Inside everyone, there’s a sort of sameness and lack of sameness. People are like cookies in a way. One batch could have been cut with the same cookie cutter, but when they come out of the oven, one might be more burnt or disfigured or broken. I always thought I was one of the broken ones.
Back then, I felt like college royalty. I was a legacy, who had everything down to the tightly-woven safety bond and inherited pin. I would nestle myself in that bond and complain about the Fiji that stood me up or the term paper worth half my grade. And my bond would be there to catch me and hold me. But things like that don’t last forever... It just fell apart. And because I was a drama queen then, I just didn’t know how to piece it back together. And that broken feeling spread to the surface. And I had nowhere to go when that net was broken.
Being broken is a frightening thing. And no one is really ever glamorously lonely.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
1 day before Infernal Friday
“Make peace, not war!”
“Bring our soldiers home!”
“Let’s learn! Not fight!”
Protestors littered the lawn outside the Student Union. They wore their signs with seemingly clever slogans. Though, the same group was out there day after day without additional numbers or support.
“Can you honestly believe them, Kayleigh?”
Kayleigh looked back at the protestors and then towards her friend. “I don’t like the war either, Sam. Matt’s in the Navy already, and Chris is going to be eighteen soon… I don’t want any dead brothers…”
“But they act like it’s the Vietnam War they’re protesting. They attacked us. We need to defend ourselves.”
Kayleigh fiddled with the strap of her Prada bag. “We always get dragged into world wars…”
“Would you protest it, Kay?”
“Me? Gawd no, Sammy.” Kayleigh shook her head forcefully. “Especially not when I need to wear my letters.”
“You need to wear your letters?”
“How would anyone know who I was without them?” Kayleigh laughed a little.
Kayleigh Shane Jackson, the firstborn daughter of Pi Kappa Phi and Delta Delta Delta University of Alabama alumnae, was the epitome of a Southern lady. She always wore pearls with her sorority jerseys and high heels with her jeans. She never had a hair out of place and always carried the latest hot accessory.
“Said as a true Southern Tri Delta would,” Samantha laughed.
“We need more of them at UCF,” Kayleigh giggled with her.
“You can’t expect Southern from Floridians.”
“That’s because Florida has a mindset all its own.”
Kayleigh giggled again as she loosened her grip on her Prada bag before she went to fiddle with her Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses, secretly swearing one of the screws was loose. Kayleigh sighed quietly; Prada… Dolce & Gabbana… She owned all of this, and yet, it seemed meaningless next to the war. What did it matter if you had designer bags, clothing, or accessories, when people like your brothers, family members, friends, or boyfriends were being shipped off to fight in a war? She let out a sigh.
That’s what she hated the most about the war… It turned her mood so sour. She sighed again and turned back to the protestors. Maybe they did have the right idea? Maybe it was okay to protest it… Because it kept the people you loved safe. Of course, there were plenty of people overseas fighting to protect this country, but in reality… what did the country matter? People you would never meet… people you would never know… what did they matter?
What did it really matter if, halfway across the country, a mother was shipping her only son off to basic training? Or that, halfway around the world, an air force pilot was dropping bombs on some foreign city? It mattered to them, but what did it matter to her?
She lowered her head. It was a pretty selfish way to look at it. But when it came down to it, it didn’t matter. You saw it on the news: some guy from Nebraska got killed in the war. And you felt bad for him and his family when you saw it, but when the segment ended, it wasn’t in your life anymore, and you moved on.
Wars or not, what really mattered were the people you knew, the people who were close to you.
“Kay? Kayleigh?”
Kayleigh snapped her attention back to her friend. “Sorry, I was just…”
“I promise you that there are no Pi Kapps protesting in that crowd.”
“We don’t even have the Pi Kappa Phis here, Sammy.”
“If we did, you wouldn’t constantly be obsessing over whether it’s better to date a Kappa Sig, a FIJI, a Sig Pi, or a Sig Nu.” She shook her head.
Kayleigh lowered her head. “Sorry… I have to be loyal to my daddy.”
“Are you really still thinking about transferring?”
“I think Louisiana State would be fun.”
“There’s no Brad at Louisiana State.”
“Actually, he said they have a chapter there.”
Samantha laughed and shook her head. “You’re too invested in having an entourage.”
“I’d let him down gently when I met a Pi Kappa Phi Prince.”
“I don’t think your daddy would approve.”
“My daddy always approves of inter-Greek relations.”
“In what way?” Samantha started cracking up. Her face was even bright red.
Kayleigh turned back to the protestors one more time. And maybe at that university, people wouldn’t protest in public…
“Kayleigh Shane!”
The two girls looked up in response to the southern drawl and smiled at the sight of the young, blonde man wearing a Kappa Sigma sweatshirt.
“And Samantha Anne,” he drawled again with a smile.
Kayleigh’s face lit up again as she skipped over and linked arms with him. “Bradley Lee!” Her voice carried a slight teasing tone.
Brad ran his hand through his hair as he smiled once more. “I thought I might run into you here, Kayleigh Shane.”
“I was hoping you might, Bradley Lee.” Kayleigh herself slipped into an Alabama drawl; she always did around the infamous Kappa Sigma from Mississippi.
He was a better fit than Jake, the loud-mouthed FIJI from New York, anyway, and a gentlemanly second to a brother of Pi Kappa Phi – who didn’t have a chapter on their campus anymore. And, he was already planning to meet her parents when the semester was over; her daddy would just have to forgive him for joining Kappa Sigma.
“Do you need an escort?” Brad fiddled with Kayleigh’s hair slightly.
Samantha rolled her eyes. “Just kiss her; you know you want to. Anyway, I’m off to class, Kay. Don’t get into too much trouble.”
“Do you need me to walk you?” Brad smiled.
Samantha couldn’t help but laugh at his outdated gesture of kindness. “Aren’t you going to the library, Kay?”
“Yes.”
Samantha put her hand to her head. “Don’t tell me you’d actually planned to meet her at the Student Center and it wasn’t just some random happenstance.” She laughed.
“Every Thursday after class.” Brad smiled. “You’re just usually gone by then.”
Samantha shook her head again with a smile. “You two are so predictable… and that means I’m late, huh?”
“Sorry, darlin’.” Kayleigh’s lips formed into a small frown.
“Can’t stay and chat then. Peace, babies!” Samantha jogged off from the Student Union.
Brad chuckled. “You’ve walked her to class for half the semester, and she never asked why?”
Kayleigh tightened her grip on Brad’s arm. “I love Sammy, even if she’s too Florida.”
“We’ll make her an honorary Southerner.”
Kayleigh laughed and then turned back to the protestors.
Brad followed her gaze before pulling her into a tight hug. “You’re worried about Matt, aren’t you?”
Kayleigh nodded. “Brad… what do you think about the war?”
“Honestly… I feel indifferent to it now. But if they start up a draft, who knows?”
“I don’t want you to get drafted…” Kayleigh looked down, feeling a little embarrassed about her response.
Brad kissed the top of her head. “Let’s not worry about that now. Let’s just worry about today.”
Kayleigh smiled. Brad was right. There wasn’t any reason to worry about the war now – they only had to worry about when the police would finally come for their protestors. And even that didn’t really concern them. But today, today there were no police, there was no draft, there was hardly a war at all, according to the University of Central Florida campus. All that mattered to Kayleigh today was that she was the luckiest girl in the world while she had her doting parents, caring siblings, and the love of gorgeous, Southern Kappa Sigma. Today was today, and tomorrow would always be tomorrow.
