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Author's Chapter Notes:
Okay so I lied :-) New chapter!! Pls read/review. Thanks!
"Measure Of A Man"
Written by Sara(goneplatinum@live.com)
January 2nd, 2009


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“Nick. Hey, Nicky, wake up.”

Then, all at once, his world crashed back down to earth. He jerked awake, nearly kicking the two figures standing in front of him. Scrubbing the fuzziness out of his eyes, he glanced up at AJ and Brian staring down at him, their faces torn with parts confusion and concern. Nick shook his head, not really believing what he had just seen.  
 
“You okay, dude?” AJ asked, crouching down. He slid his sunglasses down off his nose and shoved them in the back pocket of his jeans. “D’you wanna talk about it?” 
 
“I’m fucking losing my mind,” Nick replied. He raked his hands through his hair and let them rest there for a second while he tried to wrap his brain around everything. “I saw Jilly, she was right in front of me, and she was fine.” He took in a deep breath and let it stagger as he exhaled. “She looked perfect. Beautiful. But then, she was dead. I’m losing my damn fucking mind.” 

AJ and Brian exchanged a worried glance as Nick buried his face in his hands.  

“Jilly’s, uh, out of surgery,” AJ piped up, clearing his throat as he took a seat next to Nick. “The surgeon’s gonna be here in a few.” 

“Great,” Nick replied with a snort. “Why me? Why her? It’s just not fair.” 

For the first time since having met one another and grown to be brothers, both AJ and Brian were at a complete loss for words.  
---- 
“Dude, you need to get some sleep, and get away from this place for a while.” 

All the voices seemed to morph into one other, and it was next to impossible for Nick to decipher who exactly was vying for his attention. He scrubbed his hands across his face for what felt like the millionth time and let his hands come to rest on his jaw, holding his chin up against exhaustion as he looked around the nearly empty waiting room. He could feel the tightness behind his eyes, a sure indication that they were now bloodshot and ready to close at any given second. It hurt to blink. Hell, it even hurt to breathe anymore.

“Yo Nick.” AJ’s face popped into his peripheral vision. “Come on, we’re gonna take you home.” 

“Jilly. I can’t leave her here alone,” he managed, voice thick with exhaustion and worry. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He turned to look at AJ, apprehension lacing his features. “What if she wakes up and I’m not here?”

“You’re not doing anyone, much less yourself,” Brian paused for a second and then added softly, “especially Jilly, any justice by being in this constant fugue state.” He bent down until he was eye level with Nick. “You need to go home, get some real food, and a good night’s rest.”

Nick knew what Brian was saying was true. He did need to sleep, and the food was god awful at the hospital, but all he could focus on was Jill, even if his focus was slowly wavering into incoherent fogginess. He was holding onto the image of her face with all his might. He would not give up on her.

“I can’t leave her.” he stated simply, sounding more and more like a broken record. He slouched down against the back of the couch. “If she wakes up…” he paused and then corrected himself, voice firmer, “when she wakes up, I wanna be here. I have to be here.”

“Dude, we gave the nurse all of our cell numbers. If something happens to go down, they’ll get a hold of you or me or whoever. But now? Now you need to get the hell off your duff and go home,” AJ said forcefully. The overwhelming fatigue was edging in on his last nerve, and he was nearing the breaking point. 

There really was no reasoning with them, and he wasn’t in the mood to cause any more headaches, so Nick stood up and let AJ and Brian lead him out of the waiting room like a scorned dog on a leash. He stopped briefly in front of the ICU doors, long enough to peek inside and see if there was any action going on. However, Brian, being the ever elusive big brother, took him by the shoulders and manually guided him to the waiting elevator.
-- 
With AJ at the wheel and Brian riding shotgun, Nick let out a low groan as he stretched out against the plush backseat. He stared forlornly at the window of Jill’s room as it disappeared from view. He kept staring even though he could no longer see the hospital, until the fatigue finally over took him and he fell into a deep slumber.

After what seemed like hours a hand clamped down on his leg and shook violently. He jerked and pried his heavy lids open to see AJ peeking around the driver’s seat. “Yo, dude, we’re home.”

Nick stared blankly as his sleep-trodden brain registered the words. He swallowed thickly and sat up gingerly, body stiff from the awkward position he had fallen asleep in. “Okay.”

Nick mumbled to himself as he tried to undo his seatbelt. It took several tries and a few choice curse words until the lock popped free and he extracted himself out of the car. He scratched his head and gazed up at the sky, streaks of dark orange and pinks stretching across the late afternoon clouds. He stretched and rotated his neck from side to side, groaning softly as his bones creaked and popped. Although he was glad to be physically out of the hospital, his heart and soul was back in that room, sitting right next to the woman he loved.  

“Man, my own bed is gonna feel like a million bucks tonight. Though I wish…” he trailed off, eyebrows knitted tightly together.

“Wish what, man?” AJ asked curiously. 

“I wish Jilly were here with me,” Nick replied softly.  

AJ threw an arm around the tall blondes shoulder and gave him a small squeeze. “Yeah, I know, dude. I wish she were anywhere else right now. Anywhere else would be far better than that place.” He shuddered at the image of Jill’s mangled features. “But you know what? She’s gonna be okay. Don’t ask me how I know, just call it best friends’ intuition.” He grinned and patted Nick on the back before returning to the SUV to retrieve his steaming latte out of the beverage holder.  

“I’ve gotta call LeighAnne and let her know that I’m stayin’ the night,” Brian piped up from inside the car.  

Nick threw him a confused look. “What? Bri, you don’t need to stay here. I’ll be fine.” 

“Dude, you should know him well enough that nothing you could possibly say to get out of this would do any good,” AJ said with a grin as Brian joined the two at the top of the driveway. 

The view from their standpoint was absolutely incredible. The ranch-style house sat atop a large hill, and you could see for miles from every direction. But from where they stood it was as if there was no outside world. No road, no people, not a thing. It was his own little haven, his pride and joy. However, all of this meant nothing without Jill, and Nick could feel the overwhelming emptiness even standing where they were.

“Besides, thought maybe we could talk. You know that buddy-buddy type talk,” Brian said with a knowing look.  

Nick bit his lip and turned his gaze away from Brian. He knew what the older man was going to say and he wasn’t ready for it. He stared out over the open scenery and sighed. He wasn’t ready to talk. Not now. Not yet.

“Yo Rok, I think Nicky’s been through enough trauma for one night, hell for a lifetime. Let’s just go inside and unwind.”  

Brian glanced at AJ before turning to look at Nick for a moment. He looked utterly lost and Brian knew without a doubt that now was not the time for what he had to say to Nick. He nodded reluctantly, deadset on talking to Nick soon enough, and followed as AJ ushered Nick in through the garage and toward the kitchen.