- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
thank you to everyone reading the story so far...and please, leave feedback! I love to know what you guys think!
“Roslyn, please, open the door! I need to talk to you!”

She could hear the pounding on the door and his pleas for entry over and over but she wasn’t ready to talk to him. She wasn’t ready to talk to anybody. A part of her had wished that Nick did have HIV; at least she wouldn’t have to leave him behind and know that he would go on without her and find someone new, and she felt like a horrible person because of it.

How sick is that? How wrong is it of me to want someone to contract a deadly virus just to ease my own pain and insecurities? She knew deep down that she was relieved that he wasn’t sick; he didn’t deserve it, but then again, neither did she. She also knew that she didn’t want to shut him out of her life, that spending her time without him in it would hurt more than loving him as hard as she could while she could. But would he want that? She didn’t know, and that made her realize she did need to talk to him.

If I am not going to shut him out, then I guess I should open the door, she told herself as she pushed herself off the bed and ambled over to the door.

He heard the lock click and he knew she had opened it for him. He gave her a few seconds before turning the knob and pushing the door open. He expected her to be lying on the bed or halfway across the room, but there she was, standing right in front of the door, waiting for him to come to her. He wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity either and he gathered her in his arms, holding her tightly against his sturdy frame.

“Roslyn, I’m sorry,” he whispered, swaying her gently back and forth as they hugged.

“Don’t be sorry Nick, I’m not. You are very lucky and you shouldn’t take that for granted.” She too was whispering, for she knew if she tried to speak any louder the words would not come out. It was all she could not to break down again, and she had to be strong. It was going to be hard to say to him what she needed to say to him, to find out what his intentions were, and if she didn’t stay strong, she wouldn’t be able to get through it.

“Let’s sit,” she suggested, feeling his hold on her loosen and she slithered out of his arms, making her way towards the bed. He followed, sitting down beside her, both of them taking a minute to get comfortable.

“Look—“ Nick began, but Roslyn stopped him.

“No, Nick, please, let me start.” He nodded, agreeing to let her go, and she took several deep breaths before continuing. “We’ve been walking in circles around reality since, well, since that night, and I can’t do it anymore.”

“Roslyn—“

“Please, I need to get this out.” Again he nodded and she continued. “It’s just that, well, I don’t want you to, um, God, why is this so hard?” Nick took his hand and rubbed it along her face, trying to give her some encouragement. He had a feeling he knew what she was trying to say, and his response was already on the tip of his tongue, waiting and ready to counter whatever doubts she had.

“I don’t want you to waste your time with me Nick,” she blurted out, a new batch of tears threatening to fall. He looked at her, knowing she had more and he didn’t want to interrupt her. “I want you in my life, I do, I need it, but I don’t want to hold you back from something you might want instead.”

“So what you’re saying is you think that I should be friends with you but find myself a wife and get married and have kids and grow old with that person instead of you?” She cocked her head to the side, astonished that he drew that much depth out of the broken sentences she had put together a few moments ago.

“Wow, I didn’t realize you were so insightful,” she joked, wiping her hands underneath her eyes quickly to catch the few tears that were about to spill out.

“I’m not, I just know you and I knew you were going to come at me with some ridiculous logic like this.”

“It’s not ridiculous Nickolas,” she threw back at him, getting defensive at his liaise-fair attitude about the whole thing.

“Yes, Roslyn, it is ridiculous. Trying to tell me that I should move on, find someone new…it’s ridiculous! I’m not gonna do it and if you actually expected me to then you don’t really know me as well as I thought you did.” He was quiet for a moment, letting the hurt he was feeling show.

“I don’t want you to Nick,” she finally said, just above a whisper. “I just don’t want to be the reason you are heartbroken down the road.”

“You’re the only reason I want to be heartbroken,” he replied, taking her hands in his and bringing them to his lips, planting soft kisses all over them. “I’ve wanted this for so long Ros, I’m not going anywhere.”

“But what about—“

“We will work it out Ros, together, we will work it out. Whatever you’re fears or worries are, we’ll deal with them. Stop hesitating, cause I’m sure as hell not.”

With that, she buried her face in his chest, allowing the tears to fall freely. She had wondered for so long if he would still love her, still want to be with her, and even though she had no idea how it was going to work, if they could have a family, if they would ever be able to get married and consummate it, if she could love him and yet keep him safe, she knew at that moment she could trust him, and that together they would work it out.

After several minutes of holding each other in a loving embrace, she pulled away from him, feeling the need to hear him say it, to fully tell her what she needed to hear.

“What is it baby?” he asked her, seeing that something was still on her mind.

“I don’t want to seem redundant Nick, but, I just, I need to be frank.”

“Alright, but can I still be Nick?” he asked her, causing both of them to start laughing uncontrollably. When the laughter died down, he asked her to continue.

“Okay, but no more jokes! You’re making it very hard to concentrate!”

“I promise, no more jokes. Continue please.”

“Are you sure that you’re gonna want to love me for the rest of my life?”

There was silence for several minutes, her question suspended in the universe indefinitely, waiting for an answer so it could finally rest.

“No,” he said softly, causing Roslyn to draw in a deep breath.

“W-what?” she asked him, scooting back on the bed a little to distance herself from him. Before she could move far though, he grabbed her, pressing his lips against hers and kissing her passionately until they were both out of breath and had to separate.

“No, Roslyn, I’m not gonna love you for the rest of your life…I’m gonna love you for the rest of mine.”