Two weeks later, I had finally settled into an apartment of my own. It was cozy and just right, according to the way I live. I was still teaching at the school and occasionally would go back to my tree, making sure that Howie wasn’t around. It isn’t that I’m afraid of him. I’m just afraid if I ask the right questions that I won’t get the answers I want. Today was the day, however, that I was going to talk to Howie.
I had grabbed my keys and was about to walk out the door when I turned around and there he was. He must have seen the shocked look on my face.
“Hey Will. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I shook my head, trying to jump-start my brain again.
“Hi…what are you doing here?”
“I needed to talk to you. Can I come in?”
I was hesitant but I opened the door for him to walk in. He looked around with a smile plastered on his face.
“ This place is amazing! But Willow, come here I need to talk to you.” He took my hands and led me to the coach. I sat as far away from him as possible on the other end of the couch. “ I know there have been some questions or thoughts running through your mind since the last night we stayed together. I wanted to clear the air.” He looked at me, expecting me to start screaming but I did no such thing. He continued. “I noticed the day after that my washing machine was open. I could just imagine what you were thinking. But those were my sister’s clothes. She stayed with me a few days before and she was washing her clothes before she packed up.”
I felt a little better about that day. Maybe he did want to turn over a new leaf.
“Well, that makes me feel better about one thing but Howie I need to know this one thing even if it hurts me. That day when you called me on tour, who was the woman in the background? I just want the truth, Howie. We are already divorced so that can’t be changed.”
He sighed, seeming very hesitant before her answered. “Her name was Shiloh and she was one of the dancers. I was betraying you, Willow but I realized my mistake and broke it off. I guess when I thought you were cheating on me as well then I thought I could blame it on you,” he grabbed my hand before I could say or do anything “But I realized that I was wrong to do all of this to you. I love you so much Willow and my life had been so empty without you there.”
I looked at him in sympathy and a hidden rage. “So then what are you proposing we do?”
“Give us another chance. We can start dating all over again and if it works out, we can get remarried.”
Shocked, I didn’t know whether to laugh this off or be happy. Happy that I knew the truth and he was sorry for what he did or laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole situation.
“Ok…let’s give this a try but this is your only chance Howie. Don’t mess this up.”
He started to cry as he gave me a hug. “That’s all I’m asking for is a chance to make this all right.”
He had gotten up to leave when he noticed I was still shocked. “Honey, what’s wrong?”
“I just think it’s kinda funny that I felt so alone and went to try and make myself feel better by finding someone who seemed to care. You seemed to be doing the exact same thing.”
“I thought you didn’t love me anymore Willow. I was trying…and then I failed. I know we can work.” He looked at his watch. “Actually what are you doing right now?”
I looked at him puzzled. “ I was going to see you but you came over here. Why?”
“Come with me to the studio. There is a new song I want you to hear.”
For the second time that day, I grabbed my keys and purse. Only this time, I walked out the door with a man I once loved holding my hand.
We walked casually to his car. He drove us there, both of us silent along the way. I was wondering if I was going to run into any of the guys. I hadn’t seen or talked to AJ since the day I left.
Once we got to the studio, Howie came to my side and opened the door. Already a change that I could get used to. He took me into a lounge where a man I assumed was the recording manager sat.
“Reggie, Willow is going to sit in on this one ok?”
Reggie gave me a huge smile. “No prob. She doesn’t look like she could be too much trouble.
I smiled “Don’t test me.”
All of us laughed as Howie went into the studio.
A minute after that, the guys were starting to get ready to record. Howie kept looking through the glass at me. I know he was doing that but I couldn’t keep my eyes off of AJ. He wore black dress pants and a black pinstripe dress shirt. It was open a little bit that you could just see the top of bare skin. He looked up at me, those brown eyes were trying to tell me a story but I didn’t get to hear it before he turned. That was when the music started. Reggie spoke through his headset.
“How did I fall in love with you. Take 1.”
A beautiful piano entrance played and then Brian began:
Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like sister and brother
We understood we'd never be alone
Howie looked at me when he sang:
Those days are gone, now I want you so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
Never meant to feel this way
Don't wanna be alone tonight
What can I do to make you mine?
Fallen so hard, so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
Brian and Howie exchanged a look that made Brian suddenly smile. He continued:
I hear your voice and I start to tremble
Brings back the child that I resemble
I cannot pretend that we can still be friends
Don't wanna be alone tonight
Ooh I wanna say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know
I don't wanna live this life
I don't wanna say goodbye
With you I wanna spend the rest of my life
What can I do to make you mine?
Fallen so hard, so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew
How did I fall in love with you?
I had started to get teary eyes. I looked back at Reggie and he looked amazed himself. “Guys I think that take was perfect! That’s all for now.”
“That song was beautiful!”
“Yeah isn’t it? I think Howie wrote it for you.”
I wanted to cry even more. Howie? Write me a song? Something the beautiful and loving. He walked into the room along with the other guys. Each one of them gave me a hug. AJ seemed reluctant but he gave me a quick hug. It felt good to be in his arms. Something in the back of my mind wanted me to take him and run but I knew better. We moved on.
Howie hugged me and I was in tears. “That song was beautiful. It’s for me?”
“Yes baby, it’s for you. With all my heart. But,” he whispered, “ I must tell you something.”
I smiled “And what would that be?”
“The song is for you from me but I didn’t truly write it. AJ did.”
I was totally shocked. I didn’t know how to react.
“AJ wrote it?”
“Yeah. He wrote it and I found it. He didn’t want to put it on the album but I thought it was amazing. So he told me I could use it and say it was mine. He told me he wrote it when the woman he loved left him. She said something like she was holding him back and she needed to move on.”
I gasped. That song was written by AJ…and it was about us. He loved me. AJ McLean loved me. And I learned too late.
“How…” I stuttered, “awful. I hope he’s alright.”
I started crying again and Howie held me tight. I looked over his shoulder and as I did, I saw AJ looking at us. Tears were welling in his eyes. He turned to leave.
“Just a second, Howie.”
I walked over to AJ quick and wrapped my arms around him from behind. He stopped and placed his hands on top of mine. The other guys weren’t paying attention to us. I stood on my tiptoes and whispered in his ear.
“AJ, I’ve loved you since the time I met you in this studio.”
I felt him shudder under my arms and could tell he was starting to cry. I let go. He paused for a moment before he left the lounge, with my heart slowly following after.
Author's Chapter Notes:
*The song "How Did I Fall In Love With You?" is the property of the Backstreet Boys.
I apologize for all who have been waiting for a chapter. I realized today that I had not updated in a a very long time and discovered that I did have a chapter written. I will try and write another chapter very soon. Thanks for reading!
