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Author's Chapter Notes:
Yes I totally meant to spell Unbridled wrong. hehe Anyways here's yet another chapter for everyone! Thank you for the awesome reviews keep em coming!
Chapter Eleven: Unbridaled Angst

Alyssa flipped through a bridal magazine looking at the lavish dresses and the beautiful hotels and locations for weddings. Articles about famous brides and keeping a budget. She saw Nick walk in and she grinned widely. He looked over at her and noticed the magazine and shook his head grinning.

“You’re really adamant about planning this thing huh?”

“What our wedding? Yeah! I want it to be fun but relaxing, I definitely do not want to be like Lori was that was a little scary.” She remarked chuckling as he sat with her on the bed putting on his socks and shoes getting ready to go out to another press related event.

“I’ve been thinking…”

“And?” Alyssa said arching an eyebrow and setting the magazine on her lap.

Nick took a deep breath and placed his hand on her knee. “Well I think we should take some time and really take our time with getting married. I don’t want to rush it with us.”

“What are you saying?” Alyssa asked feeling a lump rise in her throat.

“I’m saying we take it slow and really have fun with getting married. I don’t think January would be a good idea. I don’t think we’re quite ready yet.”

“We or you?” She postulated wondering if he was getting cold feet now that she was starting to get serious about wedding plans. He’d been engaged before granted it was for less than a week back in 2000 and not the 9 month engagement they were on now. It still scared her the thought that he might want to back out of the wedding or the relationship entirely.

“Actually I don’t think you’re ready to be a wife.”

Alyssa’s eyes widened and she sat back against the headboard. “Ow…” She said with a confused look on her face. “That just wow that’s really uncalled for.”

“No it’s really not, there’s a lot of things you haven’t really dealt with yet and I’m not just talking about Noah, what about your father or Collin those are all huge things you’ve never honestly dealt with.” Alyssa remained silent letting him say his piece. “And AJ and I were talking and he knows what he’s talking about.”

“You talked to Alex about this?”

“No he brought it up that you are an addict.”

“Excuse me?” She said standing up and folding her arms in front of her chest. Nick shrugged and leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees.

“Alyssa Mackenzie…you’re a cutter, you fucking relapsed right in front of me. And if you’re not gonna confront your problems then…I don’t know if we can get married because I’m not getting divorced and I will not marry you if you’re not ready.”

Alyssa felt the tears sting her eyes and she looked away going over to the bathroom and grabbing some toilet tissue and began wiping her eyes. She sniffed and saw Nick follow her into the bathroom. “Just go away.” She said quietly.

“I have to go anyways but I don’t want to break up or anything like that, but I just want you to get the help you need baby. I love you.” He said trying to give her a kiss on the cheek she shrugged him off and he sighed and left. Alyssa looked in the mirror seeing her red and puffy eyes. How often did she see herself like this? How many times had she been crying over what she lost instead of rejoicing in what she still had?

She had Nick didn’t she? Through everything he’d stuck by her, loved her and helped her. Losing Noah was the hardest thing their relationship had ever seen and yet they survived. Many times she dreamed and wished that it had somehow come out all different. But at the same time she knew it wouldn’t be fair to anyone to dwell on the past. However it still wouldn’t escape her mind about all the things she could have done differently.

She picked up her phone and dialed the all too familiar number to her sister. She heard it ring a few times before Olivia picked up. “Olivia Monroe.”

“Hey sis…”

Olivia grinned into the phone and sighed, “Hey honey how are you?”

“Do you think I’m an addict?”

Olivia sat back in her chair at her desk in her office. “Umm why do you ask that?”

“Because Nick seems to think that I’m not ready to be a wife because I haven’t dealt with my personal issues and cutting.”

Olivia took a large breath holding it for a moment then let it out as she gathered her thoughts. She agreed with Nick that her sister did really need help in resolving her own personal issues. “Alyssa don’t get mad at me but I agree with Nick. You’ve been through some really rough things, losing Collin, Daddy, Noah, and it’s just things you need to learn and cope better with or it’s gonna destroy any possible happiness for your marriage. I don’t want you two to get married and end up divorcing in less than five years. He loves you sweets, and you love him but love isn’t always enough. You need trust, comfort, in addition to love.”

Alyssa chewed her lip and sat down on the bed. “I’m really fucked up aren’t I?”

“Sweetie you’re not fucked up, just a little messed up. You need to just let go of everything you’ve been holding back for so long. And you need to do it before you marry him. It’s the only way you can really ensure a strong marriage.”

She sighed and thought for a few moments. It hurt to know that everyone knew that she didn’t handle things especially since the events of the past year. She thought she was able to hide things well but apparently she wasn’t. “Maybe we shouldn’t get married at all.”

“No don’t say that. You two are meant to be together it’s just there are some things I think you need to work through first. Nick’s right honey you know he is. Maybe you should go back to LA for a while and see your therapist a bit more and work things out slowly on your own. Don’t depend on Nick for absolutely everything to help you. It’s not really fair to him. But when the time is right let him know what you’ve been doing. Let him hear you out and then he can help you by just being by your side and not having to lift you up all the time. It’ll bring you two that much closer and make your bond that much stronger if you both can emotionally be on the same page about a lot of things.”

Alyssa looked in the mirror across from the bed and nodded. “Yeah I’ll talk to him about it. Thank you Ollie. Thanks for listening.”

Olivia smiled and replied, “No problem honey, you’re my sister I’m always here for you when you need me. You’ve been there for me and Angie for years so I can’t not be there for you too.”

A few hours later, Nick came back into the hotel room tired and not really wanting to walk back into the argument he’d caused that morning. He walked in seeing Alyssa at her new laptop clicking away probably working on grading papers. Alyssa turned seeing him walk in and smiled softly. He stopped for a moment and looked at her. That was definitely not the reaction he was expecting. She got up and gave him a hug. “I agree with you.” She said simply. Nick gave her an odd look and she sat him down on the bed. She sat next to him and looked him straight in the eye. “I’m in love with you. Honestly. And I’ve never been really good at handling my own emotions good or bad. It’s always been really difficult for me. And I don’t really understand why. Maybe that’s the real reason why I began to cut in the first place. I’m a cutter. And I did relapse. So I need to get help.”

Nick took her hand in his lacing their fingers. “Ali I love you too, and I don’t want you to think that you’re like Alex was at all. You’re not cutting is very different but it’s still an addiction.”

“I know, and I think I need to go home to LA and see Dr. Pinsky on my own to work through my problems. If I personally can’t work through something what makes either of us think that you can help me? You’re just one man. Granted you’re the man that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. But I can’t expect you to solve my problems baby. I can only expect you to stand by my side through everything and help me see things as you have done. I really don’t deserve you Nick. You’ve been more than any relationship I’ve ever had and I appreciate that more than you’ll ever realize.”

“So you’re leaving?”

Alyssa nodded and felt his grip harden on her. “Yes I need to. I need to get through this and I need your support.”

Nick thought a moment. He definitely didn’t want her to leave, he knew she had to though. If it was going to be the only way for her to work through her own personal issues and make them a much stronger couple as a result then he guessed he had to support her decision to seek help. “Of course I support you baby. I’m always here for you. So when do you leave?”

Alyssa sighed and moved to lay back against his chest. “First thing tomorrow. I figured it’d be best if it was as soon as possible. And wouldn’t make for a long goodbye from everyone.”

“Oh so you think you’re just going to slip out unnoticed?”

“That is the general plan.”

He smirked and wrapped his arms around her waist loosely. “So you don’t think I can’t take you to the airport?”

“You can see me off in the morning, because you have an early morning radio interview.”

The next morning…

Nick stirred slowly in his sleep reaching out to pull Alyssa’s body close but was met with rumpled hotel sheets. He sat up quickly and looked around the room. Alyssa giggled from her spot on the couch across the room. “Shut up.” He groaned and fell back against the king size bed.

Alyssa finished slipping on her shoes and tied her hair back in a low ponytail slipping her sunglasses on top of her head. “What’d you think I’d leave without letting you say goodbye to me?”

He shrugged and held his arm out to her beckoning her back to bed. She smiled and crawled up to the head of the bed on her hands and knees laying next to him. He sighed in relaxation and rubbed his hand over her back. “I don’t want you to leave.”

Alyssa grinned and kissed him softly. They lay there for a few more moments in complete silence just to revel in each other’s touch for a little while longer. The room’s phone rang and she groaned loudly rolling over and answering it. “Ms. Monroe your car is waiting for you down stairs.” The concierge said politely. Alyssa thanked her and got up. Nick got up as well throwing on a pair of jeans and a long sleeve pull over. He helped her with her bags and lead her to the elevator. Nick held Alyssa’s hand as they rode the elevator down to the hotel lobby. Once it reached the lobby they walked quietly out to the front where a black car was waiting for her. The driver helped her with her bags and Nick tried to ignore the fans that were already gathered outside the hotel at such an early hour.

He groaned hearing them call after him wanting an autograph, a picture, and seeing the flashes out of the corner of his eye he knew this was going to definitely stir up the rumor mill. He opened the door for her and stood as she went to go in but turned around placing her hand on the side of the car. “I’ll call you as soon as I land ok?”

He nodded trying to hide his apparent disappointment. She grinned sympathetically and tried not to cry. She definitely didn’t want to leave him either but at this point she didn’t exactly have a choice. There were just too many things that she needed to work out for herself. To be a stronger woman, for him, for her and for their relationship that it wouldn’t be fair to either of them to be selfish and stay. “I love you.” She sniffed no longer able to bite back a little bit of her emotions.

He returned the sentiment and kissed her softly and pressed their foreheads together before bidding her farewell. He watched the car drive away before turning and seeing the expectant crowd of fans waiting for him. He sighed and walked over plastering on his trademark smile for their photos and questions.











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Chapter End Notes:
Thanks tri for all your awesome help this chapter!