Chapter Two: Never Say Goodbye

**Caitlin**

“Caitie!” I heard a male voice shout. I turned seeing Howie, Kevin, Brian and AJ standing there; smiling at me.

“Hey losers.” I answer back giggling at them.

Ever the one with polite manners Kevin gives me a hug and asks, “Have you seen Nick since last night?”

I full on laughed at the four of them; ah I’m guessing they didn’t really understand the whole thing between my dear sister and their band mate. I knew the whole star crossed story, how they met, fell in love, broke up, reunited and now were trying the ‘we’re friends but I can’t help but fuck you every time I see you’ thing.

Drew walked up just then and sighed, “Probably still fucking my sister.” He stated rather bluntly making me snicker.

I couldn’t help it; it was so totally true. My suite was right next to Evan’s and damn he makes her loud. She’s never loud with any other guy; I should know I’m usually the one stuck next to her room hearing her going at it with some nameless hottie…while I’m stuck with Spectra-vision and my hands…damn when can I get some groupies?

I looked to the guys seeing Kevin chuckling to himself, AJ saying Nick’s a lucky bastard, Howie shaking his head smiling, and Brian looking completely scandalized. “I called her this morning to make sure Nick would let her out of bed long enough to shower and get her bags down here, and they just arrived so they must be on their way down.” I explained getting an odd look from my older brother. “Dude my suite was next to hers, and all fucking night it was moaning and screaming, from both of them. I had to blast my I-pod just to get some sleep.” Okay maybe I was just a teensy bit jealous of my sister, she’s older, much hotter than me, much more talented…men wanted her all the time. I mean I’m almost twenty, I think I’m entitled to some perks of being the back up singer for a fucking hot rock band am I right?

“Nick’s never been loud it’s always been the chicks he’s been with.” AJ countered. Hmmm makes me wonder if he’s gotten stuck with having Nick as a neighbor in the hotels. Probably…I bet these guys have seen and heard a lot of things over the years that they never wanted to know about each other.

“Anyone would be loud with Evan the woman just oozes sex.” Connor added with his ‘I got lucky’ smile plastered over his face. It was weird when my sister and Connor had their no-strings fling going on, but at least it never became a problem. Connor liked Nick, didn’t want to at first, wanted to hate him, hottie pop star comes along and steals all of Evan’s affections yeah that’d piss any guy off, but Nick proved to have a vast knowledge of rock music history and they hit it off discussing the differences between 70s Classic Rock and the beginnings of Metal.

I nodded and added, “Oh yeah Nick’s a talker, from what Evie has told me. Which surprises me considering in interviews he rarely ever speaks.”

That statement received another round of laughs and Kevin asked about my shirt. It was our new tour shirt it was a black long-sleeve tee-shirt with our logo a heart with wings on the front and the words ‘Catalyst World Tour 2005’ emblazoned underneath it as well as the tour dates on the back.

“This would be our new tour shirts, we have them in different styles but it’s cold so I wanted to wear my long-sleeve one, only band members, roadies and employees get these babies.”

**Evan**

God last night was incredible. This morning was incredible as well. I’m standing here in the shower, Nick and I had shared, and after he finished making me remember exactly why I love sex in the shower he showered and then let me do my daily routine. I can’t believe I’m getting ready to leave for the tour and I don’t want to go. Why can’t we just have more time? A few more hours…really that’s what we need…just a few more hours to make love, lay in bed naked, anything really as long as part of him is touching me. Actually I could spend a lifetime with him and it wouldn’t be enough, I’d always want more.

Getting out I dressed quickly not even caring to dry my hair or put on any makeup, no one was going to see me until the airport and by then I’d just pull on my big sunglasses and mope. I walked out into the bedroom and noticed Nick sitting on the bed fully clothed, minus shoes and jacket, putting on his watch. He looked up and grinned at me as I moved to stand between his legs. I leaned over and kissed him running my tongue over his lips as he parted them sweeping his tongue out to meet mine. Good God I loved that, it wired my entire body for him to take me again, so wholly possess me like he always does.

I pulled away glancing at the clock, it would be a few more minutes before I’d have to be down in the underground parking to leave for the airport.

“Why can’t we try?” He asked his blue eyes flashing brilliantly bright.

I sighed, damn it he knew why. “Nick we can’t one of us is always leaving.” A large part of me just wanted to give in, I needed that security in him, just like he needed it in me.

He stood and pulled me against him and I rested my head against his chest. “So what do we do, stay friends when we’re apart and fuck like crazy when we see each other then leave like nothing happened?” He sniped back. Fuck he’s pissed. I hated it when he got like this it always made everything worse.

“Nickolas…” I began with my voice soft almost pleading. “I want to be with you, you know I do… don’t you think this is hard on me too? You come into my life make me feel pleasure no one else has ever been able to give me and then one of us has to leave, not knowing when we’ll see each other again…we tried the whole exclusive relationship thing…”

“We didn’t try hard enough.” He reasoned. “I love having you as a friend but Jesus baby I need more…it’s just not enough.”

I pulled away from him running my hands through my damp hair noticing that his was still damp as well. Showering with him had always been an experience, there’s nothing like it having the running water, and the amazing sex we always had in there. How our bodies would slide together so perfectly the water and soap creating an electrifying friction between us. Damn it if I don’t stop this I’m going to be late.

“It’s going to have to be at least for now.” I countered zipping up my toiletries bag and putting that in one of my bags setting them near the door.

He shot me a look, the one that always meant he was pissed but trying to reign in his anger, his disappointment and a flash of lust. “Evie…” He began but I held my hand up stopping him.

“No we’re not going to fight, not after how wonderful last night was. We’re going to talk about this later, you could come out and visit if you get the time.” I suggested.

“You have to come out and visit us since we’re starting our promo club tour soon.”

“Club tour?” I looked at him in surprise, when we started dating it was my band playing clubs and he was used to playing arenas, now it had flipped.

**Nick**

I read her expression and chuckled, “Yeah I know complete role reversal.”

She grinned at me and we walked out already having her bags minus her backpack and duffel bag taken down to the car by the bellhop.

I don’t want her to leave. Even more so I want to go with her. We’re in the damn elevator getting out in the underground parking. I can see the limo there, Caitie, Jeff, Drew, Connor, Nate and Shawn…and what the hell…why are my band mates there too?

Fuck, fuck, fuck….

I’m not going to be able to give her a proper goodbye now. I stop walking and hold tight onto her hand and she swings around her eyes questioning me.

Fuck them, I’m kissing her and that’s final. I pull her to me and give her just about the hottest kiss I can give her biting her bottom lip, sucking on her tongue anything to keep her near me longer. She drops her duffel bag and backpack she hadn’t let me carry and wraps her arms around me letting her hands tangle in my hair letting her nails gently scratch over my scalp. God, I love it when she does that.

Deepening the kiss I move one hand to her face across her cheek to the back of her neck as the other pressed on the small of her back, pushing her hips into me. I knew I had everyone staring at us, could literally feel at least ten sets of eyes on us maybe more, maybe less. I knew Caitie, Drew and Jeff were smirking at us and I didn’t care. Reluctantly I broke the kiss pressing my forehead against hers.

“I love you Evan.” I spoke softly I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. “Don’t cry, we’re going to get through this.”

“I can’t leave you, not after last night.”

My heart leapt into my throat when she said that. Son of a bitch…why does this have to be so hard? Why did last night have to be so God damned perfect?

“Baby…” I began trying to reign in my own emotions. I moved my hands to cup her face wiping the tears away with my thumbs. “Last night was incredible but…”

She sighed and kissed the inside of my palm and it was almost my undoing. “I know back to real life.” She finished for me reading my thoughts practically.

I smiled at her and helped her pick up her duffel and backpack and walked her over to where everyone was. I looked down at myself wearing the same clothes from the night before…eh what the fuck ever, I had some of the best sex of my life and I don’t care who knows it. I kissed her forehead telling her that I loved her and to call me when she got into Boston, when she had time of course. I know how hard it is to find a moment for a phone call when you have everyone pulling at you, everyone wanting something.

She said her goodbyes to everyone else and they all slipped into the limo. It began to pull out but stopped just before it left the garage.

“NICK!!” I heard her yell and I turned around.

What the…Evan jumped out and ran to me pulling me into a breathtaking kiss. She pulled back and handed me a folded pack of papers.

“Maybe we can try again.” She stated giving me a grin, a kiss and then ran back to the limo.

Did she…?

Fuck yeah she did, she said she wants to try. Getting probably the smuggest grin on my face possible I look down at the papers…her tour itinerary with a note scribbled on it.

Check your schedule. When you’re free, come see me, I’ll try to do the same.

Love you always,

Evie

Seeing the limo disappear my heart sank a little knowing I wouldn’t see her for a while. I turned towards the guys who all gave me the same look. Shit I had some explaining to do.

“My room group meeting.” AJ stated as we all piled into the elevator.

Fuck they’re going to gang up on me aren’t they? I gulped when we all sat down in AJ’s suite, miraculously it was clean for once. I guess he’d really changed since the last tour.

“So do you care to explain what’s going on between you and her?” Brian began…yep let’s go I knew this was going to happen eventually.

“Brian, you guys met her, she’s amazing I love her.”

Kevin sighed, “What do we tell the publicist?”

“That I’m single, that’s what Evan and I did the last time, neither of us want to let our relationship or whatever the hell it is we have out in the open yet so we’re both single, we’re friends end of story.” I explained staring the four of them down. Yeah suddenly I had courage, before I used to do whatever the fuck they told me, especially Brian. If he told me to go hump a tree I probably would have without question. But all that changed when I did my solo CD, yeah it didn’t do well, so what, the tour was better, gave me a new confidence that I’d brought back to the band, although it wasn’t always welcome.

Howie grinned, “You two are getting back together?” He asked hopefully.

I grinned a little, “I fucking hope so. But knowing her it’s not going to be exactly what I want.”

“What do you mean?”

I sighed, it was true Evan was the most stubborn person I knew, worse than Kevin, and when she made up her mind she went for it all the way. But I had a feeling that we weren’t going to start out exclusive and committed like where we had left off. “I know her, we’re not going to jump back into our relationship the way it was, all exclusive and shit. She’s going to make us start over, make either of us see other people to make sure it’s that we want to be together.”

“How do you know?” AJ asked I could hear the skepticism in his voice, and I had to roll my eyes.

“Because I know her she’s not going to go back on tour from taking a year off and not want to get laid.”

“But why wouldn’t she just get back with you?”

I shook my head at Brian man just didn’t understand, “Because that was the problem with our relationship, we committed too soon, we never saw each other and when we did it was always rushed not enough time.”

“So you’re saying that you’ll have a girlfriend but you’ll both be able to fuck other people?” AJ asked the incredulity growing.

“She’s not a slut so don’t fucking start. All of us have had groupies, even you Brian, so don’t even think you can judge her.” Shit where did that come from? I hadn’t intended on getting pissed but damn. I hated anyone calling her a slut or a whore, she wasn’t…isn’t and never will be. True she sleeps around, but fuck who doesn’t anymore? Men are allowed to fuck as many women as possible. Women who respect themselves enough to play the field like men do shouldn’t have to deal with the double standard.

“We’re not judging anyone Nicky.” Howie stated diffusing the situation as always…God love you, Howie. “But be careful, don’t hurt each other again.”

“I’m trying my best not to.” I answered back and that was true, no way did I want to relive the hell we’d put each other through, the fights, the screaming, the accusations…the only good part about that period is that we had some of the best sex we’d ever had. Sex had solved our problems back then but slowly it just got to be too much for either of us, neither one of us was willing to make the huge sacrifices we needed to make.

But now that’s different, we didn’t need huge sacrifices, we could meet halfway couldn’t we? We could keep our careers and slowly build up our relationship again stealing moments whenever possible right? After Paris I showed up on Evan’s doorstep, she took me in, let me hide from the paparazzi, she helped me through that entire disaster. And I nearly fucked it up by letting my wounded ego and desire to possess her take over and we spent the rest of the time fucking our brains out on every piece of furniture she owned. It was rebound sex, sex with an ex, she’d tried to reason telling me that I needed it to get Paris out of my system but we both knew it was so much more than that. I asked her why she didn’t resist when I tried make love to her the second night I was there and she simply replied, ‘because I love you’ and it shot straight through me.

She let me have my way with her thinking it meant nothing to me, thinking that I was using her to get over some bitch that I should have never dated in the first place. So she pushed me away, told me that she could be my friend but not my girlfriend and to find that elsewhere. I didn’t want that elsewhere but I knew I didn’t have a choice, I’d just gotten out of the worst relationship I’d ever had, I wasn’t exactly of sound mind then. The bitch had perpetually blown my mind with stupid little games and petty jealousy.

When I’d shown up at her place I looked terrible, exhausted, puffy from crying, scruffy and dirty. She let me sleep, gave me food, made me shower and put on fresh clothes and what did I do to thank her? I lured her into my bed and used her body to soothe my wounded pride. She’s not stupid she knew what was going on, I hadn’t intended on making a move on her but holding her body in my arms feeling her so close to me after we’d be apart for so long……I couldn’t help it, I wanted her, needed her, needed to know that I could satisfy her. And she let me, let me take out my frustrations on her, which made me feel horrible once I’d realized what I’d done. I’d taken advantage of her hospitality, taken advantage of the desire and love she still had for me.

~~**Flashback**~~

I waited outside her front door after I had knocked and rang a couple of times. The door flung open all of a sudden and there she was standing there in a pair of jean shorts and a white tank top the strings of her black bikini showing around her neck.

“Nick, God you look terrible.” She stated.

Yeah I know don’t remind me. “Yeah, can I come inside?” I ask hoping to get an invitation into her home. I loved this place it was in Marathon literally across the street from my family home. No one knew I was there, just her.

She opened the door giving me a concerned tight-lipped smile as I walked in she helped me carry my bags up to one of the guest rooms…the one closest to the master bedroom. “Here you can stay in here it’s the second largest room.” She explained setting two of my bags on the bed as I set the other two there as well. I turned to her pulling her body against me giving her a hug. I needed the contact. I sat on the edge of the bed still holding her to me. The bed was high and put me at eye level with her chest....shit...

I looked down averting my eyes I couldn’t, wouldn’t get turned on…no, no, no…but just at the sight of her, the closeness made my cock twitch in a way that was really hard to ignore.

I think she got the idea and backed away distancing herself crossing her arms over her chest, yeah that helps. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but why are you here?” She asked her voice soft with just a hint of a rasp to it.

“Paris and I broke up…she showed up in the tabloids with bruises and they’re blaming me but it was another guy that she had been fucking with that did it.”

Evan sighed rolling her eyes a little, “I heard about the breakup, but still why are you here?”

"I need a place to hideout, away from everyone, my family, the fans, the media, everyone.”

“Your dad and brother live across the street.”

I had to chuckle a little bit, “Ever heard of hiding in plain sight?”

She rolled her eyes again and laughed softly rubbing her arms slowly. She looked nervous like she was afraid to have me here with her. “Am I intruding on anything? Because I can just go home…”

“No!” She protested almost too quickly. “No…stay, you can stay here as long as you need, just let your band mates know where you are.”

“Kevin booked the flight.” I answered, I was way too much of a basket case to do anything.

She grinned that sexy grin of hers, the one where she’s just being sweet to you but still that grin completely beautiful. “Why don’t you take a shower put on some fresh clothes, I’ll order a pizza?” She commanded or asked I can’t decipher which. She walked past me and I grabbed her wrist pulling her to me again intending on giving her a hug. I stared down into her eyes, they were darkening rapidly…fuck she’s getting turned on by this?

Before I could do anything my body reacted and I lowered my mouth to hers snaking my tongue out to lick along her bottom lip she opened her mouth and I took full advantage of that sliding her tongue against mine, she whimpered into the kiss and pulled away her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. I stuffed my hands in my pockets to keep them from reaching out to brush across her chest she’d always been extremely sensitive there and loved it whenever I’d pay attention to that sensitivity.

“I’m sorry…” I stated looking at the ground then back up at her.

She nodded and walked out of the room and I walked to the bathroom noticing towels had been laid out. Woman thought of everything didn’t she? I closed the door hearing her go down stairs to order the pizza. I showered, shaved and put on the clothes she’d set out for me: basketball shorts and a wife beater. I went down stairs to see her dishing up the pizza that had gotten here already. Damn I must have taken a long time in the shower. We sat out on her back deck eating quietly.

“So do you want to talk about it or do I just need to call Jeff and have a hit taken out on the bitch.” Evan stated making me snicker a little. Damnit I didn’t want to smile, I wanted to sulk and here she was making me laugh. “I saw that…” She replied.

“Saw what?” I shot back acting innocently.

She gave me that look, the one that said ‘I totally caught you’. “You smiled, and even laughed a little.”

“Well maybe that’s why I came here, because you always make me laugh.” I countered flirting with her.

She took a long sip of her Guinness long neck and looked out to the shore not answering me. I was affecting her, being here, the kiss, flirting with her. I doubt I’m going to be able to keep my hands off of her for long.

The next day I woke up late hearing a splash out back. I looked out the window seeing Evan haul herself out of the pool in her black string bikini her hair up in a messy bun. She walked back around to the deep end diving into the water doing laps. I threw on my swim trunks and ran down stairs and outside. I stopped right in front of the pool smiling as she surfaced.

“You’re awake.” She stated wiping her eyes.

I didn’t answer her I jumped in the water reveling in the cool feeling. I surfaced and got a mouth full of water in my face. Sputtering I looked at her she was grinning deviously at me. So instead of splashing her back I lunged for her and she shrieked and moved out of the way just narrowly missing my hands. I chased her around the pool finally backing her up against a wall trapping her there.

She stopped giggling and just stared at me her blue eyes dark and sparkling. She bit her lower lip and I couldn’t take it anymore I leaned in claiming her mouth in a kiss. I just had to kiss her, had to feel her lips on mine. God I missed her. She tangled her fingers in my hair taking one of my hands in her free hand and guiding it to her chest, giving me permission to touch her. No woman ever was this aggressive with me, most of them just wanted to be with the celebrity, Evan she just wanted me.

A minute later she pushed me away. I immediately found myself apologizing. “It’s okay.” She replied quietly treading water.

“Evie, I don’t want to take advantage of you, I’m sorry if I’m coming off that way.” I explained. It’s true I never wanted to take advantage of her, especially when I’m on the rebound from possibly the worst dating experience I’ve had in a long time. Evan is the best person I know, the only one I’ve ever met in the business that isn’t affected by fame. That just wants to have fun making music, and performing for fans.

She looked at me and smiled, “I know you don’t want to take advantage of me and you haven’t. You’ve just been through hell it’s okay that you want something to make you feel better. I’m just glad it’s me that you’re with instead of some ho who’ll give you syphilis.” I had to laugh at that, she was always cracking jokes like that, and even though I knew she was semi-serious she laughed with me.

We spent the day hanging out talking like old times. After dinner I went out to the beach by myself. I walked along the shoreline. How had my life gone so completely out of control? Living in LA, living the Hollywood party lifestyle. I missed this place, the humidity, and the overwhelming calm of everything. Of course there was always the nightclubs in town if you wanted it, but it was much better to just relax on the beach watch the sunset over the water.

I watched the clouds roll in sighing as it started to rain. It wasn’t like the California rain…it wasn’t cold. The humidity always made the rain seem warmer somehow. Not wanting to get completely soaked I ran back up to the house seeing Evan standing on the back deck under the balcony giggling at me.

“Oh you think you’re funny do you?” I retorted at her grabbing her wrist and pulling her out into the rain drenching the both of us.

She giggled and swatted at my arm. “Thanks Nick I just needed an extra shower today.”

I laughed at her as we both walked back inside. She walked ahead of me going through the kitchen to the stairs in the hall. Immediately my eyes strayed south noticing just how the rain had made her clothes stick to her skin leaving none of her curves to the imagination. Shit, I can’t look at her, not like this.

She went into her room and I went into the guestroom I’d been sleeping in changing into a pair of boxer briefs and a black tee-shirt to go to bed. I turned out the light and headed back to the bed. I was exhausted, not just from the jet lag and the obvious relationship drama I’d gone through. No, just being around Evan and not ravishing her every second was a full time job and it left me completely drained.

“Since when do you wear boxers anymore?” I heard come from behind me.

I climbed into bed laughing a little pulling the sheets around my lower half. If I hadn’t done that then she would have completely seen how she affects me. She moved from the doorway and sat on the bed next to me wearing a Sex Pistols tee-shirt and a pair of men’s boxers that looked like she’d probably had stolen them from me when we dated and her hair held back loosely at the nape of her neck.

“I do wear them sometimes… But never around you since you either would steal them or destroy them.” I countered giving her a grin and it was completely true, she’d either rip them to shreds because she couldn’t get me naked fast enough or if somehow my boxers survived she’d steal them.

Evan giggled a little, “I didn’t destroy that many!” She protested.

“Oh yes you did, but it’s fair I destroyed a fair share of your underwear too.” And that was also true. We’d always been feisty when it came to sex especially after a show we’d both be so completely wound up that neither of us could wait to get our clothes off. I shook my head damn I need to stop thinking like that. Evan is the greatest for letting me stay with her, so it was not a good idea to be thinking about her like that.

Her face changed all of sudden and she replied, “How are you doing? Any better?”

Fuck did she have go and get emotional on me now?

My heart dropped, I didn’t love Paris that I know for sure. I thought I did, maybe I wanted to on some level. Love someone else like I love Evan. But no, Paris was definitely not Evan…never even came close. But did that stop me from getting her name tattooed on my wrist or proclaiming ‘I love that girl’ to the paparazzi?

Nope definitely not.

That girl made me feel inferior in every way. Told me that I wasn’t rich enough, famous enough for her. That didn’t matter to me though she could knock my money and fame all she wanted but what really killed my pride was when she told me I couldn’t satisfy her. Her need for other men was because I couldn’t satisfy her needs.

Evan saw my face and got up intending on leaving but I grabbed her wrist stopping her. She turned to me with a question in her eyes. Not answering her I pulled her to me settling her in the bed next to me. “Stay with me?” I asked keeping my voice in a whisper.

She tensed in my arms for a few seconds and then she completely relaxed, giving into my request. I pulled the covers around us and held her to me smiling to myself at having her in my arms again. Unconsciously I moved my hands to the front of her slipping under her tee-shirt feeling the warm skin of her stomach. God her skin felt so warm, smooth and soft. Maybe it was my wounded ego, or maybe I was just too damn exhausted to resist the fact that I had an extremely beautiful woman lying in my arms but I trailed my hands up her stomach to her breast running my fingers along them as she sighed and turned over moving my hands away from her.

“What are you doing?” She asked her eyes pleading with mine even in the darkness of the room I could tell she liked what had happened.

“I’m sorry I just want you so much right now.” I replied. Yeah great going there Carter that’s going to reel her in.

She grinned a little, “How do you want me?”

Fuck… She’s completely in for it now. I roll her to her back and pressed myself against her.

“Just like this.” I rasped at her pulling her tee-shirt up and off of her as she rid herself of the boxers she’d been wearing. I looked down at her body, good God she’s beautiful. Smiling up at me she sat up and pressed her lips to mine breaking the kiss only to remove my shirt and boxers before pulling me down onto her.

When her skin met mine we both sighed in relief. The flirting and sexual tension of the past twenty-four hours was flowing through us both at that point. I took her legs spreading them then trailing my hand up her inner thigh teasing her. Frustrated she grabbed my hand moving it to where she wanted it and holy shit…she was soaked. I moved my fingers on her as I bit and kissed along her collarbone.

“Nickolas please…” She sighed raking her nails across my back. I moved my fingers faster on her making her back arch and growl as she came.

“That was fast.” I remarked, and it was, normally it took her longer the first time around.

She relaxed a little getting that sleepy grin on her face, “It’s been a while since I’ve had someone who knows what they’re doing.”

I snickered at her, “You should tell that to a certain ex of mine she seems to believe I’m clueless when it comes to women.”

Evan’s eyes widened at me shocked I’d said that or was she shocked by what I said? “She’s fucking stupid if she thinks you aren’t amazing.”

Damn, she always knows what to say doesn’t she? Just when I’m doubting myself she comes along and says the one thing that makes me feel better.

“Thank you for saying that I was beginning to believe her.” I replied and kissed her. I broke the kiss and settled myself between her legs. “I need to make love to you.”

Her eyes widened and she gasped a little, I had never said anything that sentimental to her before. We’d never taken it nice and slow but I wanted that with her now more than ever. I leaned down and kissed her slowly exploring her mouth as her hands gripped onto my shoulders. She wrapped her legs around my hips moving me exactly where she wanted me and broke the kiss.

“If you need to then what are you waiting for?” She replied playfully.

I grinned at her giving her a kiss then moving to her neck sucking on her throat as I slowly sank into her. Now if that wasn’t the most difficult thing for me to do I don’t know what is. Just feeling her around me again was taking a serious toll on my will power to not just fuck her senseless.

“God you feel so good.” Evan gasped as I began to move slowly almost as if I wasn’t moving at all at first.

She moved her hands under my arms to clutch at my shoulder blades as I began to move a little harder, and deeper grinding my hips into hers as she lifted hers up to meet mine. “Evie…” I managed to whisper.

Evan threw her head back and moaned, “Harder…please I need more.” She answered almost pleading.

I loved it when she got like that pleading with me to keep going like I was going to stop if she didn’t. It was nice for a change hearing her tell me that I felt good, that I could give her pleasure.

Still keeping my pace slow, I thrust harder into her making her cry out and her body began to shudder a little…a clear sign she was close. I knew I wouldn’t last much longer either, but I wanted to come with her. There’s nothing like it just being there just as she is.

“Come with me,” I semi-commanded whispering in her ear making her shudder a little at feeling my breath on her neck.

“Anything for you…” She rasped back.

Fuck..... I loved it when she said something like that, like I was her only concern at that moment. I moved harder against her and we both came shuddering and gasping for breath. I collapsed to her side feeling the greatest relief and the most intense regret of my life. Relief for the experience we’d just had but regret because I’d just used the one person I cared most about. I’d taken advantage of the one thing I promised myself that I wouldn’t.

~~**End Flashback**~~

It was true; I didn’t want to take advantage of her, even though that’s exactly what I was doing. Showing up on her doorstep, taking out my frustrations on her. No matter how willing she was I still shouldn’t have even thought about it. But that was Evan, she never cared about my status, money or anything like that, only me as a normal guy the one she’d fallen for.

More often than not she wished I were just a normal guy so we wouldn’t have to deal with the media finding out about us…all the scrutiny it would bring her band in the rock community. A rocker dating a member of a pop group was a great way to lose credibility.

**Evan**

Screw our credibility.

That’s what I keep telling myself. I can’t not have him in my life. I’m sitting here on the plane fiddling with the strings on my jacket and I can't help but smile about the night before. God, it was just so amazing, the only other time we ever took it slow was when he hid out after the whole ‘bruise-gate’ tabloid scandal. I’ll never tell him but that’s how I love it the most. True I love being rough, biting, scratching. Hard and fast is my thing but to have someone take their time with you…to take the time to truly possess you wholly so that everything in your mind is completely focused on whatever they’ll do next. It’s the most amazing thing anyone can experience and I get that with him. These boys on the road are great for the quick lay, an easy off orgasm and then kick them out, but Nick, he gets what they don’t. Just like how I get what those little bimbos he fucks don’t.

My brother nudged me on the shoulder and I looked at him seeing the question in his eyes. God I hate being a twin sometimes, knowing exactly what my brother is thinking, or going to say before he says it. “To answer your question yes it was bloody fantastic.”

He smirked at me, “Well that was one question but my other one was are you getting back together?”

I sighed, I knew I wanted that more than anything, but Nick and I have to start out slow, rebuild our relationship, and not let it be based completely on our physical attraction like it was the last time. “I want to, I know he does…just we need to take it slow…make sure that a committed relationship is what we really want before we make promises we won’t be able to keep.”

Drew gave me a pitiful look, damn him. He’s going to lecture me now. “Sis, I love you, you’re my other half but seriously I think I got the brains.” He scoffed chuckling at me.

I rolled my eyes and looked out the window.

“Seriously you know you want to be in a committed relationship with him, he does too so why take your time?” Drew asked, fucker I hated it when he played devil’s advocate with me.

“Because you plonker, we are not going to rush into things again and have it completely go arseways like last time.” I shot back hoping that my use of the word ‘arseways’ would make him understand. It was true we rarely ever used our adopted home’s slang but in this instance it made complete sense.

He laughed a little, “Aye lass, but don’t you think the boyo is afraid of that too?” Drew replied letting his thick accent come out full force.

I had to laugh, merely because our accents had always been funny to me, especially when we moved to the states and saw how different our voices were from everyone else’s.

“Hump off will ya?” I shot back telling him to go away. He laughed at me and turned his attention back to his book.

I turned back to the window and sighed looking at the clouds as we flew. We’re not even a day into the tour and already I wish it were over.