymore time thinking of him, she resolutely decided as she sat up in bed. Outside of a slight, dull headache, she felt fine from her small drinking binge the night before. Thankfully she seldom got hangovers. Once her feet hit the floor, she went over to her suitcase to retrieve some Advil and then headed to the bathroom for a quick shower. About 20 minutes later she was dressed in a pair of sweats and a tank top with her hair secured back in a damp ponytail. Slipping on her flip flops, Alyssa realized her stomach was actually growling a little bit. I guess I could check out the hotel cafe for a bagel or something, she decided.

    As she left her room and passed Izzy and Tristan's, she paused for a moment wondering if she should invite them along with her. They probably want to sleep, she reasoned and continued down the hall to the elevator. Once the doors opened she stepped inside and hit the button to reach the main floor.

    The elevator began its steady descent downwards, stopping about three floors later to let on more passengers. As soon as Alyssa heard a pair of loud familiar giggles she instantly regretted not waking Izzy and Tristan to accompany her. Who happened to board the elevator just then, but Nick's two little pals from last night. Maybe if I ignore them they won't say anything to me, she prayed, as she moved closer to the corner of the elevator.

    Glancing at the pair out from the corner of her eyes, she observed that both girls were still dressed in their outfits from the night before. Then it hit her. Of course Nick was staying at the same hotel because Izzy had mentioned that she had booked rooms their specifically for that reason. She wasn't positive what floor Nick was staying on, but she had a sinking suspicion it had been the one that the girls had just boarded from. Oh God, am I bearing witness to the elevator ride of shame? she wondered. All of a sudden she felt sick.

    "Oh, look who it is!" one of the piercing voices interrupted her thoughts.

    Shit. They had spotted her. Acting as nonchalantly as possible, Alyssa plastered a fake smile on her face. "Oh.. uh hi. Funny running into you here," she awkwardly replied.

    "Yea, I mean what are the chances? I didn't know you were staying here?" the one girl, who Alyssa thought was Cynthia asked.

    "Oh, well I am. I didn't know that you were either," Alyssa commented her eyes narrowing slightly. Right after she said it she knew that she had just dug her own grave.

    "We're not. We were just 'visiting,'" her friend threw in as the girls exchanged conspiratorial glances and laughed.

    Yea, I'm sure you were just 'visiting.' And I can probably figure out exactly WHO you went to 'visit,' Alyssa thought to herself, anger already beginning to flood her cheeks. But she refused to give them the satisfaction that she actually gave a damn about who Nick happened to spend the night with.

    Thankfully enough the light on the elevator control panel indicated that they were reaching the main floor. She found herself almost sighing in relief when the doors began to crack open.

    "Oh yea," Tiffany added, obviously wanting to get one last dig in. "Just thought we'd let you know that we found out that answer to those rumors last night." She seemed to pause for dramatic effect. "They're all true. We weren't the least bit disappointed." With that said her and Cynthia exchanged satisfied glances and strode off leaving Alyssa still in the elevator, her mouth gaping in shock.

    Those little bitches! Those filthy rotten whores! Alyssa's mind was still reeling from their last words to her. She easily could've put two and two together and figured out what happened last night between them and Nick. She wasn't stupid. But to hear them be so bold to admit it openly and to seem to be proud of it! It's a good thing that they left before I could react because I think I would've killed those sluts!

    Alyssa was so wrapped up in her anger that she hadn't even realized that the doors had shut and the elevator had continued upwards again. Great, now I have to ride up again just to go back down. Today was getting off to a great start.

    Once she finally reached the main floor, Alyssa angrily got off and made her way towards the hotel cafe where she ordered a sesame bagel with creme cheese and a small coffee. She paid for her items and then contemplated on whether she should get a table or just take her food up to her room to eat. I really don't want to see anyone right now, she decided, as she headed back towards the elevator. Eating her breakfast in her hotel room by herself sounded like heaven to her.

    She whirled around and headed off towards the elevator until a familiar voice interrupted her. "Alyssa! Wait up!" she heard it say.

    Oh no... Exactly who I DON'T want to see right now. Maybe I can pretend I didn't hear him?

    Too late, she realized as she felt Nick's hand on her shoulder as he caught up with her. "You were walking so fast I didn't think that you heard me," he told her, sounding a little out of breath from trying to catch up with her.

    She turned around and looked up at him. He was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt with a baseball cap on his head. His eyes had bags underneath him, as if he hadn't gotten much sleep and in his hands was a large cup of coffee.

    "Good morning Nick," she said a little cooly, unsure of how she should act. She was still royally pissed at him for ignoring her last night and now that it was confirmed that he had spent the night with Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber, she'd lost any bit of sympathy that she had left for him. "Rough night last night?"

    "Yea, sort of," he vaguely answered. "Listen I wanted to apologize for last night. I remember seeing you at the club, but I guess it just didn't really sink in that you were really here. I know its no excuse, but I was drunk and I really wasn't all that quick on my feet."

    "It's ok, Nick," she answered. "I understand."

    "You do?" Nick asked, looking a little confused. He's expected more of a fight out of Alyssa.

    "Yea I do. Completely," she assured him. "I mean why would you remember telling me that I should drop in to see you sometime, when you have two beautiful blondes by your side? I can see how that can affect your memory. And then not even coming by to talk to me for a little bit, after I flew across the country to visit you? Well, I suppose I can forgive that one too. You know I really wouldn't want to compromise your chances of getting laid. By the way, I must congratulate you. A threesome? I'm impressed!"

    Nick sighed. He should've known not to fall into one of Alyssa's little traps. Why did girls have to be such bitches? "I take it you're pissed then."

    "Yea, you could say that Nick. I think I have a right to be. Money is tight with me, but I came all the way to fucking California to visit you and you pass me up for two of the trashiest, rudest, nastiest girls I've ever met. The least you could've done was come over and say hi. Am I only good enough for you when there's no one better around?"

    "There you go again Alyssa! You're jealous of them. I knew it!" he pointed out.

    "I am not jealous of those girls!" Alyssa insisted. "I have no reason to be. I am ten times classier then they are, so what is there to be jealous about?"

    "The fact that they're the ones with me, and you aren't?"

    Alyssa's mouth flew open. "You egotistical bastard! Do you just automatically assume that every female in the world wants you?"

    "No I don't assume that, but I can tell that you are jealous Alyssa, and that's the only reason that I can come up with. We're over! So just get it out of your head!" he angrily replied, not even realizing the enormity of what he had just said.

    Oh my God... Did he just say what I thought he said? Alyssa wondered. Nick was never one to be that firm and blunt about such a delicate issue. Just the way he said it had hit her like someone had stuck a knife through her heart.

    Nick looked over her and realized how hurt she seemed by his comment. "I'm sorry Alyssa," he apologized in softer tone. "That came off way too harsh. What I'm trying to say is that, its none of your business who I sleep with. We're not together anymore, so what does it matter? I want to be your friend, but not if I'm going to have to listen to you judge me over every little thing I do! I told you in the beginning that the only way this is going to work is if you don't get bent out of shape every time you see me with other girls."

    "I wish you'd just make up your fucking mind Nick!" she exploded.

    "Huh?" Nick looked confused. "What do you mean I need to make up my mind?"

    "Well, first you tell me that you want to still be friends, and I can't get jealous if I see you with other girls, but then you kiss me! Granted, it was supposedly just one of those 'caught up in the moment' type things, but still it happened and you don't think that I'm not going to get confused by that? I'm sorry if I can't be all unemotional and detached when it comes to those things. I'm not like you! That's why I try to stay clear from those situations." Alyssa paused to take a breath, her eyes starting to feel with tears. "Okay, so maybe I came out here with a small hope that you'd see me and be overjoyed and it would be almost like when we were dating. Then when I saw you last night with those two girls I realized how wrong I was. Things are never going to be the same and I was stupid to think so."

    Nick looked a little stunned at her confession. What was he supposed to say to that? She was right. He had been the one to kiss her which had probably fucked things up even more so. What do I want? he asked himself. I want Alyssa by my side, but I don't want her in that way. He wanted to still be able to see other girls too. God, this situation is getting much too complicated for me.

    "I'm sorry," he found himself saying. "That kiss... It was a mistake."

    "You know what else was a mistake? This friendship," Alyssa answered coldly. "I can't do this Nick. I thought that I'd be okay if I saw you with a girl, but when its two at a time and you're drunk and just making an ass out of yourself, then I have to draw the line."

    "Are you saying that you don't want to be friends anymore?" he asked, with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

    "As long as your sex life comes before your friends, then I'm going to have to say yes. No wonder Izzy has lost all respect for you," she replied, as she wiped her eyes.

    "My sex life does not come before my friends!" he insisted.

    "You could fool me," Alyssa retorted. "I'd say when you can't even take five minutes to come over to us and make small talk in fear you'll lose your little groupies for the night, its affecting your friendships. I wonder Nick, is it really worth it?"

    She didn't even want to hear his response. Let him think about that one a little bit, she told herself as she turned around and started for the direction of the elevator.

    "Alyssa!" he called after her.

    "Goodbye Nick," she said, over her shoulder, before she disappeared into the elevator.

    Nick stood there for a minute stupefied. What had just happened? he asked himself. Now she's pissed at me. Another friendship down the toilet.

    And then Nick asked himself the very same question that Alyssa had posed to him. Was last night really worth it?