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Author's Chapter Notes:
This was an emotional chapter to write but I love how it turned out Please leave feedback and let me know what you think.
It had been two weeks since AJ had entered rehab and Denise tried to visit him every weekend. Typically Erin, Denise’s niece, would stay with Ashley and she didn’t mind. She was easy to manipulate so she could get what she wanted.

Matt and Marissa had returned to Orlando the prior week, unaware of what had been going on back home. Ashley filled them in on all the drama and Matt had been Ashley’s biggest support system since. He didn’t try to make her feel better he just listened, which is what she needed. He also was the only one who wasn’t mad at her for not speaking to AJ. He understood just how much he had hurt her and told her it was ok to be mad at him.

Friday had come and Denise would be leaving again for Arizona. According to her AJ was doing a lot better. There hadn’t been a single day throughout the past two weeks that Denise hadn’t tried to convince Ashley to come with her to visit or to at least talk to AJ, but she refused. She didn’t know what to say to him and she was pretty sure he didn’t want to hear from her. As much as Denise said he asked about her she just couldn’t bring her self to believe it. She knew Denise had covered for AJ many time before so why would this time be different?

Denise walked out to the pool and stood over Ashley who was laying on a lounger tanning. Ashley pulled her headphones off and looked up at her.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me? It’s still early enough that I can push back my flight and get you a ticket. It would mean a lot to Alex.” She said wishing she could change her mind.

AJ had asked if she was coming along this time and she could hear the sadness in his voice when she said that she wasn’t. On her last visit AJ had come clean about all the arguments they had previously had. He made sure to leave out what would get her into trouble but he put all his mistakes out in the open. He knew that he messed up big time with her. Denise was a little disappointed that he had let the fighting get so far but she wanted to mend things between them.

“Me and Matt have plans tomorrow already. We’ve barely hung out all summer. I’m really looking forward to spending time with him.” She smiled a little making up an excuse.

“Honey, I know that he hurt you but I really think that if you just spoke to him you would see that he really is sorry.” Denise sighed and took a seat next to her pushing some hair from her face.

“Mom as much as I want to believe him I just can’t…not yet.” She looked down at her hands fighting back tears. She hadn’t remembered crying so much since her mom died and she hated it.

“I understand sweetheart.” She smiled reassuringly and kissed her forehead. “Have a fun time this weekend and don’t give Erin any trouble. I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Have a safe flight.” She smiled and put her headphone back on as Denise left.

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“So she still doesn’t wanna talk to me at all?” AJ sighed sitting on a small couch in the common room of his rehab facility with Denise.

Denise shrugged and placed a hang on his shoulder for comfort. “I’m sorry sweetheart, she just needs time to think everything through. This whole thing has her really confused.”

“I don’t blame her. I know I messed up. I just wish she would give me the chance to talk it over with her and let me explain myself.” He sighed. “She’s just doing what I asked. I just have to find a way to show her I didn’t mean everything I said.”

“I know it’s not really your thing but why not write her a letter?” Denise suggested. “Let her hear things straight from you rather then coming through me.”

“She would never read it. She hates me mom.”

“She doesn’t hate you hunny, she’s just trying to find a way to trust you again. You need to show her that Alex is still around.” She smiled at him.

“I might as well give it a shot.” He smiled a little as Denise followed him back to his room.

“Want me to give you some time alone?” she asked from the doorway.

AJ just nodded as he grabbed some paper from his drawer and took a seat to think over what he needed to say.


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Denise had arrived home late Monday night due to a flight delay. Ashley was upstairs on the phone with Matt when Denise knocked on her door. She peeked her head in and smiled at her.

“Babe. I have to go, my mom’s home. I’ll call you when I wake up tomorrow.” She smiled as he spoke. “Love you too.” she whispered not wanting Denise to hear her.

Denise smiled as she walked into the room taking a seat on the bed as Ashley hung up.

“How was your trip?” she asked placing her phone back on the cradle.

“Very insightful as always.” She smiled. “Did you have a fun weekend?”

“Yea. Me and Matt went out on Saturday and yesterday everyone came over here to hang out in the pool.”

“That’s good. Erin said you were a perfect angel as always.” Denise smirked at her. “Where do you hide the horns when I’m gone?”

“It’s all in the hair.” Ashley laughed.

“So Alex asked me to give you something.” She said reaching into her purse and pulling out a plain white envelope.

“What is it?” she said taking it from her nervously.

“It’s just a letter. He understands that you don’t want to talk to him right now but he wants you to hear it form him and not me.”

Ashley pulled the letter out of the envelope. She looked back up at Denise and placed the letter down on the bed.

“Can I be alone for a little while I read this?” she asked hoping she wouldn’t hurt Denise’s feelings.

“Of course. If you need me I’ll be downstairs, Erin and I are going to talk for a while.” Denise stepped out of the room closing the door behind her. Ashley stared at the letter for a moment before picking it up again.

She took a deep breath and slowly unfolded it and began to read.

‘Hey kiddo,

There’s a lot that I feel I need to say to you, so much that I can’t fit it all in this letter. I’ll start off by saying that I really do miss you, no matter what you think. I know that I’m not your favorite person right now, and I know that I let you down a lot these past two years and for that I’m truly sorry. You know that I love you and I care for you a lot but I can’t live holding onto all the mistakes that I’ve made in the past or I’ll never get better.

One of the major things I have learned these past few weeks is to not hold resentments. I’m not going to lie and say that I wasn’t mad at you for butting into my business at the time, but now with a clear head I can see that you were only doing what you did because of how much you care about me. I wish that I could say that I showed the same amount of compassion for you these past few months, but I can’t. You reached out to me in your own way trying to get my attention and I chose to ignore you and focus on what I felt was most important, me. I never realized how much my actions affected yours.

I don’t want you to make the same mistakes as I have, especially not this young. You’re such an incredible person and you deserve all the great things that have happened to you. I’m so proud of you for going after what you want.

I know that this letter might not mean much to you now, or even in a few months but it was something that I needed you to hear. I’m coming to terms with my problems and I’m hoping that you’ll give me the opportunity to be a part of your life again.

I know you took everything I said to heart but if you take anything from this please just know that you will ALWAYS be a part of my life even if you don’t want to be around. I know that eventually you and me will be ok again and I don’t care how long it takes. I’ll be the Alex that you know again.

I miss you and I hope I get to talk to you soon.

Love you to the moon and back,
Alex ’

She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes as she read over the letter. She wanted so badly to forgive him but she just couldn’t trust him. She re read the last line…Love you to the moon and back…this caused the tears to sting the back of her eyes even more. She remembered the first time he ever said that to her.


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Flashback
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They all stood around the waiting area of the airport as everyone slowly but surely arrived. A six-year old Ashley struggled to free her arm of her mothers grasp.

“What is it?” Angie asked looking down at her daughter. Ashley pointed over towards AJ who was standing around talking with some of the others. Angie smiled at her and let go of her hand watching her as she ran over to AJ.

He looked down and smiled at her as she grabbed onto his hand tugging at it. She wasn’t being her normal outgoing self today partially because of the early time and not really knowing everyone there. She didn’t have to say anything for him to know what she wanted. He reached down and picked her up effortlessly.

“Why are you being so shy today kiddo?” he asked poking her side causing her to smile a little. She shrugged and wrapped her arms around his neck resting her head on his shoulder. “You’ve met all the other guys, they don’t bite.”

“Hey guys looks like everyone is here, start saying your goodbyes and we’ll be on our way!” Lou announced to the group.

“Come on Ashley.” Angie called her. “Alex needs to go now.”

“Do you really have to go?” she whispered to him and wrapped her arms tighter around his neck not wanting him to leave her.

“You know I have to.” He smiled a little and sat down on one of the chairs sitting her on his lap.

“I’m gonna miss you.” She said her eyes welling up with tears.

“How much are you gonna miss me?” he tickled her sides trying to get a laugh out of her. She thought for a minute.

“All the way to the sky!” she said enthusiastically.

“All the way to the sky!” he mimicked her excitement. “That’s far…but you know how much I’m gonna miss you?” he asked and she shook her head no.

“All the way to the moon and back.” Her jaw dropped open in shock.

“That’s really far!” she said her big brown eyes wide.

“I know! But that’s how much I love you and that’s how much I’ll miss you. All the way to the moon and back.” He said again kissing her cheek. She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Give me a super special Ashley hug.” He said as she hugged him tighter. “Your hugs are the best.” He smiled.

“Come on guys we have to go.” Lou called once more.

“Come on Ashley, let Alex up and say good bye to Aunt Denise.” Angie came over.

“Bye.” Ashley hugged Denise kissing her cheek. “I’ll miss you.”

AJ bent down to let her hug him one more time. “To the moon and back, remember.” He whispered to her, a smile forming on her face. She nodded as he pulled away waving as they walked onto the plane.

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Ashley wiped her eyes as the constant flow of tears streamed from her eyes. She crumpled up the letter and threw it across the room in anger. She wished things could just go back to the way they were when she was younger, before any of this began. AJ always knew exactly what to say to make her feel better but lately he had done nothing but make her an emotionally unstable mess. She grabbed her pillow and hugged it tight as she cried. She needed an escape from all of this but she knew there was no way out. This was her life now and she just had to suck it up and learn how to deal with it.