Chapter Nine: Reality Bites

Nick and Alyssa relaxed on the couch flipping through the channels trying to find anything to watch. “You’d think with over 300 channels that something would be on.” Nick announced with an exasperated sigh.

Alyssa laughed a little, something she rarely did since the whole Brandon debacle. “I can think of a few things better than television.” She joked trying to get him to laugh a little.

Nick cut his eyes down to her and gave her a weak smirk. He knew she was kidding with him, but it still stung whenever she mentioned sex. His mind was still stuck on the fact that she had slept with Brandon. His heart told him to get over it that it was one time, one stupid mistake, but his mind didn’t want to listen.

Alyssa saw the inner turmoil going through his eyes. “Sorry…” She added mentally kicking herself for reminding him of the worst mistake she ever made.

“No, it’s okay. I’m just…” Nick paused sighing a little. “I just don’t like the idea of someone else touching you.....inside you. I’m not trying to be possessive or jealous, it just hurts still.”

“I’ll never stop apologizing you know that right?” Alyssa replied moving to where they were face to face. “It kills me to know that I did this to us. We barely kiss anymore, and don’t even get me started on how much I want us to get back to the way we were. But I know it’s going to take you time to trust me again, and I understand that, fuck I don’t deserve you, you’ve been nothing but forgiving and understanding.”

Nick grinned a little taking her hand in his running his fingers over the scar on her inner wrist. “You do deserve me. It’s thinking that you don’t, that’s gotten us into this whole fucked up mess.” Nick reasoned.

“Why do you love me? Especially after what I’ve put us through.”

Nick stared her in the eyes gathering his thought, there were a million....no wait a billion reasons that could answer that question. Before he could answer there was a knock on the door. “Hold that thought.” Nick stated getting up and going over to the door opening it. He glared at the person on the other side.

“Nick who is…it…” Alyssa asked coming into the foyer seeing Brandon standing there. She saw the expression on Nick’s face, it was pure murderous rage. “Brandon, what are you doing here?” She asked hoping to God that they wouldn’t end up in a fist fight.

Brandon stood there for a moment before answering, “I just came over to talk, but you’re busy, I’ll leave you alone.” Brandon replied turning around.

“Brandon hold on, I’ll talk. Nick, I’ll be just a minute okay?” Alyssa replied going out into the hall shutting the front door.

Nick paced through the foyer, why did Brandon have to show up just when they were beginning to talk again. Rage coursed through him, he wanted nothing more than to rip Brandon apart limb from limb. But for the sake of his and Alyssa’s sanity he resigned himself to pacing in the kitchen waiting for Alyssa to come back in.

Meanwhile outside Brandon and Alyssa stood there silent for a moment. “I’m sorry Ali, I didn’t think Nick would be here.”

Alyssa nodded, “It’s okay what did you want to talk about?”

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry again for what happened. And that I told Courtney everything, we had this huge blow out fight about it. She knows it was you. I told her that you feel wretched for it just as much as I do, that it was nothing but a huge mistake.”

“Did she understand?”

“She understood, doesn’t believe me. I just needed your advice.”

Alyssa chuckled a little, “I’m the one person you shouldn’t ask for advice right now. Go back to Courtney the best thing you can do is prove to her that you can be trusted. It’s going to take a long time but if you two are meant to be together then it’ll work.” Alyssa replied.

Brandon nodded, “Okay I’ll get going, thank you.”

“No problem.” Alyssa stated back as Brandon turned and walked down to the elevator. Upon returning into the condo Alyssa heard Nick pacing in the kitchen. She followed the sound of his footsteps and stopped seeing him trying desperately to reign in his anger. “Say it.” She commanded making him look at her.

“What?” He asked bewildered.

“Say whatever you have to say. Yell at me, scream. You’ve been acting numb for the past week and a half. You need to let all that anger and pain out, and you should let it out on me, I deserve it.” Alyssa explained.

Nick looked at her, “Did you enjoy it?” It had been the question that had been plaguing him since the whole thing happened. He had to know, couldn’t keep wondering.

Alyssa looked at him searching his eyes seeing the pain and torment there. “No…”

“Did he get you off?”

Alyssa looked away for a moment then back to him, “…Yes…”

Nick searched her expression looking for any tell-tale signs that she was lying. “Was he better than me?” He asked.

Alyssa’s eyes widened at him, “Why would you think that?”

“Because I’m a fucking lunatic.” Nick replied sharply.

She sighed, “To answer your question no he’s nothing like you. There was no feeling with him, no lust, no love, no passion. It was empty…”

He saw her eyes darken and cloud with pain, it made him want to take her into his arms make her feel better. His mind stopped him though as the tears stung his eyes.

Alyssa moved a little closer but still kept her distance from him. “I feel like I destroyed us. I would do anything to take it back. I’d do anything to fix it.......to fix us.” Alyssa explained as she broke down.

Nick moved toward her pulling her against them as they both cried, “I love you so much.” Nick whispered in her ear burying his hand into her hair and the other on her lower back tracing her tattoo.

Alyssa kissed his shoulder and whispered back, “I love you. You don’t know how much.”

Nick moved back staring into her eyes, “Show me.”

She looked at him searching his eyes, “Show you what?”

“Show me how much you love me. Please don’t hold back anymore, I can’t stand it any longer.” He stated before pulling her into a kiss.

Alyssa pulled away and took his hand leading her up to her bedroom. She moved him to stand next to her bed. She didn’t know exactly how to show him, but she was going to the only way she knew how. He caught on to what she was going to do when she began lifting up his shirt. He moved his arms up helping her lift the shirt up off him. Alyssa leaned up and kissed him softly deepening the kiss as his hands came up to cup her face. Her hands moved to the white linen pajama pants he’d been wearing she untied the strings slowly as they continued to kiss, drawing it out. She let the pajama pants fall to the floor and he stepped out of them. Reluctantly she broke the kiss and motioned for him to lay down on the bed completely naked.

Nick watched her as she moved around the room lighting candles and turning on her stereo keeping the volume low to where you’d almost have to be absolutely quiet to hear it. She walked back over standing next to the bed locking eyes with him as she lifted up the white camisole she’d been wearing, tossing it on the floor next to his clothes, next her jean shorts came off leaving her in her white lace bra and boy-short underwear.

Alyssa brought her hands behind her unclasping her bra sliding it off her shoulders then slipped off her underwear before climbing on the bed and moving to lay on top of him where they were eye to eye. She lifted herself up onto her elbows and stared into his eyes.

“No one has ever made me feel so safe and so vulnerable at the same time.” She spoke softly. “I thought I loved Collin. But after experiencing this…us… What I had with him wasn’t this strong, this serious. What I feel for you is so completely scary and wonderful.” She explained planting kisses all over his face. “I found myself wanting everything with you. I want to just spend time with you, lay like this for hours on end.” Alyssa stopped herself wondering if she should tell him what she wanted to so badly.

Nick noticed her apprehension and tried to reassure her, “It’s okay you can tell me anything.”

She smiled at him and began again, “When we were on tour, I called room service one morning for breakfast, and the desk clerk called me Mrs. Carter, and I didn’t correct him. It scared me because I really like how that sounds.” She paused a moment looking in his eyes seeing them sparkle in the soft light. She smiled, “I love you. I love that you want to be there for your family, that you’re smarter than you let on. When you told me you loved me, for the first time......I was floored. That first weekend together, we didn’t have to hide how much we wanted each other.......how much I love feeling your hands......” She paused nipping at his collarbone, “....and your mouth all over me.”

He stopped her for a moment pulling her into a kiss pulling away a second later, “Okay continue, I just had to kiss you.”

Alyssa smiled at him, “I love it when you do that. When you kiss me just because you can’t hold back. Or when you can’t wait to get my clothes off......” She continued sitting up pulling him with her. She raised up a little and moved down onto him making them moan loudly as he slid into her. Alyssa didn’t move on him instead she continued her explanation. “Do you know how amazing you feel? Feeling you....like this, holding me, inside me. No one gets to have me the way you do. I’m yours completely, totally......mind, body, heart and soul. Just like I hope you’re still mine.”

He gasped for breath, feeling her, hearing what she said. The seriousness of her words got to him. Nick smiled and hugged her to him rolling them over so he was on top. He leaned his head against hers and began to move against her, “I’m yours....I’m yours..... now and forever.....”

Two weeks later…

Alyssa and Kellie looked around the room and back at each other before busting out laughing. This entire thing was completely weird to them. Nick and Aaron had invited them over for a family dinner. The weird part wasn’t the dinner, unless you count the constant sex jokes or how anyone brought up either parent it would result in Nick having to shout that everyone needed to ‘shut the hell up’. Undoubtedly the weirdest part were the television cameras all around. Neither Kellie nor Alyssa knew how to react. But so far they ignored them going on as if they weren’t there.

“So how’s everything with Nick?” Kellie asked with a hopeful grin.

Alyssa gave her a weak smile, “Better, I still can’t believe he’s over the whole debacle.” She replied speaking in code.

Kellie nodded knowing exactly what had happened. Alyssa had called needing to talk to the girls. So Kellie, Lori, Jenna, Olivia and Angela all came over and listened to Alyssa’s story. Olivia ranted and raved for ten minutes straight about how irresponsible Alyssa had been and how she needed to stop being so stupid and sabotaging herself.

Kellie and Jenna had been much more understanding holding Alyssa when she cried assuring her that Nick would be true to his word. Angela remained silent for the most part settling herself to be the one to calm Olivia down. Lori, well Lori spoke one sentence and one sentence only and not a word to Alyssa since. She’d said ‘I hope you realize that you almost lost your soul mate to your own stupidity’ and that was the end of it.

Alyssa knew that Lori was angry with her. Hell, she was angry at herself. She knew she’d have to work to regain not only Nick’s trust but Lori and Olivia’s as well.

Nick walked out onto the balcony where the girls had been standing and wrapped his arms around Alyssa resting his chin against her temple. Alyssa leaned into him and closed her eyes. How could she not want this? How could she want to destroy such a perfect relationship by wanting to slow things down. She didn’t want to slow things down she just wanted to be wherever he was.

“I love you.” Nick whispered softly kissing her temple.

Alyssa grinned and whispered back, “I love you too.”

Aaron came out to the balcony and kissed Kellie on the cheek rolling his eyes at Nick and Alyssa. “Nick seriously it’s disgusting how cute you two are.” Aaron remarked.

Nick smirked at his brother, “You’re just mad because it makes you look bad to Kellie.” He shot back.

Kellie laughed a little at the two of them. “Nick leave your brother alone.” She chided hugging Aaron from behind.

Nick and Alyssa gave her a shocked expression. “You’re taking his side now?” Alyssa asked a little amused at the apparent change in her best friend.

“It’s because I’m good that’s why!” Aaron shot back smirking.

Alyssa looked at Kellie with one eyebrow raised. Kellie recognized the look and rolled her eyes grinning like an idiot.

Nick watched the exchange between the girls knowing exactly what silent conversation they were having. ‘So I’m guessing Aaron’s getting some’ he thought to himself laughing a little.

Late that night…

“Are you sure you’re okay to drive home?” Nick asked for about the hundredth time.

Alyssa rolled her eyes at him, “Yes I’ll be fine, Kel is staying over tonight.”

Nick sighed resting his hand on the open car door. He leaned over claiming Alyssa’s lips in a searing kiss. Feeling the camera’s on them Alyssa broke away smiling at him, “I’ll call you in the morning.”

Nick smiled at her, “Okay love you. Drive safe.”

“You know I will. Love you.” She paused turning to Aaron and Kellie who were engrossed in a steamy make out session. “Aaron let her come up for air!” Alyssa squealed giggling at them. They broke apart with Aaron shooting Alyssa a glare, “Aaron try not to annoy your brother too much okay?” She stated giving him a hug. She then turned back to Nick, “And if you get stressed out or your siblings are driving you crazy call me and vent.”

Nick grinned pulling her into a hug, “You know that I will.”

Both girls reluctantly pulled away from them waving to the girls who sat on the steps leading up to the front door. Kellie and Alyssa got in the car and pulled out of the driveway and made their way back to Alyssa’s condo. They arrived about forty minutes later going into the kitchen grabbing a pint of ice cream from the freezer and two spoons.

“So…” Alyssa stated smirking as they began to dig into the pint.

Kellie grinned rolling her eyes, “You wanna know you gotta ask.” She replied.

“Fuck him yet?” Alyssa asked quite bluntly with a snarky grin.

Kellie snicker-snorted at her, “It was sweet.”

“Sweet?” Alyssa mocked.

“Yes sweet. He was so nervous like he was afraid he was going to do something wrong.”

Alyssa interjected, “Did he?”

“Nope, my God I want to know where he learned all those things he knows. No 18 year old guy should know that well how to please a woman.” She shot back getting a dreamy look in her eyes.

Alyssa giggled, “Nick taught him.”

Kellie gave Alyssa a weird expression, “That just sounds wrong.”

Alyssa snorted laughing harder, “Not like that you sick little girl!! Eww Nick is going to be so grossed out when he hears you said that. But no he and Aaron talk about EVERYTHING. Including sex, Aaron has heard Nick’s escapades over the years and I’m assuming he picked up a thing or two.”

“Escapades?” Kellie asked with her eyebrows raised.

Alyssa nodded, “I’ve heard them, those stories make Penthouse and Hustler seem tame.” Alyssa replied making Kellie snicker at her. “Seriously Nick would talk to me the way he talks to his friends except he’d put it in more delicate terms trying to respect that he was talking to a female. And seriously my man was such a whore!” Alyssa announced giggling.

“At least he was a responsible man-whore.”

“Yep, totally thank Kevin for that one. Kevin would drill it into Nick’s head that you NEVER have sex without a condom.”

“And what about you two?”

Alyssa rolled her eyes, “We’re both clean and I will not be sleeping with anyone else any time soon.”

Kellie’s expression softened, “Have you heard from Brandon?”

Alyssa sighed, “Yeah he came over once to talk when Nick was here. Nick was raging after that. But in a way it helped us. It showed me that he was really hurting over what happened but trying to put his pain aside and salvage our relationship.”

“What happened there?”

“Nick and I talked. I told him, and promised that no man would EVER come between us again. That I hurt myself as much if not more than I hurt him. Because it kills me that I was that stupid to do something like that.”

Kellie sighed, “It wasn’t stupid, you were angry and under the assumption that he had cheated on you. Hell if I thought Aaron cheated on me, I’d probably do the same.”

Alyssa got a sad expression on her face, “I will never forgive myself for what happened. I know that Nick only forgave me because he feels responsible for leaving his sidekick around Rob. If he hadn’t nothing would have happened. Fucking Rob, I swear if I see him I’m going to kick the shit out of him.”

Kellie giggled, “If you do that there won’t be anything left to kick!”

Alyssa busted out laughing, “So fucking true. Nick went ballistic on him when he came over to his house. Seriously he was furious. Rob replied with ‘what’s your deal?’ And ho-lee shit did that piss Nick off even more. It was like Carrie or The Exorcist.”

Kellie held her stomach as she laughed, “God that’s funny.”

“It really was. But anyways we’re getting off topic here. So more trash talk about Aaron. I want to seriously embarrass the hell out of him.”

Kellie rolled her eyes, “Don’t embarrass him!” She chided.

“Why he embarrasses Nick all the time with whatever he hears from you.”

Kellie laughed, “At least he doesn’t know about the threesome. He’s going to be so pissed.”

“Yeah but Aaron will get over it. I think he knows that something has happened between you and Nick in the past.”

“And how would he know this?”

“Aaron was talking to Nick about wanting to do something special for you for when you two would finally get it on. And Aaron had an idea and Nick was like ‘don’t she won’t like that’. Aaron got a confused look on his face, but I think he’s got an idea that something has happened.”

“He hasn’t mentioned anything to me.” Kellie replied.

Alyssa sighed, “He won’t, because he doesn’t want to come off as the jealous boyfriend. And you haven’t given him a reason to worry about you and his brother. So he doesn’t want to start a fight.”

“So what about you and Nick? Are you two back to your freaky ways?” Kellie asked with a wicked grin.

Alyssa ran her tongue stud over her lips, “The night Brandon had come over, after we talked he asked me to show him how much I loved him.”

Kellie giggled, “I’m sure he was expecting a blow job or something.”

“Actually he wasn’t, but what he got was so much better. I explained to him why I love him, how much I love him, that I’m his.”

Kellie’s eyes grew wide, “Seriously you said all that?”

“Yep, I had us lying there skin-to-skin, and I told him all of that.”

“And what did he do?”

Alyssa got a far away look in her eyes, “Made love until morning. We napped off and on but mostly I had him reclaim what’s his. And Kel it was so amazing, it was almost tantric it was that good.”

Kellie got up and flung her arms around Alyssa giving her a hug, “I’m so glad you’re coming to your senses about him.”

Alyssa laughed, “I just don’t care anymore, how fast or how slow we’re going. As soon as the show is done filming and we get through Lori’s wedding, which why has it gotten pushed back again?”

Kellie giggled releasing Alyssa from the hug, “She says it’s because they can’t decide on where to have it. I mean come on they’ve got the dresses, the tuxes, they just need a place to have the damn thing.”

“Why not at Mom’s house or at Clark’s cabin in Sedona?”

“No idea, I think it’s because Lori is nervous and is afraid to get married, I think they should elope.”

“That’d be a good idea. But Mom will kill them. Anyways as soon as we’re done with all that I want to settle down.”

“What are you saying?”

“I want to marry him.” Alyssa replied as Kellie gave her a shocked look.