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CHAPTER FIVE: Major Label Debut


[FLASHBACK]

2002

"Audrey?" Nick called out walking into my living room searching where I was but I'm nowhere to be found.

"I'm outside, Nick!" I yelled from the patio.

Making his way outside, there I was sitting down on the bench and staring at the ocean in my backyard. It was my safe haven when I needed to relax or think.

"Hey," Nick kissed the top of my head, "You're living like an Eskimo out here. It's too cold-" He trailed off when he turned his head and saw my tear-stained face.

"Holy shit, are you okay? What happened?" Nick panicked sitting down next to me, rubbing his hands up and down my arms.

"Michael and I broke up." I blurted.

"Oh Aude," Nick looked at me sadly and wiping the tears that were falling free. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," I whispered. "It was the inevitable."

"You guys were going so well..... I don't understand," Nick shook his head trying to make sense of it all. "What, he woke up this morning and decided he wanted to break up with you? What the hell is up his ass?"

"He told me that he didn't want to see me anymore. I was a piece of trash, I should rot in hell, I should die...." I stopped suddenly having flashbacks of that moment.

"That fucking asshole," Nick angrily muttered. "I'm going to kick that guy's ass."

"Nick, please, just leave it alone!" I pleaded him with desperation. "Don't get in the middle of this when it's not your problem."

Nick took a deep breath trying to contain his anger, "I'm sorry, it's just whoever screws up with you is my problem. He has no right to be saying shit like that. Look, It's getting to you."

I shrugged, "Well he knows how to push my buttons. He outdid himself."

"Listen, don't believe that you're any of the things he's saying," Nick held my hands in his. "You're the most wonderful person I know in this whole world and the fact that he doesn't see that makes me sick. He threw it all away."

All I could do was cry harder and Nick took me his arms, "Forget him, okay? He is not worth crying over. One day you're going to look back at this and think it was ridiculous because you'll have everything you'll ever need with someone that truly loves you."

Tucking my lips in, I sniffed, "You're always here for me, huh?"

"You can count me for anything. You mean so much to me." Nick said the last part with such sincerity and kissing my hand gently.

"You mean so much to me too." I smiled slightly through my tears.

"I'm so sorry this had to happen to you. You don't deserve it."

"No, I did," I shook my head, standing up beginning to pace. He looked at me with bewildered eyes and stopped right in front of him. "There's something I need to tell you."

His face softened and stared at me back with so much tenderness. "There's something I need to tell you too."

"The reason why Michael broke up with me is because," I took a deep breath before I had to tell him. Whatever I say now will change everything. "I'm gay."

Nick's eyes widened in shock and his mouth opening slightly, not believing what he just heard, "What?"

"I'm gay." I repeated probably for Nick and myself too.

"Aa-a-aa-are you sure? I mean, really, are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"How?..... what?... when? When did you...... what? " Nick stuttered, clearly lost for words.

"I guess I've always known. That's what they all say, right?" I laughed lightly trying to make things a little lighter.

"How long have you known exactly?" Nick asked in a confused state, trying to piece it all together. "I never expected this to come from you. You've been dating guys this whole time, I don't get it."

Taking a deep breath, I sat back down next to him as I started to explain. "For so long I didn't know if it was real. I mean, who am I kidding, I go through phases. But there was always that feeling inside that wouldn't go away. No matter how much I tried to let it go, I couldn't. Michael and I haven't been happy lately. Whenever you'd see us laughing or smiling in front of all you lately, we were just putting on a show. I checked out of that relationship emotionally and I'm sure he did too. Maybe it was because of my attraction to women grew or my love wasn't strong enough for him anymore. Anyway, I had to know if this was the way for me to be happy so I started seeing Anna, one of the girls from work."

Nick nodded listening intently as I continued, "Being with her finally made me realize it. She made me see what I was missing out on. I hadn't been true to myself all this time and now that I finally know who I am, I've never been so happy in my entire life. But at the same time, I was too stupid to realize that I was hurting Michael. I betrayed him. So I told him the truth that I've been cheating on him for three months. All that shit he said to me wasn't because I was a lesbian; it was because I wasn't honest with him. It's so fucking messed up."

"These things happen. As bad as this sounds, you're going to have to hurt people along the way even if you don't want to. That's just the way it is." Nick tried to assure me.

"It's not only Michael. I betrayed everybody I know especially you," I stared at him straight in the eyes. "I wasn't honest with you. It was a pivotal moment in my life and I should've talked to you about this. It killed me more that I wasn't being honest with you more than Michael. I didn't want you to think less of me and I know you must be mad at me for not telling you."

"I will never think that about you ever and I'm not mad at you. I'm glad that you were honest with me now than never."

"I'm so sorry, Nick," I looked at him apologetically. "I really am. I wished I could've talked to you but it's been a blur the whole time."

"You don't have to apologize," Nick gave me a slight smile and brushed his thumb against my cheek. "All that I care about is that you know who you are now. I've never been more proud of you in my life."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Nick said with a big smile. "It takes so much courage for people to do that, and you did it."

I gave him a small smile with tears running down my cheeks once again, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I cried repeatedly and Nick caught me in his arms as I broke down.

"Shh, it's okay Audrey," Nick whispered in my ear as he stroked my hair. "Everything will be okay. I'm right here with you."

After a while, I finally calmed down and stared at the ocean once again. It became piece and quiet when all you can hear was our breathing and the water crashing against the waves. One of the hardest parts was lifted off my shoulders, I told my best friend the truth. Then suddenly I remembered something.

"What were you going to tell me?"

"Huh?"

"You said you were going to tell me something. What was it?" I asked looking up at him.

Nick opened his mouth but nothing came out. He cleared his throat and words came out, "Oh yeah... uh... um... I got a new puppy today. Aaron rescued her from the pound and I named her Layla, like what we talked about."

There was something in his eyes that he was holding back something. He wanted to say it but he couldn't. Being emotionally tired, I didn't dare to ask. Whatever it was, I know he would tell me again later. Smiling softly I replied, "I can't wait to see her."

[End of Flashback.]