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Barbara was slowly waking up. She felt so good that for a while she didn’t want to open her eyes. As she slowly opened her eyes she saw that Nick was looking down to her and that she had been lying in his lap.

‘’Whoa! How did I get here?’’
‘’You fell asleep on my shoulder, but I thought it would be more comfortable for you like this...’’
‘’Nick, I...’’ she tried to say something, but was stopped by the gentle touch of his hand on her cheek. I must forbid myself to want to him touch me more. I am not allowed to think I could have him. He doesn’t want me!
Yet her body was filled with a flow of warmth, starting from the place he had touched her.

‘’Stay like that for a while. I like it when you’re so sleepy. I wish I could’ve seen you this morning waking up beside me...maybe another morning if I have the chance...’’

As she started to get up she was stopped by him. He pulled her near and kissed her. No, it wasn’t a demanding kiss. It was a gentle one, more seeking approval and affection. In a sudden inflammation of passion she curled her arms around his neck, taking the chance to have him near even for this moment. Her heart was racing from the feeling of touching his lips.

He enjoyed every second of this kiss. The idea to do this came all of sudden, he just couldn’t stop himself from kissing her.
As they ended the kiss, they both were breathless.

Barbara swiftly turned around and acted like she’s concentrating to see something outside. However, he saw that when she turned around she blushed and lowered her eyes.

It was now completely obvious that she was ashamed. Ashamed of her feelings and what she really felt for him. Nick wanted to tell her that she hasn’t to feel so, that he has feelings for her which he never had for any other girl, that it doesn’t count how much time they’ve spent together for real, because only if there’s this indescribable connection between is what matters.

But he knew that if he wants to build up something special with her, he has to be very careful. If she suspects that something’s going on the way she wants she‘ll back off and maybe never return to him.

‘’Nick...’’
‘’Yes, what do you want to ask me?’’ his wildest idea was that she’d ask him to stay with her for this night, but he knew that it was just wishful thinking.
‘’When will we finally arrive?’’
‘’Umm...I think in twenty minutes or so. I know it’s already late, but...’’
‘’We had a really nice day out of town.’’
‘’Thank you that you came with me...’’
‘’I have to thank you that you took me out of the routine for one day... I think we’re starting to sound silly thanking each other, right?’’
They realized how funny they were and started to laugh. This eased the atmosphere so she didn’t feel her inner pressure so much.


They were standing at Barbara’s front door, trying to find the right words for the parting. She was sad that she had to leave him now, but she knew that she couldn’t do anything about it. I’m not his type; he’s just nice to me. I wish he wanted me as much as I do want him.

‘’So, thank you for the nice trip. Now I have to say goodbye, Nick...’’ she said, fighting with herself. Her mind said that it’s right leaving him now, but her heart desperately fought with her mind about the right to let her fulfill what she wanted.

‘’As I said, you don’t have to thank me...When will I see you again?’’ he asked looking at her and hoping she will not tell it is over now.

She thought that she would never see him again, because she doesn’t deserve him, but she knew to say something like this would be really hurting...for herself.
‘’ I don’t know my schedule yet...’’
‘’Then I’ll cal you, ok?’’
‘’Sure, you can...’’
He placed back a strand of her blonde hair which had fallen on to her face, then lightly stroked her cheek.
‘’Do promise me that you will not forget about me...’’
‘’I...I...’’ she hesitated ‘’I promise’’.
‘’We must seal this promise...’’ he swiftly kissed her lips. She was so surprised by this unexpected gesture that she blushed.
‘’Good night, Nick. ’’
‘’Good night, my princess...’’

She walked into the huge hall and left her suitcase there. How would he have thought about her if she had asked him to stay? He would have thought only one –I’m a whore trying to get him.

The first thing she done was to turn on the voice mail in her cell phone. She knew that he wouldn’t call her, but still...in case he did, she will not have to pick it up.

Nick was walking around his huge hotel room and couldn’t rest. He hoped that what she said about her schedule was true and not a reason for turning him down. Girl, why are you doing this to me? No, to us?
He took out his phone, figuring if he should call her or not. Struggling with this question he finally decided to call her.


She sunk into the warm water of the bath, inhaling the wonderful and relaxing scent of peach essential oil. She closed her yes and felt free. Free to dream.
Scenes how everything could’ve been if Nick would really like her started to whirl in her mind. What if he likes me? Silly me, how could he? Everything what happened between us was just because I whored myself on to him!!! But many scenes from her imagination were still whirling around in her mind, showing how everything would be, if things were different. If she was different... If I was beautiful...

She got out of the bath only when the water got freezing cold. She knew that she was lost too long in the dream world; it’s time to get out of it.

She pulled on her emerald green silk night gown, which was so long that the hem was sweeping the floor. She stood by the mirror, looking at her reflection. Girl, the only thing which you have in common with a princess is this royal gown which shows that you’re as rich as a princess. But beauty, not that...I’m looking like a frog, and that’s a kind comparison! He could never ever want me...

As she was on her way to the bed she saw that her cell phone was blinking, so she pushed a button to listen to the message, not checking from whom it was.
‘’Hi, darling. Looks like you’re already asleep. But me... I just can’t sleep. I feel so lonely. I know you’d say that I’m silly, but it’s so tragic for me that you’re not here. I feel like a piece of me was gone... I know you can’t be here...your meeting tomorrow. I miss you...really...what would I give to only have you here! Just to touch you... The only balm I have are the memories about yesterday...I want you and I really need you...you’re the princess I’ve been looking for all my life...and that’s true. Listen, if you need me, just call. Anytime. Even in the middle of the night. Please...don’t forget about me...Sweet dreams.’’

She froze after she heard the message for the first time. He had called her. Something so desperately desired by her but... she thought that she had no right to call him. Nevertheless, she played the message over and over again. The desire to call him and say him all she thought...that she needed him right now...that she wants him.

Some memories from her life popped up in her head. Her mother had taught Barbara that virtue is her only beauty, because she is far from beautiful. Mother’s voice sounded still so clearly in her head there is no shame about being a spinster. This just shows how you kept your virtue. A relation with a man without marriage is whoring. And even while married, sex is only a duty, it is no fun. Having fun in it means whoring. Do you want to be a whore?

‘’No, mother...’’ she said and busted out in tears.
She put away the phone, far enough to have it away from reach.
Her hands were shaking and tears were flowing from her eyes endlessly. No matter the morals she still knew...knew that she wanted Nick.
I have to do something about it! I can’t give in...She thought and run down the stairs to the kitchen.

She opened the cupboard, and took a bottle of Hennessey V. S.O.P. and poured a lot of it into a glass. She put the glass to her lips and took a huge sip from it. She shrugged in disgust, because she usually didn’t drink anything, but now she felt like she had to... to make herself forget.

She had never liked the taste of cognac and other alcohol, but this time it was so right.

Back in her bedroom she placed the glass on the nightstand, her hands still shaking, but the expected result didn’t come. She was still thinking about Nick.

As a side effect of the cognac was that her thoughts got even more picturesque and her body was fully experiencing what she thought. She wanted so desperately feel his warmth.... But she knew that she couldn’t...
There was only one escape.

She opened a drawer in her nightstand, searched in it for while and finally found what she’d looked for - a few packs of prescription pills. She picked out a few different sedatives.

No, she wasn’t going to kill herself. She knew what she was doing. She wanted to kill the thoughts about Nick.
She swallowed a few of these pills and drank the last sips of the cognac.

Slowly, the alcohol and medication made her body numb. She reached out for the big hot pink plush bunny, which was always lying on her bed, and embraced it really tightly.

Still holding the bunny she crawled under the blanket and fell asleep at once.
Her body had received the artificial peace, but not her mind.

Even now thoughts about Nick were haunting her mind. But she was free in this dream world. Here she could be with him. No boundaries, no morals. Just them.
‘’Nick, I love you...’’ she murmured in her sleep.