"Still think I'm an ass?" Brian asked as he pushed the box of fresh Krispy Kreme donuts across the table to Gabrielle as she sipped her coffee. "Donuts aren't on my diet, but I figured they'd suffice to call a truce?"
"A truce?" Gabby repeated softly, wincing when Brian reached to jerk the blinds up. When he sat back across from her, she lifted her gaze to his face, nibbling slowly on a warm donut as he leaned across the narrow kitchenette to retrieve the cream from the small fridge. She hadn't noticed before how blue his eyes were, how they seemed to see straight into her soul. Taking a quick sip of her coffee, she glanced out the window at the parking lot the bus was sitting in. Though, her gaze was immediately drawn back to him. When he offered her a smile, she returned it tentatively, reaching for the cream.
"I shouldn't have pried last night… I'm sorry for that. Whatever demons you may be fighting are your own, and none of my business. When and if you ever feel like sharing, I just want you to know I'll be here," Brian assured her softly, watching her pour a generous amount of cream into her coffee.
"Thank you," she whispered, pushing the cream towards him. Wary over his sudden attitude, she fiddled with her spoon, idly tapping it against the rim of her coffee cup. "I guess you'll be riding my ass now?"
Brian snorted, nearly choking on his coffee. "I'm sorry?" he squeaked, coughing. "I don't plan on riding your ass…" he trailed, blushing.
Gabrielle grinned wickedly. "Such a virginal Choir Angel," she cooed sweetly.
Brian raised an eyebrow. "Making assumptions, not always a good idea," he warned.
"And why is that?" she questioned running hand through her hair.
Brian sighed. "What do you say we get to work? Considering that is what you're actually here to do—"
"Oh har, har. I know what I'm here to do," she said resting her head in her hands and yawning loudly. "I just can't seem to wake up."
"Well," Brian handed her a pen and paper, "let's see what you got."
Gabrielle lifted her head slowly. "I can't just start writing," she told him gently pushing the paper back in his direction.
"Well, considering that's what you're getting paid to do," he laughed, pushing it back and giving her a grin, "that is exactly what you're going to do." He stood up and walked over to his bag, grabbing a large notebook and sitting down beside her. "This, Gabrielle, is everything I've written for my solo album this far. It's got notes, ideas, and random scribbles. Take a look at it; maybe you'll get an idea."
Gabrielle leaned back in her chair taking a large swig of coffee. "Listen Choir Angel, unfortunately I've got some bad news for you. I don't know the first thing about writing a Christian song, and to tell you the truth I don't exactly think I'm on the Big Man Upstairs' good list."
Brian shook his head, "How do you know that?"
Gabrielle raised her eyebrows, "Uhm, I think you know my personality. But just in case you forgot, I'm not really fond of anyone really, and no one is really fond of me."
"Baylee is 'fond' of you." He stated simply.
"Brian he's 3 years old, he's fond of a stuffed animal." She rolled her eyes.
Brian smiled. "Okay, okay, well you at least believe don't you?"
Gabrielle shrugged, last time she checked that was a big, big no. And even if she did, she was sure that He hated her. After everything she'd been through, after everything He took...
"You don't have to answer that. How about we start small? Go ahead and read what I've written and tell me what you think, alright?"
"Okay," she relented with a sigh, taking the notebook. "If it'll get you to stop riding my ass…" Flipping through the notebook, she read over some of the lyrics he had jotted down. Words of faith, love… Hope. Taking a deep breath, she nodded to herself. She could handle this. Skimming over several pages, she paused when she reached the back, reading over four lines repeatedly. "…Who did you write that for?" she murmured, pointing to them. "I am amazed, for how can it be that someone like you would love someone like me," she whispered.
"Oh… Nobody… I just jotted it down when it hit me," Brian answered softly. "I have no idea what it'll turn into, if anything… It's always a possibility for the next Backstreet album, I guess."
Nodding, Gabrielle returned to the notebook, flipping pages back and forth. Shaking her head, she shut it gently before placing it on the table. "You actually believe all that hokey shit?" she asked before her inner censor could stop her.
Brian turned to check if his son was in the room before facing her again. "Hokey shit?" he repeated, raising his eyebrows before lowering his head. "Gabrielle, that is my faith, and it's the most important thing in the world to me, you know that? It's what takes me from day to day, it's what keeps my son and I alive, and it's what makes me breathe easy and even break down and scream on some days. But that's what it is." He sighed. "You know what, I think its time for you to go home, I don't think I can take anymore of this."
Gabrielle swallowed hard lowering her head. "Brian I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said—"
Brian shook his head. "I don't know what Ron was thinking sending you here."
"Look," she said sighing and taking the piece of paper in front of her, "I've had a lot of trouble having faith within the last couple of years. I'll behave, Brian."
"Are you going to tell me why? What happened?" His eyes gently ran over her, and he bit back a sigh. She could be pretty...if she watched her mouth every once in a while.
"How about I write it instead?"
He nodded, "Perfect. Let me know when it's ready."
Bending over the paper, Gabrielle began to write, paying no attention to the words as they flowed from the pen. Silent tears slipped from her eyes, splashing against the paper as she poured out her heart into her lyrics, perhaps for the first time ever. Once finished, she dropped the pen to the table and wordlessly handed the paper to Brian.
Taking it, Brian glanced at the scribbled lyrics, wondering how she had come up with what seemed to be a complete song in such a few minutes. Clearing his throat, he sat back in his seat, reading the words carefully.
Have you seen my son
Not too tall, five-eight
She held up a color copy photograph
From his wedding day
And this is his pregnant wife
Carrying his last dream
He walked down forty-six floors
Before he felt the rush
The rush of gasoline
I can feel the pain
Looking in their eyes
But I don't know gone
Without goodbye
If I could reach the sky
I'd bring him right back to your arms
Though I haven't seen your son
He's forever in my life
Brian glanced up at Gabrielle, who was staring out the window, her arms folded over her chest. The words brought a lump to his throat, and he could only imagine the pain of losing a son, a husband, a soon-to-be father.
Have you seen my little girl
She's got curly black hair
She took this Raggedy Anne doll everywhere
Last I saw her everywhere
Then I heard a choir of screams
And a speeding van
I watched his tears pour down
A father's last attempt
At being a rational man
I can feel the pain
Look into his eyes
But I don't know gone
Without goodbye
If I could reach the sky
I'd bring her right back to your arms
Though I haven't seen your girl
She's forever in my life
"Excuse me," Gabrielle whispered suddenly, pushing herself away from the table abruptly. Though she shielded her face, Brian was certain she was crying. The door banged open, thumping shut behind her. He felt an ache in his heart, wondering again how she was able to let everything out in a matter of moments on paper.
Have you seen my faith
It can run and it can hide
Jesus mend this breaking heart of mine
It keeps our love alive
I can feel the pain
Look into my eyes
But I don't know gone
Without goodbye
If I could reach the sky
I'd try to turn the world around
So that we could see the face
And forever stay alive
With shaky hands, Brian placed the paper back on the table, resting his palms against the cool surface as he took a deep breath. Tears burned his eyes, threatening to spill at any second. Looking down, he closed his eyes tightly, knowing he would never again look on Gabrielle with anything but the utmost respect.
"I didn't mean to make you cry," Gabrielle whispered from the doorway.
Brian walked over to the door and rested gently against it. "No... I'm sorry. Gabrielle, I...I had no idea. I really...can we, can you....talk about it?"
Gabrielle sat on the toilet seat, her head in her hands as she gently tried to compose herself. Why did she have to write that song? She probably would have been better off quitting her job, going back to her life being a bitch for what seemed like no reason. It was easier that way. Wasn't it?
"Not now," she whispered after a moment, wiping her eyes with the hem of her t-shirt. "Soon… I promise… Just not now, okay, Brian?" she murmured, glancing up at his worried expression.
"Okay… How about once we get to the hotel you take the rest of the day off? You can relax in your room or wherever… I need to spend some time with Baylee," Brian said, handing over a box of tissues.
Nodding, Gabrielle accepted the tissues. "Thanks," she whispered.
*****
Settling on the couch, Lucia pulled her legs beneath her. Too keyed up from the concert to even think about sleep, she had decided to type up a brief outline of the show. AJ would fill in the details in the morning, no doubt, embellishing them quite a bit as he did so, allowing her to sleep in. Masking a yawn behind her hand, she had to smile at the thought of AJ. She was slowly growing accustomed to the man, having spent more than a week in his company. Even on his time off, it seemed he found some reason to hang around with her.
His band mates, however, were a completely different story. Though they were nice, polite, allowing her into their inner circle, she couldn't shake the feeling that they thought of her as an outsider. It was obvious, the way conversations would abruptly end when she walked into a room. It seemed her only real companions on the tour were AJ, Gabrielle, and Baylee. Gabrielle was quickly becoming a friend and confidante, the loud and boisterous friend that Lucy had always wanted. Nothing, it seemed, was too far out for Gabrielle to say.
Though, Lucia decided as she began to type, she could do without Gabrielle's constant encouragement to throw herself at AJ. Throw herself at him… Right. Ever since blurting out that she was a virgin, he had treated her as though she were some priceless piece of china. He hadn't tousled her hair once since that first night of the tour. Pouting slightly, she reached for her can of Pepsi. "Maybe I scared him off," she mused aloud, unaware the man of her thoughts was standing in the kitchenette watching her.
"Scared who off?" AJ asked stepping into the room.
Lucia felt her heart jump about fifty miles in the air, and she gasped loudly.
AJ laughed, moving over to sit next to her. "I didn't mean to jump you! So who did you scare off again?" he asked as she slapped her laptop shut.
"Oh, well, uhm… Just this guy I was talking to online," she covered quickly, blushing and turning away.
AJ raised his eyebrow with a laugh. "And who is this guy? Let me guess, BigDick06 or MeHorny3004?"
"What!? AJ!! That is not who I was talking to!" she exclaimed, surprised by his words.
"Then who was it?!" he laughed reaching for the laptop.
"A very nice man!" she lied pushing the laptop further away from him.
"What's his name?" he asked stretching his arm out further.
"BJ." She answered quickly, also a complete lie.
"BJ!!" AJ burst out laughing, "And what does, ahem, 'BJ' look like?"
Lucia blushed. "Oh you know tall, dark, and handsome, a little scruffy around the edges. But, I told him I wasn't interested."
"Did he cry into his pillow?" AJ asked, finally grasping the edge of the laptop. Edging it closer to him, he gave her a grin.
"AJ, you are so nosy," Lucia complained. "And, no, he didn't cry into his pillow…"
"Has he seen a picture of you?"
"Yeah…" This lie was going to kill her, she just knew it. Keeping a firm grip on the laptop, she slid down the couch, sticking out her tongue when he sighed in frustration.
"So instead of crying into his pillow, he went and jacked off in the bathroom—"
"AJ!"
"What?! Any man would admit to jacking off thinking of you," AJ informed her, grinning wickedly as he slid closer.
"So, do you jack off thinking of me?" Lucia asked sweetly, hopping to her feet just as he reached for the laptop.
"Lucia!"
"Its a legitimate question! You said it first! Besides, BJ is not that kind of man."
AJ sat back on the sofa smirking at her, "I thought you were shy, and not good at talking to men."
"Well..." She cleared her throat. "BJ is easy to talk to, and he's very nice. He's also a very talented singer." She knew there was no way he could possibly believe her, because this was just getting ridiculous.
"So," AJ said holding back a laugh, "What kind of songs does he sing?"
Lucia blushed putting her laptop in her case. "Oh you know, uhm...country, rap."
"Country, rap? Hmmm... Okay Lucy seriously you don't have to tell me who you were talking about but I know it's not this imaginary friend of yours," AJ stated, laughing as he shook his head..
"AJ," Lucia groaned, shaking her head. "It's nothing… I was just ruminating," she murmured, glancing over at him.
"Ruminating… Right." AJ nodded, watching her gentle movements as she stowed the laptop case on the shelf beside the TV. "Can I ask a question?"
"You mean for once, you're going to ask my permission before butting in?" she teased with a soft giggle as she flopped onto the opposite end of the couch.
Rolling his eyes, AJ laid back on the couch, idly scratching his chest as he looked at her. Her sun-streaked dark brown hair was loose around her shoulders, her chocolate brown eyes wide and twinkling with amusement. Her smile, tentative as always, for once didn't look strained. He couldn't help wondering again who had made her self-conscious. Who the man was that had broken her down so badly. He wondered suddenly if he should even attempt to offer her friendship, realizing with a pang that she would probably turn him down in a heartbeat. But… He wanted to try.
"Well?" she murmured after a moment. "Ask away, Ajie…"
"Ajie?"
"It sounded good…"
"You remember last week when you said you liked to fade into the background? Is there a reason?" he asked softly.
"AJ… I… I learned the hard way that the spotlight's not for me. I wasn't made to stand out in a crowd, to have people look at me."
"Have you not noticed two of my band mates looking at you every chance they get?"
"Who?" Lucia asked, raising her brows in confusion.
"Well Howie and Nick definitely, Kevin looks too but he's married so it can't count."
Lucia rolled her eyes. "Oh whatever AJ. I don't know why you want to know this about me."
AJ looked at her, propping his head up on his hand, "Why not? We're working together. You're on tour with us. I just...want to know why a person with a beautiful personality won't show it to the rest of the world."
Lucia sighed, "In case you don't remember, I also said last week that I didn't exactly want to talk about it."
AJ nodded. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."
"It's alright," she said softly. "But...I should say, thank you AJ. For how nice you've been to me since we met."
He smiled gently at her, resting a hand on top of hers, "You're very welcome. You're a sweet girl-" he automatically corrected himself, "woman. But you really do need to remember what I said, confidence Lucy."
"I will," she promised, masking a yawn behind her hand as she sat up. "Ajie?" she murmured.
"Yeah, babe?"
"Y'think… If you don't want to, I'll understand, but…"
"Out with it, Lucy," he said with a chuckle. She hemmed and hawed so much when asking for something, she usually just gave up before forming the words.
"Would you mind snuggling tonight? I… I ain't used to sleeping on a bus yet," she murmured, already blushing. Never before had she asked a man to sleep with her. And she didn't have the nerve to tell him that when he wrapped his arms around her she slept better than she could ever remember.
"Am I hearing you right?" He teased turning his hand to clasp her fingers in his, "You want lil' ol' me to snuggle with you?"
Lucia nodded, her cheeks flaming. "There's no reason to embarrass me further AJ."
"Why not, it's so fun." He grinned, standing up. "And, of course I will."
"Thank you, Ajie," she whispered, smiling slightly.
"Under one condition."
She raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"
"You tell me what happened," he stated simply, his brown eyes meeting hers.
"Are you serious?" she asked.
"Very." He nodded, dropping her hand gently in her lap.
"Alright…" she murmured after a moment.
"Great, I look forward to more one worded conversations with you in the future." He teased, giving her a grin.
"You're such a goofball," she murmured softly, a slight smile touching her lips when he pulled her to her feet. "What?"
"I figured you'd sleep better in one of the bunks…"
Nodding, she let him lead her to the back of the bus, her heart thumping nervously when he climbed into what he had deemed the most comfortable bunk their first night. When he held out his arm invitingly, she slid in next to him, squealing when he rolled her over so she was on the inside.
"Can't have you falling out," he explained softly as he reached to pull the blanket over them.
"You're too sweet, Ajie," she whispered, closing her eyes as he held her close, his arm sliding snugly around her waist. Tucking her head against his chest, she released a soft sigh, willing herself to relax. She felt safe, with the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat and the soft whisper of his breath against the top of her head. Almost as though she belonged there. Pushing that thought away, she tilted her head back so she could look into his eyes. "I can tell you later, can't I?" she asked softly, tentatively smoothing his t-shirt over his chest.
"Whenever you're comfortable, Lucy," he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead gently. "But you should get some sleep now…"
"I will," she promised. "And I'll tell you soon," she added, tucking her head close to his chest again. Shifting slightly, she curled next to him, needing his warmth.
Holding her close, AJ smoothed his hand over her hair, lightly kissing the top of her head. "Night, Lucy," he whispered against her temple.
"Night, Ajie."
If I feel so inclined
To climb up beside you
Would you tell me
That the time just isn't right
If I should ever find
The key you hide so well
Will you tell me
That I can spend the night
Author's Chapter Notes:
*clears throat* Yes, we're a day late... Sorry. And yes, we used the lyrics from Gone Without Goodbye. Lyrics at the end of the chapter are from Woman, as performed by Maroon 5 (a totally kick-tail band with many kick-tail songs, in our humble opinions). Enjoy, thanks for reading, and we'll be back next Friday with another update! (Honest... The days kind of slipped by without us realizing. Whoops!)
