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With a feather-light touch his finger glided over the crest of her breast, stopping to circle the nipple and watch it harden at his caress.

Alaina breathed deep, her chest rising to press against his hand with every inhale. Neither could recall the last moment any words had been spoken; it must have been hours. When they’d awoken in the early hours of the morning, not long after having fallen asleep, they simply didn’t need to exchange words. Instead they explored each other’s bodies with hands, mouths, and eyes.

His lips replaced his fingertips, and he kissed down the slope of her breast, to the dip of her abdomen, along the faint scar left by what he imagined was the result of a caesarean, and then to the dip between her thighs. Two fingers dipped inside of her as his tongue hit her clit and her back arched up off the bed, not having expected his sudden invasion. Alaina’s knees pressed to his ears quickly and she moaned, reaching back to grasp the headboard of the luxury goose down bed.

If there was anything he had been missing from his life sexually it was this. To him it felt like pure power. All he needed was his lips, his tongue, his fingers, to drive her crazy and bring her to the brink of ecstasy and back as many times as he wanted because why would she ever want to stop him from worshipping her body. With his free hand he pushed her knee down, relieving his temples from her vice-like grip, while caressing the inside of her thigh. Alaina writhed, moaned his name, and he heard it, right there, the power, he could hear it in her throaty call and it was all his. Holly had never been comfortable during oral sex, back when they were intimate he would have to talk her into letting him go ‘down under’, and god forbid he ever get her to blow him.

With Alaina though, it was completely different. She not only liked to receive, but she loved to give. It wasn’t a task, or something she only did because he wanted it. She wanted it too, and it was one of the things that he loved about her.

Love.

Now, that was another issue. He could deal with the parts of their sexual relationship that he loved about her; how much she enjoyed sucking cock, or the occasional dabble into anal play, but most of all the fact that it was no holds barred. He could do whatever he wanted and she would never complain because she loved it.

He wondered, did she love the sex or was she beginning to love him?

He was having a difficult time differentiating between the two over the past few weeks; especially now that they were taking weekend getaways.

As soon as he’d gotten to the train station and into the car with Alaina to make the trek to the ‘big city’ he’d noticed a change in her. At first he thought it was because it was really the first time they’d been together with no kids. Even in her house, locked away in the study, the kids were still just upstairs within earshot. Slowly though he noticed more and more that was, as far as he knew, out of character for her. She’d grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers intimately as she drove and when they made a pit stop for dinner she didn’t let go. She suddenly became flirty, and girly like she’d never been before. She kissed him as he paid for dinner (it was the least he could do since she was fronting the bill for the hotel) and it there was a very awkward moment, while Alaina petted him very publicly, and the waitress smiled over at them sweetly, as she handed Nick his change and said, “Newlyweds?”

His heart had stopped but Alaina never missed a beat, “How could you tell?” she had played it up as if it were nothing. He knew how it would have been easily mistaken after all they were both wearing wedding rings and falling all over each other (mostly her over him) but it didn’t make it feel any less wrong.

When they’d gotten back into the car, before Alaina could steal his left hand away from him again, he’d taken off his wedding ring and tucked it into his pocket so he wouldn’t have to feel the shame he’d felt back in the restaurant. Alaina didn’t seem to mind, it made him more hers.

That left hand was now the one gently caressing her skin as she came down from yet another mind shattering orgasm. That same hand, with the white un-tanned skin showing the tell tale sign that he was missing something familiar, lead him back up her body where it tangled in her hair while his lips crushed against hers.

He looked into her eyes as they parted, and he was sure he saw it, just a ways back and a little to the right, just behind lust. It was love, or at least adoration he saw. Nick pushed aside his apprehensions and just smiled.

“Good morning.”

“It is.”

~*~

“What are you thinking about?” Alaina asked. They had just gotten out of the shower and she was watching Nick in the mirror, sitting on the end of the bed, just staring off into space. She’d noticed he’d gotten quiet, and while she dried her hair with a towel she watched his mind work.

Nick’s attention snapped to the room’s lavish vanity where Alaina was sitting on a small stool, “Oh... I was just thinking about Olivia to be honest,” he admitted, a small smile curing the edge of his lips.

“Let’s go out!” Alaina suddenly announced, starting to put together some clothes.

“What?” Nick wondered what had prompted her sudden, random, outburst.

“Let’s go out,” she repeated, grabbing his hands to pull him into a standing position, “You know, where there are people, living their lives all around us, just outside of this room?”

This felt an awful lot like a date to him, “What would we do?”

“God you’re difficult,” Alaina laughed but somewhere deep down Nick knew she wasn’t really joking, “How about dinner? Can we go for dinner or will that be too weird for you?”

“Sorry,” he apologized, “I just thought we came here to... you know... whatever it is we came here for. I don’t think I was expecting a night on the town.”

She laughed and pushed him in the direction of his suitcase, “Well I don’t know about you but I came here to get away from reality for a few days which does include doing things like eating fancy meals!”

‘Fancy,’ he thought as he looked through his clothes, ‘I guess that means dress pants’. The only other thing that made him feel a little better was the fact that no one he knew really had any money so the chances of him being seen in some hoity-toity restaurant was slim. He threw on a pair of khakis and a baby blue dress shirt (the most he could do with what he’d brought) and watched as Alaina slipped into a red halter dress that didn’t leave very much to the imagination.

“You look nice,” he commented before slipping his sock covered feet into his shoes.

“Thank you,” Alaina smiled. The dress had been purchased specifically for this occasion. She had been planning the dinner out since before they left, and had gone shopping to make sure she had something that would be acceptable both in the dining room and the bedroom. When he’d started getting morose, having thoughts about his daughter who was at home (with his wife) she knew it was time to get out of the room for a change of pace, and scenery, and the longer they were out – the better.

~*~

“How’s the steak?” Alaina asked, grinning at Nick over the lip of her wine glass before taking a long swallow.

Nick took a moment to drink from his own glass, nodding in her direction, “It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever eaten, though I wouldn’t expect any less for seventy dollars a plate to be honest.”

“Every now and then you have to treat yourself,” she shrugged him off and turned her attention back to the seafood on her plate.

“Right,” Nick agreed then leaned back in his chair. This whole dinner experience had been awkward for him, at best. They’d gone to the bar for a few drinks while they waited for their table and he found himself even struggling with small talk. At the park, and in her study, he always felt free to open up to her about whatever was on his mind but now he was so paranoid that he couldn’t concentrate on one thing. He was sure at one point that he saw someone he recognized walking to the men’s room, but with the way his imagination was running wild on him he couldn’t be certain.

“What am I doing here...” Nick whispered under his breath, staring down at the grilled meat on his perfectly decorated plate.

Despite his efforts Alaina caught his words and looked at him curiously. He’d been acting strange all weekend, and she didn’t know why. He had no problems when they were locked up in her house, or anywhere else so his sudden distance was unusual. He had agreed to come on this trip, after all.

“Is there something wrong?” she asked.

Nick let out a deep breath and eyed her carefully. He should consider himself lucky to be sitting here with a woman who went out of her way to look beautiful for him, spend her (husband’s) money on him, and want to be with him but instead he was being ungrateful.

“Are you in love with me?” he asked bluntly.

Alaina’s eyes widened and she shook her head quickly, “No! We agreed from the start that our relationship wasn’t going to go there. Are you in love with me?”

“I’m...” he let out another deep breath, “I’m worried that this was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come here with you. Everything that has happened at your house is one thing, but this is so much bigger. It’s just kind of hit me all of a sudden what I’m doing to my family.”

“Put yourself first for once!”

“You can’t expect me to be so selfish!”

“Nick Carter?”

Both their heads snapped around to the new voice that had entered the conversation. This had been Nick’s worst fear, but he never thought he would actually run into someone he knew in such an expensive restaurant. It wasn’t the man he thought he saw on the way to the restroom, the exact opposite in fact. It wasn’t a fellow diner at all, it was a waiter.

“Yeah?” he answered wearily. He found the guy familiar but he couldn’t put a name to the face.

“Howie,” the guy reintroduced with a big grin, “Dorough,” he added with a wink.

“Oh hi,” Nick said, obviously not recognizing him.

Howie laughed and brushed a curl off his forehead, “From Stony Brook,” he prompted, “We bunked together first year.”

“Oh!” Nick’s eyes lit up with acknowledgement, “Of course! I’m sorry that seems like it was so long ago.”

“No worries,” the friendly voice replied, “I haven’t seen you in so long, so I don’t blame you! So what are you up these days? You must be a big shot writer by now! Should I be looking for your best seller in Borders or something?” he laughed, “I heard you were married but I never thought your wife would be so beautiful.”

“Oh,” Nick’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment; barely able to process all of the questions he’d been asked.

Alaina took Nick’s uncomfortable silence as a cue and stuck her hand out for a friendly shake, “I’m Alaina, and it shouldn’t be long before you can find something he’s worked on in the stores. It’s going to be a best seller, for sure,” she gave the man a pleasant smile.

“Nice to meet you,” Howie replied before turning back to Nick, “To be honest, when I first saw you over here I was glad to see that you weren’t with that Holly chick anymore. I never really understood the two of you together, such a mismatch. To be honest we all thought she was a bit of a bore,” he chuckled, “Sorry, I know you were really into her at the time. Anyway, I gotta get back to work. I’m so glad to have seen you! You must be doing really well for yourself if you’re eating in this place so congratulations. I’ll keep an eye out for your books!”

Nick couldn’t even muster a goodbye and left it to Alaina to give salutations to his former friend. He was embarrassed, and ashamed, and had never felt dirtier. He had always known that none of his friends liked Holly; always known they didn’t think he should be with her but to hear the words as if Holly were no longer in his life was hard. The fact of the matter was that she was in his life, she’d given him a daughter, and she had kept a roof over his head since the day he finished college because she wanted to not because she had to. Holly and Olivia were the only things he had in his life. He didn’t have money, or a job, and he only had half a book but still they stood by him and supported him and he was throwing that in their faces.

“Well that was a little awkward,” Alaina laughed uncomfortable but Nick just sat stone cold across the table from her.

“I’m so sorry but I have to go home,” he said and suddenly stood without another word, throwing his napkin down on the table before heading for the door, for their room, for the train station, for his house where he should have been all along.