Chapter Twenty-Two: Dealing With the Pain

Alyssa pulled her knees to her chest just as Jenna walked in handing her a cup of tea. “Honey it’s not your fault.” She stated as she sat next to her.

Alyssa looked at her silently thanking her for the tea, “Yes it is. If I hadn’t partied so much or stretched myself too thin I would have realized that I was pregnant sooner.”

Jenna’s heart sank on the word ‘was’ ever since the day at the mall Alyssa had horrible pain in her abdomen and finally she went to the hospital after the pain and spotting didn’t subside for hours. It was there they would tell her that she’d lost the baby, a little girl. “Alyssa Mackenzie Monroe, you had no idea that this would happen. Hell I’ve had a miscarriage before and it sucks but you are going to get through this.” Jenna reassured tucking a piece of Alyssa’s long dark hair behind her ear.

“I can’t help feel like it’s all my fault, like if I did just one thing differently I’d still be pregnant or maybe not even in the first place.”

“Do not blame yourself, this kind of thing is rather common.”

Alyssa sighed, “I didn’t even get the chance to tell Nick he was going to be a father.”

“Well you need to tell him what happened. He’ll understand, hell he will be the one to help you through this better than I can.” Jenna stated as if almost on cue Alyssa’s phone rang. Jenna picked it up, “Hello?”

“Jenna?” Nick asked.

“Yeah honey do you want to talk to Alyssa?” Jenna asked handing the sidekick to Alyssa.

Alyssa sighed, “Hello lover, what’s up?”

“Nothing much baby, how are you?” He asked hearing Alyssa cringe at the mention of the word ‘baby’. “Are you alright?”

Alyssa took in a breath, “There’s something that I need to tell you but I don’t want to say on the phone.”

He thought a moment, “Just tell me it might be easier than in person.”

“Umm, well about a week and a half ago, I went to the doctor. And, uh, she told me that I was pregnant.”

Nick sat there his jaw dropped but he thought a moment, “Was pregnant?” He asked afraid of what might have happened.

Alyssa wiped the tear away, “I miscarried yesterday.” She replied pausing to get a reaction.

That one statement hit him like a ton of bricks, “What happened? I mean what caused it.” He said hearing her break down crying.

“Well, the hospital said that I was under too much stress and since I didn’t know that I was pregnant any partying or drinking caused the stress on the baby to be too much. I was over 3 months along, I was beginning to show and I didn’t even realize it until it was almost too late.”

“3 months?” He asked.

She sighed, “Yeah, the car after my father’s funeral that’s when it happened. I feel so stupid for not realizing that I was pregnant with our daughter.” She stated grabbing a tissue from the box Jenna held out for her.

“Daughter?” His voice cracked as he spoke, “We had a daughter?”

Alyssa cried harder when she heard his voice crack, “I’m so sorry, I feel like it’s all my fault. I’ll understand if you want to…”

“Don’t you dare think I’m going to leave you over this.” He interrupted. Alyssa sighed in response. “We’re gonna get through this, I promise you. I know you think that this is your fault but it’s not. If anything this was meant to happen.”

“What do you mean?” Alyssa asked trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

“It was meant to happen because as happy as I would have been, we’re not ready.” He paused as he talked to someone else in the room. “Ali I’m sorry but I have to go, I’ll call you in the morning ok?”

“Ok, I’ll talk to you then.”

“Love you.”

Alyssa cracked a weak smile, “I love you too. Good night and have a good show.”

“I will, ba…” He stopped himself before he called her ‘baby’. “Night sugar.” He said quickly before hanging up.

After the show Nick paced in his hotel room. He had no idea what to do or how think about what happened. He got an idea and walked out of his room grabbing the key and going down to Kevin’s hotel room knocking on it.

Kevin opened the door looking at Nick whose eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying. “What’s wrong Nick?” He asked.

Nick looked around trying not to break down, “Can I come in? I don’t really feel like talking out in the hall.” He replied.

Kevin gave him a small grin stepping aside he let Nick walk in. Nick walked over collapsing on the couch running his hands through his hair. “Are you ok bro?” Kevin asked his voice full of concern.

Nick looked over at him sitting on the coffee table, “Do you promise you won’t say anything to anyone about this?” Kevin nodded and Nick continued, “Ali, she uhh, she had a miscarriage.”

Kevin’s eyes grew wide, “Miscarriage? As in she was pregnant and now she isn’t?”

Nick put his head in his hands, “Yeah, a little girl. I just found out before the show.”

“Man I’m so sorry. I know you’ve been talking about how cool it would have been for Alyssa to get pregnant.”

Nick sighed, “Yeah and she thinks it’s all her fault that she partied too much and stretched herself too thin because she didn’t even know she was 3 months along and beginning to show.”

Kevin patted his shoulder, “You gotta let her know that it’s not her fault. That and in a way that it’s meant to be because you two are just really getting serious with each other and it’s not a good time to have the stress of a baby.”

“I know, I know but God I’m just so sad about it, I mean we created life together and it stopped. It hurts.”

Kevin thought a moment; “You know Kristin has had a couple of miscarriages back when we were trying so hard to get pregnant. And the one thing that helped her get through that heartbreak was knowing that I felt just as bad, that she wasn’t alone.”

“What do you mean?”

He smiled at him; “Tell her how you feel, let her know that she’s not alone and she’ll thank you for it.”

Nick sighed sitting back, “Thanks Kev, I knew coming to you would help.”

“Hey that’s what I’m here for now go do something romantic for her to cheer her up!”

The next morning…

Alyssa stirred slowly rolling over hitting something with her hand. She looked over seeing a red rose on the pillow with a note attached. She smiled picking it smelling the sweet scent then took a look at the note seeing it was in Jenna’s handwriting.

The rose is from Nick. He said to check your email.

~J

Alyssa got up stretching before going over to her laptop pulling up her email. Smiling when she saw that she had two emails from him one was an e-card that when she opened it filled her screen with roses. She read the message out loud, “I figured this would be cheaper and last longer than real roses.” She giggled figuring he’d do this to cheer her up. She moved clicking on the second email seeing lyrics there recognizing them as she read through them smiling at the screen.

Meet me in outer space

We could spend the night, watch the earth come up

I've grown tired of that place, won’t you come with me

We could start again

How do you do it, make me feel like I do

How do you do it, its better than I ever knew

Meet me in outer space

I will hold you close, if your afraid of heights

I need you to see this place, It might be the only way

That I can show you how, it feels to be inside of you

How do you it, make me feel like I do

How do you do it, its better than I ever knew

How do you do it, make me feel like I do

Do oh oh oh

You are stellar

You are stellar

How do you it, make me feel like I do

How do you do it, its better than I ever knew

How do you do it, make me feel like I do

How do you do it, make me feel like I do, Yeah. (**)

Underneath the lyrics she saw a message:

This is the song that I listened to last night after the show and it kept reminding me of you. How everything is different with you. I love you and I’m so sorry that you’re hurting right now and I can’t be there. I don’t want any awkwardness or anything when we see each other ok?

I know it’s hard, what happened hurts.

It hurts to know that we almost had a family together. But I was thinking last night and we do have a family together; the guys, Leigh, Kris, Lori and Kel, your family and my siblings. True it’s not a conventional family but we still have people around us that love you and me. I know it’s hard to see that when you’re in pain believe me I know that all too well.

I love you and I’ll see you soon and remember everything happens for a reason.

Always,

Nick

Alyssa smiled picking up her sidekick hitting the speed dial. The phone quickly went to voicemail; she smiled as she spoke her message. After she hung up she bounded down the stairs hugging her mother.

“Wow, honey you’re feeling better?” Mary asked smiling at her daughter.

Alyssa smiled at her mother as Jenna gave her a weird look, “I’m one-hundred percent better! I have the best boyfriend ever!”

“One rose and an email you’re all better?” Jenna asked incredulously.

Alyssa giggled, “And an e-card and an email with a song and a message. He’s such a romantic sap and I love him for it.”

Meanwhile, Nick walked into the dressing room seeing his sidekick buzzing. He walked over picking it up seeing he had a voicemail, he dialed it putting in his pass code and smiled as he heard her voice:

“Nickolas Gene, you’re such a sap, but that’s why I love you. Thank you so much for the emails and the rose this morning. Seriously that song reminds me of you too. I can’t wait to see you. I’ll have a few…umm… surprises for you. Hopefully they’ll be healed in time. Oops I’ve said too much, I’ll just let you think about the possibilities of what that means. Anyways love you and give the guys and Leigh and Kris my love. Have a great show lover.”

He smiled wider he loved it when she called him ‘lover’. She’d started calling him that, years before using ‘lover boy’ but shortened it when they started dating. The name always made him smile at her. He thought a moment and smiled thinking that he had to think of a new nickname for her.

A few nights later…

Alyssa stuck out her tongue for the millionth time that night. “Alyssa what that hell are you doing?”

She looked over at Jenna who was smirking at her, “Sorry just getting used to the new jewelry.” She stated running her tongue ring over her lips.

“You’re a trooper getting your tongue and belly button done at the same time.” Jenna remarked.

Alyssa laughed a little, “Yeah but I’ve had my tongue pierced before so I knew what to expect.”

“Why’d you take it out in the first place?”

Alyssa shrugged, “After Collin died I took it out. He’d taken me to get it done and I hated having that memory. But I wanted to get it re-done.”

“And having a 25 year-old boyfriend who is permanently horny has nothing to do with that?” Jenna retorted giggling.

Alyssa laughed and rolled her eyes, “I know he’ll like both piercings, hell I love his piercings.”

“What piercings does he have besides his ears?”

“His chest, it’s freaking hot!”

“I heard he’d gotten rid of those?”

Alyssa giggled, “He did for a while because they kept getting infected but he got em re-done thankfully but the fans don’t know that he got them re-done.”

Jenna smiled as she flipped through the photo album she’d picked up off the coffee table. “Who took all these awesome pictures?”

“Andre, the guys official photographer. He’s great, he and Nick joke around all the time.”

“These are some awesome shots of you two.” Jenna remarked looking at the photos of them together, some serious, some goofy and cute but all beautifully taken. “Especially this one!” Jenna exclaimed pointing to the picture. It was a black and white close-up shot of Alyssa and Nick staring at each other smiling and what looked like laughing at an inside joke that no one else knew.

Alyssa looked at it smiling remembering when it was taken. They had just been playing around backstage when Nick pulled her into his lap a move that always made her laugh. “I love that picture, I’m getting it blown up to an 8 x 10 and getting it framed.”

“Ooo I’m totally putting this on the Internet!!!!!” Jenna exclaimed giggling and gesturing towards another picture of Alyssa straddling Nick’s lap holding his neck they kissed with his hands firmly planted on her ass.

Alyssa rolled her eyes, “Yeah Alex took that picture, and he walked in on a damn hot make out session in the hotel room so he grabbed my camera which was stupidly put near the door. If he had walked in a minute earlier he would have gotten a picture of Nick’s hands up my shirt and him biting my neck.”

“Looks pretty damn hot to me!” Jenna replied smirking.

“It was...” Alyssa answered sighing thinking.

Jenna looked at her seeing the sad expression on her face, “You miss him don’t you?”

Alyssa sighed again, “Yeah, I miss waking up next to him.”

“Aren’t they on the way here?” Jenna asked.

Alyssa thought a moment, “Yeah they’re taking the buses.”

“Those things must be so tricked out.”

Alyssa laughed a little, “They are, they each get one which is nice when we want to be alone, and there are bunks, an amazingly comfortable bed in the back, entertainment center, everything.”

“Sounds like a palace!”

“It is, but when you’re on a 20 hour trip, it can get boring.”

“Really I’d think you two could find something to pass the time.” Jenna replied with a knowing smirk.

Alyssa laughed, “Actually besides on the bed in the back or in the TV room we really can’t.”

“Why?” Jenna asked back.

“Because of Billy the driver, and Frank, Nick’s body guard. Don’t exactly want to give them a show. Even though they could probably hear all the moaning and....other stuff” Alyssa replied giggling a bit.

Jenna laughed a little, “It’s so funny to think that Nick needs a body guard.”

“If you saw how crazy the girls can get you’d want him to have one. Especially one like Frank, the fans call him the meanest one because if Nick wants to be left alone there isn’t anybody he’ll let through.”

“Even you?” Mary asked as she walked in handing her daughter and Jenna each a glass of soda.

“Well ok I’m the exception. Frank’s a really great guy, a real softy underneath; he’s great at his job. I feel safer when Nick and I go out with him around.” Alyssa replied smiling. Alyssa’s sidekick began to ring and she picked it up, “Hello?”

“Hey Lissa.” Nick replied smiling into the phone.

Alyssa smiled wider and settled back into the couch, “Where are you?” She asked.

Nick looked around the Phoenix Airport trying to come up with an excuse that could buy him some time. “Umm on the bus, somewhere we’re probably gonna stop soon to get some food.” He replied fake yawning.

Alyssa got up going into the kitchen, “You sound tired lover.” She replied.

He smiled, “I am, you sound tired too.”

“Yeah I’m gonna go to bed soon.”

He walked through the airport hailing a cab with his hand, “OK we’re stopping now I’ll let you get some sleep and before you know it I’ll be there.” He stated getting into the cab putting his hand over the phone telling the driver the address figuring it’d be a good 40 minutes before he’d get into her section of Scottsdale with all the traffic from the downtown Phoenix area.

“All right, I’ll call you in the morning ok.” She stated, “Love you; see you soon.” She replied hanging up. Alyssa walked up stairs going into her room changing into a spaghetti strap black camisole and stripped down to her lacy black boy short underwear. She took her hair down from the messy bun running a brush through it. “Thank God I cut my hair when I did.” She remarked to herself.

She’d cut it to where it was at the middle of her shoulder blades the perfect length in her eyes, not too short and not too long. She turned off the lights and climbed into her warm bed grabbing a pillow hugging it to her as she slowly fell asleep.

About 45 minutes later the cab pulled up to Alyssa’s childhood home. Nick paid the cabby and got out grabbing his backpack. It had everything he’d need considering the rest of his luggage would be arriving at the hotel late the next day.

He walked up looking for the hide-a-key he found it successfully underneath a potted plant. He opened the door cursing at it when it squeaked.

Mary came into the foyer with a surprised look on her face. “Nick, good lord you scared the hell out of me.” She stated whispering a little. “Wait I thought you were on your bus?” She asked.

“I wanted to surprise Alyssa. Where is she?”

Mary smiled, “She went to bed. I’m glad you’re here honey.” Mary stated giving him a hug.

“Thanks Mary, the guys booked the flight for me, they kept raggin’ on me because I was pretty much useless without her.”

“She was miserable without you here, but I’ll let you go surprise her.” Mary said as he smiled before walking up the stairs stopping at her door opening it quietly he slipped in putting his backpack on the floor near her closet. He slipped off his shoes, shirt and jeans before going over to the bed. He stopped looking at her sleeping form, her back to him holding onto a pillow.

Then he moved the comforter back climbing in next to her he pulled her to him inhaling her scent of shampoo and a trace of her perfume. God how he missed this, just holding her while she slept. He wrapped his arm around her as she sighed in her sleep letting the pillow fall away she turned over facing him still dead to the world. He stared at her brushing her hair out of her face as she moaned his name and moved closer to him. He smiled kissing her forehead.

She mumbled opening her eyes she got a frightened look on her face, “Liss, relax it’s me.” He stated as he felt her tense in his arms.

“Nick? What are you doing here? I thought you were on the bus?” She asked her voice hoarse with sleep.

“I lied, the guys got me a flight out right after the show so I could spend my day off with you.” He replied kissing her. He pulled back when his tongue hit hers. “What is in your mouth?”

She smiled, “My tongue ring, I just got it re-done when I came here, and got this too.” She answered taking his hand and moving it up her shirt to feel the jewelry that was attached to her belly button. He rolled onto his back pulling her onto him. She looked down at him before sitting up straddling his waist. She locked eyes with him seeing them shine from the moonlight coming in from her window. Next she crossed her arms in front of her lifting the thin camisole up and over her head throwing it out into the darkness of her room.

He took her wrist kissing the scar from when she hurt herself while he pulled her down to him rolling them over as she skimmed her nails over his back a move that never failed to make him shudder and goosebumps rise all over his skin. He moved down her body hooking his thumbs under her boy-short underwear sliding them low enough for her to kick them off. He removed his boxers before resting his weight on her.

Alyssa smiled as she leaned up to kiss him as he moved his hand down the length of her body to her inner thigh grazing her tattoo there before slipping two fingers inside her making her break the kiss by throwing her head back moaning softly. “Shhh, you’ve got to be quiet.”

Alyssa looked at him incredulously, “You touch me like that and expect me to be quiet?” She whispered loudly.

He smirked at her pulled her back into a kiss as she wrapped her legs around his waist moving her hips up silently telling him what she wanted. He stopped before entering her and she gave him a confused look. “Is it ok to…” He stammered trying to find the right words.

Her expression softened, “It’s fine, they put me on the right dose finally.” She reassured pulling him into a kiss sighing into it as he slipped inside stopping when he was fully in. He lifted his head to look at her; she smiled at him taking her hand and running it through his hair pulling him to her and whispered in his ear, “I love you.”

“I love you…” He whispered back. He kissed her neck right before sucking on it knowing how much she loved it as he began to move slowly both of them trying to stay as quiet as possible. He moved his arms under hers to hold her shoulders cradling her against him as she lifted up her hips to meet his. He growled into her shoulder at the friction. She giggled a little hushing him for making noise. He bit her neck in retaliation making her shriek. He lifted his head to look at her with a smirk on his face stopping his movements for a moment, “You’re going to wake everyone up.” He scolded smirking at her.

She rolled her eyes at him, “Sorry but someone just had to bite me.” She shot back pulling him into a kiss as she moved to roll him over onto his back moving her hips in slow circles as she continued to hold their kiss. She moved to sit pulling him with her as her breathing became even more erratic. He kissed his way up her neck before claiming her mouth in a kiss muffling her moans as they quickened their pace.

Meanwhile Mary turned off all the lights in the house before walking up the stairs. She stopped at Alyssa’s door hearing heavy breathing and muffled cries. She shook her head smiling before heading to the master bedroom.

Alyssa stopped for a second hearing the floorboards in the hallway creak. She looked at the door in horror for a second relaxing when she saw the hall light turn off. “You all right?” He asked wondering why in the hell she stopped when they were so close.

She looked at him, “Yeah, sorry thought we were going to be interrupted there for a second.” She replied moving to kiss him again as he rolled them over taking control once again moving quicker than before. Making her arch her back and dig her short nails into the skin on his shoulder blades. “Nickolas.” She sighed as he skimmed his lips over her collarbone. He moved harder against her making her moan louder. To silence her he kissed her as they both began to tremble as their orgasms swept over them. He slowed down before collapsing on her as she giggled. He lifted his head up and looked at her giving her a weird look. She answered his look by saying, “If my mom didn’t know about us having sex, she knows now.”

He moved off of her trying to catch his breath laughing a little, “We’ve been apart for three weeks, I think she’ll forgive me for defiling her daughter.” He replied looking at her smiling.

Alyssa turned on her side, “Remind me to thank the guys when I see them.” She replied trailing her nails down his chest making him shiver a little.

He wrapped his arms around her pulling her body close to his. “I was freaking useless without you. The fans noticed it and thought we broke up, but Kevin set them straight, could have killed him for what he said.”

Alyssa looked up at him, “And that would be?”

He laughed a little, “He said that I was just miserable because you were visiting your family and I wasn’t getting laid. Which of course prompted a few girls to say that they could keep me distracted.”

Alyssa cracked up, “Kevin said that? Damn I would expect Alex to say something like that. And they actually offered?”

“Kevin beat him to it. I’ve been hanging out with him a lot lately. And yeah they offered and I declined.”

“You and Kevin hanging out?” Alyssa giggled, “Man the slash fans must be giggling about that one.”

“Ew, that’s just so wrong.” Nick remarked shaking his head. “But anyways he’s been a really good friend, he umm knows about what happened with the miscarriage and all.” Alyssa’s eyes got wide at his statement. “Don’t worry he hasn’t told anyone, I just needed his advice, since Kristin has had a couple of them before. I’m going to be honest with you, I was freaking out after you told me. I had no clue what I could do or say to you to make you feel better, so I went to Kevin and he gave me the idea to just tell you how I was feeling that maybe it’d help you to know you weren’t alone.”

“It worked, the emails made me feel so much better. I freaked out when I found out I was pregnant mainly because I thought you’d freak out on me.”

Nick smiled at her, “I would have freaked for about a minute. But I would have been happy, shocked, and a little scared but happy because it would have been ours.”

Alyssa looked up at her ceiling, “I’m sorry about what happened. I know it’s not my fault. After I stopped freaking out about it I really started to like the idea of being pregnant. Jenna screamed when she found out and kept calling my stomach baby Carter.”

“Jenna knew?” He asked.

“Yeah she was the first person I told, not even intentionally. She showed me the interview where you said it’d be cool if I got pregnant and I said that I hoped you were ready to find out how cool that would be and she screamed.”

Nick laughed, “She actually called your stomach baby Carter?”

Alyssa giggled, “Yep, she loved the idea of me being pregnant, she bought a little onesy with little pirate hats all over it. She said it was because we both love the Bucs and Pirates of the Caribbean.”

Nick smiled a little, “Well we’ll keep it for next time.”

“You want there to be a next time?” She asked arching her eyebrow.

He looked at her and shook his head ‘yes’. “Of course I do, just when it’s the right time it’ll happen and it’ll be perfect.”

“Perfect huh?”

He grinned at her, “Yes perfect, I’ve thought about it a million times what it would be like and I think you’d be an amazing mom.”

She grinned at him, “You really think so?”

“Hell yes, you’re amazing with kids, hell Baylee was asking for you while you were gone.”

“He was, aw I love that kid.” Alyssa replied.

“Yeah he kept asking me where his Aunt Ali was.”

“Aunt Ali? He’s never called me that before.”

Nick chuckled a bit, “He does now, Leighanne and the guys all got a shocked look on their faces when he said it. Kristin said that you’re really one of them now for Baylee to call you that.”

Alyssa smiled, “I love that kid, he’s friggin adorable, looks like a mini-Brian.”

“He does, he even kicked my ass at Mario Kart.”

“Like father like son.” Alyssa remarked as they both laughed.

The next morning…

Alyssa giggled as Nick sucked on her neck letting his hands linger at her ribs while she cracked an egg into a mixing bowl. “Nick I’m trying to cook here.” She stated turning around in his arms. He took the opportunity and moved her up against the cabinets adjacent to the stove kissing her loving the feel of her tongue ring in his mouth. He pressed his hips into hers pinning her against the cabinets as she slipped her hands up the back of his shirt letting her nails dig into his skin.

“Ahem!” Jenna announced with Mary standing next to her.

Alyssa broke the kiss pushing him away from her, “Hi Jenna, Mom.” She said blushing profusely before going back over mixing in some pancake mix with the eggs.

Mary laughed a little, “What are you making sweetheart?” She asked.

“Pancakes, eggs, bacon, you know healthy stuff.” Alyssa replied jokingly.

Mary smiled at her daughter, “You’d think since her mother is a cardiac surgeon that she’d make something a little more heart healthy.” She retorted talking to Nick as he smiled at her.

“Quit making fun of me already Momma!” Alyssa whined making everyone laugh a little.

Mary went over to the coffee machine pouring herself a cup as Nick followed her taking some for himself as he yawned a little bit. “Are you tired?” Jenna asked.

“Yeah.” He replied barely stifling another yawn.

Mary got a sarcastic grin on her face, “I can’t imagine what from?” She retorted arching her eyebrow at him as he blushed a little.

Alyssa rolled her eyes laughing a little, “Mom leave him alone.”

Clark, Lori and Kellie walked in and stopped short, “Wait isn’t the show tomorrow?” Kellie asked confused by Nick’s presence.

Alyssa giggled a little giving them each a hug, “He got in last night, its his day off.” Alyssa explained.

“Alex didn’t happen to come with you did he?” Kellie asked with a smile.

Nick smiled back, “Unfortunately no, he had some interviews later today at a couple radio stations before they all get into town but they should be here in the morning or late today.”

“How come you don’t have any?”

“Its just Alex doing the interviews for the rest of them it’s a travel day they are all on their buses driving down here.”

“Yeah Kevin and the guys were tired of him being all mopey so they sent him out early.” Alyssa shot back grinning as she dished up the pancakes handing a plate to her brother as they all went out on to the deck sitting down.

“Shit it’s hot out here!” Clark exclaimed.

“Clark Rhett Monroe!” Mary scolded.

Clark rolled his eyes, “Mom, seriously it’s hot out here. It’s so much cooler up in Sedona.”

“It’s August in the Valley of the Sun what do you expect?” Alyssa replied.

“It feels more like Florida.” Nick added.

Mary smiled, “That’s monsoon season for you hot and humid like Florida during the day and stormy and cool at night.”

“I hope it storms tonight.” Alyssa remarked hopefully looking south seeing the huge thunderheads already building up in the horizon.

“So where are you playing tomorrow?” Mary asked changing the subject.

“Dodge Theater, we’ve never played there so it’ll definitely be different.”

Alyssa smiled, “It’s really nice, good size venue, not as big as the Arena though where you guys have played before.”

“Is it sold out?” Lori asked.

“Yeah I think it is, but you guys don’t need tickets you’ll be sitting in the pit with Ali, Leighanne, Kristin and Lee.” Nick answered.

“Howie’s girl is coming?” Alyssa asked.

Nick smiled, “As far as I know she is, Howie’s been missing her so he said she’d be at the show tomorrow. You’ll finally get to meet her.”

Alyssa giggled, “Good I was beginning to think that she was his imaginary friend or something because she’s never on tour.”

“She was on the Black and Blue tour, she did the website videos back when the main site actually updated more than every few months.”

“I loved those videos they were so funny.”

“Yeah but it’s a good thing you weren’t on that tour or you wouldn’t be talking to any of us anymore. That whole tour was just hell, with Alex and 9/11 it just had so much bad stuff happen that it almost broke the band up.”

Alyssa softened her expression, “Yeah I remember you telling me about that when I came to Florida that summer how you thought that the band was over.”

“I thought it was for a long time, we were so sick of each other.”

“Is that why you broke your hand?” Lori asked.

He laughed a little, “You should ask Alex about that one. Right before he told us he wanted to go to rehab he and I got into a drunken fistfight. He had one hell of a shiner and I broke my hand giving it to him.”

Alyssa laughed a little, “I knew the basketball excuse was a load of crap!” She exclaimed.

“Brian and Howie had to pull us apart, it was just so bad. And then that fall when we went back on tour. It was just too soon for Alex. I’m surprised he didn’t relapse then instead of in 2003. After we got back from Japan we all sat down and decided to take a long break.”

“Yeah much to the fans dismay.” Lori laughed a little, “But it looks like it helped because you guys are stronger than ever.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of weird how things work out. Ever since the solo tour ended I was itching to get back into the studio with them and then Brian called out of the blue saying we were going to surprise Alex on Oprah. Hell I had to take a red eye from London just to make it in time.” Nick continued laughing a little. “It was worth it though we were all there and decided what the hell let’s try it again.”

“Yeah and as I recall that was right before you started dating Paris.” Clark added.

Alyssa got a disgusted look on her face and Nick chuckled a bit, “I’m sorry I know you hate her.”

“I don’t hate her, I really genuinely tried to be nice to her when I met her but she was such a bitch to me.”

“She felt threatened, because you were my younger and much hotter roommate.” Nick replied with a smile.

Alyssa rolled her eyes, “Still she could have at least faked being nice. She acted as if I were a servant or something. I despised her after that.”

“And you were right to, she cheated on me all the time, hell even sometimes right in front of me, it pissed me off.” Nick replied.

“Yeah I remember you’d call me or come home so aggravated you’d snap at me.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“It’s ok I got my revenge, when I beat the girl up the tabs blamed you.” Alyssa shot back as he laughed.

“It was pretty funny to see her get punched in the face, hell I thought about it a few times. But I wasn’t raised to where hitting a girl was acceptable no matter how bitchy she may be.”

“And your sisters would have killed you, they almost did just from the story.”

“And I love how Aaron defended Paris in the tabs, I’m still pissed at him for it.”

Alyssa laughed, “She seduced him into it, she was trying to start shit between you two and it worked. That girl gets off on making people miserable.”

“I know when she found out we’re dating she got a hold of my number and starting leaving messages on my phone about how much she misses me and shit.”

“She didn’t?!?!”Alyssa asked in shock.

Nick nodded, “Oh yeah, Kevin saw her walking over to me at a party after you had come out here and he stopped her telling her that if she didn’t walk away he’d call the cops and sue her ass for harassment.”

“I always knew I loved Kevin for a reason!” Alyssa replied smiling.

“Thank God he did that or I would have been messed up for days trying to cool my hatred. Thankfully, she hasn’t called since. And that she deleted me from her cell phone before it got hacked. I would have so completely sued her if my number had gotten out.”

“Karma’s such a bitch isn’t it?” Alyssa remarked laughing.

Later that day…

“Alyssa I am not buying new clothes.” Nick protested as she tried to drag him into a store at Scottsdale Fashion Square Mall.

“Please?” She asked coming close to him whispering in his ear, “You won’t even have to come out of the dressing room, I’ll come in there if you want.” She teased keeping her voice low and raspy.

He looked at her, “You know I’m not going to want to put clothes on if you’re in there with me.”

“Hmm does that mean you’ll at least try something on?”

He rolled his eyes relenting as she squealed taking his hand into the store immediately grabbing a bunch of shirts and jeans then taking him over to the dressing room pushing him inside before going over grabbing a couple belts off the racks and going into the dressing room herself shutting the door behind her. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”

She giggled as she watched him undress, “Well for doing this we just might make a detour into Victoria’s Secret or La Perla.” She stated nonchalantly.

He stopped what he was doing and looked over at her his breath quickening at the devious grin she had on her face. “You are so evil.” He stated slipping on the first pair of jeans grabbing a shirt pulling it over his head. He looked at himself in the mirror, “Ok not bad.”

“See, you look hot, you’ll kill some of the fans wearing that.” Alyssa added. He rolled his eyes at her comment. “I saw that. Don’t roll your eyes, I’m serious lover, you don’t see it but you are hot.”

He looked at her before pulling the shirt over his head throwing it at her before putting on another one buttoning it and rolling the sleeves up his forearms. Alyssa got up folding the shirt he threw at her and putting it in the definite pile. She moved to his side leaning against the wall letting her eyes roam up and down his profile.

“See if you spike your hair with this outfit, it’s perfect. Here try it with this belt and tuck in only the front part of your shirt.” Alyssa instructed handing him a belt. He chuckled under his breath putting it on tucking in the front of his shirt.

He looked at himself contemplating her choice of clothes for him the blue stripes on the shirt brought out his eyes, “Ok I’m hiring you as my stylist, you’re pretty damn good at this.” He stated.

Alyssa giggled, “That’s because I know what looks good on my man.” She replied kissing his cheek.

He smiled at her; “I love it when you call me that.”

She looked at him, “Why?”

“Because it’s like you’re claiming me or something and I kinda like that.” He explained unbuttoning the shirt smirking when Alyssa looked away going over to sit on the bench. “You’re allowed to look you know. And normally you do.” He stated looking at her through her reflection in the mirror.

“Old habit.” Alyssa answered back meeting his eyes, “What?”

“Nothing, just we’ve been together nearly a year now, I think you have the right to stare. Well you always had that right just never used it.”

Alyssa smiled, “Damn should have taken advantage of that on your solo tour then.”

He grinned back at her, “I wish you would have, hell we should have gotten together ages ago.” He stated pulling on his own clothes.

“What are you doing?” She asked noticing he put his khaki shorts and his ‘Wanna see my tattoo?’ tee-shirt back on.

“Going to buy all of this and anything else you pick out, you’ve got a good eye.” He said with a smirk. Her eyes lit up as they walked out of the dressing room and she picked up a bunch of shirts and dress slacks along with a black turtleneck she knew would look great on him once the weather cooled down. He laughed when he saw her with all the clothes she grabbed. He had her add them to the pile he was holding and they walked over to the register. The girl behind the counter did a double take while she rang up the clothes and Nick smirked at her.

Alyssa giggled a little bit when he took out his black American Express card handing it to the girl who looked like she was about ready to keel over when she handed him a pen and the receipt for him to sign while she bagged up all the clothes handing the bag to Alyssa. Nick handed back the receipt and pen winking at the girl she took a breath like she was about to faint. He turned around putting an arm around Alyssa taking the bag from her and slipping his hand into her back pocket as she put her arm around his waist walking away. When they were out of the store they both busted out laughing. “That girl looked like she was going to die.”

“I know, I never understand that, but whatever, she’ll probably photocopy the receipt and post it online by the end of the day. Hopefully she’ll black out my credit card number.”

“Well at least the rumors of our breakup will be put to rest.” Alyssa replied trying to control her laughter.

“Yeah I’m sorry about that, the fans saw you get into the cab that night when I kissed you goodbye and they all thought you were leaving me.”

“I was, just not the way they were hoping. Although I did want to thank some of them for defending me against the haters. They were all saying ‘leave Alyssa alone she’s not like the others’. It was kind of nice.”

He grinned at her; “Most of them like you, there are some that will always be jealous no matter what. But the nice ones asked me where you were, I told them the truth that you needed some time off of traveling and wanted to spend time with your Mom. They thought that was really sweet.” He explained as he stopped walking making her stop as well.

“What?” She asked as he motioned to the store they were standing in front of. She giggled when she looked at it, Victoria’s Secret. “You sure you want to be seen in here?”

He nodded and replied, “The mall is nearly empty, its a week day, come on.” He pulled her with him as they walked in. She broke away from him for a moment going over to the perfumes and body lotion. He rolled his eyes at her going over to a display full of bra and panty sets that were lacy and boy shorts.

Alyssa looked over seeing him eyeing a particularly sexy pair of underwear and walked over picking up her size right in front of him grabbing a bra to match and then walked over to the drawers picking out a few different colored bras and then went over to girl near the register to get a dressing room.

Nick smirked as he followed her waiting for the girl to leave before getting in the dressing room shutting the door behind himself.

Alyssa looked over at him already pulling on one of the bras a black one trimmed in pale pink lace that gave her ample cleavage. She laughed at her reflection. “God this makes em look fake!” She stated giggling moving her hands over the fabric and down to her stomach.

He dropped his bag and walked up behind her kissing her shoulder. “It looks amazing on you, but…” He trailed off removing the strap from her shoulder.

She laughed and pushed him away, “Now, now I behaved when you were trying stuff on now you behave.” He pouted at her and sat down on the little chair in the dressing room leaning his head back closing his eyes trying to make his breathing regain a normal pace. Alyssa changed into the bra and panty set he’d been eyeing. “Wow, these are really comfy!” She exclaimed looking over at Nick and giggled a little. She went over to him and whispered in his ear, “Lover, why are your eyes closed?”

Without opening his eyes, “Because if I open them I’ll end up violating you in a Victoria’s Secret dressing room.” Alyssa smirked dropping down to her knees in front of him unbuttoning his shorts he smirked keeping his eyes closed. “Lissa what are you doing?”

“Violating my boyfriend in a Victoria’s Secret dressing room.” She replied barely above a whisper. She moved his shorts and boxers just down far enough. She stared at him looking him up and down seeing his chest rise and fall a little faster. She grinned a little blowing a little on the tip making him suck in a breath. She moved up whispering, “You make one sound and I’ll stop ok?”

He opened his eyes at looked at her, “You’re kidding right?”

She smirked, “I mean it one sound and I won’t let you come.” He gave her a shocked look and agreed clenching his fists on the armrests on the chair. She moved back down his body slowing taking him in her mouth letting her tongue ring touch him she felt his entire body tense up as she did.

She continued to move her mouth on him making sure that her piercing would stay in constant contact with him as she moved a little faster. She heard the armrests crack under the death grip he had on them she came down one final time as he came clenching his jaw shut desperately trying not to make any noise. She cleaned him up and kissed his cheek before moving and changing into her clothes.

When his breathing regained a normal pace he opened his eyes fixing his shorts looking at her. “You are so evil you know that right?” He asked standing up a little light headed.

“Yeah but I’m buying all of this lingerie for you to play with later. So that makes up for it.” She shot back as they went over to the register paying for everything. She took her bag laughing when he offered to hold it for her. “I don’t think a pink Victoria’s Secret bag looks good on you.”

He rolled his eyes, “Sorry just trying to be a gentleman.”

She smiled, “I know and I love you for it. Seriously never stop the little romantic things you do for me, they’re much appreciated.”

He grinned at her, “Good, most of the women I dated didn’t like the simple gestures they always wanted the expensive stuff.”

“Well, the expensive stuff is nice for huge special occasions like anniversaries and things like that but for everyday, just saying I love you and little stuff like that is perfect. And I’m sorry but I love the sappy romantic stuff, I’m a hopeless romantic you know that.”

“I’m glad you like all of that stuff, like when I tried to with Amanda she’d just call me a sap and then if I didn’t buy her anything she’d get all pissy.”

Alyssa glanced at him in shock, “Huh, she never acted like that in front of me. I always thought you two were the perfect couple.”

He snickered at her, “We were so far from perfect, I know now that we shouldn’t have dated that long, three years, damn longest relationship I’ve ever had, even were engaged for a week.”

Alyssa’s eyes got wide, “You proposed?”

“Yep, at Brian’s wedding. The next week we broke up for the last time. That’s kind of why I hated her for a long time. We did a lot of fucked up shit to each other, but we stayed together because it was familiar. She was really jealous of you. She’d scream at me about how I’d look at you.”

“Yeah she told me, she said she didn’t blame me because I was clueless about it.” Alyssa replied as they made their way to a restaurant near the mall dropping their bags in the trunk of the car first.

Jenna looked up seeing them walk in waving them over sitting next to Jake. “Look who I found!” Jenna exclaimed smiling. “He was sitting all alone and so I invited him to have lunch with us.” She explained as they all sat down.

“Hey Jake how have you been?” Alyssa asked cheerfully.

“I’m all right I got stood up though.” Jake replied.

Alyssa’s expression softened, “I’m sorry hon.”

“How’s school going?” Nick asked.

“Good taking summer classes to get my English intro classes finished up. How's the tour going?”

Nick smiled, “Great, today is my day off so I thought I’d spend it with my girl and our friends.” He replied lifting up his hand that was interlaced with Alyssa’s a subtle way of marking his territory.

Jake got a surprised look on his face and smiled, “Wow, I know I should have seen that one coming, but that’s a little mind blowing.”

Alyssa giggled, “Yeah been dating for over ten months now.”

“You seem very happy.”

“I am.” Alyssa beamed. “It’s different than what I had with your brother, it’s more serious I think.” Alyssa replied as Nick brought her hand up and kissed it. A move that made Jenna act like she was gagging.

They looked at her with a sideways glance, “Sorry I was choking on the cuteness of you two.” Jenna retorted.

Nick laughed a little, “I’m so sorry that being in love with my girlfriend is making you gag.”

Alyssa smiled at him and giggled a little seeing Kellie, Lori and Clark walk up pulling up chairs. “Nick seriously do you have to be so friggin affectionate in public?” Kellie said in mock seriousness before cracking up.

“Watch out it could get worse.” Alyssa warned. “There could be use of cheesy ass pet names.”

Nick snickered, “Or groping.”

Lori rolled her eyes laughing, “That one you’re just hoping for.”

“Damn straight.” Nick replied.

Clark shot him a look, “Hey watch it that’s my baby sister there.” He said acting all protective.

Nick tried to keep a straight face but ended up cracking a smile, “Please, Jamie tried to do that too at least he was more convincing.”

Clark rolled his eyes looking over at Alyssa, “Damn sis did you have to fall in love with a guy I actually get along with?”

“That was my plan, get you all to like him and then seduce him into falling for me.” She shot back. Everyone gave her a shocked look. “What I’m kidding! God you think I planned for this to happen? Uh no, ask Kel and Lori I was the one who freaked out when he said the l-word the first time.” Alyssa replied laughing a little.

Nick nodded, “It’s true she freaked out on me.”

Alyssa giggled, “Well you didn’t exactly tell me at the perfect time, I was completely caught off guard.”

“I thought it was especially after…” He began to say but was interrupted when Alyssa clamped her hand over his mouth shooting him a glare.

“After what?” Clark asked pretty certain of what it was.

Alyssa looked over at her brother, “Nothing Clark.” She said making the girls cackle.

Clark snorted, “I should kick your ass for defiling my baby sister.”

“Please Clark his baby sister can kick your ass.” Alyssa shot back.

Nick laughed, “Angel’s pretty tough so probably she could kick Clark’s ass.”

“Thanks for the male solidarity Nick.” Clark replied sarcastically.

Nick laughed a little, “Sorry man, you should know by now where my loyalties lie.” He replied glancing at Alyssa who grinned back at him.

She turned and stuck her tongue out at her brother showing off her new piercing. “You got your tongue pierced again?” Lori asked running her hand through her now long locks.

“Yeah Jenna took me and got this one too!” Alyssa replied giggling leaning back to lift up her shirt to show off her navel piercing.

Lori rolled her eyes giggling a little, “This is your influence?” She replied looking at Jenna.

“Hey she wanted to go, I just drove.” Jenna shot back.

That night...

Alyssa giggled a little as Nick sucked on her neck. She turned her body against him allowing him to kiss her fully on the mouth as he buried a hand in her hair.

Clark walked out rolling his eyes at the display looking over his shoulder at Lori who was right behind him, “I guess that’s going to take some getting used to.”

Lori giggled seeing Alyssa and Nick still locked in a steamy kiss. “I was shocked the first time I saw them be open about their relationship in front of Kellie and I.”

Mary walked out on to the deck smirking at the display as well, “Do you two ever come up for air?” She remarked making them break apart.

Alyssa blushed a little bit burying her head in Nick’s shoulder, as he laughed a little bit. Lori rolled her eyes, “How do the guys put up with you two?”

“The guys are usually busy with their own women. Except for Alex, poor guy got dumped again.” Nick replied.

Kellie stepped outside having heard the conversation, “You’d think that it’d be easy for him to get women considering he’s the single one.”

Nick smiled, “Just because the rest of us are attached doesn’t mean we don’t get offers. We just respectfully decline.” Nick explained.

“You better.” Alyssa said giving him a look.

“You know I do. Anyways, it’s funny because Kevin gets the middle-aged women who have those shirts that say MILF on them.”

“You get the blonde bimbos who want a music career. Or the sweet smart girls who actually like me.” Alyssa added.

“Yeah that’s pretty true, what they don’t get is that I’m not interested. Thank God for Frank because seriously it gets annoying sometimes.”

“Yeah I’m sure, beautiful women all over you get annoying.” Clark scoffed.

Nick laughed, “If I were single it wouldn’t bother me too much, but the fans know that I’m in a serious relationship and most of ‘em back off after the first rejection but others just don’t stop. And not all of them are beautiful. Usually the ones that are the most persistent are what Alyssa calls...”

“Troll Dolls!” Alyssa interjected smiling making everyone laugh. “Those ones even come after him with me there! Seriously I went out with Nick and Alex one night and I went to dance with Alex and this girl who had been staring Nick down like a piece of candy came over and was...”

“All over me...” Nick added. “She asked me why I was all alone and I was just annoyed because she wouldn’t leave.”

“Friggin Alex couldn’t even make her leave. I came over and grabbed Nick to come dance with me and I kissed him right in front of her.”

“I taught you well!” Lori added smiling. “Clark still gets hit on all the time.”

“Well never underestimate the power of beer goggles turns us average Joes into hot rock stars.”

Alyssa giggled, “Clark you’re good looking Mom and Dad passed us some good genes.”

“Have you seen Mom and Dad’s old photos when they were in college? As gross as this is to say, Mom was a fox when she was younger.”

Jenna laughed, “I think someone has an oedipal complex.”

“Ew no when I first saw em I asked Mom who the fox was and Dad said it was Mom. I was sufficiently grossed out for a month.”

“Well your father was quite the looker himself.” Mary answered.

“I love the old pictures of you and Dad, you were such hippies! I love this one picture of Dad playing the guitar and Mom staring at him adoringly. It’s still kind of hard to picture Dad being in a rock band.” Alyssa added sighing.

“Jamie was a musician?” Nick asked curiously. “I mean I knew he played instruments but actually in a band?”

Mary smiled getting up going into the house coming out a few minutes later with a huge stack of photo albums setting them on the table and handing one to Alyssa and Nick. They flipped through them a little stopping on a very seventies picture of Mary and Jameson. “Oh my God Mom! White go-go boots?”

Mary looked over and shook her head; “We eloped. We were on tour with his band playing tiny clubs and we were staying in Las Vegas and we decided to get hitched hell we were already engaged. We only did the touring in the summer since we both were in college. I was the band’s seamstress.”

“Is that why Tiny Dancer was Dad’s song to the family?”

Mary smiled, “Yep, Olivia was Blue jean baby, Ali of course Miss LA lady and I’m the seamstress of the band. Clark was the one with the pirate smile because of this picture.” Mary replied holding up a picture of Clark when he was about five-years-old missing three teeth. “He lost three teeth at once scared your father into thinking that he had a calcium deficiency.”

Alyssa giggled, “Why am I LA lady?”

“Because you live in LA and when you were little anytime we wanted to take a trip you always wanted to go to LA and to Anaheim for Disneyland.”

The doorbell rang and Kellie got up to go answer it. She opened the door smiling big seeing the guys standing there. “Hey I thought you guys weren’t getting in until the morning?” She asked as they walked in each of them giving her a hug.

“We made good time so we thought we’d come over and see everyone.” AJ answered giving her a warm grin.

“Well I’m glad you did!” Kellie responded happy to have them all there. They all walked outside onto the deck making everyone look up seeing them.

“Looks like we walked in on a party, guys.” Kristin remarked giggling.

Alyssa scrambled getting up, “Kris!!!” She semi-yelled, giving her a hug.

“I see how it is, you’re only happy to see her huh?” Leighanne replied smirking.

Alyssa broke away pulling Leighanne into a hug, “You know I love you Leigh!! I missed you guys. Where’s Baylee?” She asked hopefully.

“He’s at the hotel with the nanny, poor kid was exhausted.” Brian stated pulling Alyssa into a hug as she moved around hugging all of them.

She stopped on Howie, “And what’s this I hear that I’m finally gonna meet your girl?”

Howie smiled, “She’s flying in tomorrow morning. She’ll be at sound check.”

“Good, I’ve been dying to meet her ever since you told me about her.” Alyssa replied as they all sat down.

“So Ali how’ve you been?” Kevin asked concerned.

Alyssa smiled a little, “I’m better, much better and thank you for the advice it helped.”

“Wait, are we missing something?” AJ asked.

“I got a touch of the flu and Kevin gave Nick a good idea on how to cheer me up and it worked.” Alyssa replied fudging the part about having the flu.

The next morning…

Nick stirred slowly opening his eyes smiling to himself feeling her still on top of him. Her head using his chest as a pillow their legs entangled. He almost never woke up before she did but on occasion he did. He moved his arms using one to stroke through her hair and the other trailing his fingers along the smooth skin of her back.

Alyssa moaned stirring in her sleep. Her eyes fluttered open as she squinted a little from the bright sunshine flowing in from her window. She looked up seeing Nick staring at her. She grinned, “Good morning.”

He kissed her forehead; “Yeah it is isn’t?”

She smiled bigger trailing her hand over the tattoos on his arm. “I love this.” She sighed, “Can we just stay here forever.”

He grinned a little, “What do you mean?”

“Just how we are right now. I’m so completely happy with you. I don’t want that to change.”

He made her look at him, “Who says it has to change?”

Alyssa rolled her eyes, “It will change something this good is never meant to last. I just don’t want that day where we aren’t happy and so in love that it ends.”

He sighed those were his fears too. “I know, but I don’t think that will happen to us.”

She looked at him quizzically, “Why not? It happens to the majority of couples out there.”

He got a serious look on his face staring in her eyes, “Because I love you too damn much to let that happen.”

She smiled at him leaning up pressing her lips to his. He deepened the kiss letting his tongue glide against hers groaning a little at the contact of her tongue ring. He pulled her close rolling them over without breaking the kiss.

There was a knock on the door followed by, “Nick get off my sister and get out of bed!”

They both looked up and over at the door busting out in laughter. “Was that Olivia?” Nick asked moving off of her pulling on his boxers that lay right near the bed.

Alyssa groaned pulling on the camisole that was on the chair next to her bookcase and boy-short underwear. “What is this I don’t even get a quickie?”

Nick stopped and turned around staring at her kneeling on her bed. He walked over bending down crashing his lips to hers. Alyssa moved stepping off of her bed to give him a better angle to kiss her. She moved her hands to his waist moving them around to his back.

Just then Olivia and Angela burst through Alyssa’s door snapping a picture. Alyssa and Nick looked at each other. “Did she just?” He asked.

“I think she did.” Alyssa replied throwing on a pair of basketball shorts and Nick threw on a shirt and shorts. They both bolted down the stairs to find everyone eating breakfast around the dining room table. Olivia sat there trying to keep a straight face. Alyssa walked over grabbing a plate smacking the back of Olivia’s head with her hand as she walked by.

“Hey!” Olivia cried out.

Alyssa sat down next to Nick as they began to eat their breakfast. “Hand over the camera.”

“Aw but why?” Angela asked getting a snarky grin on her face.

“So it doesn’t end up on the Internet, that’s why.” Alyssa retorted snatching the digital camera out of Angela’s hands. She looked in the little screen seeing the picture there she looked at it rolling her eyes then deleting it.

Olivia giggled, “There are pictures of you two coming out of Victoria’s Secret.”

Nick choked on his orange juice, “What?!” Alyssa exclaimed.

“Yeah on one of the message boards there’s an entire thread dedicated to it on the pictures section.” Angela replied.

Alyssa shook her head, “I cannot believe you go on those!”

“Well I have to keep track of my little sister some how. And I figured since the Backstreet fans are still like the CIA…”

Alyssa rolled her eyes. “I wonder what they said about it.”

Olivia giggled again, “One of the users asked if he got a private fashion show.”

Alyssa and Nick both snickered at the comment. “Another wondered whether or not you got laid in the dressing room.”

Alyssa cracked up, “Figures some of them would say that.”

“Yeah there are pictures of you all over Scottsdale together that got posted in a matter of hours.”

“Well there were a few girls who asked for autographs. Should have figured they’d have cameras too.” Nick remarked.

“The pictures are friggin adorable, everywhere you guys went it was like you had super glued your hands together.” Olivia replied laughing.

Nick chuckled, “Give me a break I hadn’t seen her in three weeks.”

“Yeah at least it put the rumors of the breakup to rest.” Angela added making Nick and Alyssa look at her. “Yeah we saw those too, I had half a mind to register and tell them to mind their business.”

Alyssa smiled at her, “Thanks but it’s ok, let em speculate all they damn well please, it seriously doesn’t bother me.”

“It doesn’t?” Nick asked. “You’re the first girlfriend I’ve ever had that it doesn’t bother.”

Alyssa laughed a little, “Yeah but I knew before we started dating what your fans are like. I knew what to expect and hell what they’re doing is minor in comparison to what I had expected. I was expecting hate sites and all that but there hasn’t been any of that so there’s really nothing to bug me.”

“There’s actually a site dedicated to you now.”

Alyssa did a double take, “No way! That’s craziness.” She replied laughing.

“Yep the fans have one for Leigh and Kris each and now you.”

Alyssa giggled, “Man that’s weird.”

“You think that’s weird there are pictures of Angie, me, Clark and Lori, and Mom and Dad.” Olivia added.

Nick laughed, “The fans are great I love them but sometimes they have a tendency to go overboard.”

Later that day…

“Are you sure about this?” Alyssa asked.

Nick smiled. “I have Frank with us and we’re going to be on the other side of a fence.” He replied answering her, he knew she didn’t want him to get mobbed like she’d seen happen so many times before.

They walked out of the bus just in time to hear the screams start. Alyssa laughed a little as she watched him walk over signing some autographs. She loved watching him interact with the fans he was always kind signing anything and taking endless amounts of pictures even when he was exhausted he still put on a good face for them.

Alyssa walked over with Frank smiling and giving a small wave at the fans that gathered there.

***********************

Alyssa Narrating:

My God the past few months have been insane. With my Dad and then the miscarriage, the tour. Everything has been insane. I had a really hard time when my Dad died.

It hurt to lose him, but it hurt even more to see my Mom be in so much pain. She tried to hide it, putting on a brave face for Olivia, Clark and I. I know losing Dad hurt them too. Olivia looked lost. Clark took it the hardest I think.

I was always really close with my father, but Clark idolized him.

I miss my Dad every day, but I don’t want to mourn him either. He’d get pissed if all I did was to mope around feeling sorry that he wasn’t there anymore. He would have wanted me to appreciate what I have and celebrate his life.

It of course took me a few days maybe even a month to see it. But I needed that time to understand everything. It helped me see that I need those closest to me in my life to know how much I care about them.

That’s why I told Nick that I love him. He needed to hear it. I’d been so afraid to tell him for so long. I look back on it now and my reasoning for not telling him…it seems sort of trivial. I was so afraid that telling him would eventually lead to him getting hurt or taken away from me. In actuality I was afraid of getting my heart broken, either by him leaving me, or him getting hurt.

Then the miscarriage happened…that was the worst thing that could happen.

I felt horrible; I still do, and probably always will. Knowing that Nick feels just as bad as I do helps, it helps to know that he’s going through it too, that I’m not alone in this.

I had just started to get excited to be pregnant and bam it’s gone. I still feel stupid for not knowing for so long that I was pregnant. I was over 3 months along for Christ's sake how could I have not realized it before then?

But I can’t dwell on it, if I do it’ll just make me feel worse and I can’t change what happened as much as I want to.

In a way, it’s good that this happened. It’s made Nick and I appreciate each other more. I love all the little sweet things he does to make me happy. I’ve never been one of those types of girls that expected to be showered with expensive gifts. Simply leaving a cute message on my phone telling me that he misses me. Or telling me that he loves me is what I appreciate most. It did take him awhile to learn that. For so long he’d been used to women expecting expensive things to say ‘I love you’ and with me all he has to do is say it and I’m a happy girl.

It’s funny to look back at old pictures and videos of us, before we got together. I’ll look at them and see the way he looks at me in pictures and on the home videos and you can see it plain as day that he loves me.

I just can’t believe it took me so long to see it.

Last but not least…the tour. I’m actually happy to go back to it. The entire thing is complete insanity. Even when Nick was on his solo tour I couldn’t fathom how he could do it. At least then he could change it up every night, change set lists, concert order, but in the group everything is done by majority vote.

I love watching the five of them together though. There’s something about it the way they interact. I know now why they were so successful, besides their talent, they click as friends and well family.

The shows are fun to watch, never boring, though the set list never changes, the way they act, goof off and sing changes every night. I know a lot of girls wouldn’t be able to handle having to share their boyfriend with the rest of the world. However it doesn’t bother me much. I know weird but I see him in ways the fans aren’t allowed. I see him when he shaves in the morning, singing in the shower.

Yeah I get to see a hell of a lot more than that but the point is that it’s ok that I share him with his fans because they get the goofy onstage version of Nick. I get the other side the good guy who wants to put his family back together, the moody 25-year-old who’s freaked about being an adult, or the romantic man who buys me flowers just because he knows I love the scent.

I get to see all those different sides and still get to enjoy his onstage goofiness. All in all it’s worth everything the good and the bad.

End Narration.

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(**) Stellar ~ By Incubus