Chapter 24
Pushing all thoughts of Katie aside, he grabbed a towel and began to pat his sweaty face with it. He wasn't going to think about her. Thinking about his fling with Katie always reminded him of how he had hurt Alyssa and he wasn't supposed to be thinking about her either. Damn Carter, you're just batting a thousand, aren't you?
"Hey, great show tonight!" he heard AJ's familiar voice as he felt a pat on his back.
"Yea. You too man," Nick responded as he grabbed his water bottle.
"Listen, Kevin sent me to round everyone up. He apparently has an announcement to make," AJ continued.
An announcement? Nick inwardly groaned. Kevin was infamous for his "announcements." "You gotta be fucking kidding me?"
"Sorry man. Don't kill the messenger. He wants everyone out in the main hallway."
"Any idea of what this might be about?" he grumbled, as he followed AJ.
"No clue."
There was already a small group of people in the hallway. Apparently Kevin had requested that everyone be present from the crew members up to the guys themselves. Who does he think he is, God? Nick wondered as he watched Kevin whisper something to his wife, Melanie. He was tired and cranky and quite frankly just wanted to get back to the hotel and shower.
After another few minutes it appeared that everyone was present and Kevin seemed satisfied enough to start. Clearing his throat he finally spoke up. "I guess you're all wondering what this is about, huh?"
Yes, so please get on with and tell us already dammit!
"Well, I consider all of us involved with this tour one big extended family, which makes Melanie and I very proud to share our special news with you all. It looks like there's going to be another addition to the Backstreet family..."
"I'm pregnant!" Melanie blurted out.
Everyone seemed to start talking at once. Congratulations and good luck wishes could be heard from almost everyone's mouth. Everyone's except Nick at least.
Looking at the crowd as if he was completely removed from the joyous scene unfolding before him, Nick turned away and snuck unnoticed from the group. He was certain that everyone would be so involved in Kevin and Melanie's news that he wouldn't be missed at all.
By the time Nick arrived back at the hotel he was in a daze. Kevin and Melanie's good news had taken a much harder toll on him than anyone realized. I should be happy for them. They've been wanting to start a family for a while now. But he found that he couldn't. How could they have been so cruel to make their 'announcement' tonight of all nights? Couldn't it wait until at least the next stop on the tour?
"Hey Nicky, you up to checking out some clubs tonight?" he heard Howie ask, interrupting his thoughts.
"No thanks," he politely declined. The last thing he felt like doing right now was hitting up the clubs, although he had always been fond of the Swedish nightlife. He just simply was not in the mood.
"Did I hear right? You turn down a chance to meet beautiful women?" Howie feigned shock.
"Yea. Amazing right?" he muttered as he headed towards his room, leaving Howie behind looking flabbergasted. Once he reached his door he dug into his pocket for his key card and unlocking the door, he stepped inside. Throwing his backpack aside on the floor, he sprawled out on his bed, just staring up at the ceiling. Suddenly, even that shower he had been dying to take earlier seemed like too much of an effort.
Just when he thought that he was finally alone, he heard a knock at his door. Holy fuck... Can't I be left alone for two seconds? It better not be a group of fans thinking they're being cute. Sighing loudly he called out, "Who is it?"
"It's me Brian. Can I come in?"
"Yea. Hold on." Slowly willing the strength to move, he got up and opened the door for his friend. "What are you doing here?"
"I can't drop by to talk to my friend?" Brian innocently asked.
"You never just drop by to talk," Nick pointed out. "What's going on?"
Brian sighed realizing he was trapped as he stepped inside. "I just talked to Howie. He said you turned down an offer to go clubbing with him."
"So? I thought you all wanted me to cut down my partying," he defensively replied.
"I know why you're in such a bad mood," his friend said quietly.
Nick all of a sudden felt enraged. How could Brian possibly know what was bothering him? What did he know? He and Nick were nowhere near as close as they once were. What gave him the right to come into his hotel room and pretend like he knew what was going on his head? In a low voice he responded, "No you don't."
"What happened was not your fault Nick. I know Kevin and Melanie's announcement struck a nerve with you and all, but-"
"What do you know about what I went through?" Nick angrily interrupted, pounding his fist on the bed.
Brian shook his head. This wasn't going at all like he had hoped. "Okay maybe I've never been in your position, but if anything ever happened to Baylee or Leigh... I wouldn't know what to do with myself."
Nick turned away, desperation pleading in his voice. "Brian please go. I don't want to get into this. Especially tonight. Please. If you're really my friend you'd just leave me alone right now."
He sighed, knowing that he was defeated. "Okay, I'll leave, but if you want to talk later, call me. Even if its late. I'll listen, I swear."
"Thanks B," he muttered as he watched his friend disappear into the hallway. Fuck... Why did he have to start? Nick wondered. As if he wasn't already feeling upset enough. All he needed was Brian trying to persuade him to talk about his feelings.
He sighed as he laid back down on the bed, feelings of guilt eating away inside of him. I'm a horrible person. I'd never have made a very good father anyway. I'm too damn selfish.
He couldn't believe that his own daughter would've been a little bit older than Baylee by now. Twenty-five years old and already with a four year old daughter... The thought seemed completely alien to him. He couldn't even imagine having a child now... Never mind when he was just twenty-one. He wondered if it would've straightened his act out any. Where would he be now? Would I have done half the dumb shit that I have in the past few years?
Serena Rose... That was the name he and Katie had picked out for her. He could still vividly remember the day he received the news...
*************
Who the fuck can that be? Nick wondered staring at the unfamiliar number flashing across his cell phone. He hoped it wasn't another random fan that had somehow gotten hold of his number. He'd already had to change his cell phone number what seemed like half a dozen times. Flipping it open, he responded a little uncertainly. "Hello?"
"Nick?" a vaguely familiar accented voice asked. After no response it spoke again. "It's me... Katie."
"Katie?!" he answered, his mind racing. If Alyssa found out that she called him he'd be dead meat. After a good three weeks of having nothing to do with him, she had finally agreed to give him a second chance and he did not want to fuck things up this time.
"You don't sound very happy to hear from me," she perceptively noted, from the way he said her name.
He sighed. He didn't want to hurt Katie's feelings, but when it came down to it he didn't want to screw things up with Alyssa. He made a promise and he intended to keep it, even if it meant being brutally up front with Katie. "Look, I don't know how to tell you this, but Alyssa found about us."
"What?" Katie asked in disbelief.
"She finally forgave me, but only on the condition that I never speak to you again. If she knew I was on the phone with you now-"
"I'm so sorry Nick. I never meant to cause any trouble for the two of you, but I NEED to see you. I'm here in Florida.
Nick sighed. She wasn't getting it. "I'm sorry Katie, but I can't see you. I'm not doing that to Alyssa anymore. I love her."
It was silent on the other end for a moment until he heard a noise that might have been sniffle. Was she crying? What was going on?
Finally she spoke again. "The last thing I want is to come between you and Alyssa again, but I honestly really need to talk to you... In person. Please! I'm begging! I never would be this persistent if it wasn't urgent."
Nick was about to hang up on her, but all of a sudden something made him freeze. She sounded desperate. He couldn't ignore her pleading. Something in his gut told him that she wasn't lying. Alyssa was going to murder him if she found out... Fighting back a sigh, he asked, "Where are you staying?"
A few hours later he found himself in the lobby of the Fort Lauderdale hotel where Katie was staying. He was thankful that she had chosen to stay at a distance from him. The chances of someone he knew spotting him out here were less than they were in Orlando or Tampa. Still, just in case he pulled his baseball cap lower over his face and focused his eyes downward. He was so engrossed with the hotel carpeting that he barely noticed her approach until he heard her voice. "Nick?"
His eyes snapped back up and focused in on her. She still looked just as gorgeous as he remembered her. Her long blonde curls hung loosely to the middle of her back and her clear blue eyes seemed relieved to see him. She and Alyssa could not look anything more different. They were like two polar opposites. Katie was a perfect example of Nordic beauty, all fair skinned and tall. She could easily make it as a model if she wanted. Alyssa was more exotic looking with her dark hair and eyes and her petite body. The only thing they seemed to have in common besides Nick was the fact that they were both extremely beautiful in their own ways.
"Katie... Hi," he awkwardly greeted, enveloping her in an awkward hug. "You look good."
"Thanks. So do you. Even in your little disguise," she joked.
He ignored her attempt to be playful and cleared his throat."Alyssa is out all afternoon teaching dance, so we should be okay. Of course you never know if there are any fans hanging around who might recognize me."
Katie nodded in agreement. "I thought that maybe we could go into the hotel cafe and have something to eat while we talk?"
"Sounds good to me," Nick agreed, as he followed her. A few minutes they had both been seated. He still had no idea why Katie had wanted to see him so bad. She seemed nowhere near as desperate as she had sounded on the phone. Maybe he had been wrong?
"So, things with you and Alyssa are going better?" she finally spoke up, after they had ordered their meal.
"Sort of," he honestly answered. "I let it slip about us pretty soon after I came home from Sweden." He didn't bother to explain anything further than that. Bad enough it had came out the way that it had. "She didn't take it very well obviously and we didn't talk for a weeks afterwards. It's only been just recently that things are starting to get back to normal. She forgives me, but I don't think she really trusts me. Our relationship is in a really weird place right now."
"But you said that you loved her over the phone to me," Katie pointed out.
"I do," he admitted.
"And have you told her that?"
Nick grimaced. He had forgotten about Katie's remarkable ability to pick up on the tiniest of details. Looking embarrassed he stared down at his hands. "No, I haven't."
Katie just shook her head. "Well, I don't know about you, but I see a problem with that."
Why is she so interested in my relationship with Alyssa? he suddenly wondered. Granted, her great listening skills when it came to his confusion about his feelings for Alyssa had been what brought them together, but somehow he got the feeling that her reason for her begging to see him didn't really have anything to do with her concern about his love life. She had sounded way too upset on the phone. Something else was up. Trying to beat around the bush, he tried turning the tables on her. "Did you ever get back together with Lucas?"
Now it was Katie's turn to shift in her seat uncomfortably. "No," she answered looking away.
"But I thought you were going to try to see if he'd give you another chance?"
"Well, he didn't," she snapped at him.
Nick was a little taken back by her sharp response. Something was definitely going on here. "Katie, I need to know. Why did you want to see me? What was so important that you had to meet with me in person? You sound like something is upsetting you. Is it Lucas? Did he do something?"
"No... It wasn't Lucas." Her eyes drifted away from him as her fingers intently played with the wrapper to her straw.
"Then what happened?" he asked, impatient for the truth to come out.
Katie looked up and sighed and somehow Nick got the sense that whatever it was it wasn't something that would be easy for her to confess. "It's ok," he assured her, reaching out for her hand across the table. "You can tell me."
"Well, uhh I guess there's no easy to tell you this except right up front." She paused to take a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."
Nick's face paled and he dropped her hand as if it were on fire. No wonder she had been so secretive on the phone. His mind flashed a million thoughts at once, but he found himself unable to communicate them. Somehow he finally managed to blurt out, "Are you sure?"
Katie nodded her head gravely. "Positive."
"And you're sure that it's... mine?" He felt his voice catch at the end of the sentence. "Not Lucas's?"
"There's no way that it could be anyone, but yours. I'm almost two months and Lucas and I had been broken up at least a few weeks before we... The doctor gave me a probable date of conception and it matches up to the time you were in Sweden," she explained. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," he tried to tell her. On the outside he may have appeared calm and collected, but on the inside he was nothing, but. He could barely keep track of the questions that he was internally asking himself. How well do I really know Katie? Can I trust her? Could she be making this up just to get money and/or fame from me? What does she want from me?
How do I always seem to get myself into these messes? All he could think of was what Kevin was going to say when he heard about Nick's latest bit of trouble. If this got out it could not only ruin his career, but that of his four band mates as well.
There was a period of silence between the two until Nick spoke up again. "So, what do you want to do? If you need money to you know, get rid of it, I'll take care of it," he assured her, already reaching for his wallet.
Katie put her hand up to stop him. "I'm not getting an abortion Nick. I'm sorry, but I couldn't. I don't believe in it. I think things happen for a reason and this is no exception. I'm going to take full responsibility for my actions. Besides, this baby is already a part of me. I couldn't go through with it."
Nick opened his mouth to protest, but she continued. " Listen I don't expect anything from you. I know that this couldn't be any more of a wrong time for this to happen. I'm aware that a baby doesn't fit into your lifestyle right now and I want you to know that I'm okay with it. I don't want you to feel like you have to run off and marry me. I understand that you're with Alyssa right now. The ball is in your court. If you want to be a part of this baby's life it's your choice. I just thought that you had the right to know."
He sat back stunned. She was giving him a way out. She wasn't blackmailing him or making demands like a lot of other girls would in her situation. She was giving him an opportunity to just walk away. Could he really do that though in good conscience?
"Wow... Well, to tell you the truth I'm not sure what I want to do," he confessed. "This is a lot to take in all at once. I think I'm going to have to think about what I want to do. You're right. I really can't handle a baby at this point in my life, but then again I don't know if I could live with myself knowing that I have a son or a daughter somewhere out there and I'm pretending they don't even exist."
She nodded. "I understand that completely. Take all the time you need to think it over. I'm going to actually be staying here in Florida for now until the baby is born, in case you wanted to be a part of it, but again there's no pressure. I'm just looking at apartments now."
"You're moving to the US? Don't you think that's a pretty bold move there?"
Katie shrugged. "There's not much left for me in Sweden. Let's just say my family was less than thrilled with the news and when Lucas found out he called me just about every name in the book. There's no future for us, so I'm starting my own. I want my child to grow up in a better place." She paused, all of a sudden looking uncomfortable again. "Of course, it is pretty crazy moving to a new country and trying to afford an apartment, medical bills, baby things, and finding a job. Money is a little tight to say the least."
Ahh... So this was why she had arranged the meeting, Nick realized. To ask for some financial assistance. He should've known that there was more to it. He was stupid to think that he'd get off that easy. "And you were thinking that since I have all this money I could help you out, right?"
She turned away from his gaze. "Well, I hate to ask outright, but it definitely would be the least you could do for me. I know you're probably thinking that I'm just using you to get some money out of you, but I honestly feel bad about asking. I wouldn't do it unless I absolutely had to. I'm not trying to scam you at all, I promise. I'm just trying to do what's best for the baby and I know that I can't provide everything on my own. Please believe me."
Nick sighed as he took of his baseball cap and ran a hand through his hair. He supposed if the baby was indeed his he would be obligated to provide some kind of child support. Still, he couldn't be sure if Katie was being genuine or was just a terrific actress. It seemed like the last thing in the world she wanted to do was ask him for money, but still Nick had to be wary. Katie didn't seem the type, but then again Nick wasn't always the best judge of character.
"If you want to do a paternity test to confirm that you are the father, I have no problem with that," she offered. "In fact, I would completely understand."
He studied her expression for a moment and felt somehow convinced that she was being one hundred percent honest. He couldn't see how that face could lie so convincingly. She had to be telling the truth. "I don't how I'm going to tell Alyssa all this," he muttered. "She flipped out once she heard I cheated on her and demanded I never see or talk to you again. She's not going to accept the fact that you're having my baby."
"If she really loves you she'll learn to come to terms with it and work around it," Katie said wisely. "Otherwise, then I guess she's not the one for you."
Nick thought about that for a second or two. The statement made sense, but he knew how stubborn and proper Alyssa could be. She wasn't going to let this one go very easily at all. "What are we going to do?" he impulsively asked. "This situation is so complicated."
"I know," she agreed, reaching forward to embrace him. "But we'll get through it somehow. I promise."
***********
Yea, we got through it all right, Nick thought cynically to himself. Look at how it all ended up. He tried to push the thought of his mind, but found himself still feeling an incredible sense of guilt about the whole situation. You really fucked up big time. With a sigh he sat up in bed, all of a sudden wishing he had went out with Howie clubbing. At least then he could drink away the pain and not have to deal with his mixed emotions and unhappy memories.
I need to do something to keep me busy, he decided. As long as I keep myself busy I won't think about Katie and Serena. His eyes glanced around the room for a distraction finally resting on the television set. A movie would be good. It would get his mind off things for at least two hours. He reached over at the nightstand to grab the remote, but instead his fingers made contact with his cell phone which was resting next to the remote. He picked it up and stared long and hard at it. All of a sudden he had a strange urge to call Alyssa. Remember she doesn't want you to call her, he reminded himself. She had seemed pretty adamant about that when he had left New York City. Besides who knows what time is it back in New York for her.
With that in mind, Nick placed the phone back on the nightstand, but still didn't let go of it. Truth was he desperately needed someone to talk to, and in a way Alyssa was the only person who could understand what he was going through because she had been with him at every step of the way throughout the "Katie fiasco" as she liked to refer to it as. She'd definitely understand how he felt and why Kevin's news bothered him so much. She did say if I ever wanted to talk about feelings and shit to call her, he argued with himself. Yea, she had agreed that they not speak until he came home from Europe, but he was sure that she couldn't hang up on him especially when for once he actually needed to talk about how he felt.
Before he could change his mind, he picked up the phone and dialed her number, his heart pounding in his chest. He just hoped she'd pick up.
Author's Chapter Notes:
News from Kevin hits a little too close to home for Nick.
