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Alright, let’s just say that Nick wasn’t thrilled when he found out about us sneaking off to see Kevin. Actually, he was pretty upset. He sent Morgan home and cut off our after school sessions for a couple days. We had, indirectly, broken some kind of rule. It doesn’t make much sense because Nick said we could go see Kevin again this weekend. I swear that man confuses me, beyond belief!

“Get your head in the game, Littrell!” Oops, I guess I should be paying attention to the ball. Couch doesn’t take it lightly when we lose our focus. After all, this was our rival game! I looked up to see Lucas passing the ball, to me.

“Give us a ‘B’!” Oh good grief…here they go again! I dribbled the ball, around a couple people and was now close to our cheerleaders. I could hear my most hated cheer begin.

“B!” Our home crowd joined in, on the chant. Why must they do this? Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Morgan and Sean laughing about it.

“Give us an ‘A’!” Seriously, since the very beginning of time…I had to be the only freshman to get his own cheer! Sure, a lot of guys would be all into it but, frankly, I find it rather annoying.

“A!”

“..and a ‘Y’!”

“Y!” I shook my head, passing the ball to Timothy, who was under the hoop.

“Give us a ‘L’ and double the ‘E’! He’s our man! Offense, Defense, all around. Take that shot and bring it home!” Timothy took the shot and put us up another 2 points. It was the third quarter, and we had been ahead since halftime.

“Nice,” I high-fived Timothy as we ran back down the court.

“Thanks, Bay,” he smiled, as we took our guarding positions.

“We’re the Wolves and Baylee’s gonna lead the pack!” The girls started screaming and jumping around like goofs. I guess, I could see why Morgan didn’t want to try out for the squad. The buzzer filled the air, signaling the end of the quarter. I ran, with the rest of the guys, over to our side. I guzzled some water, as we listened to the couch ramble.

“Come on Baylee…” Morgan’s voice caught my attention. The couch had finished his pep talk, so I turned to face my friends. “…lead the pack!” She made the goofiest face and mocked the cheerleader’s movements.

“Yeah, Baylee…offense, defense, all around…you’re our man,” Sean chuckled, pointing both fingers at me.

“Laugh it up, guys. It’s real funny,” I rolled my eyes but still laughed along with them.

“You are such a chick magnet, dude,” Sean rolled his eyes, back, at me. “How about you hook a brother up?”

“You know Sean…”

“Hi, Baylee.” I knew the annoying voice that had interrupted me.

“Hi, Claire,” I sighed. I shrugged her hand off my shoulder and turned back to my friends. “Like I was saying…”

“You know, Baylee, we should totally go out this weekend,” she giggled obnoxiously.

“I’m busy…sorry…” I managed to answer, just as I was called to get back on the court. I shook my head, at the thought of dating Claire. Has anyone ever noticed that the popular guys are always expected to go out with the popular girls…and the popular girls are always dumb, stick thin, overly perky and completely obnoxious? Well, I don’t like girls like Claire…they annoy me!

The rest of the game went pretty fast and…we lost…by one lousy free throw! I let out a long sigh as I walked home. I had already parted ways with Sean and Morgan, so I was left alone, with my thoughts. Walking slowly, I looked up towards the night sky.

“I wish you were here, dad.” I whispered, readjusting my duffel bag. I knew he liked playing basketball with Nick; and I also knew that he would have come to every one of my games. A heavy breeze picked up and blew through my curls, as I reached the end of the driveway. Turning around, I sat on the front step. I continued to look at the stars, as I rested my elbows on my knees.

Sometimes it’s just nice to be alone. I don’t get much time to myself. I run with Morgan, go to school, do my homework, go to practice, eat dinner, spend time with Mason and Nick, then it is usually time to go to bed. Sure, I didn’t have practice everyday; and I really like my morning run with Morgs and I couldn’t do homework without her…but…alone time was still nice.

It was Friday night and I didn’t have to be up in the morning, so I could just sit. I let my head fall, into my hands, as I continued to sit there. I wasn’t really thinking about much of anything, but I still felt better. I lifted my head, when I heard the front door open.

“Hey Bay, are you okay?” Nick’s voice was soft and concerned. He walked up, next to me, and took a seat, beside me.

“Yeah…just…” I let out a long breath, “…I dunno…enjoying the night?”

“Let me guess,” Nick snickered slightly, as he turned to face me, “You’ve got so much on your mind that there’s nothing on your mind.”

“That makes no sense but yet…”

“...one the other hand, it makes perfect sense?” Nick put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a light squeeze. “The thing is…I completely understand that feeling. I have been there plenty of times.”

“It’s like; I just want to sort things out, but then, I can’t figure anything out. I want to know what’s going on with Kevin. I want to make sure Mason is going to be okay. I want to know that Morgan is okay. Heck…I just want to know that I am okay. I want all these mixed feelings to go away! I miss my parents. I’m scared for Kevin. I’m worried about Mason. I am protective of Morgan. I want to be strong for Mason and my friends. I want to make you proud of me. I want to know that my parents would be proud of me. I don’t want to let anyone down. I have no clue where my life is going. I just…” My voice trailed off as my thoughts came to a halt.

“It’s normal, Baylee. I know that you think you’re crazy, but, you’re not.”

“Then tonight, at the game, the cheerleaders started doing that dumb cheer, again. It’s like they think I am something extra special and, really, it just makes me feel like…I can never reach this expectation people have of me. They’re all talking about ‘Baylee’s gonna lead the pack’ and ‘He’s our man’ and all this other crap. I feel like I am always letting someone down.” I blinked, realizing that I was having a…moment…with Nick. Everything was just coming out…I didn’t normally have these talks with nick, but I couldn’t stop the words from leaving my mouth. I dropped my head back, into my hands.

“Well, there is a simple explanation for, all of, this…” Nick’s lips smirked slightly. It almost felt as if he were holding back a laugh.

“Oh yeah? Care to let me in, on what it is?” I was frustrated, plain and simple.

“You’re a teenager. Most of those feelings come with the territory. I’ll never forget this big old long speech that your dad gave me. I’ll spare you the details, though, and get down to the main story line. Forget about everyone else and live your life for yourself. You can’t go around trying to please other people because, in the long run, they don’t matter. People will always have expectations…but you don’t have to meet every one of them….you’ll kill yourself trying. So just…work on meeting your expectations of you. That, alone, will help to eliminate some of those feelings.” Could it be possible that Nick knew what he was talking about?

“You’re trying to tell me that all teenagers go through this?!?” I raised an eyebrow at him. I had a hard time believing that. I had so many mixed emotions running through me…I couldn’t imagine that everyone else I knew felt it too. How, exactly, do I work on meeting my expectations of me, when I don’t even know what they are? Man, being a teenager, kind of, sucks!

“To some extent, yes. Granted…you deal with certain things that none of your peers do. But wanting to be accepted, wanting to make your parents proud, feeling like you can’t live up to certain expectations…yeah…all that is pretty normal. Being in any kind of spotlight makes things worse…for me and your father, it was fame, and for you it is popularity. But, either way, it puts this kind of pressure on you…like you have to be a certain way or something.”

“Like AJ trying to live up to the bad boy image and you trying to keep your weight just right? For me, it’s being the school’s star JV athlete?”

“Exactly.” Nick nodded his head.

“I like playing sports and I know I’m good at it, but I just…” my voice trailed off, as I tried to put my thoughts into words.

“…get sick of it? I know the feeling. Fame and popularity have their perks, but you get sick of dealing with it, after a while.” Nick let out a long sigh, as his head lowered. I could tell that memories, of younger years, were flooding his brain.

“Yeah…what you said. I don’t get one thing, though.”

“What’s that?”

“How do you meet your own expectations, of yourself, when you don’t even know what those expectations are?” I looked at him confused. He turned to me, smiled and simply said…

“That’s, exactly, what I asked your dad.”

“What was his answer?”

“What was your dad’s answer to everything?” He asked, before getting up and heading back inside, leaving me to my thoughts. Oddly enough, I knew exactly what he meant. My elbows were still on my knees and my head was in my hands. I took a deep breath, lifted my head and let my hands drop, straight out, in front of me.

“Let me guess, dad…” I blinked, as it started to sprinkle. “You told him to pray about it, right?” The rain picked up, as I saw a flash of lightning streak across the sky. Grabbing my duffel bag, I headed inside and up to my room. I changed and collapsed on my bed, reaching for dad’s journal.