- Text Size +

* Chapter 41 *

We were about halfway between Salt Lake and Provo on the freeway when Bri pulled into the slow lane next to me. I was driving with the windows open, including the back window, and the radio playing my favorite station...mine! I rested my left arm in the window of the door and drove with my right hand on the ‘6’ position (bottom) on the steering wheel ‘cause I always drove that way. I laughed when I saw Meg roll down the back window behind Bri and started hollering at me.

"Help me!!! They’re driving me insane!!!!" she yelled with crossed eyes and a goofy expression.

Howie leaned over and yelled out the window next.

"Don’t mind her...she’s hallucinating again!" he hollered before he rolled the window back up.

My cell was sitting up on the dashboard so I picked it up and pushed speed dial #4.

"KBEE 98.7, this is Jay! You’re on the air."

"Hey Jay!!! What’s up? It’s Ellz."

"Ellz! What can I play for ya hun?"

I glanced over at the Suburban in the next lane to see Nick through Brian’s window pointing at himself with and nodding with a smile. I shook my head at him with the same smile before I turned my attention back to the road.

"Well, I’m kinda in the mood for some BS...Britney Spears that is...how ‘bout ‘From the Bottom of My Broken Heart’ going out to well, going out to...uh...all the lonely people out there in radio-land," I said.

"Aww Ellz. Has someone got ya down?" he asked sympathetically.

"I guess you could say that," I replied, keeping my eyes on the road while I talked. "Thanks Jay~J."

I hung up and listened to his intro to the song.

"This song goes out to all the lonely people out there from our very own Ellz H. We just want you to know that you’re loved," he said as the music faded in.

Never look back we said. How was I to know I’d miss you so. Loneliness up ahead, emptiness behind. Where do I go? And you didn’t hear all my joy through my tears, all my hopes through my fears. Did you know still I miss you somehow? From the bottom of my broken heart there’s just a thing or two I’d like you to know. You were my first love, you were my true love from the first kisses to the very last rose...

I was silent as the music filled the air around me.

We could’ve worked things out, taking time is what love’s all about. But you put a dart through my dreams, through my heart. And I’m back where I started again, never thought it would end. From the bottom of my broken heart, there’s just a thing or two I’d like you to know. You were my first love, you were my true love from the first kisses to the very last rose. From the bottom of my broken heart even though time may find me somebody new, you were my real love, I never knew love ‘til there was you from the bottom of my broken heart. You promised yourself, but there’s somebody else and you made it so perfectly clear. Still I wish you were here...

By the time the song ended I was crying from the way the words reflected how I felt to a perfect tee. Some of the other motorists on the road gave me funny looks as I passed them, but I didn’t care because I couldn’t hide how I felt. I cried until we finally pulled up to my apartment building about twenty minutes later. When I was parked in my spot in the parking garage under the building, I grabbed a few things from the floor and headed inside before everyone could come and get me. I didn’t wait when I got into the lobby either before going up. Once I got to my door, I unlocked it and went inside to find things exactly the way I left them (besides the things that Nick had left). I put the stuff on the table in front of the couch before I walked into my room and shoved the door shut carelessly. I shuffled over to my bed and threw myself onto it before I curled up into a ball and sobbed some more. The room felt a little cold (or maybe it was just me) so I pulled a blanket over my body and lay there facing the two full length curtain-covered windows that looked over the busy city streets. The front door opened in the other room and I could hear the guys and Meg admiring the look of my place.

"Aaaawww look! She had our pictures framed," Bri gushed happily as he looked at the wall surrounding the entertainment center covered with the pictures that Howie had ordered in Orlando. "But where’s Bone’s picture?"

"Aaaahh! Look at that goofy picture!" Meg exclaimed when she saw the one of us back to back. "Too cute!"

"This place is pretty nice," Kev commented as he walked over to the kitchen.

"Where’d she go?" Howie asked from where he was standing by my desk.

"Maybe she’s in the bathroom or something," Meg suggested.

It was almost unbearable knowing that AJ was only in the next room, probably sitting on my couch watching my TV or reading one of my magazines. My eyes were wet from my tears as I listened to the muffled sounds coming from the other rooms of my small apartment. I was lying on my side with my eyes closed when I heard someone knock lightly on the door before it slowly opened.

"Els?" Meg called out quietly as she opened the door to see me curled up on my bed.

"Please don’t come in..." I said as the tears moistened my cheeks.

I lay there and listened as she shut the door and went back to the other room. It was quiet for a few minutes before everyone started talking and playing around again. I pulled the blanket up around my shoulders and shivered from my body being a little cold. After lying there on my bed for what seemed like a little while, I sat up with my feet on the floor and put my hands over face, trying to muffle my sobs. I put my hands on my lap and sat there with my eyes closed to try and calm myself down a little.

The door opened, but I didn’t open my eyes to see who it was, knowing it was most likely Nick or Meg. Whoever it was kneeled down in front of me and wrapped their arms around my shoulders in a warm embrace.

"I’m sorry," the person whispered in my ear as he rubbed my back a little. "I’m sooo sorry."

I didn’t say anything. When he pulled back a little I hung my head as the tears came back to my eyes. He took my hands in his and looked at me for a moment. I turned my head and opened my eyes to look at the small picture of the guys, Court, and me that had been taken in the hotel lobby on our first night in Orlando.

"Liz...please look at me."

"I...I...I can’t," I replied, not moving my gaze from the picture.

He didn’t know what to say. I shook my head slightly as I closed my eyes and lowered my head again.

"I can’t...every time I see your face I see HER..." I whispered sadly. "I see her...and you...at the beach..."

I pulled my hands away from his and swung my feet up onto the bed so I was facing the bottom of my bed instead of him.

"You saw that?" he asked in a sad voice.

"Yeah I saw THAT," I said, my voice growing angrier by the second.

He had a look of shame on his face. I stood up on the other side of the bed.

"What? You think I wouldn’t find out or anything?"

I looked at him as my words stung him.

"Why didn’t you just tell me that you didn’t want me around?" I yelled at him before I turned and headed for the door.

I slammed it shut behind me and then stormed right past everyone to my desk. I sat down in the chair and began typing feverishly on my laptop keyboard.

June 9th

One day before my 20th birthday and I feel like I could curl up and die! Things have gone from bad to worse to horrible to nothing at all. It turns out that things weren’t meant to be between us. I guess it’s better this way. Aaaahhh! I’m so mad (and extremely hurt) right now that I could just go and do something not very nice...Ugh! It was only a kiss, but kisses are supposed to be special...with someone special...only given for a special reason. They should be saved and shared with that ‘one’ true person that means everything to you. Well, maybe that’s where I screwed up... Oh well. I’ve got to go blow off some steam. You’ll hear more from me later. I’m outtie. >:ol

I stood up and hastily walked over to where my jacket was lying over the back of the couch. After I put it on, I grabbed my keys from the table inside the door and left.

"We’re going to lunch...we’ll be back in a little while," Nick told everyone before he ran out the door to find me waiting by the elevator.

I stood there waiting for the elevator to get to my floor so I could leave. I impatiently pushed the arrow button a few more times as I pulled my hair out from inside my black ‘KBEE’ insulated jacket.

"Hey...wait up," Nick called out as the elevator doors opened.

I held the door for him until he was standing next to me.

"Sorry...I’m just a little pissed right now," I said angrily as the doors closed.

He put one hand on my right shoulder.

"Don’t worry. Things will be ok," he said as he pulled my keys out of my hand. "I’m going to drive so ya don’t try and run someone off the road."

He gave me a little smile while he tilted my head up so he could look me in the eye.

"Ok," I replied.

He must have been surprised at how much hurt, confusion and anger he found in my eyes when he stared into them.

He wrapped his arms around me in a loose hug. "It’ll be ok."