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I woke up the next morning, trying to decipher whether what happened last night was real or fantasy. I looked out the sliding door, recognizing the back porch as the storm clouds still loomed over the house from the day before. I turned to look at him and realized he wasn’t there. There was a note that read:

 Willow,           

To have you in my arms again makes me feel complete. I did not wish to wake you but I had some things I needed to take care of this morning.           

All my love,                        

 D 

            My heart did the middle school leap of excitement and joy as I read that note. It had completely meant last night truly mean something.

            ‘ But how much did it really mean to him’ I thought ‘ You would think by now he would have set up a new direction in his life after the separation.’

            Just as suddenly as the joy had welled up in me, there came a sense of apprehension.

            ‘Just because I broke down last night didn’t necessarily mean that I hadn’t moved ahead either!’

            Suddenly I began to feel the house of cards slowly tumbling down. I had gotten out of bed and found the clothes I had worn before the amazing night. I put Howie’s clothes back on and picked up my wet clothes, heading toward the washroom to get them washed. When I had opened the lid, I noticed there were clothes in there. I had started to pull them out when I noticed a bra which I knew were not mine. Again it felt like I got hit in the head with a slab. In fact, I realized all of the laundry was a bunch of women’s clothing.

            “I gotta get out of here!”

            I ran out of the house with the clothes that belonged to Howie, tempted to burn them at the most convenient time possible. I jumped into my car. Instantly, I started to beat the steering wheel. All I could think of were his eyes, so brown and seductive, his lips so soft and supple, his..

            “STOP!!!” I screamed in the car, trying to make the memory drift away.

            Starting the engine, I left what reoccurring dreams I may have had in the dust and headed back to AJ’s. The only place that I could be myself is back at a place with the only man that I could trust.

            I got back to the cabin and saw him at the table.

            “Will, where were you…” he trailed off as he recognized the clothes. A smirk crept over his face. “You guys made up eh?”

            I looked at him a moment before I turned and walked toward the stairs. I couldn’t possibly tell him what happened.

            “I knew he would come to his senses, Will. Now we just have to wait and see.”

            I turned quickly and it had caught his attention.

            “No AJ it isn’t easy like that. I looked in his washing machine today and saw a load of women’s clothes! It was just…” I walked around the couch, sat down and then looked at him. “ I thought things were going to be okay again. He said he loved me and I believed him! I’m sorry J. Just when I think I am back on track with my life then I fall for him again.” I looked down, feeling defeated.

            AJ left his coffee and walked toward me. He sat on the coffee table in front of me. He lifted up my head and looked into my eyes.

            “Baby, don’t give up on me. I know you’re not a quitter and you go after what you want. You hurt because you know that Howie is your soul mate and yet you keep getting burned.”

            Tears began to well in my eyes. “What makes you think he is my soul mate?”

            “I just know these things…because I’m fabulous.”

            I laughed a little and then turned serious for a moment. “Why didn’t I meet you before Howie? Sometimes I think…”

            “Don’t say it, Will. Don’t please.” He got up and started to walk away.

            “AJ”

            “Will, let it go, please.”

            “But…”

            He glared at me. I almost couldn’t believe I was seeing this side of him.

            “Don’t you think I have ever thought of that too? Sometimes I wondered if there could ever be a chance….for us.”

            I looked at him without any expression. I wasn’t shocked, sad, happy, any emotion that could be applied to that moment. I was going to let him tell me what I was curious about for a very long time.