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Author's Chapter Notes:
I really have NO idea what took me so long to put this chapter out, and I hope some of you are still reading. Please leave feedback and I'll definitely update more often!


March 13, 2006

Dear Diary,

Wow, it’s been quite a while since the last time I wrote to you. In the past nine months, I have met the greatest guy and fallen head-over-heels in love with him. He just doesn’t know it yet. I just don’t know how to tell him yet. His name is Nick and about 7 months ago he got in a really bad car accident. I knew then that I loved him because all I thought about was what I would do if he was gone.

He pulled through the surgeries perfectly and he was out of the hospital in a matter of days. Luckily for me, he was home-bound for a little while and he got to stay with me while the girls and I were on tour. We finished touring all of New England, the Northwest and Pacific Coast and the Midwest. We only have the Atlantic Coast and the Southern Part of the United States to go before the tour is over.

We’ve met some really amazing kids and they really make the job worthwhile. The next few months are going to be tough because Nick is starting to tour with the Backstreet Boys again but I think that by the time they actually get around to touring after rehearsals and recording I might be able to go and visit him. I don’t know what I’m going to do when the tour is over. Tess is talking about contracts again, but I don’t know what they would entail. Well, tonight is the Big in ’05 awards for VH1 and all four of us girls are up for “Model of The Year” and we’re also up for “Newest Act”. How we ever got considered for that I have no idea, but I really have to go get ready.

Tonight is the night where Nick and I are debuting our relationship to the press. We’ve been together for 8 months and have luckily gone unnoticed as a couple because we’ve been so busy. I’m glad that we’ve had so much time to be together just the two of us without everyone getting into our business. I can’t wait to walk onto the Red Carpet and hold his hand proudly without worrying about everyone’s reactions to our relationship. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I am going to tell him tonight that I love him. Anyways, I’ll try to write more often!

Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease,


I closed my diary and shoved it into the top zipper of my rolling suitcase. The Girls and The Backstreet Boys were all in Los Angeles for the Big In ’05 Awards and we were trying to get ready for the awards without being rushed and nervous. Pierre found each of us the perfect dresses. Mine was floor length black satin with a diamond-studded v-neck neckline. It dipped into my cleavage and crisscrossed in the back. My hair was swept up in an up-do and I was dripping in diamonds.

Bianca’s dress was gold and strapless. It was scrunched and clasped at the hip with an amethyst brooch. She was adorned in amethyst jewelry also and her hair was swept back off of her face in a low ponytail. She and AJ were making their first public appearance as a couple although everyone knew that they were together from Cosmopolitan magazine.

Savannah was wearing a pink mini-dress that accented her tan and it almost mimicked a dress that Beyoncé wore as it had two circle cut outs on each side of it. She looked more than amazing in the dress and the high silver heels she wore. Her hair was down in loose curls and James was her date. They had been together for about 2 months, since our latest trip home.

Amethyst looked amazing in her copper toned dress. It was fitted tightly at her bust area and flowed down to the ground loosely. Her hair was pinned up in a million curly pieces and she wore black onyx jewelry on her ears and around her neck. She was on the arm of former American Idol runner-up Justin Guarini. They met during a press conference about 3 months ago and have been hanging out ever since. Nothing too serious, but I think that she really likes him. Howie has tried calling her a few times, but I think that she wants to have her own relationship that isn’t in the shadow of mine and Nick’s and Bianca and AJ’s.

I told Nick that he wasn’t allowed to see me until we were all ready to leave for the awards ceremony but he kept calling me every five minutes. “Babe, I can’t wait any longer. I need to see you. Can I please come up and get you now?” He pleaded with me.

“No Nick. I’ll be ready to go in about 20 minutes. Everyone should be ready to go by then! I can’t wait to see you either. What color is your tie?” I asked and tried to put my earrings on and cradle the phone on my shoulder.

“I’m not telling you if you don’t tell me what your dress looks like.” He teased.

“Well, I don’t really care anyways. Pierre dressed you because he knew what I was wearing, so whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll look great. I’ve gotta finish getting dressed Nick. I’ll see you in a little bit.” I said and hung up the phone before he could protest.

Before I knew it, the girls and I were lining up to meet our dates and exchanging compliments. “Pierre, you are a total God. You really know exactly what each of us likes and what goes best for our bodies. Thank you!” Bianca said as she quickly smoothed her dress down.

“Well, you know, I am the best.” He said and straightened his tie. I was so excited that our entire entourage got to go to the awards show with us. They really did all the work. We got to meet Pierre’s boyfriend Hector, Amanda’s husband Kenny and Henry’s fiancée Jill. We had met Glenn a couple of times, but tonight he and Kirsten looked extremely happy.

The boys each walked out separately. Justin was the first out and the look of pure bliss on his face made Ames’ night. He smiled as wide as possible and kissed her cheek before pulling her close and whispering in her ear.

Brian and Leighanne appeared next and they looked gorgeous in matching baby blue attire. Kevin and Kristin appeared in matching purple outfits and the four of them looked amazing.

Next came James. He practically ran to Savannah. Each of the guys was wearing a tuxedo with matching ties and vests of the color that their girl was wearing. Pierre was amazing to find the same colors for these guys.

AJ came next and he looked amazing. He was wearing a black tux with gold ensemble, a gold hat and sunglasses. He looked just like AJ. He and Bianca made the perfect couple because they complimented each other so well.

I was dying inside as I waited for Nick. It seemed like he had been in that stupid room for forever. I wanted to go run in and get him myself, but just as I was thinking that, he stepped out. He looked like the most perfect man I’d ever seen in my entire life. He was a sight from Heaven as he walked out in a black tux with a white tie and white vest to match my dress. He stepped out and his mouth dropped open. His just stared at me and didn’t move.

“Well Nick, are you just going to stand there or are you going to tell her how absolutely fabulous she looks tonight?” I heard Pierre ask Nick. He smiled and moved forward.

Nick leaned over and kissed my cheek and stood in front of me, smiling. “Well, do you like it?” I asked as he held my hand and spun me around in a tight circle.

“I … I don’t know what to say. I’m speechless.” He said and pulled me close. He held me tight to his body and whispered in my ear, “JT, you look amazing. I can’t believe you’re mine.” He started calling me JT when he found out my initials. He told me that he wanted to call me something that no one else calls me, so he came up with JT.

“Thank you baby. You look more than amazing. I’m so happy to be with you tonight. Are you nervous?” I asked and he let go of the tight hold he had on me.

“Not at all. I know that you’re the best woman for me and I can’t wait to share you with the world. I’m ready. Are you?” He said and placed his hand on my lower back to guide me out of the hotel and to the limo waiting in the back for all of us.

“Well, when you put it like that, how can I be?” I said and smiled up at him before climbing into the limo.

The ride to the Staples Center was relatively quiet because we were all so nervous. Each of the girls was nervous because we were individually nominated for Model of the Year and I know that while we each wanted each other to succeed, we equally wanted to win the award, if not more. We were also up as a whole for New Act. Along with some really great artists. The Boys were up for Best Comeback. It was totally ironic because the entire time they were “making a comeback” they didn’t want to call it that.

When we pulled up to the paparazzi entrance, the Boys got out first. The limo drove around the corner and I saw Nick and the rest of the guys interacting with some reporters. I started to grow very nervous because I was going to have to enter the world of the Red Carpet alone. It’s not like the girls and I had not done press and walked red carpets before, this was just such a big moment for all of us. We all knew that the press was not expecting anything from us as couples, so we wanted to focus on our careers first and our relationships second. The second time the limo pulled up, all of us girls got out.

“Hello Ladies of the Esteem Team! Congratulations on your nominations! Are you nervous?” One reporter asked sticking a microphone in our faces as soon as all four of us had emerged from the limo.

“No, we’re just here to have fun!” Amethyst responded.

We continued walking down the red carpet, stopping periodically to take pictures. “Jade! Amethyst! Savannah! Bianca!” We heard all of our names being called so we kept looking every which way. Posing this way and that, as a group, as individuals. It was a little overwhelming but fun none-the-less.

We found the guys and slyly slipped up to them. I slipped my arm through Nick’s and I saw him smile. He leaned over and kissed my forehead and before I knew it, there were a hundred photographers taking our picture. Bianca joined AJ, Ames joined Justin, and James slipped his arm around Savannah. Now, we were the subject of ALL circulation.

The new couples had finally emerged. I felt powerful standing beside Nick with his hand on my waist pulling me into the curve of his body.

“Nick! Jade! Are you and official couple?” “How long have you been together?” “How did this happen?” “How did you meet?”

There were a million and one questions being thrown at us and we didn’t know how to answer them all. It seemed that each of the new couples had been swept away from one another. I couldn’t even see any of my other girls in the sea of reporters and photographers and I wondered if they felt lost as well.

Nick calmly walked me through the rest of the line and we stopped a few times to pose for pictures. It was so interesting how one small romantic motion that had happened just about every day for the past eight months could ignite such a media frenzy.

When we got inside the Staples Center, we were whisked away to our seats and found that Bianca and AJ, Brian and Leigh, and Kristin and Kevin had already made their way inside. Amethyst and Justin and Savannah and James followed quickly behind us and were seated next to me and Nick.

The show was soon underway with Adam Sandler as the host.

“Well, I just had to re-write my opening monologue material. Who the hell knew that Nick Carter could get with a model? And Jade Carroll none-the-less! And AJ McLean with Bianca Sanchez! What is this? Dial-A-Backstreet-Boy hook ups?” He quipped.

The camera panned to the four of us and I blushed deeply as Nick pulled me closely and waved sarcastically at Adam. “Damn and Justin Guarini! A has been American Idol runner-up? With Amethyst Riggins? She’s so hott! Ok dude, how much did you pay her to make you look cool?”

Amethyst hid her head in her hands and Justin began laughing as he rubbed her shoulders reassuringly. We all knew that he was just joking and we also knew that this was just the beginning of a whole new life.


Nick's POV

About half way through the ceremony, I looked over at Jade and saw her smiling and laughing at Adam’s jokes and something in me changed. I saw her as the love of my life. The woman of my dreams.

“Hey Nick, is everything ok?” She asked me, snapping her fingers in front of my face, breaking my trance.

“You’re beautiful.” Was all I could manage to get out.

“Thank you. You look great yourself. But the girls and I have to go get ready to present, so I’ve got to go. Wish me luck!” She said and leaned down to kiss me as she stepped over me and into the aisle.

The other girls stood next to her and they linked arms and walked to the backstage area. “Good luck!” I called after her, knowing she probably didn’t hear me.

“Hey Nick. How’s it going?” I heard AJ’s voice from next to me. I turned back around in my seat so I was looking at him, instead of Jade’s path.

“I’m doing alright. What about you? The girls look amazing tonight, don’t they?” I said, trying to regain my composure.

“Yeah, they really do. I think Bianca’s really nervous though. She told me last night that she’s afraid of the outcome of Model of the Year. She’s afraid that it’s going to cause some animosity among the group. She told me that she thinks that Jade is going to win because she’s the “front-woman” of the group.” AJ said and rubbed his goatee with his hand.

“Really? Jade and I haven’t talked about it much. I don’t think she’s really worried about it. I think she’s more worried about winning New Act. I mean, they’re up against some good people, you know?” I said and shifted in my seat.

“Yeah they are. I don’t think they have anything to worry about though. Are you worried about our award?” AJ asked me.

“Not really. I mean, it’s not like we’re up for a Grammy, you know? I’d be petrified if we were up for a Grammy. Don’t get me wrong, I’d really like to win though.” I said and sat back.

“Nick, are you sure you’re ok? You look kinda funny.” AJ stated.

“I love her man.” I said, finally expressing in words what my heart had been feeling for a while now.

“Duh, everyone knows that. You two are like, sunshine, sending out rays of happiness.” He said and shook his head. “What’s got you so worked up?”

“I don’t know if she feels the same about me. I mean, we’ve had a great relationship up to this point, but I don’t want to scare her away by telling her that I love her.” I confessed.

“There is no way in hell that she doesn’t feel the same about you. Her smile lights up the room whenever she even hears your name dude. You just need to be honest with her. Tell her how you really feel. Here’s a question for you. What if you tell her and she doesn’t say it back? How will you feel?” AJ questioned.

I sat back in my seat and thought about it. “Well, I would be upset, but I would still love her. I would know that it would take time for her to love me, but I would still be there for her. But she wouldn’t do that, right? I mean, if I tell her that I love her, she’ll say it back. I just know it.” I said and the lights dimmed as Adam Sandler took the stage again.

“Well, damn. You’re still here huh? Well, if you’re just tuning in, this is the best time. We have the four finest ladies in the world here to present the next award. Will you please join me in welcoming the ladies of the Esteem Team? Savannah Malone, Bianca Sanchez, Jade Carroll, and Amethyst Riggins!” Adam clapped and the girls all walked up to the podium.

As they were about to speak, a deep male voice yelled, “I love the Esteem Team!”

The girls laughed and looked into the rafters at a guy who was holding a huge sign with their names on it. “We love you too!” The girls responded in unison.

“We are here to present the award of Best Reality TV Show.” Savannah began.

“Yeah, at one point in our lives, we have each become so grossly involved in a reality show that it consumed our days.” Bianca continued.

“Reality TV has become a necessary evil in the lives of the American public.” Jade said.

“Yes, reality TV presents every American with the opportunity to be someone they’re not, whether it be the rich girl, the token black guy, or the drunken idiot. These are the nominees…” Ames said and turned to the big screen behind them to watch the segments provided by American Idol, America’s Next Top Model, Beauty and the Geek, and Survivor.

After watching each clip, the camera turned back on the girls. Bianca ripped open the envelope and Savannah said, “The winner is …”

“Beauty and the Geek!” All four girls screamed at once.
I watched as Ashton Kutcher and Jason Goldberg went onstage to receive their award. They hugged each girl and kissed them on the cheeks.

After giving their acceptance speeches, the girls returned to their seats.

“How did we do babe?” Jade asked me.

“You were amazing. You looked so confident.” I said and pulled her close and kissed her full on the lips.

She broke away and smiled at me. “Oh, look, it’s time to see who wins Model of the Year! I’m so nervous. I don’t want to win though.” She whispered and returned her gaze to the stage.

Amanda Bynes and Josh Duhamel were on stage. “What are models really? Stick-figures who strut their stuff in tiny bathing-suits down a runway every couple of months? Or women who are doing everything in their power to boost the self-confidence of the American Youth and Teens of today?” Josh asked Amanda.

“Well, before meeting each of these women, I would have said the stick figures, but now knowing that there is so much more, I have to say that not only are the women of the Esteem Team fashion models, but they are role models as well. Unfortunately tonight, they were individually assessed by the American Public and only one was chosen as our Model of the Year. The nominees are…” Finished Amanda Bynes.

“Jade Carroll.” The big screen showed Jade’s headshot and then the camera swept over to us. She waved and smiled while the audience cheered for her.

“Savannah Malone.” Savannah’s Cosmopolitan cover showed up on the screen and the camera panned her and James. She too smiled and winked while the audience hooted and hollered.

“Amethyst Riggins.” Ames’ headshot showed up on the screen and the camera picked her out while she too smiled and waved.

And finally, “Bianca Sanchez.” Her Cosmo cover appeared as well and the camera found her while she and AJ clung close together and she waved while the audience screamed for her.

Josh pulled out the envelope and opened it. He read the name and his mouth widened into a smile. “And the winner is…”