It used to be that I was nothing. As I said once when I first met AJ, if you looked up “Loser” in the dictionary you’d probably find my picture next to it. I wasn’t going to be remembered. I knew I was never going to be famous. Everything I had tried ended in failed attempts. I’d cover it up with good humor and optimism and hope no one would notice. Then, the world changed. None of that mattered. It’s funny how these journals Rye had us start now have volumes. There’s a stack of them up in the attic, kept for safekeeping. Ten years is a long time. The fact we’ve kept going for ten years since Infernal Friday is insane to me. Everything we’ve been through has been worth it. I probably sound like Brian here but honestly, I’ve been beyond blessed with everything I’ve been given since that day.
Now I’ve come to learn it wasn’t that I was nothing. It was that it just wasn’t meant to happen. I was meant to come back and survive. I don’t question it at all. When I look down into the faces of my children, or see Riley smiling at me, I know this was my purpose all along. If these journals survive the future generations, the world as it’ll be then, they’ll know our names. They’ll know my story. But that doesn’t matter. I don’t need to be remembered. That sort of thing doesn’t matter to me anymore.
All that matters in the end is right now. Living and surviving as best as we can.
Here’s a song I was teaching to the kids the other day. Cause music HAS to survive! It really doesn’t have anything to do with what I was talking about but I have to keep writing down songs I remember so they don’t get lost. It’s not as good as “Thriller” either but hey, it’s still a freaking classic.
Just hold me baby and I’m in ecstasy!
Oh I’ll be workin’ from nine to five
To buy you things to keep you by my side!
I never felt so in love before
Just promise baby you’ll love me forevermore
I swear I’m keeping you satisfied,
Cause you’re the one for me.
The way you make me feel…
You really turn me on
You knock me off of my feet now, baby (hee!)
My lonely days are gone…”
- Michael Jackson, “The Way You Make Me Feel”
Wednesday, April 13, 2022
Ten years after Infernal Friday
“Daddy!” his blonde-haired, blue-eyed, seven-year-old son cried with delight as he came running down the dock. It was part of an almost daily ritual. Nick would often be out here between his chores, fishing and enjoying the third love of his life after his wife and kids: the ocean. He didn’t often catch any actual fish, but that never mattered much to him. Each day after Gretchen’s school let out and she dropped Josh off at home with Leslie, if Nick wasn’t there, he’d make a beeline for the docks. Homework and chores would come later. Riley had learned early on that if she tried to make him focus after a day of learning, she’d be unsuccessful, no matter how hard she tried.
Josh had his father’s boundless energy as he leapt into Nick’s open arms with such force, he almost fell back into the water. “Hey, little man! Careful, or we’ll end up swimming with the fishies instead of catching them. Mom know you’re here?”
“Yep! She says you gotta catch fish today or we’re having nothing but ally-gator.” In so many ways, Josh was his Mini-Me. Nick shifted, and Josh moved to sit on the dock beside him.
“Alright, good.” Or Rye will kill me. On rare occasions, their son managed to slip out unnoticed, each time practically giving her a heart attack. Nick laughed but, at the same time, understood her fears. The undead might be gone, but that didn’t mean the memories and paranoia had faded completely. The scars would never go away, but Nick felt that was a good thing. Maybe the lessons learned from the end of the old world would finally carry on in the future generations. Ever the optimist, he felt they would.
“We made cards for Gabby’s birthday today!” Joshua announced, as Nick handed him a smaller fishing pole.
“I bet it looks awesome.” He gazed up at the clear blue sky with a smile. Without the pollution humanity had caused, the skies had changed. Nick often found himself simply enjoying the beauty of nature in the world around him.
“Uh-huh!” He baited his fishing line like his dad had taught him with ease and cast it out into the water. “Then we talked about the anniversary.”
In a lot of ways, it was mind-blowing to know they had come so far in all this time. Josh was a living reminder that there was and still is a future worth fighting for, a future worth living for. All the children of the base were. Having a son had been Nick’s biggest scare and one of his greatest joys. At first, he’d been terrified of losing Riley in childbirth when her labor came. Memories of the way Gretchen had passed out birthing Evette had driven this fear home. But all had gone well, and when he’d held his firstborn in his arms, the love and happiness had been impossible to describe in words. The same had been true for Leslie. They were perfect in every way, and he couldn’t be prouder.
Soon, I’ll get to have that feeling again. I can’t wait.
“It’s a really important day. You know, two days from now it’ll have been ten years since I met your mother.”
Josh laughed as seagulls could be heard in the distance, flying above the beach. “Mommy always says she found you running away.”
“She did.” He grinned. “She thought I was a zombie and almost ran me over.” Nick set his pole aside and started tickling his little boy mercilessly. “If she had, you wouldn’t be here!”
“Daddy! Daaaaaddy, stoooooop!” Josh cried between giggles.
After a few moments he ceased and ruffled his son’s hair. “Your mommy saved my life.”
Many times. And in more ways than one. The seizures had never completely gone away. Jo had been right so many years before. Drugs ran out on the base, and pills they found elsewhere quickly went over. So, like he had back at the castle, he’d simply learned to live with them. The task had become easier to accept once the zombies had fallen apart. Never once, however, did he let the epilepsy stop him from living the life he wanted. He knew that if he ever fell, Riley would always be there to help him up. Her help wasn’t a weakness, the way he once had seen it. It was a sign of the strength of their relationship and something he wouldn’t trade for the world. The seizures, in a sense, had been a gift, as they’d given him what he’d needed to not only survive the Osiris Virus, but to meet the rest of his life. To this day, Nick didn’t quite understand what she’d seen in him back then, but he didn’t question it like he had so often in the first two years.
“Momma used to be strong?”
Josh’s words caused Nick to laugh as he stood; he’d come back for the fishing gear later, the way he always did. “She still is strong, kiddo. Don’t forget it.” He held out his hand to his son. “C’mon, we should head back. She worries about you.” Nick grinned. “For some reason, she thinks you and I are always out to find trouble.”
“She says I get it from yooou.”
“Well…” He snickered. “She’s right, but don’t tell her.”
Josh’s little hand rested in Nick’s, and the two started on the familiar trek back home.
As they walked, Nick found himself thinking of what he’d once thought his life would be. Marriage had been completely out of the question; he hadn’t believed in it thanks to his broken family. He thought he’d live his life in Los Angeles and never come back to Florida again. One day, he’d dreamed of being discovered and made famous for his movies and possibly TV shows. All his dreams had been so shallow and meaningless. He’d never achieved a single one of them. Because of that, he had seen himself as nothing more than a failure. But everything happened for a reason. He’d failed because something bigger had been waiting for him: the chance to be with Riley, raising his children in a world so unlike the one he’d grown up in.
The life he lived today was so much simpler, but he couldn’t imagine anything better.
