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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know it's been forever and a day since this story was last updated, but there's finally a new chapter! Yay! I hope we didn't lose anyone with the time lag, and I also think it would be a great idea to go back and read a chapter or two before you read this one, just so you remember what's going on. I know I had to before I could write this chapter. Anyway, let us know what you think because we're really excited to be writing this again!

His world had been rocked, his mind was whirling, and his hands had curled into angry fists at his side.  He was still in the tree that he’d climbed into to spy on Mac and Jake, and he had no intention of climbing down.  At least, not until he knew he wouldn’t go raging into the venue and clock someone—preferably Jake.  Never in his life had he wanted to hurt someone quite so badly—not even Leighanne’s killer—as much as he wanted to pick Mac up and shake her for lying to him, making him feel something for her, for making Baylee fall absolutely in love with her.

She was a liar, a fraud, a fake.  She’d used him, used his son, used the tour and his bandmates without regard for their feelings. 

Was this the real Mac? he wondered vaguely when he could actually think past the red-hot haze smothering his senses.  Was this horribly cold person who he, his son, and his friends had welcomed into their lives really the true Mac? How had all of them missed the fact that she was nothing more than a lying bitch? Red coated his vision, and he didn’t feel how tightly his teeth were clenched together.

When a bird hopped onto the branch next to him, he didn’t blink, so focused was he on his recent revelations.

Had he been so focused on actually finding someone who’d made him feel again that he’d completely overlooked something so vital about her? Something that would ruin his life and destroy everything he’d worked for?

Gritting his teeth against the urge to rip the tree apart, branch for branch—after all, the tree hadn’t done him harm—he quickly and quietly slid out of it and felt slightly steadier when he felt solid ground beneath his feet. 

Being steadier didn’t mean he was any less furious.  And hurt.  For, underneath the fury he felt at being betrayed by Mac, he was hurt.  He was utterly and completely hurt by the way she’d waltzed her way into his life, wrecked the walls he’d constructed around his heart, and had won him over, all while she was lying to him.

If she’d been an actress, she would’ve deserved to win an Oscar for her performance.  He wondered if sleeping with him had been part of the mission, or had she just been in the mood for fun?

“God!” The word burst from him in a furious explosion.  “Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it!” This time, he couldn’t control the rage, and he watched as his fist slammed into the brick exterior of the venue. 

He wasn’t the kind of guy who went around hating people, but he hated Mac in that instant.  And he hated Jake.  He absolutely hated Jake for arriving on the scene and ruining the blissful ignorance that Brian had been operating under when he hadn’t known that Mac was FBI and was investigating him.  He felt so disgusted with Mac, with Jake, but, most of all, with himself. 

I should’ve known it was too good to be true, he thought as he began to draw in slow, deep breaths in an effort to calm himself down.  Going into the dressing rooms, being with Baylee, he’d have to calm down so that he wouldn’t scare his son.  Just because his son’s nanny was the biggest con artist he’d ever heard of, it didn’t mean he had to ruin Baylee’s time.  Baylee was happy with Mac, so, for the moment, Brian wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize his son’s happiness.

He needed a shower.  He needed a shower so desperately.  He wanted to scrub the taste and feel of her off of himself.  He wanted to forget that he’d ever made love to her.

The memory of their last time was etched into his mind.  It had been mind-blowingly romantic, and he’d never thought he could feel such tender emotions for a woman who wasn’t Leighanne.  But he had.  Oh, he had, and it turned out that it was all one big sham. 

One big, fat lie.

Brian shoved open a side door and walked into the cool interior.  He could hear the usual pre-show commotion from down the hall, but he didn’t want to go anywhere near there.  If he walked in feeling as angry as he did, he knew the guys would sense it right away.  After over fifteen years of being together, they knew his moods like the backs of their hands, and he didn’t want to answer five million questions about why he was angry when, just a short while earlier, he’d gotten off the tour bus in a happy mood.

“I’m not going to blow this case over some silly crush.”

Her voice echoed in his mind as he dragged himself down the hallway, and he shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from lashing out at the closest object.  He could just picture himself smashing something to bits and pieces.  Her face flashed in his mind, and he wanted to erase the memory of her from his mind, but he couldn’t. 

No wonder, he thought to himself.  No freaking wonder she’d gone off by herself in Dallas.  She’d been purposely seeking Avenging Angel out.  He wondered if she would’ve arrested him on the spot had she not just had her head bashed into the sidewalk.  Probably. Knowing how badly the FBI wanted him caught, he was sure Mac wouldn’t have wasted any time in yanking his mask off and handcuffing him.

He wondered if finding out that it was him would’ve made her pause.

“Yeah, right,” he muttered aloud bitterly.  Now that the metaphoric curtains had been lifted, he could see clearly, and he knew, knew that she wouldn’t give a damn about who he was.  She would’ve arrested him and locked him into a cell without a second thought.

In his mind, he could see himself picking her up and throwing her out the nearest window, but he knew he’d never do it.  For one thing, that would get him into a world of trouble and probably traumatize Baylee.  Secondly, the FBI would instantly know that he was Avenging Angel because, really, why else would he throw an FBI agent out a window? And lastly, he needed to keep Mac around until he figured out a way to sabotage her investigation.

Keep your friends close, the saying went, but keep your enemies closer.  He was definitely going to get on board with that.  That notebook of hers probably held all of her field notes, so it was no wonder that she hadn’t wanted him to see it and had been so furious that he’d playfully flipped through it.

All the pieces seemed to be falling into place with such clarity, and Brian understood that he was finally seeing Mac the way she truly was.  She hadn’t been “between jobs” as she’d told him.  He was her job.  Well, not he, Brian Littrell, but he as in the Avenging Angel, and he felt like screaming.  Not that he was much of a screamer, but he completely understood the need to rage because it was all he wanted to do in that moment.

Unfortunately, raging wasn’t going to get him anywhere, and he knew that he couldn’t let Mac know that he knew her secret.  If he was going to sabotage the FBI’s investigation, he had to pull off the biggest lie since Mac’s and pretend that he was fine and knew nothing.

Well, he hadn’t gotten the rep he had as Avenging Angel by sitting around, doing nothing.  He was going to put his skills to use and get a hold of her notebook to figure out exactly how much information the Bureau had and how much progress their investigation had actually made.

“Brian!”

He tensed for a second at the sound of her voice before he forced himself to relax.  Oscar-worthy acting, he reminded himself and, pasting a smile on his face, he turned to face her as she hurried down the hall towards him.

“Hey, sorry I was gone so long,” she apologized as she slid to a stop in front of him.  She beamed up at him, green eyes glowing behind her glasses.  “Did you miss me?”

No was on the tip of his tongue, but he gave her hand a quick squeeze.  “You know I did.  Did you give the FBI all the information they needed?”

Mac nodded, wondering why he sounded so distant.  “Yeah, it wasn’t so bad.  They’re actually pretty nice.”

“You would know,” Brian said without thinking.  Uh-oh.

She frowned up at him, her brows furrowed.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He shrugged and tugged her towards his dressing room where Nick was supposed to be watching Baylee.  Now, he wanted to scrub his hands of how it felt to have her hand in his. “Well, you’re the only one of us who’s actually met the FBI.  The most any of us know about the Feds is what we’ve seen on TV, you know?”

Mac let out a little breath of relief, glad that her worst fears hadn’t come true and Brian had found her out.  Relieved, she pushed open the door to Brian’s dressing room and found Baylee playing Uno with Nick, who appeared to be losing and poorly.  “Well, they seemed nice enough,” she told Brian before turning to hug Baylee when he attacked her. 

“You’re here, you’re here! Finally!” Baylee wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her cheek.  “I missed you so much! Nick is no fun to hang out with at all.”

“Hey!” Nick protested and was ignored.

Brian felt the uncontrollable urge to rip Baylee out of her hands, protect his son from her treachery, but he couldn’t.  Tamping down on the new spurt of fury, he managed to smirk at Nick before tugging Baylee gently out of Mac’s arms.  “What about me, buddy? Didn’t you miss me?”

“Well, duh,” Baylee replied.  “You don’t say as many bad words as Nick does.  You know, his phone ringed on the bus, and he said a lot of bad words to someone.  Didn’t you, Nick?”

Nick didn’t bother hiding the truth and looked guilty.  “Oops?”

Brian rolled his eyes.  “Nick’s parents didn’t scrub his tongue with soap when he was little, Bay.  That’s why he’s got such a dirty mouth.”

“I thought that was ‘cuz Nick doesn’t brush his teeth,” Baylee replied, tilting his head to the side curiously to look at Nick.  “Right, Nick? You said that you only gots to brush your teeth once a week.”

“Ew.” Mac made a face at Nick to which he just shrugged.  “That’s disgusting, Nick. Remind me to stay far away from you.  And, no, Baylee, you really have to brush your teeth every day.  I bet Nick has tons of cavities.”

Brian couldn’t take it any longer.  He set Baylee down abruptly and, without a word, walked right back out the door. 

Mac’s brows rose, and, when she looked at Nick for answers, he shrugged again.  “He’s been on a rollercoaster lately.  One minute, he’s up, then down the next.  I wouldn’t read too much into it because he gets this way sometimes.  Ever since” he glanced at Baylee, who wasn’t fazed by his father’s sudden disappearance and was meticulously piling the Uno cards together “that night, he’s had these random depressive episodes.  Don’t worry too much.”

“Okay.” Mac nodded, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very much wrong.  When she’d seen him in the hallway, there had been fury in his eyes for a split second.  But maybe it had just been her imagination or the lights hitting his eyes at a certain angle.  She couldn’t be sure, but her gut told her that something was off with Brian.  She always trusted her gut instincts, and they were screaming that all was not well.

“Hey, Mac? Why don’t you and the Bayster come hang out with the fans for soundcheck?” Nick suggested as he grabbed his wallet and cell phone, shoving them into his pockets.  He broke her train of thought, and she glanced up at him.  “It’s almost time, and I’m sure Brian won’t mind.”

“Oh. Uh, well…” Mac turned to Baylee who was now searching for something in his giant bag of belongings.  “What do you think, Baylee? Wanna go see your daddy and the guys do soundcheck?”

Baylee glanced over at her before looking up at Nick.  “The girls will be there, right? The ones who want to take your pants off?”

“What?” Nick spluttered.  “Who wants to take my pants off?”

Mac stifled the grin, but her eyes gleamed mischievously.  “Well, Brian was telling us about the days when you used to love girls who wanted to grab your pants.”

“You’re so weird, Nick,” Baylee informed him.

Nick ruffled the little boy’s hair playfully, grinning when Baylee glared at him.  “Hey, I got you McDonald’s, remember?”

“Yeah, but you broke the ball pit, too!” Baylee reminded him.  He rummaged some more in the bag before pulling out a little Atlanta Braves hat and plopping it on his head.  Then, he turned to Nick and Mac, his expression angelically innocent.  “If we go to the stage, I get first dibs on the girls.”

Mac’s eyes widened before she began to giggle helplessly.  “Oh, Baylee.”

***

Brian stood under the hot spray of the shower, scrubbing himself so hard he was sure his skin was going to be burning and stinging the rest of the night.  He didn’t care because all he wanted at that moment was to get rid of the sensation of his skin rubbing against Mac’s, the way she’d moved in perfect sync with him, and the way he’d felt so connected to another human being for the first time since Leighanne’s death.

The skin on his knuckles was broken and raw, burning under the stinging heat of the water, from where he’d punched the brick wall of the venue earlier.  He’d gotten through soundcheck and the concert with his temper barely in check.  Of course, he’d been so concentrated on not throwing the drum set across the stage that he’d missed his steps and his notes repeatedly.  Looking out into the audience, he’d seen the faces of so many fans full of sympathy and understanding, and all he’d felt was misery.

Sheer misery.

All he wanted was Leighanne back.  He didn’t think that was too much to ask God.  He just wanted the only woman who’d ever loved him, hadn’t lied to him, and made him happier than he’d ever imagined he would be.  He missed the way she’d been able to calm him down, the way her nose would wrinkle when she was upset or annoyed, and the way, no matter how mad she was, he could just take her into his arms, kiss the tip of her nose, and make her smile again.

He wanted his wife back because only she would be able to stop the viciously murderous thoughts he was having.  They were truly uncharacteristic of him because he’d never been the type to imagine putting his bare hands around another human being’s throat and strangling them.  No matter how angry he’d gotten, he’d always been able to turn to his wife and God and know that everything would be okay.

Sighing heavily, anger abating in the midst of misery, he turned the water off and, grabbing a towel, wrapped it around himself and got out of the shower.  Much as he might want to, he knew he’d have to face Mac sooner or later.  If he was going to get any information about her investigation, he’d have to tread carefully to keep her from suspecting anything.

Tugging on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, he walked out into the hotel room and found Mac carrying a sleeping Baylee into his bedroom.  She glanced over at Brian, grinned, and disappeared into the bedroom.

Brian stood, frozen where he was, his heart racing.

What was she doing to him? he wondered.

Here he’d been completely ready to act like he cared about her even though he didn’t, and she had to go and smile at him.  That smile had reached inside him and gripped his heart, and he knew he was in a world of trouble. 

Try as he might to bring up a mental image of Leighanne, reminding himself of his loving, non-lying wife, he suddenly couldn’t.  All that was in his mind was Mac.

The realization sent him staggering towards the couch and sitting down heavily on it.  His fingers gripped the armrest, and he concentrated on inhaling and exhaling.

Love? He couldn’t possibly be in love with Mac, could he? He’d only known her for a few weeks.  They’d only been together romantically for barely a week.  There was no way he was in love with her, he told himself firmly.  Whatever these feelings were, he’d just deal with them.

Mac lied to you, and you can’t possibly be in love with her, he repeated to himself, but, when she came back into the sitting room, settled onto the couch next to him, and smiled softly at him, he wasn’t so sure.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked quietly, her eyes running over his face worriedly.  He’d been so quiet since he’d abruptly left the dressing room earlier, and the concert had been tough for him.  She wasn’t sure what was going on with him, but she wanted to help him.  It scared her how much she wanted to fix things for him, but she did.

She wouldn’t let herself think about what it all meant.

Even as he told himself not to, he let himself grip her offered hand and laced their fingers together.  “I miss my wife,” he answered honestly.  “I’m sorry, that’s probably not what you want to hear, but it’s true.  Mostly, I’ve learned to move on, but, some days, it gets to me, you know?”

Mac wanted to wrap him up and hold him close, as though that would take away the sadness in his blue eyes or the grief that lingered in his voice.  “Oh, Brian.  She was your wife.  It’s normal to miss her.”

“You’re taking it pretty well that, after making love to you, I’d miss my wife,” he said dryly.  “I don’t know of many women who would be okay with it.”

“Well, most women are idiots,” she replied with a small smile.  “Look, you married Leighanne, you were with her for a decade, you had a child with her, and then you lost her in such a tragic way.  If you didn’t grieve for her, if you didn’t still miss her, I’d worry.  Don’t feel bad, Brian.”

He shrugged and looked down at their intertwined fingers.  How was he supposed to deal with this? How was he supposed to stay angry enough to stay focused on sabotaging her investigation while he was rapidly sinking into this quagmire of feelings for her? 

When he didn’t say anything for several long moments, Mac reached out and cupped his cheek with her hand.  His eyes shifted up to meet hers, and she smiled.  “You’re a great guy, Brian.  I’m sorry you had such horrible things happen to you, but I want you to know that I’m here for you.  Not just as your secret girlfriend,” she added with another smile, “but as your friend, too.  I hope you’ll talk to me if you need to.”

After a moment or two, he returned her smile and squeezed her hand.  “Thanks, Mac.  Really.  It’s been…good to have you around.  For Baylee a-and for me,” he added softly, knowing that it was true.  Maybe he’d regret this down the line, but it was true.  She’d been a refreshing change that he’d needed, and, despite his fury with her over her lies, he couldn’t help but see that she wasn’t lying to him now.

Mac leaned up and brushed her lips over his cheek, not wanting to kiss him when he was missing his wife because it might not be the best idea.  But he shocked her, and himself, when he turned his head and caught her lips with his.  His hand gripped hers tightly as his other arm banded around her waist to draw her close as his lips rubbed over hers softly before coaxing them open to take the kiss deeper.

He needed this, he realized.  Not just the kiss, but this woman.  He needed Mac, and he needed her badly, despite everything that she was withholding from him.  Being with her, he thought as she moaned and wrapped her arms around his neck, was becoming necessary to him.  He’d thought he was strong enough to be Avenging Angel, a Backstreet Boy, and a father all at once, but he was coming to realize that he needed Mac.  He needed her to balance him out, to rely on because playing all the roles he played was hard to do when he was lonely.

She might be lying to him, he thought when she laid her head against his chest, but, right now, he needed her and the feelings she stirred up in him.  Knowing the time would come when the two sides of him would have to deal with the two sides of her, he drew her closer, desperate to cling to the peace he felt right then in that moment.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he murmured, brushing his lips over her hair, knowing his words were the truth.

Mac burrowed herself into him and squeezed her eyes shut.  She was lying to him about so much, and he was so good to her, she thought guiltily.  She should tell him the truth but knew she couldn’t.  Instead, she sighed a little and whispered, “I’m glad I’m here, too.”

***

At four in the morning, Brian was creeping stealthily down the hallway towards Mac’s room.  They’d gone their separate ways earlier because Mac insisted that Brian needed some time to himself.  If he was missing Leighanne, then he needed time by himself, and she didn’t want to interfere.  So, she’d gone back to her room, leaving Brian with his whirling thoughts.

After throwing out the idea of strapping on his suit and going out into the night, he’d climbed into the comfortable hotel bed and willed himself to fall asleep.  Four hours of tossing and turning later, he’d come to the conclusion that he needed to find out something, anything about Mac’s investigation.  Yes, he might have really strong feelings for her, but that didn’t mean that it lessened how upset he was about her lies and the fact that she was Avenging Angel’s number one enemy.

So, there he was, effortlessly picking the lock on her door—okay, so he’d filched one of her keys—and slipping soundlessly into her room.  He could make out her sleeping outline under the blankets on the bed, and he had to resist the temptation to crawl in with her.  That was certainly not going to get him the answers he needed, no matter how satisfying it might be.

Turning away from Mac, he crept about her room, rummaging through her bags and opening and closing drawers to try to find that notebook of hers.  After ten minutes, he’d gone through everything but the nightstand next to the bed.  Where she was sleeping.

Brian didn’t know much about FBI agents, but he wasn’t sure that she would sleep right through him being a foot away from her, stealing her stuff.  He debated the matter with himself for a few moments, mentally listing the pros and cons.

Well, he finally decided, he needed to take a chance.  He’d deal with the consequences—if there were any consequences.

Silently, he crept over to her bed and tried not to watch as she slept peacefully.  She was always pretty, he knew, but, in sleep, she was beautiful.  He had to force himself back to the task at hand before he was unable to resist temptation and just crawl in with her.

He reached for the knob of the drawer and quietly slid it open.  His breath whooshed out in a disappointed puff as he stared at a drawer empty of anything but the hotel’s pad of stationary and a Bible.

Sighing with disappointment, Brian slid the drawer shut.  Then, he turned to look back at Mac and found her stirring.  He held his breath, frozen in place and hoping that she wouldn’t wake. 

Her eyes fluttered open, and she stared at him in sleepy confusion.  “Brian? What are you doing here?”

Licking his lips nervously, he managed a small smile.  “I missed you,” he murmured and realized that, deep down, it was the truth.

She smiled at that and shifted to make space.  Tossing back the blanket, she held out a hand.  “Stay?”

In response, he toed off his shoes and, giving himself up to fate, climbed in with her.  She wrapped her arms around him, her head resting in the crook of his neck, and he sighed.

He was in big trouble, he decided as he buried his nose in her hair, if this was starting to feel like coming home.