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The last time he’d been in Hannah’s apartment, Nick had been completely naked for most of the day, only pulling on a shirt and jeans when he ventured out to get dinner. Hannah had met him at the door wrapped in a towel, her hair still dripping from the shower. The sight of her damp skin had been enough to push any thoughts of food from Nick’s mind. He had kissed her roughly as they stumbled backwards towards the bedroom, his clothes and her towel strewn in their wake. Their dinner cooled on the counter for an hour. When finally they had picked up the cardboard box and sat down on the sofa to eat, Nick had brushed a strand of hair from Hannah’s face and told her he loved her. She had smiled back at him, told him she loved him too and fed him a slice of pepperoni pizza. And then Cassie had called and Nick’s world shattered. Standing in the kitchen, a sheet wrapped loosely around his waist, he had tried his best to calm his wife down, all the while feigning a business emergency to Hannah. She had rolled her eyes at him and switched the TV on, flicking through the channels as she ate. Nick ended his call and shuffled back to the living room, stooping to kiss the top of Hannah’s head.
“I have to go, baby. I’m sorry.”
Hannah had looked up at him, wiping tomato sauce from her chin with the back of her hand.
“Is everything okay?” she had asked.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. It’s just the trip to Dallas I was telling you about… We’ve had to bring it forward… I have to go tonight.”
“Tonight? Really? Can’t you go in the morning? You might not even get on a flight tonight.”
“It’s all booked, baby. The flight leaves in an hour. I have to go to the airport right now.”
Hannah had set her takeout carton down on the coffee table and got to her feet.
“I guess you better get dressed then. I’ll call you a cab.”
“Thankyou,” Nick had replied, his mind racing as he moved past her and picked up his jeans. “I’m sorry, Hannah.”
Hannah had smiled at him as she reached for the telephone.
“It’s okay, Nick. If you have to go, you have to go.”
Nick had swallowed hard as he watched her dial the cab company. In that moment he had wanted to climb back into bed with her and forget the rest of the world. He had wanted to lie with her, breathe in the smell of her, feel the warmth of her skin beneath his fingers. Instead he had retreated to the bathroom, closing the door behind him and sitting down carefully on the edge of the tub. Cassie’s accusations had raced through his mind, the truth behind her words stabbing like a knife in his stomach. She knew. Exactly how she knew, he wasn’t sure. But she knew.
Running his hands through his hair, Nick had lowered his head and willed the room to stop spinning. He had to pull himself together. He had to go back into the living room and face Hannah, make his apologies once more and leave. He had to leave. The knife in his stomach had twisted.
Taking a deep breath, he had got to his feet and lurched awkwardly towards the faucet. With his palms on the hand basin, he stared silently into the mirror. Sounds from the TV carried into the bathroom and he smiled as Hannah laughed out loud but his smile faded as he eyed his reflection. There was a nervousness he wasn’t used to seeing in himself - a restlessness, a lack of direction. And behind it all, the guilt he had forced aside for so long, somehow convincing himself that if he loved them both, he should have them both. Now, after one brief phone call, he had to let Hannah go. Or did he?
Returning to his perch on the edge of the tub, Nick hung his head and gave in to the flood of thoughts competing fiercely for his attention. Did he really have to lose Hannah? Could he make things right with Cassie, let the dust settle and then… Could he fake a work transfer and put himself out of Hannah’s reach for a while? Just while Cassie calmed down? And then… If he had to lose one of them… did he want it to be Hannah?
A gentle knock on the door jolted him from his thoughts and Nick had looked up to see Hannah peering around the open door.
“Your cab will be here any second… Are you flying pantless tonight, Nickolas?.”
Nick had looked down at his bare legs in silence. His jeans lay in a crumpled heap on the floor.
“I guess I don’t want to go,” he said eventually. “If I get dressed it means I’m going.”
“You’ll be back before you know it,” Hannah had replied, sitting down beside him on the bathtub. “It’s only Dallas. It’s hardly the other side of the world.”
Nick smiled weakly. The other side of the world was exactly where he was going. He would have three days in Los Angeles with Cassie before boarding a plane for Europe and a month of touring.
“You’re right; it’s hardly the other side of the world,” he had said as he squeezed her hand and reached for his jeans. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
Hannah had smiled as she stood up and moved towards the door.
“You’d better get a move on. Your cab is probably here.”
“I’ll be right out.”
Nick had forced himself to get dressed, his mind foggy and his limbs heavy. It seemed the world ran in slow motion. As he wrapped his arms around Hannah one last time and kissed her deeply, he was grateful for the slow movement of time. He had only wished he could stop it forever.
“See you soon,” he had said as Hannah opened the door for him.
“Not if I see you first,” she replied with a smile. “Keep safe.”
Nick nodded silently, picking up his small suitcase and turning away. Swallowing hard as he moved down the hall, the door had clicked shut behind him.