So, I was wrong about Howie.
I admit it. He’s got layers. Everyone, everything in the world has layers. If you decide to watch and observe long enough, sometimes you can peel them off to see what’s inside. I didn’t bother trying that with Howie. Can you really blame me for screwing that one up, though? You gotta admit the man was an ass snob when it came to me, because of my looks, because I ain’t a damn norm. Then I judged him the same way. It ain’t right, but understandable, I guess.
You can’t make judgments anymore, but it’s human nature. In a way, it goes back to instincts. Animals size each other up before one decides whether or not to make that other animal its bitch. Yet now, you can’t do it. Like it or not, we need every live (key word being “live,” obviously) human being left on the planet. Doesn’t matter how big a cunt bag or ass hat some people are. In the end, you need them for survival.
Sucks, don’t it?
So when you know that, you search for others. You gotta figure, the odds of there only being ten survivors on the whole damn planet is pretty frickin’ slim. But on the other end, the odds of people surviving in a world completely overrun by zombies when your ass is alone? That’s even slimmer.
You can’t let yourself be realistic in this case. I know I always bitched about how people deluded themselves in the world before, and you know what? They did, so much it did way more fucking harm than good.
But in this case, even if you feel it’s pointless, you gotta try.
In a world this fucked up, you can’t give up hope.
It’s weird, me saying that.
Still, I say it how it is, and right now, that’s what it is.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Week Four
AJ sighed, thinking of everything that had happened in the last month. It had been exactly one month since the day the dead rose, and so much had changed in so little time. The world, himself, even the two he’d met first, Kayleigh and Howie. He felt guilty now about judging Howie, having since learned why he acted the way he did. Yet part of him still argued that the man was a royally snobby pain in the arse and that he didn’t need to feel guilty. Still, despite himself, he did.
AJ cursed his emotions mentally, remaining stoic by the doors of the multipurpose room. His hand reached for his paint brush, happy he’d dug his art set out of Howie’s now wreck of a Lexus. It felt like revisiting an old friend. He hadn’t painted since the Osiris virus hit the world. It wasn’t that he loved doing it any less; it was just the simple fact that he hadn’t had the time to think about it.
In the world before, artistic expression, whether it was poetry, music, or painting, was always simply his own personal form of therapy. When it got to be too much, that was how he got it out.
At least, after the incident.
And now, in a post-apocalyptic, zombie-infested world, where he could no longer go out, anyway, unless it was to hunt, it seemed to be the best solution once more. He’d been painting for the last hour upon the double doors of the multipurpose room. He wondered if he’d be smited for painting on the doors of a church building.
But then again, if God existed, how much worse could things get anyway?
He shrugged his thoughts away and continued with his work. He’d only pause now and again to check out his surroundings, along with his companions. Companions - is that really what they are? he wondered silently. After being isolated, aloof, and alone for so long, it felt odd in his mind. A discarded puzzle piece that didn’t quit fit, yet was shoved into place anyway.
He paused once again, taking a good look around the room now. Everyone was off in their little groups. Gabby was once again arguing with her mother. It had become routine, actually.
“Mom, I’m sick and tired of you keeping me inside! How long do you expect me to hang out in here and do nothing without going out of my mind?!”
It made him sympathize with her, though he understood Jo’s reasons.
Nick was massaging Riley’s shoulders, as she sat contentedly in front of him, rubbing Spunky’s ears. She’d pulled a muscle earlier, climbing down the roof from a sniper trip. A zombie had gone unseen, and it’d pulled her by her arm roughly down to the ground. Nick had been about to climb down when it happened. He’d been the one to save her, with a direct shot to the creature’s head, before it had a chance to bite Riley. It was one of those reality checks, reminding them, startlingly, how nothing in their lives was safe anymore.
The two blondes were sitting next to Brian and Gretchen. The girls were having one chat, while Nick and Brian shared another. It was an easy-going conversation, AJ knew, because it was one of the rare moments when Brian seemed to look relaxed. Kevin’s cousin was the one in the group with the biggest walls built around him, understandably because he was the one with the rawest wounds that hadn’t even begun to heal.
Howie and Kayleigh weren’t back in the church yet. Unbelievably, the two had actually volunteered to go and attempt to get the food once more, after the last failed attempt. It was a move that had shocked them all, yet made it clear that there was, in fact, more to the outcasts of their small group than any of them had first thought.
They’d all been sketchy with the idea at first: the two weakest links, out together? But AJ had to admit, Kayleigh’s shooting skills had been improving, finally. He’d been right: when she’d finally decided to try, she had become a decent marksman. Not one he’d recommend for sniping, but as help for zombie hunts, she’d be alright. Not to mention, now that the two were actually volunteering, who wanted to discourage that?
Kevin was taking a nap. The leader had fallen asleep while trying to read one of the books they’d found in the offices of the chapel. No one had the heart to wake him yet; he was definitely burning both ends, trying so hard to protect them all. AJ knew he’d been doing the same, but at least he suffered from insomnia, so he had an excuse for the lack of sleep he’d been getting.
He glanced at his painting once more. It wasn’t much, done in impressionist style, as he preferred that the most. It always reminded him of how one’s surroundings appeared when looking out the window of a speeding a car. In the painting, he always created the image while wondering what it would look like if someone stopped the car, so to speak, and cleared up the fuzzy images he’d created.
It wasn’t a self portrait, but simply the blurred image of a figure, standing atop a hill to look at the chaos below, did look familiar. The world was in flames in his image, the fire consuming everything around. AJ thought he saw a face within the fire, a slackened one, unstaring and unknowing. He shuddered at his own creation. Sometimes he disturbed himself with his images. He wondered what the others thought of him painting a mural on the doors. It wasn’t like he had asked them or anything; he’d just done it. As was his way.
The doors burst open, causing AJ to jump out of the way just in time. Instinctively, he let the paint brushes fall to the floor as he grabbed for the gun strapped to his leg. He aimed, prepared to fire at the first moan. He released a sigh of relief when he realized the tired-looking man in front of him was simply Howie.
“Jesus, AJ! Make sure something’s dead before you try to re-kill it!” Howie cried out in surprise, almost dropping the bags of food he carried. Kayleigh was behind him, picking up the food she’d dropped accidentally. Between them, they carried various cereals, crackers, peanut butter, sodas, bottled water, and anything else that was pre-packaged, such as chips and cookies. Now, AJ knew there was no God, no Heaven, and no Hell, besides the one on Earth. However, seeing that food brought him damn close to Heaven right then. He noticed they carried no alcohol, and at once, his throat burned for the liquid that had once dominated his life. He yearned to drink himself into oblivion, the way he had just a month before, when the world had died.
“AJ?” Howie’s voice called, snapping him out of his craving-induced reverie.
He shook his head. “Sorry, man. Is there more?”
Kayleigh nodded. “Out in the truck.” Howie had learned his lesson and refrained from using the battered Lexus again. It seemed their last trip had changed Howie in several ways, rather than just one. “We brought some books we found in the store, too.”
At that, Gabby’s face brightened, and she ran past her mother and AJ and out to the truck. Jo stood to chase her, and AJ shook his head. “I got her.” He chased her out of the church, to where the cars were parked.
“Kid, are you crazy?” he asked calmly, as he watched the teenager grabbing bags from the bed of the truck. His eyes wandered, searching for anything dead, as he inhaled the rotting stench that permanently saturated the air. One got used to it after awhile, as unbelievable he would’ve thought that in the beginning. AJ glanced once more at Gabby. So far, so good.
“Not you, too. God, you sound like Mom.”
AJ rolled his eyes, as he reached in to grab a couple bags himself. “She worries for a reason, kid. You rebel, and it’ll get you killed now. Of course she’s gonna be on your ass about it.”
She huffed, dropping the bags over the side and leaping out to pick them up once more. “But I’m so sick of doing nothing! I’m bored. I… I just need to get out!”
He felt himself nodding, as he followed her back inside, eyes peeled for any sign of undead catching their scent. He really did feel bad for the kid. Gabby had been through a lot, even before the dead had risen. It seemed pretty normal for her to have anger issues beyond that of the normal teenager.
He smirked at his own thoughts. Being at that clinic, talking to therapists all the time, must have rubbed off on him. He glanced inside the bags and pulled out a pair of sunglasses, similar to the ones he’d lost back at the hotel. They weren’t a necessity; no one besides him really wanted shades when most of their time was spent inside a church. So why were they in there?
Howard.
Touched by such a simple token, AJ felt himself smile.
***
“Turn here.”
“So we’re going outside the base, Kevin? But I thought the base wasn’t clear yet?” Gabby questioned from the front of the Hummer. After much coaxing and reassurances, AJ and Kevin convinced Jo to let Gabby go with them on a reconnaissance trip to search for survivors outside of the base. AJ had proposed the idea to Kevin once he arose from his catnap, and the two agreed that the young teenager could use the break from the base and her mother, as any teen would.
AJ was in the back, a gun aimed at the side window, rolled down just enough to get the shot through. This would have been a better job for the truck, they both felt, with AJ out in the open as bait and a sniper. However, the massive and enclosed Hummer seemed like the best way to reassure Jo that Gabby would be kept safe and sound.
Kevin smiled at her, as AJ glanced over. “I know, but we’re trying to see if we can’t find more survivors. Not everyone would think of turning on a battery-operated radio, the way Nick and Riley did.”
Gabby nodded, aiming her small handgun out the crack of her window, similar to the way AJ did. As sad it was, the kid had to stay protected somehow. She fired off a shot, and a corpse on the side of the road staggered back. The shot was just off, hitting the nose rather than the brain.
“Try again. This time, try to stay steady.”
Another shot, and the zombie slumped to the ground this time and remained still. They heard moans everywhere, a larger chorus of undead singers than they had become used to inside the base. AJ shivered, despite himself. How much of the world had really reanimated? It was a question they could never answer, and personally, AJ never wanted to.
As they got further from the base, Kevin handed a bullhorn to AJ. AJ raised a brow at the man he was coming to regard as an older brother. Kevin always had faith in AJ, trusted him explicitly above everyone else. In return, Kevin was the only one who was allowed to see AJ with his guard down, something he hadn’t shown to anyone else quite yet.
So questioning him… well, it didn’t come easily.
“We’re gonna attract a lot of corpses with this.”
“We don’t have a choice. How else can we let survivors know we’re out here? I’m gonna need you to keep a steady round going at anything that gets too close.” The former military man smiled at Gabby, who looked more content than she had in a couple weeks. “You too.”
“Got ya.”
The Hummer pulled to a stop at the side of the road. AJ got out and actually climbed onto the roof of the car. Gabby moved to do the same, but Kevin held her arm. “Don’t. Your mother would kill us. Not to mention, if something happens to AJ, I’ll need you in here.”
Turning on the bullhorn with the driver’s side window pulled down, AJ could hear Kevin muttering a prayer that this wasn’t a mistake. Silently, the recovering addict hoped for the same thing as well.
“God, if your ass is up there, now’s a great time to listen, after putting us through all the shit you have been.”
Kevin’s deep, Southern-twanged voice blared from the bullhorn. “If there are any survivors, we’re here to help. We’re stationed at MacDill Air Force Base, clearing it of all undead. My name’s Lieutenant Richardson, and…”
AJ tuned him out as Kevin drove slowly, so as not to throw him off the top of the Hummer. Kevin kept calling out to survivors, handling the steering wheel with one hand, while keeping the bullhorn on with the other. He shot off a couple of rounds at a pack of zombies, feeling more and more depressed with the fact that no one alive was coming out. There were no signs of life. Outside of the moaning, walking corpses that had become so normal in their lives, the areas they drove through were completely desolate.
‘Maybe we are doomed. Are we really the only ones left in town? Why?’ He shook as head, as if to try and toss the thoughts out of his mind.
Once his mind snapped back to attention, he got distracted, once again, when they passed by a bar. He had to bite his tongue to keep from asking Kevin to pull over. The burning taste he missed right then taunted him, made his mind beg for the oblivion he yearned for, which only alcohol could truly bring.
The Hummer suddenly pulled to a stop that forced AJ to grab at the sides to keep himself steady on the roof. Back to reality, it brought him, making him focus once more.
“You alright up there? I haven’t heard you fire in a few…” Kevin asked, as he leaned out of the window to look up at him. His normally sharp and piercing, jade eyes were now soft with concern.
“I’m alright, Kev. No sign of anyone, huh?”
“Doesn’t mean much. They could’ve left the area or are hiding out in a place we haven’t thought of yet.”
“Yeah. What are the odds we’re the only ones left? Can’t be.”
A sigh. “I hope not. You sure you’re okay, AJ? You don’t look too good.”
“I’m fine, Kevin. I don’t have a choice anymore these days, do I?”
“Of course you do. You don’t gotta try and hide it by zombie-killing all the time.”
“I don’t, from you. I just… I feel like we’re it, and we can’t be. Even if we are, I gotta believe we’re not. That make sense?”
“Have faith, man.”
“Easier said than done.”
“Sun’s going down. We should start getting back.”
AJ slid off the roof, down to the hood of the Hummer and then to the ground. He hadn’t noticed until then, but they had pulled onto an overpass, overlooking the roads below. Before getting into the vehicle, he walked over to the barricade and gazed downwards. A sea of rotting bodies swelled within plain sight, moaning in unison, stumbling towards something AJ couldn’t see. The horde of zombies was almost endless, countless creatures shambling along.
“Have faith…” he muttered, looking up at the red-tinged sky, as the sun set slowly. “Another thing I don’t have a choice about anymore.”
With that, he headed back to the car, lost within the thoughts he fought desperately to control.
