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Author's Chapter Notes:
this is a really long chapter and Im posting it really late so I havent had alot of time to re read it and check for errors but I will in the morning enjoy
Denise didn’t want to stress Ashley out before her big audition so she promised that she would wait until after to talk to AJ.

They were up bright and early the next morning to drive into Huntington Beach. Luckily Ashley’s audition wasn’t until 11:00 am so they didn’t have to head out until 8:30.

When they arrived at the school there were dozens of kids lined up outside waiting for their turn to audition. She signed in and got in line, Denise standing with her. She clung to her sheet music as she listened to everyone around her practicing. They were all really good and it made Ashley nervous. Denise saw the apprehension in her eyes and smiled at her.

“Honey don’t get nervous. You have what it takes to do this. You just have to believe in your self.”

Ashley smiled at her staying quiet as she looked over her sheet music one more time. The line progressed and soon it was Ashley’s turn to audition. She hugged Denise before walking into the room and smiled as she approached the table.

“Good morning.” She smiled and stuck out her hand greeting the man and woman sitting at the table. “I’m Ashley McLean.”

“Good morning.” The woman smiled at her. They already had her application out and looked over it. “Please hand your sheet music to the accompanist and we can begin.”

Ashley brought her music over and told him where to begin then walked back to the center of the room.

“Ok Ashley we just have a few questions before we begin. First off please slate your information for the camera. We just need your name, age and department your auditioning for.”

“Ashley McLean, 13 years old, musical theater.” She responded.

“Great, thank you. Now I see here that you are currently living in Florida. That’s a big move. Are you and your family ready for that and ready for the commitments that come with being a part of the Academy?” the man chimed in.

“My mom and I have talked about it and we decided that it’s a really great opportunity for me to get out there and work on something that I’m really passionate about.” She began. “We both know that moving is a big commitment but she’s done it in the past for my brother and she knows that this is something I really want. We’re both willing to do what it takes to be a part of this.” She smiled at them not really knowing where she came up with that answer but glad that she was able to answer so well.

“Wonderful.” The woman smiled back at her. “What song will you be performing for us this morning?”

“A Change in Me from Beauty and the Beast.” After reading the lyrics to this song she knew it was perfect. She felt she could really show the emotions she was feeling threw the song.

“Ok. You may begin when you are ready.”

Ashley took a deep breath and looked over at the accompanist letting him know she was ready to begin. She chose to start from the second verse and go threw to the end because it showed the most range in the bars she was allowed.

“For in my dark despair I slowly understood, my perfect world out there had disappeared for good. But in its place I feel a truer life begins, and it’s so good and real, it must come from within.

And I…I never thought I’d leave behind my childhood dreams but I don’t mind. I’m where and who I want to be. No change of heart, a change in me….no change of heart, a change in me”

She smiled at them as she finished and tried to read their expressions. They seemed pleased but they had been nice and pleasant the whole time.

“Very good.” The woman smiled. “Have you prepared a monologue?”

“Yes.” Ashley knew a monologue wasn’t required but it was suggested which usually meant they wanted one.

“Begin when you’re ready.” The man replied.

“It’s called ‘The Divorce’.” She said and took a moment before beginning.

“What?...What do you mean you're getting a divorce? No, no this can't be happening to me. Can't the two of you work things out? I mean how bad could it possibly be? It's you right? It’s your fault it always is. You're always riding Daddy, nagging him. I hear you. Maybe if you weren't such a nag then he wouldn't be leaving. Why shouldn't I, Daddy? She should know the truth. If she weren't always on your case then we wouldn't be having this conversation! I can't believe you're doing this to me! Do you know how embarrassing this is going to be for me at school? Everyone thinks we're happy. I'm always telling people how in love you two are and how I want to have that same kinda love. What am I going to do? I mean really? I'm going to have to change schools. All of my friends' parents are still married you know. Please tell me what's going on, Daddy. Tell me why you're leaving. Tell me what's wrong. No--no don't touch me. Don't touch me! How could you do this to me? Huh? How could you? I don't want you to touch me. I don't want to be comforted, Dad. Wait! Please don't go, Daddy. I promise I'll do better. I'll go easy on the shopping. I won't bug you about the silly stuff. I'll do the chores without tripping out...I'll do anything. Mom, why is he leaving? No--no I don't want to hear that ok? There is no such thing as "making it work out for all of us" ok. There is no such thing. Stop trying to lie to me I'm not a child! This is the worse possible thing that could happen and I will never...NEVER forgive either one of you ever again!”

“Very impressive.” The woman said as she finished. “Thank you very much for coming in, since this is the last round of results we won’t be mailing out acceptance letter they will be available on the website in about a week. Good luck to you.”

She thanked them both shaking their hands once more before retrieving her music and heading out of the room. Denise was waiting for her right outside the door.

“I heard you and you did amazing!” She said hugging her.

“Thanks. I really hope they liked me…they seemed like they did.” She smiled as they made their way to the check out table to pick up the last bit of information.

“I thought we could get some lunch around here. You must be starving.” Denise smiled as they walked out to the car. She knew Ashley had opted to skip breakfast because she was too nervous.

“Yes please!” she smiled patting her stomach. “I was so afraid my stomach was gonna growl in there.”


A few minutes later they pulled up to a cute little café right off the beach.

“It is so pretty here.” Ashley started out to the scenery of the ocean. “It’s really peaceful.”

“It really is.” Denise smiled. “Now I know we’ve talked about this a little but if you do get accepted, which I think you will, are you really ready to just pick up and move here? There’s a lot you’d be leaving behind.”

“I know but I really want this and I really like it out here.” Ashley reassured her.

“Have you talked to your friends or Matt about it?”

“I didn’t want to bring it up until I found out if I got in or not. I didn’t wanna look stupid if I didn’t get it.”

“And you do know that if we move out here we can’t afford to buy a new house. We would have to rent a town house or something small.”

“What kind of house we live in isn’t important. I just wanna be out here.”

“Ok well then I guess in a week we’ll know if it’s a deal or not.” Denise smiled as their food arrived.




Denise and Ashley had finally arrived home later in the evening. The house was dark as they walked in so they knew AJ wasn’t home. Denise had warned Ashley on the way back that she planned on talking to AJ as soon as he was around. Ashley knew this would only lead to a possible bigger fight between them but she knew she couldn’t hold in everything she knew anymore.

Ashley and Denise sat in the living room watching a movie waiting for him to return home. Ashley had fallen asleep a while ago and Denise kept checking the clock as it got later and later. Finally around three am AJ came strolling in.

“Mom?” he said shocked to see her still awake as he passed by the living room.

“Alex, finally. I‘ve been waiting for you.” She said as he walked into the room. She noticed his eyes were bloodshot and he had deep circles under them.

“How did everything go today?” he said taking a seat across from her.

“Great. Ashley sounded wonderful. I really think she has a good shot at getting in.”

“Great.” He said fake excitement dripping from his voice. “Did you need something? I was ready to just crash…it’s been a crazy day.”

“I guess it can wait until tomorrow. I didn’t think you’d be home so late, but it has to be tomorrow.”

“Ok.” He said simply noting the urgency in her eyes, which worried him.

“Can you please get me a blanket for Ashley. She’s exhausted. I don’t want to wake her up just to go upstairs.” She asked getting up from the couch.

“Sure.” He left the room and returned back a moment later with a blanket. He opened it up and threw it over her and then followed Denise to the stairs. He hugged her goodnight and made his way down stairs to his room as she retreated to hers.

The next morning Ashley woke up to sounds of voices coming from the kitchen. She rubbed her eyes and sat up stretching. She looked around at first unaware of where she was until she remembered falling asleep during the movie the night before. She listened for a moment to the voices in the other room as she recognized them. She smiled and got up walking into the kitchen where she was greeted by two smiling faces.

“Brian! What are you doing here?” she jumped on him giving him a big hug.

“Uhh.” He laughed as she jumped on him. “Well I heard you were in California and I haven’t seen you in a while. Leighanne had to go home for the weekend so I’m all alone.” He faked a sad face. “So me and you and going out to lunch, so go get ready.”

Denise had asked Brian to come take Ashley out so she could talk to AJ without her there. She knew it might be harder for them to talk if she was around.

“Awesome!” Ashley grinned. “A cute date and he’s a Backstreet Boys…whatever shall I wear?” she laughed as she got up and made her way upstairs.


“Thanks so much for getting her out of the house today.” Denise said as soon as Ashley was out of earshot.

“It’s no problem.” He smiled taking a sip of his coffee. “So what exactly do you think is going on with AJ?”

All the boys had noticed the changes he had been making and they all had their assumptions but AJ always fought off their confrontation. It was beginning to affect them as a group and it worried Brian.

“I, like all of you, have my own suspicions but Ashley knows something that she doesn’t want to share. I think she’s afraid of what it might do to their relationship. She shouldn’t have to carry such a heavy bourdon at such a young age.” Denise sighed. “You never want to think the worst when it’s your own child but I want to sit with him and have it out and let him be the one to tell me what’s going on. Maybe you can get Ashley to talk about it a little. She trusts you.”

“I’ll do my best.” Brian sighed frowning slightly. All everyone wanted was to get to the bottom of what was going on with AJ.

Ashley reentered the room dressed and ready to go.

“Ready to go short stuff?” Brian smiled as she came in.

“Hey! I’m not that short.” She laughed trying to stand on her tiptoes to appear taller. “And you’re not that tall yourself mister!”

“I’m taller then you.” He stuck his tongue out teasing her and poking her.

“Whatever loser!” she laughed as they headed for the door. “See you later mom.”

“Bye, have fun.” Denise called to them.


They got in the car and drove to the Malibu Country Mart. There was plenty there to keep them busy for a while and to keep Ashley of out the house. They decided on Howdy’s, a small Mexican restaurant. They were quickly seated and looked over the menus putting in their orders.

“So what’s been going on? How did that audition go yesterday?” Brian asked taking a sip of his soda.

“Nothing really. I’ve been really busy with school. We have our spring showcase soon. I get to sing my own song and then me and Matt get to sing a song and then there’s some group stuff we’re doing.”

“Do you know what you’re singing yet?”

“My song is the one I did for my audition, A Change in Me from Beauty and the Beast and me and Matt’s song is At the Beginning from Anastasia. I really love it.”

“I wish I could go. It was so good last time. Too bad we’re gonna be on tour already. Are you and mom coming on any of the tour?” he asked taking a bite of the chips and salsa the waiter had brought over.

“No offense to you but I hope not. The least time I have around AJ the better.” She sighed. Brian looked at her weird.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you call him AJ.” He laughed a little.

“Well that’s who he is now isn’t it?” she angrily bit one of the chips.

“Hey what did the chip ever do to you?” he teased. “What’s been going on with you two…mom said you’ve been fighting since your play.”

Ashley took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She should have known that Denise was behind this whole lunch. As much as she didn’t want AJ to be mad at her she was stressing out keeping everything to herself. She wasn’t ready to give up all his secrets but she needed to get some things off her chest and she knew she could trust Brian to do what was right.

“He’s just been really mean to me…every time I try to talk to him he just yells at me and tells me to stay out of his business.” Brian could see the sadness in her eyes. “So I finally had enough with his stupid attitude and told him to leave me alone.”

“There has to be more then that Ash.” He searched her eyes for the answers he was looking for.

“I can’t tell you. I already told my mom, it has to come from him. He’ll hate me forever if I tell and as much as I tell him I don’t care I do. I don’t want him to hate me.” She fought back the tears that were threatening to fall, wanting so bad to just tell Brian everything she knew.

“Is it something that he told you?” Brian tried to push it a little further but knew he wouldn’t get much more out of her.

“No…” she kept her head down staring at the table.

“Something you saw?” he tried again.

“No…” she mumbled again.

“Something you found?” he asked one last time. Ashley didn’t respond this time, she just looked up and him and locked eyes for a quick second before looking down again.

“What did you find?” he knew he was really pushing it now but had to try anyway. If it was something serious he had to know. Everyone had their suspicions and if she could confirm them it would be a big step in getting AJ the help everyone knew he needed.

“I can’t tell you.” She mumbled. “I wish I could but I can’t.”

He could hear she was on the verge of tears and knew he wouldn’t get any more out of her without making her cry, and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

“It’s ok. I’ll drop it.” He smiled at her trying to cheer her up. “But if you want to talk you know you can call me.”

She just nodded as the waiter brought over the food. She was thankful that the food came when it did because it meant less talking.

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Denise looked at the clock on the wall again as the time seemed to pass by slowly. It was already one in the afternoon and AJ has still not woken up. She was tempted to wake him herself but didn’t want to put in him a bad mood knowing his defenses would be higher then. She flipped threw the pages of a magazine she had bought at the airport as she waited for him to wakeup.

Finally about thirty minutes later she finally heard his footsteps making their way upstairs. He went straight into the kitchen putting on some coffee and grabbing a quick bowl of cereal as he awaited his coffee. Once it was done he poured himself a cup of coffee he joined Denise in the living room.

“Hey mom.” He said as he sat down on the couch next to her.

“Good afternoon.” She smiled slightly at him observing his face. He looked tired and worn out. She couldn’t tell if it was from the touring, the partying or a mixture of both, but it worried her. She had noticed the strain that had been put on his voice recently and his poor health and bad sleeping habits.

“What?” he said noticing her staring at him.

“You just seem really tired.” She said with concern.

“I am…the constant recording, rehearsals and touring has been kicking my ass.” He replied honestly.

“Honey look, I know that you’ve been going through a lot recently but I really want you to just come clean with me and let me know what’s really going on in your life. I’ve been talking to Ashley and she’s really distraught…”

“What did she say to you?” his defenses immediately went up.

“Nothing. She just told me that I needed to speak to you. She wouldn’t say anything but I know there’s something going on between you two…you need to come clean about it.” Denise locked eyes with him trying to find the truth, but his eyes were empty and cold.

“We’re just not on the same wave length right now. She got mad at me for not coming to her play and she won’t get over it.” He lied, but he knew that Denise wasn’t buying it.

“Alex I want the truth. I know there has to be more to it then that and for once please just stop beating around the bush and tell me what’s going on. I’m worried about you and so is everyone else.”

AJ took a deep breath and knew he had to come clean about something or she would press the issue until she found out about it all. He wasn’t going to give her the full extent of it but just enough to get her off his back for a while.

“Mom, I have some problems.” He began. “I’ve been drinking too much and I guess the lack of sleep hasn’t helped. I know that obsessive drinking isn’t good and I’m trying to cut back but it’s what makes me relax.”
“How does any of this involve Ashley?” Denise studied his face for a second before remarking. She knew Ashley had mentioned something about habits he needed to work on so maybe this was what she meant.

“Over her break when I was supposed to be watching her I convinced her that she would have more fun staying at her friends house rather then with me. I was so stressed from recording and rehearsals that I just wanted some quiet time. I had a party one night and she came home to it. She was worried about my drinking.” He knew he was stretching the truth but there was no way he was bringing drugs into this conversation.

“Alex I trusted you watching over her and you just let her go off? What were you thinking?” Denise tried to control her anger as best as she could.

“In all honesty mom I wasn’t. It was irresponsible and selfish of me and that’s why she’s not talking to me. I deserve it, it has nothing to do with her.”

“Is there anything else? Alcohol is all that you’re having problems with?”

“I’ll be honest. I did try drugs once, coke to be exact, but like I said it was a one- time deal. I hated the way I reacted to it and I haven’t done it since…honest.” He hated lying to his mother but it was the only way out.

“Alex, I really think that you should get some help, even if it’s just a counselor to talk to every so often. I’m glad that you opened up to me.” She placed a caring hand on his shoulder, which made him feel even worse. She had believed him just like he knew she would. No mother wants to admit that her son has a drug and alcohol problem.

“I’ll look into it mom…I promise.” He said smiling at Denise.

‘One more lie to add to the book.’ He thought to himself. ‘I don’t need any help. I don’t see what everyone is so worried about. I could just kill Ashley for making her think the worst. She swore she wouldn’t say anything but she lied.’

“I need to get ready to head out. I have to meet with some friends in a little.” He got up and kissed Denise on the cheek making his way back to his room.


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The rest of dinner was quiet. Ashley kept her head down as she ate her food and made minimal conversation. Once they got back to the car Brian finally spoke up again.

“You know we do know some of what’s going on.” He said as they got in. He didn’t start the car up he just looked over at her staring out the window.

“When we were in Florida a few weeks ago, when AJ was supposed to be watching you and Angel.” Brian began catching Ashley’s attention. She slowly looked over at him in question and he continued. “It was probably like the third day we were down there. We had rehearsal and AJ hadn’t shown up yet.”

She nodded for him to continue.

“So me, Kevin and Nick decided to take a little trip to your house after calling him for over an hour with no response. Of course you guys weren’t home and he wasn’t answering the door so the three of us broke into the house through the pool screen door.” She looked at him in shock.

“Why didn’t you just call me? I would have let you in or at least told you what a jerk he was being.”

“Yea we weren’t thinking very clearly we were just pissed. So anyway once we got inside we found AJ in bed. He was so strung out on whatever it is he was on he couldn’t even get out of bed. See we all had our suspicions about him doing drugs…he even asked Kevin once to do some with him”

“Really you knew?” She could feel the tears beginning to back up in her eyes and she fought hard to keep them from falling.

“Like I said, we had suspicions but it wasn’t until that moment right there that we knew it was bad.”

“What did you do?” she wiped some stray tears that were now falling as Brian handed her a tissue.

“Let’s just say I can’t repeat everything that was said to him but he didn’t seem to care at all.” Brian frowned. “We all know he’s changed Ashley, but we can’t do anything about it. He has to want to do something. If we try to force him into getting help he’ll just resent it.”

“I just don’t want him to get hurt.” She finally let the tears flow as he pulled her into a hug.

“I know sweetie, but all that we can do is pray that he realizes what he’s doing is harmful and that he’ll get help.”

“Does my mom know?” she asked as she pulled away wiping her eyes again.

“I’m not sure. They were supposed to be talking today and I’m sure he’s given her some sugarcoated version of the truth. He’s a good guy and he will come around eventually he just needs time to realize what he’s actually doing.”

“Thanks for telling me about that.” Ashley signed. “I’m just glad I’m not the only one who knows.”

Brian just smiled at her and started the car as they made their way back to the house.


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Ashley walked back in the house some time later. Brian didn’t come in not wanting to deal with the unfolding drama. Denise was still in the living room flipping threw her magazine was Ashley came in and took a seat.

“Did you have fun with Brian?” she asked closing the magazine.

“Yea.” Ashley smiled hoping she wouldn’t notice that she had been crying.

“I talked to Alex and he told me about your break and how he convinced you to stay at a friends house so he could have some alone time.” Ashley got nervous…had he told her about finding her and Matt?

“Oh…” she said not wanting to out herself if he hadn’t.

“You should have called and I would have resolved it but that’s done and over with now…he also told me about you coming home to find him drunk.”

‘Drunk?’ Ashley thought to herself. ‘Looks like Brian was right about sugar coating the truth.’

“Yea.” She mumbled knowing the shorter she kept her answers the better.

“He admitted to me that he drinks to much and that he should get some help. I think it would be smart if I were with him on this part of tour to try and keep an eye on him. We could join up with them as soon as you finish school.”

“What? I don’t want to waste my summer on tour!” she whined. “I can’t do anything and there’s no one my age. This could be my last summer in Orlando and I want to spend it with my friends not with AJ. He doesn’t even want to be around me.”

“Ashley he needs us, the both of us, to be there for him. I think you can survive one summer on the road. Don’t be so selfish.”

“I don’t care if you go, I’ll find somewhere else to stay. I’m not spending my summer with him.” She crossed her arms.

“And you won’t have to.” AJ said walking into the room.

“Ease dropping isn’t very nice.” She mumbled mocking him from the prior day.

“Mom, let her have her summer. I would hate to take that precious time she has with her little friends away from her.” She could hear the sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Alex you need guidance and I should be there to help you.”

“Mom, I have things under control. I don’t need you there to watch my every step that’s what Kevin is for.” He smirked a little hoping to get a laugh from her.

“I just worry about you sweetheart.”

“I know, but like I said I have everything under control.”

Ashley couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She couldn’t believe that Denise was buying this crap from him. She could tell he was lying; everyone could, except for Denise. In her eyes she was still the typical child who made the occasional mistakes.

“Fine, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be worrying about you.” She said getting up from her spot. “I’m going to go take a bath and relax a little before I start dinner. Will you be home by then?”

“I’m not sure.” He said. “I’ll try to be.”

Denise nodded and left the room. As soon as she was gone Ashley could feel AJ’s eyes burning into her. She looked up and saw him angrily staring at her.

“Why in the hell would you tell her to talk to me about ‘my habits’?” he asked infuriated.

“She kept bugging me, and you were lying to her about everything we had been arguing about. You were blaming all of it on me the whole time!” she was just as angry with him.

“I just didn’t want her on my case but thanks to you she’s on my case more then ever. Do you know how much I had to lie to her tonight?” he sighed. “How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of my business before you get it?” by now he was standing and yelling in her face.

“I care about you, as much as I wish I didn’t. I don’t want anything bad happening to you.” She let the tears flow freely, not worrying about holding back her emotions.

“You said you wouldn’t say anything. You promised you wouldn’t and then you screwed me over anyway. If this gets out to anyone else it’s all your fault. Don’t talk to me, don’t call me for anything…you’re dead to me.” He pushed her out of the way and made his way to the front door slamming it loudly.