Chapter Twenty-One: Strange Days

Alyssa sighed a little relaxing against Nick both still coming off their high. “What’s wrong?” He asked concerned.

She looked up at him, “Hmm, absolutely nothing. Why do you ask?”

He smiled at her holding her tighter against him as they continued to just lay there basking in the afterglow. “You’ve just been off lately, more tired than usual.”

Alyssa hated it sometimes how well he could read her. She’d been very off the past few months ever since her father passed away. Not just from the emotional stress of losing him but there was something else, her nausea had been coming and going and sometimes resulted in her having to hole herself up in the bathroom until it passed. “Yeah I know just been really run down lately you know?”

He looked at her, “Hmm maybe you should take sometime off go stay with your mom, visit the doctor. I don’t want you to get sick.” He said his voice soft, full of concern.

“I just saw her a month and a half ago.”

“For like what three days? Hardly a vacation if you ask me.”

Alyssa looked at him a minute, “Are you trying to get rid of me?” She said half joking and half serious.

He stared at her a little shocked, “God no! If anything I want you to stay but you need rest.” He replied kissing her temple.

She relaxed against him and smiled a little, “Ok why don’t I go stay with them until the Phoenix date?”

Nick thought a moment before reaching over to the nightstand where the tour itinerary was. He looked at it flipping the pages, “That’s three weeks away!?!?!”

Alyssa laughed a little, “Well it’s your idea for me to go spend time with my mom.”

“I know but that’s an eternity, since we’ve been together the longest we’ve been apart has been a week.”

She grinned at him, “Not true, remember the tour in Asia that was two weeks.”

He rolled his eyes, “Ok true, but that was before we were exclusive.”

“So you’re saying that it was ok because you could look at and even be with other women.” She shot back.

He looked at her in shock again, “Damn woman you turned that one around on me!”

She rolled her eyes, “Well you said it was before we were exclusive, one could make that mean that one or both of us were with other people at the time.”

He sat up letting the sheet fall to his hips as he turned a little motioning for her to sit up too. When she did he looked her straight in the eye and replied, “What makes you think that I would want to have been with anyone else?”

She looked at him, “Because I know you, and in the past you haven’t usually been the one girl type of guy.” She stated as he got a hurt look on his face. “I mean you cheated on Amanda, Tiffany, Paris, I could name more. So I just assumed you’d be hooking up with whoever caught your eye.”

He looked down for a second true he was hurt by her statement, but hell most of it was true he wasn’t the faithful type he’d been unfaithful to almost every girlfriend he’d ever had.

However ever since they’d even talked about being together he couldn’t imagine anyone else being as attractive or alluring as Alyssa. “You really think that way?” He asked pausing for a moment. “You think that I’m not going to stay faithful to you? That I’m secretly waiting to be alone so I can go out and get as many women as possible?”

She sighed, “Damnit I knew this was going to result in a fight.”

“Answer the questions Ali.” He stated flatly.

“I don’t know ok? I’m going on your track record here. I realize Amanda and Paris weren’t saints either. Don’t think I don’t see how women react to you. They either are all blushing or are all over you. I realize that and I understand that having strange women all over you comes with the territory of your life.” She paused gathering her thoughts. “I’m not jealous, I had to learn to get past that on your solo tour when I’d be the one scuttling girls out of your room in the morning. I’m just so afraid that you’ll start to lose interest in me and those offers from other women might look pretty tempting.”

He thought a moment understanding her fears because they were his too. Men always stared at Alyssa; some were even as bold as to come up to her. He feared that she’d be more attracted to them than him. He took her hands and looked in her eyes, “I’m sorry that my previous indiscretions have made it so hard to trust me.” He paused holding his hand up when she tried to say something. “I love you, I know I’ve said that to others in the past and didn’t mean it. But I mean it about you. That night in the hospital I lied to the doctors…” He said trailing off remembering what had happened that night:

“I’m sorry but unless you’re a relative or significant other we cannot release any information to you.” The doctor stated matter-of-factly.

Without thinking he replied, “I’m her boyfriend.”

The doctor nodded, “All right then, she’s in critical but stable condition. She’s able to breathe on her own which is very good for her state. She lost a lot of blood and we’re looking for a transfusion now she’s AB Negative so it shouldn’t be too hard.”

“I’m AB negative could that help?” Nick stated hoping that somehow he could help.

The doctor nodded appreciatively leading him back to take the amount of blood they’d need. “We’re only going to need about half a pint, that’s how much she needs before her body can produce red blood cells on her own.”

After taking his blood and putting a bandage on his arm he was led back into the ICU where he saw her. She laid there unconscious an IV in her arm and a bandage around her wrist where she had cut herself.

He felt his stomach drop, as he looked at her once bright face now pale and grey. He pulled a chair over to the side of the bed taking the hand with the bandage in his lacing their fingers together. The charge nurse walked in putting a fresh IV drip and bag of blood to help her begin to recover.

“Is she yours?” The nurse asked with her thick southern accent showing through.

Nick looked up at her and replied, “Yes, she’s mine.”

Taking Alyssa’s vitals she asked back, “Did you know?”

“Know what?” He asked.

The nurse looked at him with an endearing look, “That she’s a cutter.”

“What?”

The nurse lifted up Alyssa’s arm showing the healing red cuts up the inside of her forearm. “These cuts, they’re clear evidence of being what they call a cutter. Someone who cuts themselves to lessen emotional pain.”

He looked at Alyssa’s arms, how had he not noticed before? The long sleeves, fingerless gloves that went past her elbows, it all made sense to him now all these months since Collin’s death she’d been hurting herself to lessen the pain. “No I had no clue.”

“Well she’s lucky to have someone like you.”

“What do you mean?”

The nurse smiled, “My daughter was a cutter, when you do that to yourself you need all the love and support you can get to help you through it. She’s lucky to have someone that loves her like you do.” She stated patting him on the shoulder. “By the way if you need anything I’ll be here until 8 AM.”

“Thank you.” He managed to croak out before she left the room. Was it true what she said? Did he really love her? He looked over at her limp form the sad expression on her face pulled at his heart. “God please let her be ok.” He found himself whispering out loud before resting his head ontop of his arms on the bed still holding her hand. He watched her chest rise and fall as sleep began to overtake him.

“That night made me see what life without you might be like. I hated the idea of you not being here. I hated myself even more for not seeing how much pain you were in. I fell in love with you. I don’t know when or where, but that night I really felt it for the first time.”

Her expression softened, “I can tell you when I fell for you, the exact moment that I knew.”

He grinned at her playing with her fingers, “When?”

“Into the Millennium Tour October 12th, 1999, right after my 16th birthday. When Kel, Lori and I went backstage, it took you a minute to recognize me. The way your eyes lit up when you did. I knew it right then that I was in love with you.”

He smiled at her, “Seriously that was when you knew?”

She smiled back, “Yeah and I nearly keeled over when you hugged me. It was emotional overload to just figure out that ‘hey I love my best friend’ and then to have you so close to me. And then the following New Years when you kissed me! Seriously were you trying to kill me?”

He chuckled a bit, “What do you mean?”

“I was already a lovesick teenager, and that kiss even though looking back at the age difference was kinda bad on your part, it was just amazing everything I wanted my first kiss to be.”

“I know what you mean, I think it was then I started to fall for you, weird as it is since you were jail bait and all. But I had to kiss you; you looked so happy and beautiful, I couldn’t help myself.” He replied putting his fingers in her hair his palm resting just under her ear. She smiled and leaned into his palm sighing a little as she changed hands moving her left to hold his wrist and her right to hold the sheet in front of her. He chuckled to himself at her infinite modesty.

She moved closer to him smiling at him, “You know if someone would have told me that you felt the same way back then I never would have believed it. Hell if Kel or Lori would have said a year ago that we’d be here right now I would have had them committed for delusions of grandeur!” She stated giggling a little as he pulled her into a teasing kiss.

He pulled away a minute later, “Do you trust me now?”

She smiled a little, “I’ve always trusted you. Just, promise me that you won’t make me feel like a fool for doing so.”

“I promise.”

A week later...

“Honey I made you an appointment with Dr. Kellen.” Mary stated coming into Alyssa’s room.

Alyssa tried to protest but figured arguing with her mother was not an option. “Ok. When is it?” She relented.

“Two hours at the Scottsdale Medical Center. I pulled a few strings.” Mary replied smiling at her.

Later on at the doctor’s office; “Well Alyssa tell me what seems to be wrong?” Dr. Kellen asked her voice full of concern.

“Well, I’ve been nauseous and light headed.” Alyssa stated as the doctor made notes on the chart she held.

“When was the date of your last menstrual cycle?” The doctor asked making Alyssa blush for a second.

She thought a moment, “Umm my god it’s been a while.”

“How long is a while?”

Alyssa thought mentally scanning through a calendar, “Since April.” It was the beginning of August now.

The doctor chewed on her lip a moment, “Have you noticed any change in weight gain, unusual food cravings?”

“What are you saying?”

She smiled at Alyssa, “Well I need to run some tests but based on your symptoms, you may very well be pregnant.”

Alyssa’s eyes widened, “But we’ve always been careful.”

“How careful?”

Alyssa thought a moment, “I’m on the pill.”

The doctor’s face softened, “Condoms?”

“Well ok no, but we’re both clean so we didn’t really see the point with being on the pill and all.”

Dr. Kellen looked over the chart quickly at the birth control Alyssa had been taking, “It seems as if the amount of hormones in your dose weren’t enough to keep you from getting pregnant.”

That night...

Alyssa paced around the bathroom stopping every once and a while to look at her profile. She stuck out her stomach rubbing her hands over it sighing. “God I can’t believe this.” She was pregnant. Never in the deepest corners of her mind had the idea of being pregnant had ever come up. And now here she was, knocked up by the man she loved with all her heart.

“Ali, you gotta come see this!!!!!!!!!!” Jenna yelled from the computer downstairs.

Alyssa rushed down stairs seeing Jenna on the computer with the media player pulled up and the boys picture frozen on the screen. “What?” She asked.

“Watch this!” Jenna excitedly exclaimed as she pushed play.

“So Nick you were saying how that now your parents are divorced that you feel like a father to your siblings. Are there any plans for you to actually become a father soon?” The interviewer asked.

All of the guys turned to him as he looked a little shocked but quickly recovered, “Well as of right now there are no official plans, but if it happens then I’d be happy about it, I’m in a great place in my life right now and if it were to happen then yeah that’d be pretty damn cool.”

Alyssa stared at the screen, “Did he just say, what I think he just said?” She stated as her and Jenna exchanged a look.

“He just said he’d be cool if you got pregnant!!!” Jenna exclaimed. “And on international television!!!”

Alyssa looked at Jenna with a smirk. “I hope he’s ready to find out how cool it would be.” She said without even thinking.

Jenna looked at her wide-eyed, “You’re....”

“Found out today.” Alyssa stated as Jenna screamed. “Christ Jenna!! Keep it down.”

Jenna pressed her hand to Alyssa’s stomach, “There’s a baby Carter in there?” She asked almost giddy.

“Yep, a little over 3 months. Which is why I’m beginning to show.” Alyssa’s cell phone rang and she picked it up smiling knowing it was Nick just by the ring tone. “Hey baby what’s up?”

“Nothing much just missing you.” He stated smiling into the phone.

Alyssa smiled even more, “So umm I saw the latest interview.”

Nick thought a moment, “And?”

“You seriously think it’d be cool if I got pregnant?”

He grinned, “Hell yeah, I’m so happy with you and if it happens then it’s meant to happen then I can’t not be happy.”

A week later...

Jenna and Alyssa walked around the mall looking for something that caught their eyes. “Ooo we should go in this one” Jenna said pointing to the Carter’s Baby store.

Alyssa rolled her eyes laughing, “God, that’s funny.” They walked around the store looking at the various adorable baby clothes they had.

Jenna held up a ones ooing and awing at how adorable it was. It was then that Alyssa grimaced. “Honey what’s wrong?”

Another shot of pain ran through her like a bolt of lightning, “I don’t know it just hurts.”

Jenna got a concerned look on her face. “Maybe we should go?” She asked.

Alyssa cried out as another jolt hit her, “Yeah I think we should.”