Roslyn woke four hours later feeling well rested. She knew the nap was a good idea, but she was surprised that she was actually able to fall asleep and stay asleep for four whole hours. Lately, when she would sleep, she would wake during the night from bad dreams, but that did not happen during this slumber.

It wasn’t until she tried to stretch that she realized a pair of strong, heavy arms were holding her body securely. He really does love me, she thought happily as she snuggled a little deeper into the embrace. I knew he would come back to me. He always said he never wanted to hurt me. She rolled over to face him, her intentions being to kiss him passionately, to tell him she forgave him for all the things he’s done to her, to take the first step out of he ll and begin their new life together, but her intentions were stopped short when she leaned in for the kiss and met a pair of piercing blue eyes instead of the dim, brown ones she was used to.

She felt like an idiot; a gullible, foolish woman. She knew Rob would never be the man she wanted him to be; she knew that no matter how much she loved him, he would never love her back. She just lay there, crying, giving no explanation for her actions to the man lying next to her, still holding her carefully, tenderly. He didn’t need one though; he knew what she had thought, what she had hoped, and he knew her heart was breaking all over again at that very moment. He just continued to hold her, understanding that there was nothing else he could do, and nothing else she wanted.

“I’m never going to change him am I?” she said quietly, the tears slowing a bit. “No matter what I do, no matter how much I love him, the relationship would be nothing but disaster.”

“Ros, there’s no way for you to change it,” he responded softly, brushing her hair from her face. “It’s him, not you. He’s the monster, the one with the problems, and he doesn’t deserve the love you’ve given him.” His words were true, the sound of his voice calming her as he spoke them. She lay in his arms for another fifteen minutes, the most intimate feelings she still had within her flowing through her body as her tattered and bare soul exposed itself to him through an un-spoken language. He understood her pain; she had the essence of damage and sorrow. His heart ached to take that away.


********************


“Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado, the Blue Note Night Club is proud to present the smoking hot band, right out of Memphis, Jade, featuring singing sensation Roslyn Bushman.” The crowd at the night club was busier than usual tonight, people driving from all over to see Roslyn’s band, and they went crazy at the introduction, clapping and screaming as loud as they could. Roslyn had fans, something that she took great pride and accomplishment in.

For the next hour Roslyn sang her heart out, performing original songs that she and the band had written, as well as covering other artists’ songs. Kaci, AJ, Marcus, Serena, and Nick had been seated up in the balcony section; that was the most VIP a downscale nightclub like the Blue Note got, especially since the rich and famous didn’t frequent the place very often.

When Serena arrived at the Blue Note at eight, Roslyn had still been in her dressing room getting ready. She didn’t hit the stage until nine, but she was already in a panic. She had taken the dress she was supposed to wear for her final song to the dry cleaners and when she picked it up the next day she was on her way home. It was in her apartment when it burned, and now her choices for a replacement were severely lacking the look she wanted to portray.

“Don’t worry,” Serena had told her. “You just finish getting ready and I’ll take care of your closing number.”

Roslyn still didn’t know what Serena had come up with, and she wouldn’t know until she ran backstage at the end of the set to change into whatever it was for the last song.

The last two songs in the set were very fast, upbeat, dance tempo ones, and Kaci and Serena couldn’t stay in their seats any longer. They jumped up and grabbed the guys by the hand, dragging them down the stairs with them all the way up to the stage.

“She is so fabulous!” screamed Kaci over the loud bumping bass.

“I know!” Serena yelled back. “It’s amazing to watch her up there; it’s like she becomes this completely different person. It’s so hot!” Kaci and Serena started laughing and trying to get Roslyn’s attention so she’d play and sing to them from the stage.

“Well, Nicky, what do ya think?” AJ asked as the last song in the set died down, Serena took off to the dressing room to help Roslyn and he and Nick moved away from the stage a little. The noise level had dropped dramatically as the lights went out on the stage and the crowd made a mad dash for the bar for another round before the grand finale. Roslyn always wowed the crowd with her ending number, and it was always a song that she did by herself, with only a piano or a guitar accompaniment and the anticipation and excitement from the crowd was no different tonight.

Nick stood there for a moment, listening to everyone talking about Roslyn and the band and how much they loved it, and he couldn’t think of any thing to say that could possibly express to AJ what he was thinking. “Awesome man, completely awesome,” was all he could say, and AJ understood him all too well.


*********************************


As the lights went off on the stage, Roslyn sprinted to the dressing room to see what Serena had found for her. Her mouth dropped as she stepped into the room and her eyes set on the most beautiful black dress she had ever seen.

“Oh my God, Serena, it’s beautiful! Where did you get this?” she cried as she walked over to it, almost afraid to touch it. It was a strapless sheath dress, obviously made to hug every curve of the wearer’s body, but then it fluttered out slightly at the bottom, creating a beautiful feminine look. It has a slit on the right side that traveled from her ankle to her upper thigh and that was all there was too it; but just the simplistic elegance of the dress was enough to take her breath away.

“I didn’t do it alone; Kaci helped,” was all Serena gave as an answer. “Now hurry up and put it on, we still have to put your hair up and fix your makeup!” Roslyn did as she was told, and ten minutes later she was ready to head back onto the stage for her final number; well outward appearance wise she was ready, inside she was dying.

Maybe I shouldn’t sing this song, she thought as she walked towards the stage. It’s so personal; maybe it’s too personal to sing.

“What wrong buttercup?” Serena asked as she pulled Roslyn closer to the stage door.

“Maybe I shouldn’t sing this one, See. I don’t think it’s the right choice.” Serena grabbed Roslyn’s hands, holding them in her own as she faced her friend, locking eyes with her.

“Ros, there is not a better song you could sing tonight, for so many reasons. You can’t keep running. You know the truth and you know the emotion, all that’s left is to sing it.” Roslyn nodded; she knew Serena was right. If she used every feeling and emotion and thought and fear and hope and disappointment she had within her right now, the entire place would be sucked into the mystery of her words.

“You have all been a fabulous crowd tonight and the entire group would like to thank you for coming out and seeing us tonight,” Cecilia, the keyboard player, said into the lone microphone positioned in a stand in the middle of the stage. The rest of the stage was completely void of anything else, except a grand piano in the far left corner.

“And don’t forget, you can come back and see us right here on the 17th, nine o’clock sharp,” she continued, the crowed whistling and clapping. “And now, for the final number of the night, please welcome back to the stage, Miss Roslyn Bushman.” The crowd grew louder, and the single spot light went out, the stage going black.

“Roslyn, Roslyn, Roslyn,” the crowd began to chant. She was standing on the stage waiting for the spot light to illuminate her, and the sound of her name being chanted gave her chills. She felt so at home on the stage, so wanted and adored, something her life had been lacking so much.

She heard the piano intro start behind her and the spotlight on the left side of the stage lit up, casting a beautiful glow around Cecilia as she played the grand piano. And now it’s my turn, Roslyn thought, waiting for the spot light to hit her.

“This is a song I wrote a few months ago. It means a lot to sing it for you all tonight,” she said quietly into the microphone. “This is Beautiful Disaster.”

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as dam ned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world would cave in
It just ain't right
But it just ain't right

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
But would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
But do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight
Baby hold me tight

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
I've waited so long

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the ends he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take

Oh and I don't know
I dont know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster.

He's beautiful
Lord he's so beautiful
He's beautiful

Her eyes fell on Nick as she sang the last lines of her song, her heart making the gesture for her mind. That would be a beautiful disaster too, she thought sadly as the song ended and entire nightclub erupted in ear-shattering screams and claps. Serena and Kaci wiped the tears away from their eyes, both knowing what that song really meant.

Nick was awestruck. He had never heard such emotion mixed with such a beautiful voice in his twenty-six years of existence. He wanted to revel in that moment forever; staying in that four minutes and thirty-four seconds for the rest of his life was all he could comprehend, but that was cut short too.

“We have a problem,” yelled Marcus, slightly out of breath, as he ran up to them. “Rob…he’s here.”